Rejecting men

[Michelle789]

Today, I had to go to Hollywood for a blood test - I have been on HRT for 18 days and was tested for my potassium levels. Afterwards, I decided to do some window shopping. I parked in a public parking lot, and the parking attendant starts hitting on me. He asked me my name, and he introduced himself. We were talking for like a minute, and he then asks me for my phone number. I told him, sorry I have a boyfriend. I really meant it too - I have a boyfriend that I've been seeing for almost two months. I was a bit scared too when he asked me for my number, because he meant business. I felt very mixed emotions when being approached by a strange guy for my phone number. He understood and was polite about it and I walked away and went about my own business.

I have mixed feelings like any other woman, especially a transwoman, about male attention. I like that it validates my identity as female, and I am flattered that men find me attractive, but it can also be annoying sometimes too especially when a guy gets too aggressive, like what happened to me last month when a guy followed me around for 10 minutes, and when I told him I had a boyfriend, he asked me if I wanted another one - he was that brazen.

Please keep in mind that for this story, that the aggressive guy incident happened last month. The guy in the parking lot took rejection like a gentleman.

Something occurred to me today. I will be rejecting men for the rest of my life. I have been assigned the task of rejecting men for the rest of my life. It is now the new normal for me - to be hit on by, and to reject men.

Rejection must be hard on them, especially if it comes from a transwoman lol.

[celeste26]

Try wearing a ring on your finger and just point it out when a guy "asks." No words need even be spoken since for most guys that closes the discussion. The ones who are not stopped by merely pointing to that ring you need to run away from cus they probably wont take a no of any kind.

[Michelle.M]

Something occurred to me today. I will be rejecting men for the rest of my life. I have been assigned the task of rejecting men for the rest of my life. It is now the new normal for me - to be hit on by, and to reject men.

Yup! Welcome to the sisterhood!

[Jorja]

Sounds like a normal day. Get used to it.

[Badtranny]

If I had a dollar for every time a strange man put the moves on me, ...I'd have just about a dollar.

I think you might be exaggerating a tiny bit. I can't help but notice you don't post many pics.

[Martha G]

I dress as a woman at times for costume parties. And I do make an attractive and passable woman.

But I have never been hit upon.

People do actually think that I am a woman when dressed, but that is about far as it goes.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Michelle, I don't care how you feel about men, it's your own impression of them that counts for you. But how would your boyfriend feel about this? Are you disgusted by these aggressive advances towards you? Or do you really not want male attention?
Men hit on women all the time, how else can we find a mate? Some guys are just more aggressive than others.
As a woman, it is only you that can politely say no thank you, or say yes I'll have that drink.
I think what I'm saying is... Don't plan for a future of rejecting men, a 2 month relationship is great, the first months of a relationship are incredible! But if you condition yourself to deny men and their advances towards you, If this new relationship goes wrong, you may have trouble finding another.
Sure some of the asses need to be rejected, but don't think that way of all men.
I hope your boyfriend truly appreciates you, and rejecting men is more of an, I'm sorry I'm taken, than a get lost Boso!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Michelle789]

@Krystyn,

I am not disgusted. I accept that being hit on is fact of life for a woman. Since I have a boyfriend, I will reject men that ask me out. If we break up and I'm single again, than it might depend on the guy. Some guys I will reject, some guys I will accept the drink (non alcoholic since I don't drink) or date.

@Melissa

I don't post pictures because there is software that can recognize my image and link it to my male image, outing me to the world. I simply want to avoid any unnecessary means of outing myself. I have joined Safe Haven recently, and I might post some pics on there, since it requires membership to get in.

I think you might be exaggerating a tiny bit too - I don't believe you've been hit on only once in the past two years.

[Aprilrain]

I can't say I've ever had any random strangers hit on me. I see guys checking me out and if I don't see them my girlfriend does but they never approach me. The only times I've been hit on were really early on in my transition. One was at a bar where a lot of trans women hung out and one was at a gay night club. Both times I'm pretty sure that the guys knew I was trans and that is what they were after.

Melissa, you live in a saturated market. I don't remember the exact number but the percentage of women to men in the Bay Area is high. Not to mention the large number of gay men in SF. Have you considered a move to Alaska or North Dakota?

[noeleena]

Hi.

Well i wont say its not happened it has though it was far worse than that, though in the main men would not look at me because im not pretty , feminine or even a good looking female , so my disadvantages facial feature is my advantage, and thats being a female what i find strange is why would 3 men propistion me for friendship . marrage.

For goodness sake are they blind i mean come on the same photo you see here to the left. what do they see in me, Theres many lovely women out there i know and a 4 th one i thought was nice again though again i back away,

Just be carefull and be aware we do have to contend with males .

...noeleena...

[Kimberly Kael]

I don't post pictures because there is software that can recognize my image and link it to my male image, outing me to the world.

It's just as feasible to connect your writing style, and there's plenty of software to do just that. Nobody is under any obligation to share more of themselves than they're comfortable with, but nobody posts in a public forum with accepting at least some risk. Your ISP definitely knows where you've been spending time, should they care to check.

... but back to your original post. Yes, you'll get at least some male attention just by virtue of presenting as female. You'll get more by hanging out in bars, and more still by lingering in dark alleys. Every woman learns how to handle herself and be graceful but clear about rejection out of necessity. Be careful out there.

[mechamoose]

Rejection must be hard on them, especially if it comes from a transwoman

You are missing an option, sweetie. Maybe he was hitting on you BECAUSE you are a transwoman.

Feel free to reject any come-on that you don't like, regardless of gender or presentation. You are either interested or not. Don't be apologetic for that!!

- MM

[MatildaJ.]

The parking attendant starts hitting on me. He asked me my name, and he introduced himself. We were talking for like a minute, and he then asks me for my phone number. I told him, sorry I have a boyfriend...
Something occurred to me today. I will be rejecting men for the rest of my life. I have been assigned the task of rejecting men for the rest of my life. It is now the new normal for me.

Over time, you'll get more control. You'll realize that extended conversation with a stranger (a minute with the parking attendant?) gives him the impression you're interested (sexually). So does extended eye-contact and repeated smiles. You can be open to their advances, in which case, yes, you'll have to reject many men, or you can act more reserved, and then you won't have to reject anyone. You'll still have to cope with creeps, but that's more a safety issue than a "rejection" issue, since the creep is generally trying to freak you out rather than trying to make a connection with you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Something occurred to me today. I will be rejecting men for the rest of my life. I have been assigned the task of rejecting men for the rest of my life. It is now the new normal for me - to be hit on by, and to reject men.


What a counterproductive way to look at what being a woman is all about..

[whowhatwhen]

I dunno Kaitlyn, sure, I'd love if guys checked me out but it's not integral to my identity.

[DeeDee1974]

Personally I would take the interest as a compliment if he wasn't being creepy about it. It's been a long time since I've gotten any attention from a man or woman.

The only attention I get these days is from my ex-wife after we've split a bottle of wine or two on a weekend night.

[Barbara Ella]

Why would anyone want to reject a whole class of people? Individuals for certain. Our horizons are never broadened through exclusion.

That said, why is it that it is the women that hit on me? twice now at the club, and one stole a kiss. not complaining.

Barbara

[Kathryn Martin]

Something occurred to me today. I will be rejecting men for the rest of my life. I have been assigned the task of rejecting men for the rest of my life. It is now the new normal for me - to be hit on by, and to reject men.


What a counterproductive way to look at what being a woman is all about..

Indeed.....

[stefan37]

You must be incredibly genetically gifted to live as a male and get hit on as a female.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

My point Corinne is that you can live your life looking for the positive in things or looking at the negative in things..
to each their own...

[Michelle789]

@Kaitlyn, Kathryn, and Barbara

I am not complaining, nor am I trying to reject a whole class of people. I was simply stating a fact. I agree that the creeps, such as the one that chased me for 10 minutes, need to be rejected no matter what because they are just creeps that want power and to freak me out, while guys like the one that hit on me yesterday (the parking attendant) obviously wanted to make a legitimate connection. Whether he read me as a transwoman or not, and he was interested in me, and wanted a legitimate connection. Unfortunately, I was not open to dating him, since I already have a boyfriend at this time - and we closed the relationship a few weeks ago. If we break up, then whether or not I reject or accept a guy asking me for my phone number will depend on each individual situation. I may decide I am interested and want to give him my number and go out on a date with him, and I may decide I am not interested. Also, this is new territory for me, so there is a learning curve for me.

I am very grateful that a guy was interested in me, as yesterday's encounter was a legitimate hookup possibility, not a creep (regardless of whether he read me as trans and is interested in a transwoman, or not).

And I accept, neutrally, that male attention is part of being a woman. I accept that sometimes creeps will follow us around and freak us out, and yeah it sucks but it's part of being a woman too.

@Jess - Thank you. You hit it spot on.

@Mechamoose - it's possible. And there are men who want to date a transwoman, even if it is just for a one night stand.

@Stefan - I'll take that as a compliment!!!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I hear you
that's a very different post than the OP....

and when you state a fact and make it the central premise of your thread, you are making a point about the fact..not just stating the fact... you take a point of view..otherwise what is the point?

seeing your posts you concern yourself with a lot of stuff that trust me is not going to matter in your life

[Badtranny]

I have joined Safe Haven recently, and I might post some pics on there, since it requires membership to get in.

LOL

I don't know what makes it "safe" but it certainly isn't difficult to become a 'member'. I'd like to know how many 'members' have actually transitioned.

Melissa, you live in a saturated market. I don't remember the exact number but the percentage of women to men in the Bay Area is high. Not to mention the large number of gay men in SF. Have you considered a move to Alaska or North Dakota?

You're absolutely right April, but I'd rather be single here than live with Mr Right anywhere else. This is truly God's country here, and that's saying a lot considering I don't believe in a God or Gods. ;-)

I've lived in a few different states, but California and especially the SF Bay is a truly special place.

[Nicole Erin]

The older you get, the less you will be hit on.

The invalidating thing though, it is not about men wanting to date us because we are trans, it is that guys who flirt (with me at least) are yuck-o.

Another fun part is when men do hit on us, it is hard to know if they know the deal. I know a lot of TS like to think they are all passable and stealth'ish and even their own mother doesn't know but for real, we don;t really know what people are thinking. We cannot really say, "hey would you have guessed...?"

If it is some chick hitting on us that is different cause either she is into that sort of thing or at the very least is understanding.

[DeeDee1974]

Also men are just wired differently. I once witnessed a guy go through a group of my friends at a bar and get rejected by each one. Then he turns to me and says how about you? Clearly there was one thing on this guys mind that night and coming in 5th place didn't feel all that good. My friend Diane put it best - he was a predator.

I'm the type who is wired to have one crush on a guy at a time.