After my rant, but can some explain this please ?

[Lynn Marie]

Teresa, I bet your wife just loves you putting the private life you share on the Internet.

[Vale]

First, my sympathy and support. I was once in a similar situation. What finally worked for me was to say honestly, "thank you very much, and please tell me if something I do seems like flaunting to you, otherwise I won't know." Then kiss her. Then relax and do what honestly works best for you. IMO This works because now it is not your job to guess what her definition of flaunting is. After all, that responsibility rightfully belongs to her anyway.

Vale

[Teresa]

Isha your comments as usual are spot on ! Knowing how far to push a conversation especially CD related is tricky !

Lynn I have to trust the integrity of members ! I do also realise M-F section is open to guests ! Maybe I should have posted on Loved Ones ! Perhaps M-F should be split between open and members only !
Some of the questions on the surface appear trivial but getting to the meaning sometimes takes the help of members, without information they can't do that ! At the moment I have no other way of moving forward !

[donnalee]

Hi Teresa
So sorry to hear of your troubles.
Do you enjoy the softness of the material or that it looks feminine most? You may want to try a nightshirt, or pajamas made of a softer material (personally, I prefer rayon) and see if either option is tolerable to both you and your SO. Discuss it first, if possible.
Personally, I hate to see anyone in this situation; no good can come out of it, but I keep seeing this happen to many on this site and can only attribute it to a deep sense of personal guilt over something you cannot help and failure to establish a balanced relationship early on.
Unfortunately, I don't know the cure.

[devida]

I can't for the life of me understand why wearing a night gown to bed would help you sleep better. Perhaps counseling is a must? Teresa, I seriously think you have lost perspective.

Oh I can certainly answer that. In my case after I recovered from heart failure, which is also a failure of the circulatory system my skin became very, very sensitive. I could not sleep naked and I certainly could not sleep in constricting pajamas. I had to wear bamboo based women's nightgowns. Unfortunately for Teresa she might be in the same situation. She may not have had a catastrophic illness but there is a huge change happening in her life even if it is or appears to be more psychological than physical: she is learning to be transgender or to be a functional human being who cross dresses if you prefer.. In fact the whole separation between body and mind is silly since it is one organism that expresses itself through the whole organism. So Teresa, like me, may have to wear a nightie in order to sleep. Being unable to sleep causes a cascade of physiological changes, including heightened nervous sensitivity, which may make it even more difficult for her to sleep without a nightie.

I know if I keep banging away at this I will sound like an old drum but everybody is different, everybody's experience is valid, nobody has grown up with kind and accepting parents who taught them the right way to be a cross dresser or transgender, we are all making it up as we go along, we don't have the same bodies or the same minds or, certainly, the same pattern of relationships. We have some commonalties which is what most find most helpful about this forum but we also have differences which, in their own way, can be just as helpful as our similarities.

We all have different ways of negotiating similar needs in our relationships. If my wife were to draw a line in the sand for me or I were to to the same to her the first thing either of us would do is jump up and down on the line and the second would be to have a huge screaming fit because the other person had the audacity to issue a command. This certainly does not mean either of us can do what we want it just means that in a household with two alphas, even though she may be more of a male alpha and me more of a female alpha, everything has to be negotiated from a place of love and sensitivity to each other's feelings. We don't argue much any more but when we do it is always, and I mean always, a result of one or the other being peremptory and authoritarian, being pushy and inconsiderate. I know in many households there are clear areas where authority is ceded to one partner or another, but not in ours. We are and always have been in constant negotiation, or if you like, constant communication. This can be exhausting but not nearly as tiring as the raging battles of our early marriage.