Meeting your wife in person

[Amy Fakley]

Hi again everyone!

Things have been going so well with my wife since I came out a few weeks ago. She is just so understanding and supportive, and even encouraging. Our marriage is a thousand times stronger than it ever was when I was hiding. All those years I really thought I had it under control and that I wasn't really holding that much back in our relationship, and it's true that I never really treated anyone badly or was harsh to deal with. I just had no idea how much of myself I was holding back because of this, and how much better our relationship could be by freeing my whole self to be a part of it.

It's just so amazing. I have been so used to hiding this very vulnerable and sensitive part of me from everyone. In a lot of ways, my wife is way out in front of me in terms of accepting that side of me and integrating Amy into our relationship. She has to pull me out of my shell an awful lot, but once I get the courage to open up, it is always a wonderful thing, and always makes us feel that much closer.

One thing is starting to worry me, and that is that lately my wife has expressed some interest in meeting Amy in person.

I'm scared sh!*less to be completely honest. I mean, she's seen lots of pictures of me now, and she likes them (even asks me to make new ones for her when I have Amy time) ... but ... I just don't know if I can handle those worlds colliding. I don't know how I should even act with another person in the room.

I worry that once she's seen me in person in girl mode that this will destroy her male conception of me permanently. That maybe she could never be attracted to me again after that. I worry that we'd be crossing a threshold that we'd both wish we hadn't crossed.

Or maybe it's just another case of my own scrambled up emotions getting the better of me ... of her just needing to pull me out of my shell once more.

I know there are many on this forum who do things with their SO in girl mode all the time, and it's no big deal. For each of you, there must have been a first time.

How did that go for you?

Am I right to worry about this, or should I just try and put my fears behind me and go with the flow when that moment finally comes and she says "I want to meet Amy tonight" ??

[CynthiaD]

Amy, your story brought a tear to my eye. I'm so happy for you.

"Don't give your wife more than she can handle," is a good rule. But it sounds like your wife can handle seeing you fully dressed. Don't worry about destroying her manly image of you. After you get finished with dressing up, you can always remind her that you're still the man she married. I'm sure you know how to do that.

[falcongts]

Just put the worry behind you and Go with the flow She LOVES and accepts you Nothing to worry about from what I see

[bridget thronton]

She has asked to see Amy - perhaps ask her how she would like Amy to dress

[RADER]

Try an easy approach by dressing in jeans and a top. Wig, make-up on the light side,
and maybe some low heals; IE, Something you would see on any given day in the
community. After she sees that, and is comfortable with that, then you can go on to
more dresser things.
Rader

[Stephanie47]

You may want to print out your query and hand it to her. You are well within your rights to express apprehension over an actual reveal. If my wife ask to see Stephanie I honestly would not know whether I would do it. Stephanie has been so private I really don't know if I could share her. Even if rejection is not overt, there is always some lingering doubts.

[Amanda L.]

Hi Amy
I have been following your story with interest over the past few weeks and feel lifted by the success you are having. Your wife sounds positively wonderful so it is important to nurture this (not that I need to tell you that). Show her Amy but go easy and at her comfort level (don't break out the fishnets straight away lol)
I wish you all the best
luv
Amanda

[JocelynRenee]

What an awesome story! I'm very happy for you both. I remember the first time I dressed for my wife. I was terrified. It was great, though. She did my makeup and was fascinated by the transformation. She appreciated the fact that I was willing to share that side of myself. These days we have a new dimension in our relationship. She loves having a "girlfriend" that knows her so intimately.

[Jenniferathome]

... I mean, she's seen lots of pictures of me now, and she likes them (even asks me to make new ones for her when I have Amy time) ...

I worry that once she's seen me in person in girl mode that this will destroy her male conception of me permanently. ....

No, that would have happened when she saw the pictures. I introduced my wife to "Jennifer" via pictures. She had the same concern as you and voiced it to me but decided she wanted to see a picture. Now she would say that she can't see the male me at all. You'll be fine

[Christen]

Amy, I can't respond from the angle of my wife having seen Christen, but I can relate to how your feeling. I suspect this is all going to go well for you both. I'd like to think you'll have a bit of a laugh afterwards, sounds like you've got a girl who's one in a million, or thereabouts.

Christen x

[VS Fan]

Yeah my wife was VERY adamant about NEVER wanting to see me dressed - for your exact reasons: worried she could never get that image out of her head, etc. So I think if you had anything to worry about, it would have already manifested with showing the photos... best of luck!! - VS Fan.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amy, The ball is in her court now, Just don't overwhelm her with this program.

[Katey888]

You are indeed one, lucky girl Amy...

Like Christen, I can't help with any advice, but I can totally understand how you could be feeling (and would love to be able to feel that way too...) - just follow the advice of our experienced members here, take it slow and I'm sure you'll be fine..

And thank you for sharing this and letting us all experience this vicariously...

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Amy,

I went through a similar angst when my wife told me she was ready to meet Isha. We talked about it in great detail "my concerns about her not seeing me as a guy or the man she married". Unlike your wife, she had not seen pictures of me and I was very new to all this so I had no real skill in making myself up. So we decided that the best way for her (her choice) was to watch me prepare from start to finish. She felt that if I just disappeared into the bathroom and emerged as Isha that might be a bit daunting but if she saw the transformation start to finish, it might be easier to integrate the man below the make-up sort to speak. This seemed to work for us and now it is not an issue when she sees me dress or completely dressed.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

No, it won't destroy anything, Amy. It will be a chance for her to see you in your entirety in real life. She is already adjusting her conception of you and that's not bad. Yes, she may see you differently than in the past,but it will be the real, whole person, not a shell.

[Teresa]

Amy,
I posted a similar thread on loved ones titled, " Wife wants to see the girl ", some of the answers may be of some help to you. My wife mentioned it in passing once and it has never come up again.
There are so many questions, do you let her watch you ? Do you let help you ? Does she choose the clothes so she knows roughly what you'll look like ?
The other problem is does she know how much stuff you have ? Does she think you're only wearing her things ? So is she going to be more shocked by seeing stuff that she didn't know existed ?
You have to talk it through and if at the end of it she changes her mind you'll have to go with it. I wouldn't worry too much about her thinking she's losing her man, she'll know you're nervous so she's more likely to be sympathetic !
If you do get that far and she giggles or even laughs try and go with it and just say no one's perfect ! Getting hung up won't help besides it's suppose to be fun !!

[Jamie Hugs]

What a lucky couple you two are, I can only imagine the happiness you must be experiencing right now, how exciting. I would love to be in your shoes(heels I hope) That is a valid worry but she sounds like a very open minded person I would say good luck but I don't think you need it. Let her meet her new besty xoxo

[Tina B.]

I feel your fear, when I came out to my wife, many long years ago, I sat her down, and told her all about Tina, and my needs, and the fact that it was never going to go away, by then I knew it was a life long thing.
Her reaction was to say, poor baby, you need some clothes, and we went shopping that very day, I was as nervous as could be, while we where in the shops, but was thrilled at the chance to go shopping with her. Then when we got home, she said, OK, now I want to see what we bought, go get dressed. I couldn't find a way to say no thanks, after all she had been so great all day. I didn't want her to thank I didn't appreciate what she had done for me, but on the other hand, I had just told her, and I wasn't ready to go that far just yet, what if she laughed, or worse, cried, what if that ruined everything we had worked for. I think it took me longer to dress that evening, than it had ever taken before, or since. I borrowed her make up, and did my best, slipped on the clothes she had bought me, put on my wig, took a deep breathe, and walked out into the living room, looking for the door, in case things went too badly. Her first reaction, when I entered the room, was a small laugh, I almost came unglued, until I realized it was a nervous twitter, heck, we where both nervous, but her next remark fixed everything, She said "Wow, I can't believe how good you look". Now that may have been a little white lie, but it made me feel good, and it made me feel accepted. Since that time, I pretty much dress when ever the mood strikes me. It has made a marriage of 44 years the best thing I could have ever hoped for in life, I have a partner that takes me for what I am, and that can range from a macho A**hole, to a great girl friend that loves to go shopping with her, and a gal she can share all of the house work with, and she loves the time she has to do her own thing, while I'm playing with clothes and make up.Oh, and she only sees me as feminine, when I'm wearing a dress, the rest of the time, she knows I'm her man!

[Beverley Sims]

I think you are thinking too hard about this.
Let her see the feminine you and decide for herself.
After all she has offered to participate so don't shut the door.

[Amy Fakley]

You may want to print out your query and hand it to her.

Better than that, we cuddled up and read the entire thread together last night!
I don't know if either of us is really ready. She's curious, and I'm apprehensive.

I think it's more my anxiety about this that is making it a topic of conversation than it is any sort of strong drive to cross that threshold for either of us.
That being said, I'm prepared to put my fears behind me if she really wants me to. I'm sure when the moment comes it will all be fine.

We came close a few nights ago after a shopping trip. She found this super cute dress for me, and when I got home I just had to try it on. It looked soooooo good, I just wanted to show her, but then ... didn't have time to do makeup, and I dunno ... I'm not really sure I want anyone to see me in that disturbing "in-between" phase, if you know what I mean.

Also I was still pretty terrified, LOL.
baby steps!

thank you everyone for the wonderful advice :-)

-Amy

[JessicaJHall]

If you are like me, most of your fear is of being defined by this, and you are afraid to been seen in a way other than what you really are, which is a man.
I would make it very clear to my SO (again, I'm not saying you are like me) that this is an activity you enjoy, but when it's over, it's back to business as usual for you, and you don't want it to change how you see yourself, and most importantly, how she sees you.
I will never come out of my happy closet on purpose because out in the world, I would be seen, labeled and defined by it, way more than I identify internally.
But that's just the level I'm at right now, and it changes every day.

Edit: Forgot to mention how happy I am for you, and hope it continues!

[Alice B]

Bring Amy out of hiding for your wife. Let her see you and listen to what she has to say.

[kimdl93]

Amy, remember those fears that had kept you in the closet for all those years? It turned out they were phantoms. It seems that you still have a few more phantoms to banish from your life.

[LeslieSD]

Amy, I am really happy for you. You must have found your truly compatible soul mate.

About meeting your wife in Amy mode, I understand dressing makes you feeling vulnerable. And you don't want feel vulnerable in front of your woman. That's fear. What would you do facing fear? You have known this all these years -

Just man up and do it! :-)

[Isabella Ross]

Amy, given that she's made the invitation, I'm convinced you'll look back on this as a godsend. The first time my wife met Bridgette, she was astounded, fascinated, and animated. Her eyes lit up like it was Christmas. She is a different person when I am her girlfriend...she probably doesn't know it, but I do...she talks about things she never talks about when I am conventional, we laugh and giggle about girl things, and she is very loving. She's said that she thinks I am so much more gentle in girl mode. I hope you'll seize the opportunity.