Bit of a rant about stepping back !

[MsVal]

I wonder what is going on in your wife's mind? She's part of the DADT arrangement too.

Is she in denial, dreading what she believes will be the inevitable escalation and demise of your marriage?
Does she believe that things will remain as they are, providing no one spoils the status quo by talking about it?
Is the fear of examining her own beliefs and biases keeping her from talking?
Could your wife be quite insecure and believe that she would have to address her own issues?

My wife has some insight in this matter.
She believes that since there is no requirement to provide a real answer to a hint or a joke, you won't get one. Instead of the indirect approach, she believes you would have greater success with a direct approach. Make sure that she knows you love her, respect her, and want to spend the rest of your life with her. Let your wife know that hiding and sneaking is tearing you up inside. Tell her that you want to be up front and honest about your crossdressing. Say that you don't expect her to embrace this part of you, but that you want her to accept that it is as much a part of you as your eye color, and like your eye color, it won't go away. Let her know that you want to have a frank, open, totally honest, and ongoing conversation. It bears repeating that you set her mind at ease regarding your love, respect, and commitment to your marriage. Without that, she is right to expect the worst.

Expect the conversation to be difficult, maybe painful, and lead to a better understanding.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Di]

i am just guessing here from your posts lately that your wife is thinking one thing and you are on another page.
From your post about getting new clothes and you wish is was womans clothes.
From your thread Do they know how bad we feel
And your leg shaving thread with this......

I asked if she minded me wearing shorts, she said no why should I ? I said well haven't you noticed ? Oh she said those few marks ! No I said there's no hair ! She asked why I shaved and I said I preferred it ! She gave me a funny look and asked if I was getting worse ! Since then she made some sarcastic remarks about getting a nice tan on my legs and being careful not to scratch them !

Her saying is it getting worse sounds like she does not understand
and I keep reading the jokey comments you make. Is that your way of explaining things but making silly comments?
Or do you really talk and explain how you feel. Maybe share these threads with her ?

Or do you have a real dadt deal where she does not want to hear or see anything?

You seem frustrated so my advice is really talk and not jokes
or leave it as a dadt if that is what she wants.
......
I am just trying to help and I am not in YOUR relationship so you know it better BUT I am also a straight shooter and all this would have me running for the hills.

I just feel frustrated for you but just from these posts it seems like you are thinking xyz and she is thinking ABC.

[Teresa]

Msval,
She knows and has admitted how much it's hurting me and she also knows I'm trying to be honest and open but I can only do that if she wants to hear it.
She knows I still love her but she often casts doubts that she feels the same. When we talk of downsizing I ask her straight if she loves me enough to want to continue to live with me, last time she said angrily that she was sick of me asking that and then calmly added beside how would I manage without you.

[Teresa]

Di,
The problem for me is realising CDing is for life, I've been in the closet for fifty plus years, I'm now in my early sixties and It's getting ridiculous hiding behind closed doors, my brain is mentally tired of it ! Our talks have progressed slowly but well and my wife has admitted that our lack of intimacy is hurting me ! Reading between the lines she is just letting me get on with it, but in our last talk I said I felt in limbo because there were no ground rules ! I don't know how far is too far !
Yes you're right we are obviously on a different page she either doesn't understand or doesn't want to !
The jokey way of doing things seems to aggravate some people but it might be the way with our relationship to move it forward !

Sharing the threads with her would be wonderful for me but in your words have her running for the hills !!