CD and TG connections?

[KellyJameson]

A transsexual is not nor were they ever a feminine man or a man that had a feminine side that needed to be expressed as a contrast against his masculine side because they never had the male identity.

It is the life long sensation of knowing something is wrong and that you are living unnaturally.

I personally think there is a reason most crossdressers are sexually interested in women and it is this sexual attraction for women that is a component of their crossdressing. They identify with women through their sexuality but this is not gender identity.

They get into trouble when their sexuality builds their gender identity "as a woman" but you cannot build a gender identity out of sex even though many are trying to do just that.

A homosexual man could possibly turn himself into a female caricature to sexually attract straight men to him and even take it so far as to transition to complete the affect but this is not crossdressing to emulate a woman as an extension of a mans infatuation with women but his sexuality contrasted against men that he makes his gender identity while clearly staying a man to any woman that crosses his path.

A crossdresser identifies with woman because of sex but a transsexual identifies as a woman because of gender.

I have read the words of some who have or are transitioning because they want the freedom to express themselves without the fear of reprisal for breaking gender roles. To do this while not being in ownership of a female identity is to risk great unhappiness and adopt the delusion that one is indeed a woman while never showing any evidence of previous identity conflict.

Transitioning is not about gender roles (external/public) but identity (internal/private). If you stay honest with yourself about how you have always identified privately as to who you have identified with (who you are as a men versus a women) you will not fall into the delusion that you are a woman.

A man cannot replace himself with a woman by becoming one whether in dress or through surgery. It is simply impossible and there will be consequences.

Understand what is driving the movement toward women and explain it honestly to her.

There is no danger of making a mistake as long as the truth is held as ones highest value.

It is through self deception that people make themselves miserable.

[ReineD]

Well said, Kelly.

[samantha rogers]

I appreciate what has been said here a great deal, by all of you. At the same time I find myself doubting or rather feeling somewhat agnostic about much of it. I think many of us, whether crossdressers or somewhere in between or fully down the road into TS, think in terms that rationalize our own feelings, thoughts, fears and decisions/choices.
I am constantly reminded that the human brain is still the single most complicated object yet discovered in the entire universe, and that despite how we laud our science and our learning, we have only scratched the surface when it comes to fully understanding that complexity.
Yes, I can see how someone may see things as Kelly describes them, and that may be true. I can see Jennifers point as well. And I can see Davidas side as well. Truthfully, I don't know, and equally truthfully, and with respect to all, and without wishing to offend anyone (though knowing I may offend all), I can see how each view may also be simple rationalization of their own place in the world and the choices they have made and how they want things to be.
As I see this, the whole thing is beyond simple explanation, and beyond knowing. Yes, there are those who know from birth, solidly and without doubt that they are in the wrong body. Yes, there are those who only dress as an extension of sexuality, or at least do so at present. Yes, there are those who make mistakes based on mistakes in understanding or in faulty thinking. There are those who fall into many, many different categories or, as is often mentioned, fall somewhere along a spectrum of identity. But I cannot help but think it is a mistake to simplify things into binary camps and so attempt to define a vast and complicated array of individuals into such a narrow and forced understanding. People are beyond such simplification. Allowing that there are, of course, some who are rather shallow and do fit fairly neatly into simple boxes arranged for the convenience of others, there are also many, in fact a great many, who do not fit into such easy boxes. And life and experience does change people.
Do we do anyone any favors by trying to rigorously define each other? Or do we simply make life, already difficult enough with the binary outlook imposed by society in general, even more difficult?
I mean, I have read countless threads books, blog articles, essays, editorials etc all trying to define what is a masculine and what is a feminine identity. So far I have not seen one that does so satisfactorily at least not to me. All the terms, definitions and explanations seem, to me, to describe attributes which to one degree or another, apply to all humans at some point or another. How do you define masculine versus feminine without resorting to stereotypical attributes, clothing or sexual preference? By those terms, I know many women who are very masculine and many men who are very feminine. And if it is simply a matter of how one identifies inside...well what exactly does that mean anyway? We all feel one way or another to varying degrees at any given moment on any given day. Our relationships with others vary as well.
Its enough to make your brain hurt.
What is clear, is that we all want to be happy and feel "right" or authentic in our own sense of self and our place within this crazy world. Some are lucky and that authenticity naturally aligns easily with the rather arbitrary social constructs of binary male and female (whatever that exactly means) others are not so lucky. Some recognize the dissonance early while others sublimate that dissonance to varying degrees while life adds daily to the responsibilities and pressure to conform. Some fight their way free while young, some not until they are older, and others never do.
Some find a place where they are comfortable, others find the goal posts keep shifting.
I guess what all this means to me is that this is a question which, try as we might, we simply cannot answer. I would like to know the answer. But I believe, as certain as some are of their chosen answer, that the answer is currently simply a mystery. Just like life itself. Yes, part of me would love to be certain, just as part of me would love to be certain of many things, not least of which would be in the area of religion. But I am comfortable, especially as I get older with not knowing, with simply accepting the mystery and taking one day at a time, doing the best I can to find myself and care for those I love. So, in that sense, Kristyn, I can offer you nothing more than to say good luck. Time will answer the question for you. In the meantime, a promise to your wife of love and honesty along the way is probably the best you can offer.
And truly, I hope I have not offended anyone. Each of you might be right. Lol

[PaulaQ]

It is through self deception that people make themselves miserable.

If only the main issue were all the men who think they are women, but are not, so many on this forum would breathe a sigh of relief. But sadly, that's just not the case. Far more deny what they really are, because society, and their spouses, demand that they be something that they are not.

[Lucy_Bella]

. Far more deny what they really are, because society, and their spouses, demand that they be something that they are not.

I do not deny that one bit Paula...But not all, I've had the opportunity to "come out" as some would say, with open arms because of several misunderstandings that gave family and friends the wrong opinion of why I do what I do.. ( That I got from here and it was wrong to self diagnose myself from other opinions)..

I thought hell I may as well leave my door open and have sex in front of the whole world if I was to have taken the offer...Why did I feel that way? Because my dressing was not gender related it was all about the attraction ..( this doesn't mean that the physical act of sex happens all the time I dress ..It does mean it can have the same effect on me mentally and physically simply by dressing)

I should know myself by now and just exactly why I do what I do because I have been doing it for many years..But that fact was up until recently I didn't and it took this site along with other Googled information before I finally realized what fit me best on why I do what I do and I haven't looked back..Plain and simple not gender related for me..

[Michelle789]

CDs on this site are almost certainly at a much higher risk of needing to transition.

I have noticed since I have been on this forum there are a lot of people who question whether they are CD or TS, and there have been lots of threads including threads that either ask directly "am I a TS or CD", or threads that ask it in more indirect ways, such as "when were you convinced that you were a woman" and the countless threads where people discuss differences between CD and TS. I have seen people who thought they were CD last year transition this year. I myself came to this forum asking the question, "am I a CD or TS" and I posted my own such thread.

In fact, almost a year ago, I was doing Google searches on the differences between crossdressers and transsexuals. I found four older threads on the subject that were coming from this forum. There was no other site that I found that had even close to as many threads or pages about the subject.

It has been my personal experience that there are a lot of people on this forum who are asking the same question, am I a CD or a TS. So I wouldn't be surprised if the number of CDers on this forum who end up transitioning are disproportionately higher than the general CD population. The 2% statistic I gave is 2% of the entire CD population. I would probably say that most of the CDers here will still not transition, but it's probably between 3-15% of the CDers on this forum who will transition. Even if it is only 4% of CDers on this forum who transition, 4% is twice of 2%.

There is no danger of making a mistake as long as the truth is held as ones highest value.

I suppose that some people might attempt transition who shouldn't, and there might always be someone who beat the system and transitioned who is not TS, and ends up regretting it. But those cases are extremely rare. I personally believe that most detransitioners and regretters are TS who are unhappy with all the loss in their life and all the drama that was caused by society's reaction to their transitions, and to people being unaccepting, and to difficulties that arose in life circumstances. Sometimes the price we pay to bring our bodies into congruence with our minds is higher than the pain caused by gender dysphoria. GD is cruel, and so is the way spouses, family members, and society treats us for transitioning. I remember meeting a TS who regretted transition, and it was largely because she was being mistreated by her friends who knew her before she transitioned, and were mistreating her. To me it seems like she needs to find new friends, not detransition.

It is through self deception that people make themselves miserable.

The only self-deception I see are people who are TS who think they're CDers, gay men, or non-CDing straight men, because society deems it so unacceptable to be a TS. Actually society says it's unacceptable to be a CD too, but a CD can hide in the closet while a TS can't. And many CDers who are in fact CDers and not TS stay in the closet because of society telling us it's unacceptable to crossdress. I believe there are also many CDers, who are CDers and not TS, who would love to venture out of the house en femme from time to time, but are afraid to because of what everyone else is going to think.

And certainly there are TSes who will try to convince themselves they are closeted CDers to avoid all the stigma, transphobia, and drama associated with transition. I certainly was one of them. I thought I was a closeted CD for many years, until the truth started unraveling itself in my mind two years and two months ago. From mid-June of 2012, my life would never be the same, and there was no way I could ever escape being a TS, and there would be no more running back into the closet. From June, 2012 until May, 2014, that's almost two years, I continued to fight myself, with an overall trend towards accepting myself as TS. I tried my best to hold on to being a closeted CDer. The worst of it was June, 2012 to August, 2013. In August, 2013, I fired the psychic, and by September I joined this forum, and began taking real steps towards self-acceptance. Now I am close to living full time as a woman.

However, thinking back on the whole thing, I realized I have been suffering with gender dysphoria since I was 5 years old. This is why I voiced to my parents at age 5 that I was a girl. This is why at age 8 I wanted to grow up to be a woman, but told nobody. This is why I constantly felt like I really was a girl on the inside all of my life, at least from age 13 onward, and told nobody. This is why I felt like my body was the most repulsive thing, and why I hated my beard and body hair, and told nobody. This is why I crossdressed from age 13 onward, and told nobody. This is why I felt a need to eventually dress fully from head to toe, with wig, breast forms, makeup, and take on a female name - being a dude in a dress, with beard and male name, just didn't cut it for me. This is why when my mom told me a few years ago that I had a deep man's voice, it caused me to feel like sludge was running down my hands and fingers.

What finally triggered me in June, 2012, on this run away train into transition? What finally derailed my CDing career, and put me on the path towards being a TS? It's a rather complicated series of events.

1. I used to consult a psychic for help, who was relentlessly pressuring me into dating and getting married from August, 2011 onward. She was pressuring me into playing a male role that I am not suited for. A relationship would also cause me to have to stop CDing.

2. November, 2011. My co-workers kept talking about gender all the time. I found out later it was because a guy from Germany had come to the office, and said that in Germany there are 5 genders. They also mentioned sex changes. I remember ever since then freaking out that I was too tall to be a woman. It took me a long time to accept my height, which is 6 foot exactly, as an acceptable height for a woman.

3. May 10, 2012, I was walking around my neighborhood, and I remember bumping into someone from the Human Rights Campaign. I donated some money and became a member. I remember we were talking about employment rights of gay and transgender people. They showed me a map of states that had laws to protect jobs of transgender people (and LGB too), states that protect LGB only and not transgender, and states that had no LGBT protection. But the transgender part is what left a lasting impression in my head.

4. May 26, 2012, I went with two friends, one guy and one girl, to eat Korean BBQ to celebrate my birthday. The girl bought me a set of coasters enclosed in a pink Victoria's Secret bag. I walked out of the restaurant to my car in front of them, and the girl told the guy how she would like to see me in high heels. I really felt like a woman walking with my shopping bag out of Victoria's Secret (or any other store). It felt so natural to me. The same girl had put lipstick on me in front of my friends two years earlier, which also felt natural to me, although at that time I thought I was still a closeted CD.

5. On June 5, 2012, I invited two friends, in fact the same ones I went to celebrate my birthday with 10 days earlier, to see my apartment. The girl gave me some advice on how to improve the appearance (e.g. decorating), although it is still in very neat shape. The guy said that my place "needs a woman's touch." I think this comment was the beginning of the end. It was the day that I started realizing that the world needs to start seeing me as a woman and not as a man. I was already starting to enter into a funk, but it I could still dig myself out of it.

6. June 14, 2012, my back went out. The psychic really wanted me to be serious about dating by July, which was only a few weeks away. So what were supposed to be my last days as single, and consequently as a CDer, were going to be spent enduring back pain. This event finally pushed me into a depression that I just couldn't shake off. At this point I desparately wanted to talk to the psychic for help here, but I was afraid to. Afterall, I was scared that she would think I'm nuts to want to give up male privilege, but I still hoped she would say something. I told her that I wanted to postpone dating, and she agreed, or so she said. In reality, she would still pressure me to date and get married, she just took a little break from it before starting up again.

7. June 18, 2012, I took another day off because I was recovering from back problems. I read an article about a transgender woman. This was the event that finally brought back all my childhood and adult gender dysphoria feelings to the forefront. This was the event that finally got that runaway TS train going. Certainly #1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 helped prime this event. But this was that fateful day that there was no going back. I would never be able to let go of these feelings until I started taking serious steps towards transition.

8. On July 2, 2012, I lost my job. Being unemployed, and the stressed that came along with it, certainly made it more difficult to fight myself any more. Having to deal with the stresses of finding a new job, a psychic who wanted me to man up, very likely pushed the gender dysphoria along very quickly. Not having anyone to talk to certainly made things worse too. By this point I was seriously praying to God that I would die and be reincarnated as a woman in my next life, and in all future lifetimes thereafter. This pattern would continue for 14 long months.

9. On January 18, 2013, the psychic told me to "man up." By this point I was practically not able to function for the next 7 months, until I finally fired the psychic and started seeing real help.

So a chain of 9 events caused my GD to progress from CD to TS. These are the 9 events that prior to them happening, I thought I was a closeted CDer. I thought I was a closeted CDer until #7 above happened. I still thought I was a CDer afterwards, but seriously considered the possibility that I was a TS. And I was miserable trying to pretend to be a man ever since then.

I also realized that even before these events occurred, even in the days when I thought I was a CD, that I was never truly happy being a man. Even in my CDer days, I had contemplated transition, but I never seriously thought it was in the cards for me. I never identified with my heart and soul as a man. I always identified as a woman in my heart and soul, and it was my head telling me that I was a man. It was society's programming putting ideas into my head that I must be a man. But in my heart and soul has always been, and always will be, female.

[mariehart]

Some profound comments here. So how do you know whether you're TS or 'just' CD? I think you always know if only on the subconscious level. It's only when you finally accept yourself that you can look back with the benefit of hindsight and see how much you deceived yourself yet strangely all the while knowing it deep down. I constantly put obstacles in my path. I still do.

There was also always a list of reasons why I couldn't be TS. I have'male' interests and I didn't fit the media inspired (pre internet) 'typical' TS attributes.

I could go on but others have put it better.

You could take a good look at yourself. It seems to me sometimes that a man's most important relationship is with his genitals. If you woke up in the morning and found them gone. What would you think? The worst thing ever or what a relief? Or something in between?

Not a foolproof method but an indicator. In my case I don't hate the thing. I've had fun with it. But it just gets in the way now.

[Ricki Dove]

I like cross dressing, but would never feel like I need transgender surgery. That's just me, everyone has to go with their own feelings!

[Marcelle]

Wow . . . this thread certainly has gone off in a tangential direction. I believe the OP was looking for some advice on how to explain the difference between CD and TS to her SO not to be convinced she is truly TS waiting in the wings . . . Just saying that's all

Hugs

Isha

[Tina_gm]

Actually Isha, the stories of how TS's came to accept themselves and what they went through might be helpful, in a long winding way. What makes their story different from that of a CDer who does not go through what they go through. I can see why there are many who come here to question what they are on the spectrum. I wasn't entirely sure myself. For people like me, who can relate to how TS's feel in a lot of ways, that can be confusing. The difference for me is not how I feel about the feminine side, but that I do not hate, or despise or even dislike my regular male self. I don't want to shed the guy side, I just want to be able to incorporate the feminine side in with it.

[ReineD]

Yes, Isha, there seems to be a core group of people here who enjoy trying to convince non-TSs who consistently post in the CD section, that they might be TS, instead of placing their focus on their own transitions. I have no idea why, maybe because they feel they need company along their journeys? Or maybe it is as Samantha says, that sometimes a person's view may also be simple rationalization of their own place in the world?

In any case, I have an anecdote that fits this situation to a T (pun intended).

A friend of mine (not CD, not trans in any way) is near retirement. His wife is from the Philippines and it has long been a dream of theirs to retire in Hawaii and use the place as a base between the Philippines and mainland US. They have vacationed in Hawaii many times and they felt the place was idyllic in terms of climate, culture, lifestyle, etc.

So he bought a condo on the big island of Hawaii last winter, with a beautiful view of the ocean.

I saw him last night, he had just come back from a two month stay there. (He teaches and is free in the summer.) He can't stand it and he now wants to sell the condo!! He says there is nothing to do outside of tourist activities, it takes forever to get to the mainland US and the Philippines, everything costs a fortune, he got tired of schlepping groceries, etc, up the elevator into his condo, it is very dark there at night and electricity is expensive so places are dimly lit and it is hard to see, and other things I have forgotten.

It took having lived there as a homeowner and permanent resident, before he was able to look at it differently than as a vacationing visitor. And this man does research for a living!

He says that he feels foolish, that he should have investigated things much more carefully. But, he did! It took him years of going back and forth and looking at all the islands, looking at real estate closely, thinking about traveling to the Philippines and mainland US, before making his decision. The idyllic spot and the price of the condo finally swayed him to buy. I told him that I didn't think he was foolish. Sometimes we really have no idea what something is like until we live it.

I do love what Kelly said, that it behooves everyone here who feel their lives might be happier as women, to stay honest with themselves about how they have always identified privately, so as to not fall into the delusion that they are women. Bridges are burned more easily when a person transitions, than when they buy a condo.

[Lucy_Bella]

Reine ,

I second that and how Kelly put those words together in comparison to how many see the spectrum was a genuine class act of expressing reality ..Bravo Kelly ...

[stefan37]

The OP implied she was more than just a cross dresser and had tg tendencies. I related my experience to illustrate that denials of future progression can come back to haunt and foster distrust. I hardly need company as I transition. And to be honest I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. My transtion has been very positive. That may or may not be case for somebody else. I would caution anybody not to transition unless truly needed. But if one is unsure themselves or at their basic level think they may be female. They need to seriously self explore before making statements or promises they can't keep in the future.

[PaulaQ]

Yes, Isha, there seems to be a core group of people here who enjoy trying to convince non-TSs who consistently post in the CD section, that they might be TS, instead of placing their focus on their own transitions.

Actually, Kristyn wanted a good way to assure her wife that in five years, she wouldn't transition. I simply pointed out that most forward looking projections are pretty questionable, and that almost nothing in life can be guaranteed.

If you'd told me, five years ago, that I'd be living as a woman, separated from my wife, in a condo in the gay district of Dallas, I'd have told you that you were high - that there was no possibility of that happening. At that point, I hadn't CDed in 19 years.

I wish I knew a test to tell who'll never transition (most), and who will ultimately transition (a small minority.) I simply know of no such method. I wish that I did.

I also don't what the Dow Jones will do five years from now, who will be president, or if the company where I work will even exist. If anyone asked me to assure them of a particular outcome for ANY of those things, I'd tell them "I'm sorry, that's just not possible."

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is one thing for an SO not to know for sure, but if you don't know if you are TS or not, proceed very very slowly. Until you do know if you are a TS or not, if you have not already, do not marry, have children, have joint property and money etc. You can spare yourself and your SO some potentially severe heartache down the road by waiting until you are sure of yourself.

[samantha rogers]

Yes, Isha, there seems to be a core group of people here who enjoy trying to convince non-TSs who consistently post in the CD section, that they might be TS, instead of placing their focus on their own transitions. I have no idea why, maybe because they feel they need company along their journeys? Or maybe it is as Samantha says, that sometimes a person's view may also be simple rationalization of their own place in the world?

Reine, not to dispute what you say, that is not my intent, but just to maybe clarify by way of what I see. I think it is possible to point out a possibility without trying to convince someone that it is a likelihood. Much as it is possible to point out that the path has no guard rail without meaning to imply the person you are telling is silly enough to step off the edge.

That said, I really do think, from all sides, there is a great deal of self rationalization that goes into many of the comments made on this forum, not to mention a fair amount of condescension from time to time. Understandable. It is no easy thing being part of the Tg community regardless of where one fits. It can be very tough on self esteem. But considering how much we are so often misunderstood and belittled by society in general, it does bother me when I see similar though far more subtle belittling going on within the community. (not referring to your comment at all, Reine :-), just for clarification, lol)

[Alice Torn]

Isha, The orchestra analogy is an excellent one. I like symphony.

[devida]

You could take a good look at yourself. It seems to me sometimes that a man's most important relationship is with his genitals. If you woke up in the morning and found them gone. What would you think? The worst thing ever or what a relief? Or something in between? .

Oh I really hope that people are not so shallow and body identified to feel that their most important relationship is with their genitals.

There are many men, and women too, who for reasons of disease or surgery end up with non functioning sexual organs (the many men treated for prostate problems, including cancer, the many women who have had hysterectomies whose interest in sex has entirely disappeared because the hormones are no longer being produced by organs that have been removed). Are these people less men or women because they are not sexually active? Iis a woman less a woman because her uterus has neen removed, a man less a man because his testicles were removed? Surely not. Gender does not really have a lot to do with what is between your legs. Gender is all about what is between your ears.

Transexuals remove primary or secondary sexual characteristics through surgery or modify them through hormones because those characteristics are signs that they are presenting as the wrong gender. The continued existence of these characteristics cause them pain. But there are a large number of transgender people who are quite content with their genitals because they are satisfied with the modifications they may make to conform with their gender identity without recourse to surgery. These modifications are those dear to cross dressers, like breast forms, breast binding, tucking, wearing the clothes of the gender not assigned to them at birth, etc., etc. The presence or absence of the right genitals are not really the issue. Acceptance of the gender presented when you look in the mirror is.

In other words genitals do not determine gender. Social and cultural cues and the personal acceptance and presentation of these are what define gender: clothes, makeup, moustaches, beards, hairlessness, the whole wonderful spectrum of gender cues are all there to help us define what gender we are. We get to choose which of these cues are needed for us to feel comfortable in our identification and presentation of gender.

Gender is not sex. Gender is not sexuality. Gender is identity and there may be as many genders as there are identities. There are certainly more than two.

[ReineD]

Gender is not sex. Gender is not sexuality. Gender is identity and there may be as many genders as there are identities. There are certainly more than two.

Exactly. But, the TSs who do identify solely and wholely as women and who do seek SRS (having male anatomy is painful for them) will tell you that women don't have penises. And they are correct. This is not to say there aren't women who feel masculine but who retain their bodies, and men who feel feminine and who retain theirs, and of course there are those who are gender-nonconforming, but in the general female population women don't have penises and they are very happy about that.

To help keep this thread on topic and to answer Hell On Heel's OP, did you mean a tie between crossdressers and transsexuals (and not TGs)? Because Transgender is an umbrella term for anybody who goes outside the gender norms. I've noticed that the media uses the term "transgender" when they are referring to transitioned transsexuals, so I can see why there is confusion.

But back to your question, I can answer for my SO. S/he feels s/he is gender fluid. At one point s/he identified as dualgender, which is having both feminine and masculine personality characteristics all the time, but fluctuating between a preference for presenting in either male or female mode depending on the mood. Other people use the term bigender. Or gender-nonconforming. And it's unfortunate that a lot of people take it that TG somehow means the halfway point between CD and TS. Or maybe they think that TG means TS but without removing a penis? There are tons of people here who identify differently but who use the term "TG" (whether they are CD or TS) and it makes it hard to answer properly to threads.

In any case, my SO does not want to alter her body. She has looked into it and thought it through, although at one time she also didn't know how far this would go. But, it's been some years now, and she does know.

[Anna H]

I use TG for myself...but CD for here.

There's no in between CD and TS 'label' that I know of. I'm not
genderfluid or bigender or genderfluxed...because I prefer to stay
on the 'girly' side.

So TG, literally meaning "cross gender", works for me. I'm crossed
and don't like going to any guy mode at all. Only when I have to,
but i let them decide for themselves otherwise.

I get ma'amed a lot...in guy mode. I Love it when that happens...lol!

[mariehart]

Devid, I understand what you are saying but you kind of missed the point. My question relates to one's attitude to their specific male attributes. Would their loss be traumatic in the way losing an arm might be or the loss of a breast for a woman? Or would it be seen as a positive thing, indeed something desirable. Or something in between like me. A foreign object attached to me that I don't hate but I don't want.

It's use in sex is neither here nor there. It identifies me as physically male which is at odds with my internal identity.

It's not the whole story of course but one of a range of questions to ask yourself.

But I'm sure for most who transition it's important.

The OP and others who wonder where there going need to look at everything with a pragmatic eye not rose tinted glasses.

[mykell]

kristyn,
when i revealed i told my wife we were under the transgendered umbrella, learned that here,

i think that you have already told her by your comments above, but after reading through the thread i believe Isha has nailed it,

Isha said
"Identity is like an orchestra. Together as a whole, it sounds wonderful, powerful and marvelous but if one section is missing then it sounds like chaos. My different identities (military, sporty, social, dude, etc.) are all parts of my orchestra and for many years were a collision of sounds with no substance or sense. Along comes Isha and voila . . . harmony. Does this mean I want to be a woman (transition)? No because for me my male identities are a predominant part of my orchestra and each is required to continue harmonious balance. Isha is just a lone girl string section whose simple but melodious sound weaves sense and order to chaotic music."

as i discussed with you before music is a powerful media, kristyn is part of the whole, sometimes each section has a more prominent part depending on the music and the composer, so when you say you dont know where this will be in five years from now its true, dont think any of us can say with certainty,

you are both in my thoughts, i hope you can find a shared peace with this.....

[Maria in heels]

Kristyn.....

I am sure that there will be plenty of talking between you two. It may come in spurts, it may come out as a peaceful conversation, but if the topic gets heated, it may just come out as she is angry and she needs to lash out at you. Please remember all of the things that you have read here...some take it well, some take it in steps, and most importantly, we are afraid to admit that our fem sides are part of us. (and yes, I got that question about being gay as well, and then a couple of years later, the transition question came along)

Just try to remember the "surprise" that she received, and that she most likely didn't have any ideas at all. On transition, you haven't mentioned to me ever that you thought of this, so at this point, explaining that its not being considered currently is probably all you need to say. Don't get into the "well in 5 years, I can't say..." etc because that will only make her think that you are still "lying" and you don't want to tell her that you need to transition...

hugs
Maria xoxoxo

[Sometimes Steffi]

CD and TS are both on the TG spectrum, and are both under the TG umbrella. Both CD and TS, in my opinion and in that of my therapist, have gender dysphoria, but to different degrees.

Most CDers have milder or less progressed GD that has a desire to express a feminine side from time to time, which may be once a month, once every two weeks, once a week, or even several times a week, or may include daily underdressing, but no desire to transition - they are happy being men, they don't hate their penis or beard, like having sex with their lives, and enjoy the aspects of manhood. How often you need to dress as a woman varies and will generally increase over the years, but in most cases will not lead to transition. Because even with a strong desire to dress, there is a strong desire to be a man too.

TSes have much more severe and progressed GD to the point that they are completely miserable unless they transition. TSes often feel severe pain and the GD often interferes severely in their lives, and often but not always want to commit suicide because the GD is so bad. A TS can and often thinks they are a CD before realizing they are TS. Some TSes never wore an article of women's clothes until transition. TSes may have been really good at being men prior to transition, or may have had a really difficult time trying to be men, or anywhere in between.

The cruel truth is, and this is the scary part, is neither you nor your significant other will know until after the fact that if you are TS or CD. If you never transition that you are probably not TS. But you might think you are a CD and than years later transition and realize you are TS. There is no way to know, and unfortunately it is a crapshoot for all practical purposes as to whether or not you as a CDer will ever transition.

Now here's the good news. There's a 98% chance you, as a CDer, will never transition. There's a 50% chance you will get divorced for reasons not related to being a CDer or TS. You have a far better chance of getting divorced than transitioning. In fact, there is a better chance you will get snow in your coastal California home town sometime in your lifetime than you transitioning. For those who live in places that get snow, there is a better chance of getting snow in June (December if you live in the southern hemisphere) at some point in your lifetime than transitioning.

Let me rephrase this. You are 25 times more likely to get a divorce than transition. You are twice as likely to see snow fall at some point in your life in coastal California than transition. You are twice as likely to see snow fall at some point in your life during the months of May, June, July, August, or September, than transition.

There are no guarantees in life. However, the odds that you as a CDer will never transition are pretty damn good.

One of the biggest mistakes people can make is assuming that there is a natural progression from CD to TS. TS is not the " highest form" of crossdressing. It may seem that way, because some TS people start with crossdressing and progress to HRT and SRS. But a physical transition is a BIG DEAL. It's only right to go slow with it, and take it a step at a time. Some transsexuals seldom crossdress, because they're more focused on bodily changes than in clothes. Most CDs are just that. Crossdressers. Not "transsexuals in waiting."

There are as many different answers here as there are CDer.

So here's my 2 cents

TS is someone who believes that they want to be a woman, should have been a woman or are a woman on the inside. To some greater or lesser extent, they hate being a man and hate their man parts. I've heard some TS say that they remember when they were 5 or 6 praying to God that they would wake up as a woman.

CD is someone who like to express a feminine side, but is happy being male and doesn't want to give that up. I consider myself a "recreational" crossdresser.

Upon noticing a beautiful woman, a TS would like to be her; a CD might want to look like her, but rather than being her would like to be with her.

I don't believe in progression. There's this joke, "What's the difference between CD and a TS?" Two years. I think that joke is a disservice to both CDs and TS. If you're TS, you probably progressed thru CD, and it's for TS that his joke applies. CDs don't transition in 2 years or ever. You may not recognize whether you are CD or TS, and that's the confusion.

Technically TG is anyone who is partially male, and partially female. All CDs are TG and all TS are CD, in addition to FtM. But not all TGs are TS (some are CD). I don't like TG because many people jump to the conclusion that TG and TS ar the same.