Am I mistaken?

[Georgina]

I get the impression that the majority on this forum think that only women can wear dresses. It seems that in order to go out in the world passing is a must. This says to me that you must be a woman, look like a woman and act like a woman when in female clothes. To be a crossdresser surely one has to be a male in female clothes, or vice versa, so why is passing so important? Is it to hide one's identity or not to scare the population?

[Annaliese]

You look beautiful by the way, for me it to look the best I can, it not a matter of passing, it a matter of being me and the best I can be.

[Kate Simmons]

I've always wondered that myself Hon. Personally I've never told anyone I'm a woman, if they want to think that, that's up to them. I just have fun when out en femme as the feeling of freedom is incredible. Many seem to be making unspoken statements by virtue of tucking, taping for cleavage, talking in a high pitched voice and the like.Too much work and too restrictive to me. To each their own but my basic question with that is why go to such extremes to "pass" as a woman when you really don't want to be one? Fantasy I guess? In any case my "fantasy" is being myself and having fun en femme and I never pretend to be something I'm not and it basically becomes a reality when I go out.

[Jenniferathome]

I get the impression that the majority on this forum think that only women can wear dresses ....

We dont "think" this, we all KNOW this because we are sentient beings on the planet earth. But there is an exception if you are willing to accept the consequences/reality of flaunting convention. It's called cross dressing.

[Isabella Ross]

Hmmmm. I definitely don't want to just be a dude in a dress (even if that's what I am). The goal is to appear as pretty as possible, and to feel as feminine as possible, as much as that is possible. For me, that entails a great deal of work, which I happen to enjoy. The effort is required to honour and pay tribute to the feminine form...

[Cheryl T]

Not only women can wear dresses, but if you wish to be out in public and minimize the amount of scrutiny you receive and the rude comments you'll receive then it's best to look "like one of the girls".
If you are at Walmart in a cocktail dress at 2 in the afternoon on Wednesday people will stare and talk. If that's ok with you then by all means go for it. For me it's not about wearing the clothes anymore, it's about expressing who I feel I am and that is done by presenting myself as just another woman in the world. I don't want to be a "Kardashian" or Paris Hilton or any of that. I just want to be me. For me that means dressing for the activity and the venue in the same way that any woman would.
Watch the people at the mall or the movies or the grocery store and see how they are dressed. If you want to stand out, then do so. I'm just not into that anymore. There was a time when I wished to be a fashion model, but that time has passed. Don't misunderstand, if the occasion calls for it I'll glam up just like anyone else and love every minute of it, but for everyday it's just not realistic.

[Teresa]

Georgina,
I posted a thread titled," Only one wearing a skirt, it must be a CDer ! ".
I posted it after seeing so few women in the town where I live wearing skirts or dresses ! I don't wears women's trousers so if I were out I'd wear a skirt ! Saying that I still wouldn't really pass as a GG even if I was dressed as one ! Let's be honest there are GGs out there we wouldn't want to look like !

[LelaK]

Each of us has different degrees of "femininity" we want to identify with. That even applies to genetic girls. It's also a matter of taste. Eveyone has different taste too. I like to look pretty and sexy, even though I don't mean to attract men. But I also don't plan to go public, except among friends. I wouldn't want to have to imitate the female voice much, although I think I can sound like Carol Channing, and I don't care for some female mannerisms (and even less so for male ones).

[Dianne S]

...why is passing so important?

Everyone has her (his?) own reasons. Some people don't care about passing and are fine with the "gender****" attitude. Others, like me, want to be perceived as a woman because we have gender dysphoria so we go to great lengths to pass. Being perceived and treated as a woman is as important to me, or even more important, than the clothes themselves.

I think we should celebrate the diversity of gender expression. It makes the world a more interesting place.

[JenniferR771]

Its the way we are wired. Firmware, probably. We like to look feminine. Dresses--not jeans. Heels--not boots or sneakers. Deep in the brain--somewhere.
We are not interested in wearing masculine or unisex clothes, nor short hair.
Crossdressing gives us pleasure--no need to ask why.

[TG-Taru]

Trying to be the best you can be, striving for perfection? To best show what you would like to be or what you like?

Cis men don't really have dresses made or marketed for them, and no reason normally to wear dresses made for women, so that's just the way it (normally) is. Practicality aside, culture is a major reason of course. It's not that they can't, but why would they? Of course that makes it pretty perfect for a m2f-CD. Anything that's (only) meant for women.

Your questions sound like and are more straightforward if directed just at CDs. When it comes to various T-people, in addition to and including CDs, the motives and practices vary by degree of tg-ness and personal preference... Some don't care about passing one bit. Some want to fit and blend and show their real inner identity, despite what nature saddled them with outwardly. Some like to stand out. Some enjoy playing the role. There's probably some fitting just about any description and reasoning. Guess most want to present as well as they are able to or can be bothered. Wouldn't say passing is a must, but it surely helps have a smoother, less nerve wrecking experience in everyday environment if you're not out to advertise what you are. Even if passing isn't what you're after, it's still an acknowledgement of a job well done. If you don't make any effort to look or act the part, I guess it might not even be proper crossdressing anymore, but an androgynous style, metro, cosplay or somesuch.

Personally I like to look the best I can presenting as female, being me as I prefer to be. I am what I am, prefer looking like a woman when I can be bothered to, not having been born that way, and only ever act as myself. I don't want trouble or to cause unrest of any sort needlessly, so prefer to pass.

[Kate Simmons]

So evidently some here are saying that the reason they strive to "pass" as a woman when out in public is to avoid trouble and confrontations with the general public Muggles.I understand that in principle but if you're that afraid why even go out? I much better like the idea as some have expressed that they are simply being the "best that they can be" when out en femme, "passing" notwithstanding. That is a better moderate approach in my opinion.

[Stephanie47]

I've pondered that question many times. The simple answer seems to be males are suppose to dress as society dictates. Women too. What we wear is governed by societal norms and expectations. Of course, there are variations. However, those variations always seem to fall back to the core requirement. Men wear pants. The pants may be jeans or a business suit; Cowboy/tradesman or attorney. Flannel shirt or button down collar with tie.

So, what happens when I decided I liked wearing my mother's slips, and, then everything else? Perhaps, in order to "justify" breaking with societal norms and expectations I decided I have to "fool" the world into thinking they are seeing a female. If I can achieve that mirage, then I will not experience society's disapproval for not conforming to the norms. Of course, there is a genetic problem for me and most other men. I am not built like a woman. I am taller. I am broader. I have different bone structure at the hips because I do not have to deliver babies. Then, there's that facial hair. People just see through the ruse. Maybe trying to pass is my attempt to hide my non conformity.

I see many pictures of some really attractive cross dressers on this site and elsewhere. I do not mean just the drop dead gorgeous female look-a-likes. I also mean cross dressers who look like ordinary everyday women I would encounter in the street. Unfortunately, I and most cross dressers are not going to pull off the ruse. To moi, passing = protection from society's disapproval.

[Samantha Clark]

I also notice that my tastes are decidedly more feminine than a GGs may be, as I tend to go, for example, towards flowery print dresses or pencil skirts and strappy heels over my wife's tastes. I've concluded that this is a compensation for decades of repressed feelings of femininity, something GGs don't necessarily need to compensate for!

[Wildaboutheels]

Needing to pass/desiring to pass is the normal train of thought for the majority of the "regulars". I suspect many Rookies come here and succumb to this "gotta be a complete presentation" train of thought. Joining any group is simply strength in #s - one of our most basic Human Instincts often illustrated on NGC's Brain Games.

But "Passing" [while wearing female clothing items] DOES NOT require a man to attempt to present as a female. There are hundreds of posts scattered about that will attest to this.

The ONLY thing it requires is to treat people right, the same way one wold if dressed entirely as a male.

It's such a simple formula that few seem willing to believe possible because they seem so sure Society is "out to get" anyone who dresses differently and specifically CDers.

I've consistently "passed" as Human for 14 years now out and about while "dressed" completely and utterly wrong according to many here.

And as to WHAT all those thousands of people I have walked by might be thinking?

Completely and totally irrelevant but at least a few have likely learned that judging a book by it's cover is downright silly.

[Samantha Clark]

I agree with WAH.

Sometimes reading the threads here as a newbie it can sound like some macho competition is going in about, ironically, how femme one is. I try to remind myself that my degree of dressing is only an outward expression of my inner feminine nature and not an end in itself. As long as I am reminded of the female I love in myself, it doesn't matter how often or how completely or how openly I dress. I dress to help me express and love this part of me. It doesn't matter whether I can pass (sure I'd love to but that's not really my objective) or how daring my dressing is.

[Lorileah]

So evidently some here are saying that the reason they strive to "pass" as a woman when out in public is to avoid trouble and confrontations with the general public Muggles.I understand that in principle but if you're that afraid why even go out?

and truthfully very very few here will go unnoticed and are really at a higher risk of confrontation...so that doesn't make sense does it?

[Aly Cat]

For me, it's a bit different. I don't consider myself a crossdresser even though at this point, that is what I am. Being only 4 months into transition with HRT, I certainly don't pass yet. Sure I get ma'amed occasionally, but mostly I still get sir'ed. To me, being sir'ed is one of the worst feelings. Inside, I don't feel like a guy. I feel like my body is wrong. And when being identified by something you consider wrong, it's hard not to take offense. On the average day (home/work), I wear women's clothes, makeup, do my hair feminine, have nails painted, etc etc. I even carry a purse everywhere I go. I guess you could say I'm full time, but 99% of my coworkers still call me Adam. It's a bad feeling for sure, but hey, what can I do. Legally it not changed yet so they have ever right to call me by my real name. In a few months though, they won't.

Passing is something that I can do if I really put in the full effort of full makeup and wig. I'm just not at a point where I feel comfortable yet like that. The wigs make me feel fake. My hair is growing out with the help of biotin and prenatal vitamins so that makes me feel better. I know who I am and how I feel inside. I have gotten to the point where it's not as much about passing as it is being who I was meant to be. That's where my confidence lies. I don't have to shoot for cleavage because I now have real breasts. Tucking is more used to comfortably get into pants that I wear. That, and in dresses, because I don't want to see that bulge. One day, I won't have to worry about trying to hide it. It will simply be gone and I will be one happy lady. For now, I'm learning how to be content with the stage that I am in. It's not an easy task, but I'm managing.

[bridget thronton]

I think my goal is having a natural look. I like long hair. I do not like beard stubble. I like the comfort and airyness of dress. I like wearing heels. Passing is not likely for me, but I am treated nicely by most people I interact with.

[Tracii G]

You don't HAVE to wear a dress to be viewed as feminine.

[Samantha Clark]

But I WANT to wear a dress, not because it will make me be viewed as feminine but because it makes me FEEL feminine. To me that is the whole objective.

[ArleneRaquel]

To me it feels normal to wear dresses and other female clothing. I love the varieties of clothing that ladies wear. Mens wear YUCK !

[Anna H]

For me, I've basically given up on any ideas of "passing"... it's
just not going to work for me.

That really depressed me for many days when I finally got back
to dressing up about a year ago. I hadn't realized I'd gotten older
so quickly. Time goes by so fast. I'd always hoped I could have...
maybe...when I was a lot younger.

So while I can't ever pass as female...i can be perceived by some
as female...if they're not really paying attention.

*Trying*...to be seen as female causes it to be "work" for me,
and then I'm just putting up a front...and get very self conscious.
I can sit here safe at home and experiment with a 'presentation'
and go overboard with clothes/makeup/etc/etc for purposes of pictures
to share with my friends. But like many, i want to get out and
go about normally in the world.

I won't actually "pass"...but I can easily just girlify myself
right up to the edge of either/or, and like most who go out here
say...the public doesn't really pay much attention.

If i were to wear my favorite dress out, I'd easily be noticed as a
CD. Then my self-conscious problem kicks in and I'd be terrified.
But, I can go about with my hair cut in an obviously female style,
and long nails and...um...*somewhat* female looking clothes.

Guys have long hair and nobody cares. They don't really notice my nails.
So if the clothes are right at the edge of his/hers, then anybody
who does pay slight attention won't be certain of which i am. Maybe
a gay guy...maybe an ugly girl...maybe a slightly girly looking guy. lol

They're going to "label" me whether i like it or not. They do it,
I do it. I can chose my own label in a place like here, but it
doesn't apply out in the world.

I think I'd rather be labeled as "er..possibly gay" than a CD.
The public has learned that harassing gays is illegal, and even
here in the redneck deep south, they tend to leave them alone.
But a CD out in the wild, here, is playing with fire.

So why bother with any of it? I've had the GID problem my whole
life. Often very severe. I dislike being a guy...and I even cringe
inside when I have to make a simple choice of M/F on a form
or application.

Dressing *not male* and having a slightly female appearance makes
it possible to skate by fully comfortably with no self-consciousness
and I feel actually "normal" and happy. They can think what they
want of me, but it's not something they can be sure enough of to
bother being confrontational or harass me, so they don't.

Yep, i get the occasional "fag" remark...but I got that even
when I was clearly dressed as a guy.

I don't try to 'pass' but I do like it when they assume i'm female.
I wish I could wear my dresses and makeup up out, but I'm pretty happy
with my compromise. Compromise isn't such a bad thing. Feeling
"normal", and being dressed "normal" is a great thing.

And, that's just me...we're all different. naturally...lol!

[natcrys]

Of course not only women can wear dresses!

However, in large parts of the world.. society is not yet ready for men expressing behaviour that is generally associated with femininity. The other way around, btw.. is also not at that point where it should be... lest someone think that women have it easier in that regard.

Anyway, just look at YouTube, Instagram, Tumbler.. shows on TV... the young generation (and the next few generations) in the western world are growing up not giving a **** about whether a guy wears female clothing or make-up. Some are gay, some are androgynous, some are CD's/'TG's, some are TS, some are genderfluid. The only thing that matters is if you're wearing it with style, confidence and flair!

I've seen the mentality change the last decades (mostly because of the Internet).. and I for one.. (even though there's still much room for improvement)... love how it's all progressing!!!

So.. if it's safe for you to do so.. then just wear that dress in whatever way you like!

(if it's not safe.. leave that bigoted place and move to a cool city/state/country )

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Georgina, Probably most that pass really don't think that they pass.