Very concerned about a suddenly dying

[jeniinnylons]

Ok so recently a friend's brother died from a sudden heart attack. He was in his late 30's. Got me really scared about if it happened to me and what everyone will think when I'm gone and they find my girly things. All I can think of is the bad things people will think about me. Single parent so no SO to get rid of things. No friends know so that's out too.

[Kris Avery]

Well, that's a hard one.
Of course, if you are gone to a better place.....

[susmitha]

@jenniinnylons, I also used to wonder (or worry?) if I die suddenly, my crossdressing secret will be out.

[Allison Chaynes]

Wife and I just discussed this an hour ago. I found out yesterday I am facing a triple bypass in the next three weeks due to scar tissue buildup from childhood heart disease. I'm 35. Her parents are probably going to come here while I'm in the hospital, and they are very snoopy. So Allison's stuff is going to have to go somewhere while that happens. And if I go, I feel bad about the wife having to spend time and energy trying to dispose of Allison's stuff while keeping it secret.

I don't know what to tell you as a single parent, but know many of us empathize.

[LelaK]

Best info (mercola.com) is that heart attacks etc are caused by high carb diet wrongly promoted by medicine since the early 80s. If I die while dressed, I might get outed, but I won't care. If my pretty clothes are found, I'll try to have a note saying "for Goodwill" or something.

[Eryn]

What will people think? 90% of them won't even know because they won't be involved in the disposition of your goods. Those that are will be concerned in getting rid of it all and will likely bag it all up and give it to charity. They my be puzzled by the feminine things but there are many plausible explanations.

I am saddened by CDers who are prompted to purge by fear of ostracism beyond the grave.

[TinaZ]

I assume you have a will? Or a trust? The easiest answer would be to include a sealed letter with your final instructions to your executor. As in, if it's a good friend, or brother, just include a private note: "Hey, I liked to dress up. No biggie! Please quietly donate it to Goodwill." Or whatever.

Or, do nothing and give everyone something to talk about.

Either way, you win!

[Allison Chaynes]

I assume you have a will? Or a trust? The easiest answer would be to include a sealed letter with your final instructions to your executor. As in, if it's a good friend, or brother, just include a private note: "Hey, I liked to dress up. No biggie! Please quietly donate it to Goodwill." Or whatever.

Or, do nothing and give everyone something to talk about.

Either way, you win!

You can do a will virtually for free in most states. I used doyourownwill.com, saved it as a Word file, printed it and had it notarized.

Lela- in my case, my cholesterol is way below average. My issues are from scar tissue associated with a childhood heart disease that could not have been predicted. I highly recommend to anyone who feels their doctor isn't taking them seriously to get a second opinion. I had three EKGs and three Echocardiograms this year, all by three different practices, that turned up nothing. It wasn't until I insisted to my primary care doc that I had pressure on my chest that wasn't explainable that he sent me for a treadmill stress test, where something appeared off. I had a catheterization Thursday that found three blockages from scar tissue. I will know more Tuesday when I meet back with my cardiologist. Sorry to digress, but my point is that you know when you're not feeling right, don't allow a doctor to be dismissive. I would likely not be here much longer if I hadn't kept pressing the issue.

[Krisi]

I have a wife to take care of things but there's the possibility we will die together. In any event, I will be dead and won't know or care what people think.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

OK, first and foremost to all the folks on this web site. If you don't have a will, GET ONE!!!

You don't want some judge or state official deciding what happens with your kids or estate, especially if you leave loved ones behind. Every states laws can be a little bit different so don't assume your state is the same as another. Did you know that in some states "blood" inherits before marriage? That means kids get the money before your wife or husband would.

There are several web sites available for easy to make wills. "LegalZoom.Com" is one of them. Allison listed another site also. Anything is better than nothing and folks, you have no idea the fighting that can some out when estates get divided up. I've seen some of it first hand. It gets UGLY.

Allison, good luck on the surgery. I agree that you're responsible for your own health and if you don't like what the doctor is doing, say something until you do like the response. From a personal perspective concerning Heart Bypass surgery, 1992 was the year of the bypass for me. My father, my father-in-law and my wife's grandfather all had double bypasses that year. Everyone recovered with no complications. Just be ready to hit the gym the day after surgery because they want you up and walking immediately. No lying around in bed!

Just my 2 cents!

[CynthiaD]

Some time ago I had two friends go through kidney transplants after long bouts with the flu. (At least that's the way I understood it.) I came down with some flu-like symptoms, and immediately went to the doctor. I mentioned that the reason I was there is because I didn't want to end up like my friends. He said, "Instead of worrying about stuff like that, why don't you worry about something you can change? Go out and get more exercise! It will add years to your life."

I've always considered that to be good advice.

[Emi_]

Hate to put it this way but, you'll be dead. What will it matter? In fact, why does it ever matter what people think? We are what we are. All that shame does is make us live a lie and convince ourselves that a good lie is better than a good life.

[Jonithan]

The threat of dropping dead is what got me out to the wife. I didn't want for her to think I was ever unfaithful to her as she stumbles upon my stash. "Just who's panties and stockings are these? They're not mine".

To purge your stuff in the afterlife, get a storage locker in your name. When the rent becomes past due they will auction your locker off. That was easy.

joni

[reb.femme]

When you're gone, is there any point worrying, unless it reflects back on someone else? Personally I couldn't give a grit! Damn, I really must run the spell check before posting.

Rebecca

[Roxie]

Had the same thought about 2 mths ago . Simple solution I found was to come out to some friends and family,that way one of them can race to my house and get my girls stuff squared away. This is actual truth of why I started coming out,makes life a whole lot easier .
Roxie

[darla_g]

wow this thread makes me think of that Golden Girls episode (Season 6 Episode 12 thanks Internet!) when Dorothy's brother dies and WANTS to be laid out in a dress. Phil really wanted them to know! Dorothy gives the eulogy but for a dark topic it was a pretty funny episode.

Does the Golden Girls reference date me?

[Emi_]

The more I think about it, the more I feel that it would be the ultimate indignity to have to spend my eternity "living a lie." I mean, I want to be remembered for who I truly am, not what others wanted me to be. I want to face the ages boldly in my own persona, not in the disguise I wore because I thought I needed to please others. To be dead and keep this a secret when it can no longer do me harm would be to give the control of my own eternity to others even though it is mine.

The bigger worry should be that you do the things you need to do to live a long and healthy life. You may choose never to be open about your private self in this life, but you should have the opportunity to enjoy this life for as long and as well as you can while you are here. Believe me, there will plenty of time in the pine box later, no point in worrying about anything more than staying out of it for as long as you can.

[Jessica Keys]

Or you can do what I did a couple years ago in the same situation ....purge to whole load and be free from it.
It was fun while it lasted and I didn't hurt anyone,
Am I happier now...yes/no but I know when i am gone it will be a clean get-away

[Katey888]

I liked the idea that was discussed recently about writing a letter that could accompany your will... It gives you a chance to explain things, preempt any major discoveries and remove any misinterpretations others may have.

If it's important to you, and you have someone you trust to handle that knowledge, at least you've tried to explain through them...

I must make the time to write that letter one day soon... I'd like to do that.

Katey x

[PegyL]

Dead You as a person will never know what happens ar what people think.as you will be gone. so who cares, PegyL

[Nicole Erin]

Death is an invasion of one's privacy. We never know when we will go anyways. You probably do not have to worry about dropping over dead at this age.

If your family did find out after you died, it would not matter. Even if they didn't agree with it, it's not like you would be around for them to start silly drama.

[Teresa]

Jenny I can hardly think they are going to fight over my stuff, if I'm gone whatever they do is not going to concern me !

I think Katey has a point about a letter to explain ! It's surprising how little we do know about family members, I thought about this recently my children will know about 50% of my full life when I die ! I wonder if others had thought about this

[wilt575]

I,m out and accepted by close family and the rest I,m gone so who cares. I have given them two options also the funeral home in pre-arrangement plans. First laid out in hot bikini swim suit make up and shaved, sexy chic look or laid out in sexy nighty etc. open casket. Second option closed casket but still dressed as in open casket plans, just want to go into ground in something hot and girly, not ho-hum drab.

[Adriana Moretti]

dark subject....i often wondered too...when all my hiding spots got discovered...id be dead though so....whattayagunnado....its creepy to think about...

[ArleneRaquel]

Before I was married and still living at home with my parents I often dressed female when I went to bedm but often, in the middle of the night, I would change into manly sleep attire. I did so, not so much if being "caught", but in the fear that I would die enfemme. Now that I am much older I don't care if I'm "caught" or not.