Do we intimidate our SO

[jules]

My wife dose not feel intimidated but feel (at first) like she had to make sure she was dressed more womenley?
Sometimes we have a laugh other times there is friction. But a lot of it is me because of my trouble self acceptance.
What I'm trying to say is she comes first and I never try to outdo her (that is not going to happen)
I always remember her feelings. That is very important and play it from ear from there.
But everyone is different.

Julie summers

[Stephanie47]

My wife feels men should not wear dresses or other feminine garments. She is not at all intimidated. She does think my legs are great and I have a nice ass. Except for my loss of hair I am pretty much the same physique as I was when we first met. She has self esteem issues about her body. She has gained too much unhealthy weight over the years. If we were to get into a "Who looks better in a dress?" competition, I would probably win. How do I know? She avoids dresses like the plague.

[Lorileah]

OK, no SO anymore but I have a perspective on this. Last weekend was my class reunion. None of mt classmates had met "me" before. There were two get togethers, both were casual dress (at least not slouchy sloppy), I knew I would be over dressed for both occasions because I dress that way all the time. How did the women react to that? No complaints, no confrontations, just hugs and wanting to bring me into their conversations. As far as I could tell out of probably 60 women not one said anything about WHAT I wore ( I am sure some were not happy about who I was). On the male side though, most men avoided me. I don't think it was the dresses

Are women intimidated? Why would they be? You will NEVER be what they are. Are you trying to make them jealous? Just remember, on your best day you will never be the real woman they are.

[Di]

As a GG I would say never intimidated.

Sherlyn has legs to die for and I do not....I am proud of her and she thinks I am beautiful as well.

I dress up most times...as that is just how I like to dress....Sherlyn dresses like the girl next door mostly ( cept when I twist her arm to wear something a bit more dressy)

So my not intimidated

I like what JessM asked

assuming you know your wife doesn't enjoy your time en femme as much as your time as a man -- does it matter whether "intimidation" is one of the factors that affects her mood? Is it gratifying to think that you intimidate her? Or can you just keep her preferences in mind and try to show up as a happy man because you know that pleases her?

[Rose]

Ha! My answer to this question is NO!! Never once felt intimidated or that my husband is anything more than a man masquerading as a woman. That alone takes away any intimidation...unless you're taking about worrying for his mental state?? That could be threatening to a new GG, for sure.

But jealousy?? Yeah, I believe this to be one of the great CD myths. We might get jealous you're wearing the things we wear, but I doubt many women feel you're a serious threat to their femininity. After all, you're men!! Where's the threat??

Sounds like you have a very negative view of CDing, and the men who do it.

[JuliaM]

My wife, who has no reason to be intimidated, often looks at my legs and says, "I wish I had those." She actually does appear to be envious...sort of like when she looks at another gorgeous GG, or notices me looking at one. Hmmm. You've got me thinking...

My wife is completely jealous of my legs! I'm a cyclist so they are pretty tone and tan in addition to being shaved. To be honest, I like the jealousy!

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Sounds like you have a very negative view of CDing, and the men who do it.

Nope. Just a realistic one. (Read Jenniferathome's answer to see more of the same.)

[EllenJo]

There might be something to this in that most GG's are very self consious about some part of their body. My wife is very small breasted so I do not use DD forms. I stick to a simple A cup bra with inserts to maintain a small chest also. In every other way she is phenomenal, very petite and cute even at 62. So other than making sure that she wears the bigger bra in the family, she has no issues.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[CarlaWestin]

Interesting to see this thread. Occasionally, I'm invited to go to therapy with my wife. The therapist specializes in issues of gender and was even married to a CD for a while. My wife attends therapy for reasons other than dealing with a CD husband and when I'm there I don't take over the discussion. During the first group meeting, the therapist mentioned that another woman in the house could be viewed as, well, competition. I really got blistered by some other members here when I posted that comment but, it was just the truth. I don't know, because of DADT I just can't tell what her point of view is.

[Rachael Leigh]

Im somewhat surprised by all these great responses and Im glad I got you all to thinking. I guess I just needed to see if why one of her reasons was she felt as if she was less of a women because my attention is to Leigh made her feel left out and intimidated.
Maybe she doesnt feel intimidated and we did talk this weekend about my dressing some more and how I feel when we shop for her and how yes I want to be looking for Leigh but just cant bring myself to subject her to that. Seeing her husband looking at dresses and skirts and such, so maybe its me thats intimated by her lol. I guess my point is Im not in any way trying to take away any of her femininity so I just thought maybe that was how it came out.
I told her I think for me my dressing is and expression of art in a way and I love doing the pictures the makeup and such and I just dont get that but that it is what it is

[Amylou2014]

I'm not intimidated by my husband. I see I man in my cloths. Yes sometimes I may be jealous that he can go from man to man in a dress with pretty hair in 10 mins when it takes me an hour just to do my hair. But ya. Yes it's sad sometimes that cloths I like fit him better.and yes sometimes I feel like I shouldn't bother looking sexy or putting on lingerie.

But bottom line I'm a women and he will never be one and certainly wouldn't pass for one.

[MatildaJ.]

I guess I just needed to see if why one of her reasons was she felt as if she was less of a women because my attention is to Leigh made her feel left out and intimidated... Im not in any way trying to take away any of her femininity so I just thought maybe that was how it came out.

Suppose she did feel "less of a woman" or "left out" or "intimidated" or as if you were "taking away her femininity"? What would that mean for you, if you thought that were true? Would you change your behavior?

Now suppose she doesn't feel "less of a woman" or "left out" or "intimidated"? What would that mean for you? Would you change your behavior?

Why do you want to know? Remember that most CDers here can't explain why they want to crossdress, so maybe it's not surprising that your wives can't always explain their reactions either.

[ReineD]

During the first group meeting, the therapist mentioned that another woman in the house could be viewed as, well, competition. I really got blistered by some other members here when I posted that comment but, it was just the truth.

Yes, but (and excuse my shouting), your wife may feel as if she is competing with Carla FOR YOUR MALE ATTENTION ... and not because you and she are competing for the attention of your gorgeous male neighbor for example, who is looking at you more than your wife because you are so much more gorgeous than her.

You all do realize, don't you, that women get jealous of other women only when they are vying for the same men? When no men are at issue, there's nothing to be jealous about!

It never ceases to amaze me that so many of you project your own behavioral motives onto the women in your lives. Who is really jealous of who here? lol

For those of you whose wives are heavier than you, here's a bit of advice: if your wives are upset, it is more about their own negative body images than anything to do with you. If your wives feel like this they should get themselves brand new outfits, take an all-out spa day and makeover, and then see how they feel about themselves.

http://www.coupay.com/topoften/plus-...d-beauty-full/ (scroll down)

.. and when we say, "oh, I'm so jealous of your (legs, hair, teeth, nails, dress, whatever)", it is meant as a compliment. It does not indicate the type of jealousy that I'm sensing many of you wish your wives/girlfriends felt.

[CarlaWestin]

Reine, my wife gets all of my male attention. Cerebral, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical and every other 'al. She is just the love of my life and I just happen to be a crossdresser. The ingraination of hollow morality due to her upbringing is the only obstruction to her acceptance of my true self. And really, attracting the male neighbor?

[SO1Adam12]

In a word, NO.

[kimdl93]

No. We don't intimidate women because of our attempts.

It is possible that dressing can inadvertently play on a woman's body image or feelings of inadequacy. Think about it. One of the common questions or concerns raised by the partner of a CDr is "am I not woman enough". It's a logical question....a woman may be feeling doubts about her attractiveness and she may erroneously conclude that the husband has found a substitute in dressing up.

[mechamoose]

It depends as much on your girl's self image as it does yours, hon. She may be supportive, she may be jealous, she may be indifferent. There is no single answer. It is dependent on your relationship with her.

My wife steals my stuff all the time, not because she is being mean, but because I have good taste.

I *grumble* and let her have the thing.

- MM

[ReineD]

The ingraination of hollow morality due to her upbringing is the only obstruction to her acceptance of my true self. And really, attracting the male neighbor?

I went a little overboard to illustrate that woman A is jealous of woman B, only when woman A fears that woman B will take the man that woman A has or wants. The competition only exists when there are men to compete over. Which obviously doesn't happen in hetero marriages with CDers, and so the notion that wives are jealous of their oh so gorgeous husbands is ridiculous.

And when women do think they are "not woman enough" (I've heard some wives who are new to the CDing express this thought), it is because they feel their husbands are more interested sexually in their own female personas than they are in their wives. Most women who are new at this will wonder whether their husbands would crossdress if the husbands were sexually satisfied with their wives.

I can see where a woman who is unhappy with her body might feel depressed over seeing her husband get into clothes that are too small for her. But, this same woman would also feel the same way about any GG who can get into smaller sizes. So as I mentioned earlier, this is more about the woman's own negative body image than it is about being jealous of her husband. People are not jealous of the people they love. It just doesn't happen like that.

One person above said that his wife asked "why bother with lingerie" when the husband wears it. Translated, this means, "why should I bother wearing something meant to excite you, when apparently it is your preference to excite yourself with your own lingerie".

I honestly think that as men (some? many?) CDers are naturally competitive, and this is why so many of you believe that your wives feel they are competing with you. You are projecting your own behaviors/feelings onto your wives. You just don't get it (those of you who feel that your wives are jealous). Also, I think the reason these threads appear so often is because some of you have a different notion of beauty than non-CDers. You place a premium on nice clothes, grooming, painted nails, etc, and when these things are present you think this is what defines beauty.

I personally see beauty in a person's face, whether or not there is any makeup even if the person is wearing a burlap bag. And I think that men in general feel as I do. I've seen men ogle a beautiful woman when she was wearing nothing but blue jeans and a Tshirt, and had her hair back in a pony tail. She just happened to have had the right bone structure, the right body, and the right age. The rest is just superficial.

[suchacutie]

Intimidated? LOL!

I will never forget how completely inept I felt as my wife tried to teach Tina how to 'be' a girl. I felt like a little child listening with rapt attention to my patient wife as she tried to explain all of the intricacies that she performed and understand naturally. There was an intimidated person in the room, but it wasn't she, for sure. Yes, she is jealous of my legs, but I'm jealous of her everything else! As a male,I can be intimidating, but my wife is very aware of her superiority in the feminine arena!

[Eryn]

I think that the answers are as varied as our SOs.

Some SOs have lives that are firmly tied to their own gender roles. Living with someone who blurs their gender roles makes them uncomfortable.

Others are more flexible and have an easier time with us.

I am lucky that my spouse has grown accustomed to Eryn and we have a very good time together. We're partners and not in competition with each other.

[Amylou2014]

Nope. Just a realistic one. (Read Jenniferathome's answer to see more of the same.)

Yep. Women don't look at you guys and think "wow a beautiful lady" we think " nice legs,thin,.......no butt, no boobs, 5oclock shadow,....still just a man in a dress.

And I don't think negatively about cding. I help my husband look as girly as I can possibly make him. But it will still never be enough so intimidation is far from the right word.

[ArleneRaquel]

I would have to say that my female dressing was most influenced by my mothers style. Her 1950's style lingerie, love of red lips and nails, and cat's eye frames. My late wife also influenced my style, but her style was much like my mothers, even down to her choice of eyewear. She wore glasses since the age of twelve, and she did wear cat;s eye frames from time to time. She also wore vintage lingerie is a very alluring way, and red was her lip/nail style, but she wore other colors also.

[Coping2014]

Thank you Renie! I couldn't have said this better myself. My hubby and I were out of town about a month ago and I was helping him find some things and when we were done I was a bit quiet and he did notice and asked if I was OK. I wasn't I hate shopping because I don't like trying on clothes I do have a bad self image of myself and I have had it since high school (and I didn't have any reason to be in high school - I seriously thought I look like I do now and I was hot back then! lol). I told him I was having a hard time seeing him buy things I can't buy but it was my own issue and not having to do with him and the CDing. It is seperate but seeing them buy that type of stuff does exasperated the issue.

I read a lot of these post on the M2F page and honestly I am appauled by the want or joy it seems some display when talking about scenerios such as this one. Why if you love your spouse would you want to make her jealous or feel bad about herself?

Thanks for putting words to my own thoughts Reine - another GG!!

Coping2014

[Tinkerbell-GG]

I read a lot of these post on the M2F page and honestly I am appauled by the want or joy it seems some display when talking about scenerios such as this one. Why if you love your spouse would you want to make her jealous or feel bad about herself?

Because, if you read here long enough, you'll see the fantasy that resides very firmly here. The one where a man can put on women's clothing and miraculously become a supermodel that everyone adores and is jealous of, including the spouse. I read many threads here about GG's apparently looking on with envy or admiring glances or whatever...honestly, I have serious doubts this is happening as often as this forum would have us believe, but if you ask me it's all part of the same issue. Crossdressing is clearly not born of physical reality as most men will never look like women no matter how much effort they put in. There will always be telltale signs that we GG's will notice. But this doesn't stop the crossdresser from seeing himself this way, even if it's just an internal view, a bit like how you saw yourself as unattractive in high school even though you were hot. The internal view doesn't always match the external. Look at anorexic women!

The enigma with crossdressing is that for many here their internal 'female image' is more often a fashion model than the girl next door. We GG's don't usually carry a supermodel image around inside us - our internal image is either rooted in reality or sadly, in the negative, so this is very much a male mindset. So it's little wonder we don't understand them anymore than they understand us. Hence these 'jealousy' threads.

As for these threads, I suspect the constant 'jealousy' theme that appears here is based in male competitiveness that finds validation in 'one upping' other people. We struggle to understand this as our competitiveness is not common unless, as Reine pointed out, there's a man involved. And even then, I don't know many women who behave this way past age 13! So these topics puzzle me, too, as it's actually pretty mean to hope people feel bad so you can feel good about yourself.

But I don't think it's done in malice. It's all part of this 'quirky' thing called crossdressing

[Beverley Sims]

My wife is a little put off when I present well.
The better I present the more put off she is.

I do have to temper this one a lot.