A question I cannot answer

[Donnagirl]

This has been a busy few months for me, coming out to friends and work colleagues, 'the Ball', talking to complete strangers while fully dressed... There is one question all have asked and one I'm finding so difficult to answer, "why do you do it?"

Now talking within this forum, an answer is easy. You all know, all feel mostly the same and as a recent thread attests, can answer a question like this with a single word. But what do I say to someone who has no concept of what I feel.

I cannot answer simplistically, "I makes me feel good." That sounds just so weak and insincere.

I cannot answer by explaining what not dressing does, the urge, the moodiness should that urge be resisted. That sounds too much like I'm blaming something, finding an excuse.

I cannot answer, "because I want to." Although that is closest to the truth it again sounds like I'm skirting the real answer.

I do not know how to answer this question. (and that as an answer is also un-enlightening to the questioner.) So I ask those who often venture out into that world, how do you answer such an enquiry?? What trusty humorous answer can I steal, what disarming repartee do you use? What answer can I use that will not make me look dismissive or a jerk, look truthful and sincere?

Thanks in eager anticipation.

Donna

[Kris Avery]

While I don't go out...

I'd tell them it makes you feel true to your inner self.
Do they want to see you, or someone else?

We as a society accept all types in 2014 or we are labeled a hater....yet there is not the same PC pressure to accept CD/TG.

BTW, how daring that you are able to show the world how you feel.
That's strength I don't possess.

Ask them if they would rather see an incomplete person.

[Kate Simmons]

Some questions don't require an answer my friend. I think the fact that it's part and parcel of who we are kind of speaks for itself.

[Tracii G]

Try "just being myself".

[hope springs]

Try the gender spectrum. Those on the far right need to transition. CDers fall somewhere between the middle and this far right. So we have a feminine side that we desire to express, but not so strong we need to fully transition.

[Roberta Young]

Donna,maybe say "I have to" Hugs Roberta

[Annaliese]

My answer is this is the real me,

[Michellegryl]

I too have been asked this question, I answer with the only answer I know, "This is who I am", it is what makes me feel complete and in sync with who I am on the inside. Most times the answer I get back is Ok cool, or something like that. It will usually open things up for more questions but they are much more relaxed and easier to answer once the ice is broken and they know Who you are.

Michelle

[Bria]

Donna, I'm somewhat with Kate on this one. How about just saying "I really don't quite have a good concise answer to that".

I'm glad you can go out and engage strangers in that manner. You go girl!!

Hugs, Bria

[MsVal]

I express it as an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance between how I feel inside and how I am expected to present to the world. This causes considerable anxiety which is relieved by wearing clothing and adopting mannerisms that are traditionally feminine. Some may call it "Being true to one's self." I call it "The real ME."

It is similar to the feeling one gets when it is necessary to present all day, every day as a professional in a suit and tie, speaking in professional terms when he would rather deal with circumstances in a less formal way. No one thinks less of those people for shedding the professional trappings and demeanor and becoming comfortable in their preferred clothing and their preferred mannerisms when their work day is done. Unless, that is, their preference is for feminine things.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Anna H]

I don't go out and have only been asked that on a few chat forums.

But I like the questions when I get someone who's really interested.
I like to talk about it, so I'd say it's something I just have to do.
That would usually lead to more questions ...such as "how long
have you been doing it?"

I didn't stay on the chat sites for long. It's mostly fantasy-cybersexy
stuff I have no interest in...and I'm certainly not interested in any
guys. But I'd have questions from the (very rare) guy who was polite
and genuinely (best i could tell...lol) curious. And they were mostly
asking because they were curious about themselves...either being
attracted to, or potentially CD's themselves.

I've never answered the question in real life, but I'd hope to turn
it into a conversation in the same way. I love it when someone
is polite and truly interested.

[JocelynRenee]

I cannot answer, "because I want to." Although that is closest to the truth it again sounds like I'm skirting the real answer.

Why can't the answer be, "Because I want to."? That is the truthful answer. And, "I don't know" works for the "Why do you want to?" follow-up question.

I sympathize with the desire to have a better answer, but after 40 years of pondering I still haven't figured it out. The truth is, I gave up trying to figure it all out long ago. One day my wife asked me if knowing why would compel me to stop. When I replied that it would not she said, "Why worry about it then?" Why indeed.

[Stephanie47]

I'm an in-home dresser. I've only had that question arise in discussions years ago with my wife. My answer to her was a clear "I don't know." I can express the feelings I have when I am en femme. I can express what compels me to be en femme. But, I truly cannot say "Why!"

I happy that you and others feel free enough to express yourselves in a public setting.

[Ressie]

Since you're coming out to everyone, the answer might as well be the truth without a lot of explanation. Work on your elevator speech? "I find I feel more comfortable dressed this way, now tell me why you feel you have to wear what you're wearing?"

[Wildaboutheels]

How about the truth? Just tell them in one simple word.

Just say "Pavlov" with your best smile if they should ask. And IF they should give you a blank stare after you utter that word, tell them to look it up.

It IS how you started, isn't it? It IS addictive. That IS how our male Brains work and there is nothing we can do about it.

You also might want to edit your profile a bit.

[JillyJones]

'Why do you do it?' is a great question fo someone to ask. It shows that they simply don't understand your situation, and that's because they have either never asked anyone in your position or have never thought about about why they do certain things themselves. It's a question that deserves a reasoned answer too so why not give them one.

I was at a slightly naughty themed party a few years ago (dressed) and a couple (the woman actually) asked me the same question, the man was unusually quiet. I explained that I dressed like that because I liked it and that the party was a perfect opportunity to do it without being 'ribbed' about it. It turned out that the husband had a penchant for ladies clothing too but couldn't pluck up the courage to dress up The woman 'outed' him in front of me and he quickly felt at ease with the situation.

Another time I was out-of-town and dressed up, I was asked why I was dressed like I was, so I explained that I quite like doing it, I was comfortable with it and it's no longer against the law in this country so why not just be myself.

I'm one of those people who has an answer lined up for each occasion.

[ReneeTX]

I told my wife, "It gives me balance."

[Tiffany Jane]

My wife has always known me to be romantic and emotional...it did surprise her when the closet door opened little by little. My answer started as a teen, parents divorced and my dad remarried into a family with three girls. To feel like I would get acceptance from my dad, I would dress as a girl in my step-sisters clothes, when I was home by myself. Now when things are rough, work, family, stress, I find comfort in putting on a skirt, heels, and just being around the house. I don't venture out, just want to feel comfortable in my home. So, I told my wife it gives me comfort, and allows me to be balanced. We also shop for her clothes when she needs to and it allows me to help her while allowing me to look at things while not being judged. She always has someone tell her she is so lucky to have a husband who is willing to do so.

[Shelly Preston]

Well if you want to make it really simple.

Tell them how not that long ago, people who were left handed were forced to write with their right hand. ( this is true )

It similar to how those people must have felt when they could be themselves

[Millie.Graham]

When someone asks me why I do it, I usually ask them what their favorite food is. Then I ask them why that is their favorite food. And they usually respond with a shrugged, "I don't know I just do". I then follow up with the same answer. "I don't know, it is just part of who I am." I find that, that line of questions seems to help people grasp the idea a little better.

[AllieSF]

I do go out a lot and when asked "Why do you dress as a woman?" I generally reply that I really do not know, but I have a lot of fun doing it. Then sometimes comes the rest of the standard questions about transitioning, sexual orientation and so on. Always a great way to get into intimate conversations with complete strangers. When they ask, I automatically get the same right to ask personal questions back, and the vast majority of people like being asked those question, because they can finally share their answers to them. It always surprises me how many people really do want to talk a little about themselves with others, and the best people to share with are strangers. I give them that opportunity to share.

[Amanda L.]

Hi Donna
The crux of the answer might depend on the motivation behind the question. Whilst a simple question it is probing in the sense that it may cause us to confront the true motivation behind our CD nature. The truth is often we don't know. How deep an answer are they looking for? If the question is asked off the cuff then I don't think you need to provide a deep analytical self appraisal,of your inner psyche but if the question is asked as a genuine enquiry then you can expand into deeper explaination. I don't think we have a stock answer to this question. It's deeply personal and whilst I think you are looking for a,strong response the simple fact is we often just do not know the deep seated reason.
But the more we are asked the more we self analyse and the less we come close to pinpointing the cause.
Hope this helps Hun
Luv
Amanda

[Elle1946]

Because it makes me feel complete.

[Jennifer_Ph]

I usually say something like, "Well one day I was shopping for jeans.. yeah jeans... So then I looked for something fun instead, and I found khaki's... yeah like the one's you're wearing. Then I looked across the aisle and here I am!"

[Claire Cook]

I'm trying to think if I was ever actually asked that question. Without being asked I have told people something like "Because it's me, and I enjoy being myself." I really like Allie's answer --it opens the door to a two-way conversation.