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Thread: Support for CD Rants & Emotions

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Support for CD Rants & Emotions

    If you have a rant or other emotion you need to express, maybe this can be a safe place for it, assuming that everyone understands and avoids the roadblocks to communication (listed below). You can do rants etc in separate threads, of course, but they may not come with very helpful guidelines.

    I mentioned recently here that people in general still don't seem to know how to communicate well about emotions, even though psychologists found out how about 50 years ago and had written about it fairly widely. I should have said 45 years ago, though it may have started before what I first heard of.

    What most helps those experiencing emotions is non-judgmental listening.

    Passive listening is listening without talking much, just saying "uh-huh", "I see" and stuff like that, or just using body motion of understanding.

    Active listening is saying what you understand as their emotion, saying things like "You're sad?", "That upset you?", "It makes you mad?"

    You can also say what the emotion seems to be about, if you like, to show even clearer understanding, like "You're sad that the pet died?", "You're upset about the neighbor's nosiness?" etc.

    Roadblocks to Communication are roadblocks mainly when the other person has an unpleasant emotion, but some of them can elicit such emotions too. Some of them (http://parentssource.com/roadblocks.article.9.00.asp) are:

    The first two are easily recognized as blocks to communication.
    Name-calling, ridiculing or shaming, ("Don't be a crybaby!")
    Withdrawing, distracting, humoring or diverting, ("Not at the dinner table.")

    The next five place us in a power position [] and rob [the other person/s] of their own power.
    Ordering, directing or commanding, ("You must")
    Warning, admonishing or threatening, ("If you don't, then")
    Moralizing, preaching or obliging, ( "You should")
    Advising, giving suggestions or solutions, ("Why don't you")
    Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, or blaming, ("You're just being lazy")

    The next three seem on the surface to be very helpful but hidden within is the trap of ignoring the "feelings" of [the other person/s].
    Persuading, arguing, instructing or lecturing, ("Here is why you're wrong")
    Interpreting, analyzing or diagnosing, ("What you need is")
    Probing, questioning or interrogating, ("Why?")
    My examples of active listening above involve questions, but they're about what the emotion is, not about other facts surrounding a problem.

    You can start just by mentioning what your main emotion/s is/was today. Or you can tell part or all of your story or rant.

    My emotions today are/were: fear of running out of time to find a good place to stay in California or the west coast; impatience with not being able to crossdress here yet, as I had hoped to before I came here; loneliness not having close friends in person here. I'm going to possibly meet someone on Thursday for possible friendship.
    Last edited by DAVIDA; 08-24-2014 at 04:00 AM. Reason: Please use the edit button when there is no post since your last post.
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  2. #2
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    Uh-huh
    I see


    Sorry Lela just my weird sense of humour getting in the way.
    On a serious note there is nothing more comforting, reassuring, affirming ( whatever spin you want to put on it ) than to have a real and close friend who shares your mindset and understands your situation. Conversely the support that you give each other removes the isolated feelings and allows each of you the opportunity to articulate your thoughts in a most honest and 'soul baring' manner. There are many people on this forum that are my friends and we have had many in depth and light hearted moments together and forged strong bonds of friendship/sisterhood. I love them dearly for their contribution towards better understanding and acceptance. The non judgemental way and sharing of experiences has touched me in a way I have never experienced in all my male years. I would love to meet them all face to face and give them a big hug,but unfortunately that will not happen with all of them (Girls if you read this you have my deepest admiration and thanks xx)
    But emails and posts are only substitutes for meeting with friends in the flesh (so to speak). I have made, through this forum, a very close friend and we Facetime each other several times a week in either girl or guy mode as well as text. We have become close friends and I intend to visit her and her family soon. We are so similar and she understands me as I do her. We have become good mates as guys and good mates as gals.
    I don't mean to sound gushy and I say everything as a staunchly heterosexual male but I understand what you are feeling and sincerely hope you find the friend you are looking for.
    Luv to you
    Amanda
    xx

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Thanks, Amands. Am I your friend? I have so many that I don't remember them all.

    The reason I started this thread is that someone had a Rant thread in which several members kind of criticized her. So I thought it might be good to have a place where it's safe to vent emotions without criticism. It looks like that thread may have been deleted or moved.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

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