I attended AA for the first time as my authentic self

[Michelle789]

On Thursday, I attended my first AA meeting as my authentic self. I had communicated with several of you privately about my fears about attending AA as myself.

I am not yet out to my home group, just to two people - who happens to be very popular, well liked, very positive energy, and totally non judgmental towards anything; and my sponsor. I have been scared of coming out, but also I got tied up in some drama last week and into the early part of this week that took up my time that prevented me from coming out to anyone. I currently am living 165 - I only attend one AA meeting every two weeks in boy mode. It's 6 hours including driving, the meeting, and meeting after the meeting - divide that by 2 since I go every other Friday, and subtract from 168 - just in case you are wondering where I got 165 from. My former job re-hired me back as a part time worker, and I came out as trans and go to work as my authentic self too.

I had not gone to any other AA meetings. I actually went to allies night on Aug 1, and a birthday party for someone at my church on Aug 8, so I missed my Friday night home group twice in a row so I had been starved of AA meetings for almost three weeks. I was scared to go to any other AA meetings as myself out of fear that I would be recognized by someone who knew me as a male and be outed. I do want to come out to my home group, but I want to out myself and not be outed by someone else.

Finally, I got the courage to attend an AA meeting as myself. It took a lot to overcome my fear. I went to an LGBT AA meeting at the LGBT center, so I felt a bit safer there. I had a really amazing time and felt a million times better after going to the meeting. It was really freeing and refreshing to go to a meeting as myself, and to introduce myself as Michelle. I even spoke with a few people afterwards and traded phone numbers with someone there.

I want to say that these fears can be overcome, as they all reside in the head, but they can still feel real at times. I went to my home group last night in guy mode, and I attended a TG AA meeting on Skype this afternoon, so I got 3 back to back days of AA meetings - twice as my authentic self.

I am hoping to finish coming out to everyone else in my home group so I can go to the next meeting as myself.

[Bria]

Bravo!!!! Small steps first. You will make it and they won't be there with pitchforks and tar and feathers!!

Hugs, Bria







1

[PretzelGirl]

Good for you Michelle! Keep at it as you are only benefiting yourself. Three weeks without a meeting sounds like its tipping the scales the wrong way. It has to be tough balancing taking care of yourself in sobriety while taking care of yourself in transition.

[Suzanne F]

Michelle
Way to go! Remember love and tolerance is the code of AA. My home group has been awesome as I have come out. You will be on cloud nine when you walk in. I am so happy for you!
Suzanne

[Aprilrain]

I pretty much dumped anyone who knew me before transition except my family and one woman that I'm now better friends with than I was before. In other words I dumped my home group. I started going back to AA after about 2 months of no meetings early on in my transition but I'd only go to Gay meetings. After about 6 months of that I started going to old meetings where people knew me from before. I've only been back to my home group a few times. I just have nothing in common with the group of male friends I had there. I prefer to be around people who have only known me as April, even if they know that I have transitioned they treat me as female unlike the people who knew me before who largely just think I'm crazy! Other than other trans people that I've met at support group meetings most of the people I know are from AA.