A question I cannot answer

[Confucius]

Your answer is correct, "It makes me feel good".

Understandable, the answer isn't enough. Plenty of men have worn some women's clothing and doing so certainly did NOT make them feel good. In fact the vast majority of men can cross-dress without any good feelings. So why does cross-dressing make us feel good.

The answer is our brains are hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female, the brain then goes into action like contact would do for any heterosexual, and releases a host of neurotransmitters. The neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others) are responsible for the sensations of well-being, comfort, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding - basically it makes us feel good. All this affects the reward centers of our brain.

Most likely this hard-wiring occurs either very early in childhood, or even in the womb. When we reach puberty and the testosterone gets flowing then cross-dressing takes on sexual overtones. As we age the cross-dressing is more about comfort and less about sex.

[CynthiaD]

Some things can't be explained in words. Why does one song sound beautiful and another sound terrible? Some things operate at a level that can't be touched by words.

It's easy to say "I don't know," to avoid trying to explain, but that isn't the truth either. When I get dressed up and look in the mirror, I know why I'm doing it. Can I put it into words so someone else can understand? No, I cannot.

Believe me, I understand what you mean when you say "Because it's me," or something like that. But that's not really an explanation. It's important to do this. It's necessary to do this. But the true reasons are beyond words.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Donna, The answer is simple, (( It's just who I am & It's just what I do )).

[Megan b]

Hi Donna, why do I do this? I don't know, it's just part of me. I can't explain to someone else what I don't even understand, it's just part of me and I've come to accept that. But I do enjoy those conversations, because it allows me to engage in conversation with people that have usually never meet a cder.

[Melissa18]

Hi Donna,
Ive asked my myself that question my whole life and I can't give myself the answer, so I don't know how I'd go if someone else asked me.
But I do know ,I love this part of me!
So I suppose the answer is because I enjoy dressing!
Hugs adelaide

[Princess Chantal]

I haven't been asked that question for years. I believe the last time that question was aimed at me was during the interview I had for a documentary atleast 5 years ago and perhaps a year or 2 prior to that for the question to be asked out of the blue. During the early years of my crossdressing, I had that question launched at me very frequently and I went through the same old brain storming you are going through.
Hmmm perhaps the questioning diminished when I stopped walking on the tight rope of "appropriate" crossdressing practices preached by tg associates and started living my crossdressing to my way.... to have the out most fun. obviously when you are enjoying what you are doing, the smile is visibly presented in a cemented form ala baseball great Tony Gwynn!

[Brittany CD]

The way I see it is we all have our own hobbies. Some like playing sports, some like drawing, others like wearing dresses.

[Marcelle]

Hi Donna,

I hear you as I get asked this questions a lot by friends and work colleagues. It is not them being facetious it is just pure inquisitiveness. I have tried "It is who I am" "It completes me" and a whole litany of response of similar ilk. However I think the problem is that they cannot fathom what it means and how it makes us feel because there is not true frame of reference. I had a conversation with some younger women about this at a Starbucks and I posted a thread about how I used a Dracula analogy which resonated with them (the series that is not the character) http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...-someone/page2.

Now I don't pull out the vampire analogy with everyone as not many have seen the series or would understand and probably think I was mad on top of being CD . So I use analogies which I know they would understand. So for some of my work colleagues, I use the following:

"Suppose you woke up one day and discovered you were not an Operator (tactical term for those who don't know) but were an Administrative Clerk. Your heart and soul tells you that you are an Operator but the world will only allow you to be an Administrative Clerk. You go on in your existence for years until one day you can't take it and decide to put on some tactical gear and hit the ranges. When you get to the ranges, you discover that nobody cares or bats an eye that the Administrative Clerk is now acting like an Operator. Would you continue to do it and why would you?" ... At that point they normally answer their own questions "Because it would be who I was and it would feel right"

Hugs

Isha

[franlee]

Why do you take an aspirin for a headache or scratch an itch? It feels good and satisfies a need. For me it is stress relief and/or relief. Kind of a mini vacation from everyday problems for a little while. Some times it is just self gratification and there's no shame in that either, I am not talking about just sexual! I credit my CDing with my good health both mental and physical, of course some ailments are natural or accidental and nothing could aid that. So that's my take on why.

[Nadine Spirit]

People have never asked me why I am right handed. But I have been asked why I cross dress. They really want to know about the gender non conforming stuff, like painting my fingernails. But I think the answer is the same to both questions.

I do not choose to do what I do, the same way I never chose to be right handed, I simply allow myself to be who I am.

[JessicaJHall]

So far what I'm able to understand about myself, is that I am obsessed with, and attracted to everything feminine, and feel the opposite about things masculine. I feel great satisfaction and joy in the process of emulating these things.
I wasn't first to come up with the term (as my lovely friend Kate Haylette pointed out), but I like to call it "femulation".

That said, I'm complete closet case, except for this wonderful forum.

Edit: After reading BillieAnneJeans post I realized I failed to clarify that I was referring to masculine aesthetics, as in bodies and clothing, but my life as a man is truly fulfilling and gives me meaning, like she said, six days a week... and on the seventh, I dress, and it is wonderful.

[ReineD]

Tell them you are gender fluid, and sometimes you have a deep need and urge to present as a female even though you have the physical attributes of a male. Tell them there are quite a few people like you but most are closeted.

On a side note, if say half of one percent of males CD, this would mean there are 14 million adult crossdressers world wide.

[LelaK]

A lot of the answers given here I can relate to, including the genetic or congenital answer.

But I remember at about age 4 wanting to be like Mom and wanting to look a lot like her. I've always wanted to be pretty. I suspect I was called pretty when I was very young, because I was pretty then. I think the prettier I can make myself look, the better I feel. I don't care for some feminine mannerisms and maybe it's because Mom didn't have many such mannerisms. She seems to have been my early physical role model.

[Leasa Wells]

I think some people need to put a label on things to better understand them.

We don't get up in the morning asking why the sun rises we accept it just does.

We are who we are and I don't need to label that? I questioned myself for many years, I have now let go of those questions and accept who I am and oddly I feel better.

Free to be me is my answer.

[TanyaWonder]

Simple answer: "It makes me feel pretty and horny."

Complex answer: "Because it gets me more in touch with the parts of me you have to traditionally hide as a male, like feelings. It makes me more sensitive and opens up otherwise suppressed parts of my persona. Those parts I had to suppress (on a side note, there is probably noone who doesnt suppress smthing) to give the impression of being a conformed male. Thats the seeming "perversion", because ppl are still not allowed to be who they are meant to be. Dressing up from time to time makes me a whole person for now, until I find means to integrate those parts without crutches like this one."

[BillieAnneJean]

I love the fabrics, the colors, the bling, the process of putting together an outfit. I love the change in my appearance as I progress through the transformation. I love being someone else for a few hours as I escape the male in charge, the default one who takes care of it male, the alpha role. I love having to deal with the limitations placed on me by the false nails. I love the feel of the false eyelashes. I love how the heels make me walk. I love the change in gravity with the forms (PALS) sticking to my chest. I really love the feel of the clean shaven legs with the thigh high stockings. I love the feel of a clean shaven body. I love the sensations of the temperatures, the A/C in the summer, that I can tell by the cold on my legs in the winter when the door has opened even though I can't see it, the breeze on my legs in the summer. I love how the outfits require some management, like a light weight fabric skirt in a breeze, a long skirt that is very full must be gathered up to sit. I love big heavy earrings that move and tug my earlobes as I walk, can't miss that they are there as they remind me of their presence. I love the restriction caused by a tightly laced corset. This is SO MUCH FUN.

I love taking a girl OUT for her first time. I love taking her out again and again and witnessing her confidence build up. I love how girls come to our Group meetings and at the IN meetings, after finding acceptance, all emotional, find a place where they can just be themselves. A sweetness comes out.

But I love being a guy too. I love being the man with my SO. She is the air I breathe. I love being able to do things that seem to be all but the exclusive domain of men. Like welding, scratching, using a cutting torch, tearing an engine apart and rebuilding it, working with motors over 500 horsepower, using a crane. I LOVE pushing that throttle to the instrument panel, rocketing down the runway, bounding up, up up in to the sky. Twisting that grip and feeling a hundred horsepower as it tries to lift the front wheel, succeeds as it pass 100mph on the entrance ramp. The feel as the boat gets her legs as the sail fills in the breeze.
But doing the guy stuff six days a week makes doing the CDer thing one day a week all the sweeter.

I love LIFE and I LOVE living in a country where I can experience all it has to offer.

But I feel sorry for guys who haven't tried CDing as there is a whole new world on the other side of that wall.

And I LOVE going OUT enfemme because it is like that pushing the throttle to the panel, twisting the throttle all the way, trimming the sails. It is, FOR ME, the proof of concept, the test to see what it will do. I know! It is the discovery of what is possible with what I just created! That's it! That's why going OUT, for me, is part of the process.

And I really appreciate this forum and the kind and supportive people that put up with my rambling.

I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS!..........

......... that those who have to ask will never understand.

[Alice Torn]

Being a military veteran, you can tell them you served for the right to dress that way. or that you are a double spirited person, with both a male and female spirit. If some one ever gives me a hassle, i will say i am a veteran and served for the right to dress the part of me that loves women's clothes. Or that i have both male and female spirit.

[Samantha Clark]

Yes, yes, yes, what Billie Anne Jean said! Can't be expressed or explained in a simple, short sentence. Can only be felt. It's ineffable.

[devida]

Why not ask them why they dress the way they do, and when they answer, no matter what the reply, smile and say:"Precisely."

[JessicaJHall]

Damn BillieAnneJean, you must love writing too because your prose are so relatable and beautiful. Almost as beautiful as you look in that turquoise dress in your avatar. What an inspiration you are... you even inspired me to look up the spelling of turquoise!
(turns out there's an "e" on the end.. who knew?)
Julie

Oh and after reading it, I edited my post up thread to add this:
Edit: After reading BillieAnneJeans post I realized I failed to clarify that I was referring to masculine aesthetics, as in bodies and clothing, but my life as a man is truly fulfilling and gives me meaning, like she said, six days a week... and on the seventh, I dress, and it is wonderful.

[Julie Denier]

I love the fabrics, the colors, the bling, the process of putting together an outfit. I love the change in my appearance as I progress through the transformation. I love being someone else for a few hours as I escape the male in charge, the default one who takes care of it male, the alpha role. I love having to deal with the limitations placed on me by the false nails. I love the feel of the false eyelashes. I love how the heels make me walk. I love the change in gravity with the forms (PALS) sticking to my chest. I really love the feel of the clean shaven legs with the thigh high stockings. I love the feel of a clean shaven body. I love the sensations of the temperatures, the A/C in the summer, that I can tell by the cold on my legs in the winter when the door has opened even though I can't see it, the breeze on my legs in the summer. I love how the outfits require some management, like a light weight fabric skirt in a breeze, a long skirt that is very full must be gathered up to sit. I love big heavy earrings that move and tug my earlobes as I walk, can't miss that they are there as they remind me of their presence. I love the restriction caused by a tightly laced corset. This is SO MUCH FUN.

I love taking a girl OUT for her first time. I love taking her out again and again and witnessing her confidence build up. I love how girls come to our Group meetings and at the IN meetings, after finding acceptance, all emotional, find a place where they can just be themselves. A sweetness comes out.

But I love being a guy too. I love being the man with my SO. She is the air I breathe. I love being able to do things that seem to be all but the exclusive domain of men. Like welding, scratching, using a cutting torch, tearing an engine apart and rebuilding it, working with motors over 500 horsepower, using a crane. I LOVE pushing that throttle to the instrument panel, rocketing down the runway, bounding up, up up in to the sky. Twisting that grip and feeling a hundred horsepower as it tries to lift the front wheel, succeeds as it pass 100mph on the entrance ramp. The feel as the boat gets her legs as the sail fills in the breeze.
But doing the guy stuff six days a week makes doing the CDer thing one day a week all the sweeter.

I love LIFE and I LOVE living in a country where I can experience all it has to offer.

But I feel sorry for guys who haven't tried CDing as there is a whole new world on the other side of that wall.

And I LOVE going OUT enfemme because it is like that pushing the throttle to the panel, twisting the throttle all the way, trimming the sails. It is, FOR ME, the proof of concept, the test to see what it will do. I know! It is the discovery of what is possible with what I just created! That's it! That's why going OUT, for me, is part of the process.

And I really appreciate this forum and the kind and supportive people that put up with my rambling.

I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS!..........

......... that those who have to ask will never understand.

OMG! I found myself saying "EXACTLY!" to so much of that!

[Requal Jo]

Why do I do it? My answer is the same as most. I enjoy being in touch with my feminine emotions. I allows me to escape (who knows from what!!).

[MelanieAnne]

If the truth were known, most of us have no idea why we do it. We just do. And we enjoy it, or we wouldn't do it.
But I can't help you with an answer. My crossdressing is a personal matter, and I have never felt a need to "come out" or talk about it with total strangers. Anymore than I would discuss my sex life with total strangers, or anyone else for that matter. Since I've never told anyone, I've never had to explain it to anyone.

[Sarah Doepner]

I would change the phrase "It makes me feel good" to "It makes me feel better" and then go on with something like this. I am generally happy and comfortable in a man's world, wearing male clothing and presenting that way, but there are times when there is something missing. I had a puzzle piece missing until I found and accepted this part of my life. It nourishes me in ways I can't really explain and challenges me in ways I'd never experienced before. My world is better, although more complicated than it was before. Now to the important stuff, do you like the way my purse and shoes coordinate?

[Krisi]

Unless you want to get into a long discussion with these people, I would stay away from the trick answers so many have posted. I suggest yomething really simple that ends the conversation like "I like to." or "It feels good."