Going to the psychologist

[Karren J]

Next week I have my first meeting with a psychologist to talk about myself and what I've been feeling and thinking. I'm nervous about everything, am I crazy, is this outside of "normal" for a cd thinking about going down the TS path, all sorts of things. I know it's common to feel way this about taking big steps and this will be the biggest so far as at this point only my wife knows.

I worry about my job, my wife, being laughed at but most of all the certain knowledge that you can't re-bottle the genie. It's frightening to know that I'm going to tell someone my deepest secret.

I talked about this visit 6 months ago and as usual day to day life kept getting in the way but now it's here and so are the jitters. I really don't know what anyone can say but it helps to let the fears out a little.

[Jorja]

First, take a deep breathe, relax, and calm yourself. Know you are not crazy. Many CDers reach this point so it is not out of the ordinary. Be as truthful and honest with your therapist as you are with yourself. If one does not ask the questions, one will never know the answers. You may find that you are not TS and do not need to do anything more. Then again, you may discover that you are TS and need to go further. Right now it is much too early to say so enjoy learning about yourself.

[DebbieL]

These are all feelings you SHOULD talk over with your therapist. It may not be appropriate to transition at this time, or the therapist can help you address these issues before you start transition and hormones so that you can minimize and/or manage the losses, and look for what will replace them.

You are making one of the most fundamental changes one can make. As a result, everything else WILL change. He or she will also coach you in how to become comfortable with yourself as you begin to get the "Real Life Experience" (RLE). It might start with dressing up and going for a drive at night, then a day or two later, ordering a burger and diet coke at the drive-through Window, maybe a few times until you get Ma'am'd.

Eventually, you'll graduate to going to "safe" clubs (LGBT friendly) then going shopping - maybe with your wife, and eventually spending a Saturday as Kelly, then a Week-end, then more nights. By the time you start hormones, you will be able to pass unnoticed through crowds nearly any place you are not known. By the time your breasts have grown to where you can't hide them anymore, you'll have already become comfortable going to work wearing nail polish, stud earrings in both ears, women's slacks, and even feminine blouses. By the time you start working as Kelly, you'll be clear as to who will support you, and everyone will be clear as to who might be a problem. You will also find that you have talents you didn't express as a man that you are quite comfortable with as a woman.

We all wish someone would wave a magic wand and we would instantaneously be transformed into a girl. The problem is that we need to learn new ways of interacting with the world that we may have noticed, even payed attention to, but must now become second nature. You will have to learn how to adjust to the changes in how others interact with you. Men will flirt, treate you nice, hold the doors, help you with bags, and wink more often than you'd like. Women on the other hand, won't even notice you, or will compliment you on your wardrobe, your jewelry, or your hair, but not be attractted to you.

The psychologist will help you adjust to your sexuality as well. You may remain attracted to women, atd even more attracted to your wife than ever, since you will be able to feel her love in ways that you have never been able to feel it before, and you will adjust to new experiences of sex and sexuality. Even your wiring will be different, things that may have tickled before will be amazing, and things that used to feel good may be uncomfortable for a while.

Most importantly, the psychologist will help you decide for yourself whether you want to go through it and when you will go through it, and to deal with the feelings, hopes, dreams, and fears, as you experience them.
Good luck as you begin these early steps.

[MaudeB]

Kelly,

This meeting is most certainly the biggest gift you can give to yourself. I agree wholeheartedly with Debbie. The only caveat I will advise to is that you will get as much as you put in. Be totally honest and you'll get good advice. Retain something and the professional won't be able to help you with it. It's hard but it's so worth it.

Good Luck !

Maude

[GreyEyes]

One of the big regrets of my life was that I was so scared of the truth when I was in my teens and early twenties that I could never completely open up even with psychologists. I was a fortress that only my marriage opened up for me. How strange it seems now in my sixties.

[Suzanne F]

Good luck! I started out as CD and quickly realized that it was much more. I have worked with my therapist and psychiatrist over the last 19 months on this issue. They have been so helpful in supporting me and allowing me to be honest about this deeply suppressed truth. I can't imagine doing it alone. Breathe and just be willing to dig a little deeper each time you work with the therapist. The next right step will become apparent to you as you do the work.
Hugs
Suzanne

[LeaP]

Good God, Debbie, you're jumping the gun.

Kelly, a decent practitioner will use the first session or two as intake sessions. There'll be a lot of basic information gathering, you will be asked what you are looking for from therapy, and you both decide whether you can work with each other. If you don't feel as though you can, then move on.

The fear is normal. I had it. Lots of others have had it. I cried for hours afterwards and was shaking the whole time I was there. Here's a bit of advice: don't even let yourself think about any possible choices ahead. You're not there yet and it will drive you around the bend. Focus on just the therapy for a while. Be open and completely honest. If the therapist knows their stuff, it will lead you naturally to what follows. Whatever that is.

[Brianna_H]

Hi, Kelly. I'm starting therapy next week, too.

Having been to therapy before, I'm less nervous about that part of it. Therapy gets much easier after you break the ice.

I'm struggling with worries over future choices. Trying to take some of the previous advice offered here and just let those worries go for now. I know this is going to be a long process and may not turn out the same way I feel things are going now.

I've already told a few friends, who have been very supportive. One or two of the ladies at work have noticed some changes, as I started wearing earrings in both ears. But I haven't come out to anyone at work yet. I am lucky to have a lot of liberal friends in the RPG community, who have been very supportive so far.

Best of luck to you, Kelly. Please keep us posted, as much as you feel like. I appreciate the voices on this forum and want to lend an ear and support as much as I can.

Hugs!

[LeaP]

Worrying over things that may never happen, or happen the way you think, or in a mindset that, at that point, frankly, that you will not have is a massive waste of emotional energy. It's the pouring out of fears you have suppressed. There's just no need to go there.

Brianna, one bit of strong advice I got from several quarters was to keep my mouth shut! Tell no-one who doesn't NEED to know until they need to know. Also, do not confuse accepting responses and statements with actual acceptance. Many have found they are not the same!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

That's very true Lea...for me accepting responses were the norm, but many folks drifted away, stopped returning emails...etc...
the more its "out there", the more pressure will be on you.
that's why slow slow slow is important... and I wouldn't tell a soul until you feel its absolutely necessary or will somehow improve your life.

Also, Kelly there is good advice above from Lea... just relax and let it all out...that's your goal...there will be no answers, no demands, and you don't have to DO anything...you just have to try to be open and honest and develop a communication with your psych/therapist...if you are like me it will feel incredibly good to let loose..

sorry but I don't like the idea above that you needing to think ahead to all these things that future unknowns like clubs and sexuality..its too much information..don't get all caught up in details.....who cares whether you go to clubs or dress on weekends...It has nothing to do with anything

you don't need to anticipate any possibilities, they will just bring up roadblocks in your mind...
just be open and honest, make sure you are thinking straight and figure out your own best way to improve your quality of life..at whatever pace you feel is good for you..

is there a support group anywhere near you? it would be very helpful to meet some people that have transitioned or cd's and pick their brains..

[Karren J]

I have had the appointment and it went very smoothly. most of the time was taken with work stuff but she (my psychologist) is an open and good person I was more comfortable than I could have believed. when she ask why I made the appointment it came out without hesitation " I'm transgendered", she thanked me for sharing such a personal thing with her. We didn't really go into any details as another appointment was waiting but she explained that gender is not her area of expertise at the next appointment we'll review some local gender specialists and find someone who is right for me. Her biggest concern is that I am careful with telling anyone until I have more information and understanding of what might happen when I do. This seems like excellent advise I am heeding, it's waited over 30 years to come out so whats a little more time. She is going to stay working with me as long as I like in addition to the referral. I'm not super thrilled about going to someone else but I can't argue the sense in seeing the most qualified psychologist I can. I guess the final result is the calming effect of knowing I actually doing something positive for myself. Most of you have said it in one way or another but I'm seeing that I'm my own worst enemy when the imagination goes to work in non-positive ways. Even if it's the hard way I'm learning.

Thank you for all the help and advise just knowing I'm not alone is priceless.

Kelly

[LeaP]

Count yourself very lucky indeed to have come across a practitioner that knows their limitations and training and wants to do the best for their clients. If she can get you to a qualified gender therapist, you will find it is incredibly worth the switch. Congratulations on surviving that first session!