Ok so recently a friend's brother died from a sudden heart attack. He was in his late 30's. Got me really scared about if it happened to me and what everyone will think when I'm gone and they find my girly things. All I can think of is the bad things people will think about me. Single parent so no SO to get rid of things. No friends know so that's out too.
Well, that's a hard one.
Of course, if you are gone to a better place.....
If I die, Im dead so I guess I wont care what those left behind think about finding my things. If it changes how they think about me as a person then screw them. I'm a good person and can live my life wearing panties if it isn't hurting anyone else.
"a little duct tape on the nipples is a small price to pay for beauty"
Well...I guess I am wondering if it would effect what they would bury me in...Ha!
My psych recently suggested that this is really only a piece of who we are to other people...so the people who truly care about us won't be that effected by it...I mean we are the same person they always knew just with different trimming. She also said that the more comfortable I am with it the less I will be bothered by what others think. I believe that makes sense as well. It is more about me than them. I do like the letter idea. I believe if this were a close friend of mine that died and his/her girly things were found, I would wonder why they didn't trust in me enough to stand by them and accept them. So I think I might put that in a letter explaining to all who didn't know...
All this is well and good...but many people who I am close to do not know and I am not ready to share...though I want to and I have come out to about 11 people in the past year and so far it has been wonderful. My best male friends do not know.
Wonderful thread as it makes one think.
xox
julie
This.Originally Posted by DanaGirl
Are we doing something shameful? Is exploring your gender presentation that awful a thing? I guess I got used to getting laughed at as a chubby kid. People who laugh at others over how they look or how they dress are a waste of effort. I'm sorry the OP feels so ashamed of this part of their life.
At least some places, what we do is No Big Thing. I realize it's not like that everywhere, but still, you'll be dead. Why waste energy now worrying about it? Make a plan, make a will. Act. Then move on.
*******
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try, I'll never know!
- Defying Gravity from Wicked
@jenniinnylons, I also used to wonder (or worry?) if I die suddenly, my crossdressing secret will be out.
Wife and I just discussed this an hour ago. I found out yesterday I am facing a triple bypass in the next three weeks due to scar tissue buildup from childhood heart disease. I'm 35. Her parents are probably going to come here while I'm in the hospital, and they are very snoopy. So Allison's stuff is going to have to go somewhere while that happens. And if I go, I feel bad about the wife having to spend time and energy trying to dispose of Allison's stuff while keeping it secret.
I don't know what to tell you as a single parent, but know many of us empathize.
What will people think? 90% of them won't even know because they won't be involved in the disposition of your goods. Those that are will be concerned in getting rid of it all and will likely bag it all up and give it to charity. They my be puzzled by the feminine things but there are many plausible explanations.
I am saddened by CDers who are prompted to purge by fear of ostracism beyond the grave.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I assume you have a will? Or a trust? The easiest answer would be to include a sealed letter with your final instructions to your executor. As in, if it's a good friend, or brother, just include a private note: "Hey, I liked to dress up. No biggie! Please quietly donate it to Goodwill." Or whatever.
Or, do nothing and give everyone something to talk about.
Either way, you win!
You can do a will virtually for free in most states. I used doyourownwill.com, saved it as a Word file, printed it and had it notarized.
Lela- in my case, my cholesterol is way below average. My issues are from scar tissue associated with a childhood heart disease that could not have been predicted. I highly recommend to anyone who feels their doctor isn't taking them seriously to get a second opinion. I had three EKGs and three Echocardiograms this year, all by three different practices, that turned up nothing. It wasn't until I insisted to my primary care doc that I had pressure on my chest that wasn't explainable that he sent me for a treadmill stress test, where something appeared off. I had a catheterization Thursday that found three blockages from scar tissue. I will know more Tuesday when I meet back with my cardiologist. Sorry to digress, but my point is that you know when you're not feeling right, don't allow a doctor to be dismissive. I would likely not be here much longer if I hadn't kept pressing the issue.
I have a wife to take care of things but there's the possibility we will die together. In any event, I will be dead and won't know or care what people think.
A lot of good discussion here! I feel I must add one more thought- since my medical issues have been discovered, and it's forcing me to face my mortality, I have felt a very strong urge to just want to come out and quit hiding Allison. For my wife's sake, I won't, but I find myself wanting to be more open instead of less so, even knowing how some of the family will react.
Best info (mercola.com) is that heart attacks etc are caused by high carb diet wrongly promoted by medicine since the early 80s. If I die while dressed, I might get outed, but I won't care. If my pretty clothes are found, I'll try to have a note saying "for Goodwill" or something.
T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"
OK, first and foremost to all the folks on this web site. If you don't have a will, GET ONE!!!
You don't want some judge or state official deciding what happens with your kids or estate, especially if you leave loved ones behind. Every states laws can be a little bit different so don't assume your state is the same as another. Did you know that in some states "blood" inherits before marriage? That means kids get the money before your wife or husband would.
There are several web sites available for easy to make wills. "LegalZoom.Com" is one of them. Allison listed another site also. Anything is better than nothing and folks, you have no idea the fighting that can some out when estates get divided up. I've seen some of it first hand. It gets UGLY.
Allison, good luck on the surgery. I agree that you're responsible for your own health and if you don't like what the doctor is doing, say something until you do like the response. From a personal perspective concerning Heart Bypass surgery, 1992 was the year of the bypass for me. My father, my father-in-law and my wife's grandfather all had double bypasses that year. Everyone recovered with no complications. Just be ready to hit the gym the day after surgery because they want you up and walking immediately. No lying around in bed!
Just my 2 cents!
Some time ago I had two friends go through kidney transplants after long bouts with the flu. (At least that's the way I understood it.) I came down with some flu-like symptoms, and immediately went to the doctor. I mentioned that the reason I was there is because I didn't want to end up like my friends. He said, "Instead of worrying about stuff like that, why don't you worry about something you can change? Go out and get more exercise! It will add years to your life."
I've always considered that to be good advice.
Hate to put it this way but, you'll be dead. What will it matter? In fact, why does it ever matter what people think? We are what we are. All that shame does is make us live a lie and convince ourselves that a good lie is better than a good life.
REBEL WITHOUT A CLOSET!
All trans* girls are NOT created equal. https://www.flickr.com/photos/emi_again/
When you're gone, is there any point worrying, unless it reflects back on someone else? Personally I couldn't give a grit! Damn, I really must run the spell check before posting.
Rebecca
wow this thread makes me think of that Golden Girls episode (Season 6 Episode 12 thanks Internet!) when Dorothy's brother dies and WANTS to be laid out in a dress. Phil really wanted them to know! Dorothy gives the eulogy but for a dark topic it was a pretty funny episode.
Does the Golden Girls reference date me?
The threat of dropping dead is what got me out to the wife. I didn't want for her to think I was ever unfaithful to her as she stumbles upon my stash. "Just who's panties and stockings are these? They're not mine".
To purge your stuff in the afterlife, get a storage locker in your name. When the rent becomes past due they will auction your locker off. That was easy.
joni
Last edited by Jonithan; 08-23-2014 at 10:25 AM.
If you are going to worry about what people will think of you when you are gone, then get rid of all your clothes before you die. You could die today or 50 years from now. But would you feel alive in the mean time? I read some where that people may or may not regret what they have done, but the things that they didn't do.
Marilyn Monroe says "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it".
and I wish I was born a woman
Had the same thought about 2 mths ago . Simple solution I found was to come out to some friends and family,that way one of them can race to my house and get my girls stuff squared away. This is actual truth of why I started coming out,makes life a whole lot easier .
Roxie
I liked the idea that was discussed recently about writing a letter that could accompany your will... It gives you a chance to explain things, preempt any major discoveries and remove any misinterpretations others may have.
If it's important to you, and you have someone you trust to handle that knowledge, at least you've tried to explain through them...
I must make the time to write that letter one day soon... I'd like to do that.
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
Death is an invasion of one's privacy. We never know when we will go anyways. You probably do not have to worry about dropping over dead at this age.
If your family did find out after you died, it would not matter. Even if they didn't agree with it, it's not like you would be around for them to start silly drama.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
I'm havent worried about it too much, but it is one of the lingering thoughts in the back of my mind as to why I really do want to out myself to people I care about on a regular basis. Building up the courage to do so is sometimes slow in coming, but I rather just do it all the way, and let the people who really know, feel like I trusted them in life, not just in death (via a note). It just seems more personal and more fair to the people that are close to me.
I'm hoping to live at least another six or seven years and if I do I will dispose of my things before I do die. If not, welllll.........
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