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Thread: Secrets

  1. #26
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    I cannot say that I kept a secret from my wife. When we married we did not have a stitch of personal belongings because we were both in the military. I never had any female garments. My cross dressing had been limited as a teenager to using my mother's garments. When I married cross dressing was so far removed from me I thought it would never return. It returned with lingerie for "bedroom play." My wife participated. It was never a solo activity. However, I did start exploring my interest with slips and panties. Buying a Vanity Fair red bra flipped my wife from participating to DADT. So, is it a secret when she has knowledge of my cross dressing, but, sticks her head in the ground. I do not intentionally leave any vestige of my dressing out for her to see. She has no idea of the amount of clothing I have amassed. She has knowledge, but, no interest, so I do not consider it a secret. She knows I collect stamps and coins, but, has absolutely no interest in those hobbies either.

    My suggestion is to tell her your "urges" are returning. And, you would like to explore those urges. See what she thinks. If she says she is OK with cross dressing, I would not pull out your finery and show her. I would acquire new items. It may be deceitful, but, I feel it is better than doing a reveal, and, then tell her you've been doing it behind her back. If she says she will not tolerate any interests in cross dressing.... well, the entire issue may blow up in your face.

    Before I married my wife of forty plus years, she told me her past. She did not keep it a "secret," although I would never had asked her to reveal any of it. I really thought about her revelations, and, I still took the plunge. It has been tough sometimes... many times because of her past. The issues that have arisen over the years because of her past greatly outweighs anything my cross dressing has brought about.

  2. #27
    Member patti1569's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    Hi Patti. You're worried that keeping the secret may cause inner difficulty for you and that sharing the secret may be unbearable for your wife?

    (PS, if you reply, I'll probably see it tomorrow sometime.)
    Lela, that's it. In my last relationship being open caused so much damage. I'd hate for that to happen again.

  3. #28
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Re-read the responses and you will see several people saying "you must tell" but none who say you shouldn't. Instead, you hear the experiences of others in a similar position, understanding that the details of your circumstances are unique and YOU are in the best position to decide if you should tell or not.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie47 View Post
    My suggestion is to tell her your "urges" are returning. And, you would like to explore those urges. See what she thinks. If she says she is OK with cross dressing, I would not pull out your finery and show her. I would acquire new items. It may be deceitful, but, I feel it is better than doing a reveal, and, then tell her you've been doing it behind her back. If she says she will not tolerate any interests in cross dressing.... well, the entire issue may blow up in your face.
    I like the spirit of this, adjusted to fit your situation. It's similar to how I told my wife, that is, easing into it rather than going all in all at once (like greeting her at the door fully transformed). My wife and I were in bed; she was reading a magazine article and I was watching TV. The article mentioned a crossdresser and she told me about it. My response was rather dismissive: "harmless fun". That started a conversation and some questions: "did you ever do it?" (yes) "did you like it?" (yes) would you want to do it again?" (yes) "THEN DO IT!" The next day I began to re-build my wardrobe and supplies. I was one who married believing that my desire for my bride would replace my desire to crossdress (so I purged). I was wrong, but it wasn't intentional deceit. Like many others, I found myself with an unintended potential problem: my wife doesn't know I am a crossdresser and I don't know whether to tell her or not. So I eased into it, trying to read her acceptance (or not) based on the conversation, and ready to shut it down if it didn't go well. If that had happened, I probably would have kept it secret.
    It seems that the "must tell her" advocates usually leave out the possibility that your marriage could end, but even those who include it consider a broken marriage collateral damage to the greater good: truth.
    Last edited by NicoleScott; 08-25-2014 at 10:47 AM. Reason: typo

  4. #29
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    I think it is OK to keep a secret, if you want, from your SO, as long as the keeping of that secret does not harm him or her. Everyone should have the right to privacy. If partners have separate mobile phones I do not think either has the right to pry. What I do not think is OK is lying. I do not tell my SO every sexual fantasy I have. She would find that boring and really TMI. But I do make it a policy that if she asks me a question I answer it truthfully. She is completely aware that I am transgender and highly supportive so it isn't the OP's situation. I would suggest to the OP that if the SO asks, tell the truth! Marriages can survive and even thrive one partner being transgender. Very few marriages survive lies. Also, bear in mind that if cross dressing is a large part of your life, if you have a combined income and are spending surreptitiously on women's clothes, if you are telling your SO you're just stepping out for a movie and instead step out en femme, you are establishing a pattern of lying that will disrupt your marriage sooner or later. Be careful. If you start lying it becomes easier and easier and, eventually, more and more catastrophic when your SO finds out. Bear in mind she's probably going to find out, sooner or later.

    If you think your SO will dislike your cross dressing maybe you can arrange the type of understanding that Dan Savage suggests to wives who don't like their husbands viewing pornography. You pretend you don't do it and when she runs across evidence that you do she pretends she hasn't seen it. You are careful that she doesn't find evidence of it but you and she understand that everyone makes mistakes. This is the polite way than many couples negotiate behavior that they do not like in their partners, from watching pornography to having lovers. It does require maturity and self-control from both partners but it is a quite common way of dealing with problem areas in a relationship.

    I don't think any of this is easy but the destruction of trust in a relationship is very often a relationship extinction event so trust needs to be treasured.

  5. #30
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Many women liken time spent dressing as if you are having an affair with another woman. They feel the time spent dressing is stealing time that you should be spending with them so it is in effect cheating. This is the way my wife felt before she left me. I was totally up front with my current GF and there are no problems. As long as it doesn't threaten our relationship she's okay with it. Neither one of us sweat the "small stuff" anyway.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  6. #31
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Patti, do you feel like we've shared some experiences that help you feel reassured about your preference to avoid giving your wife news that she may not like to hear? Or do you have some concerns that she may find out about your dressing, despite your efforts to keep her from finding out?

    I've never married, so I can't share anything about that. I never saw a need to tell my family or anyone that I CD, although I have told a few people in recent years. I've only had a few items of feminine clothing until about 3 years ago, when I started collecting several skirts and dresses. I've been looking for a woman companion for 2 years too, so I expect that I'll tell, if I find a good prospect.

    In your situation, though, I'm sure I'd feel like you do, in somewhat of a quandary. I'm sure I'd pray a lot about it, but it seems that you have plenty of time to ponder before making an irrevocable decision. I pray with gratitude. I'd say to the "higher power" something like "Thank you for not wrecking my marriage. Thank you for giving me clues for how best to handle my dilemma."
    Last edited by LelaK; 08-25-2014 at 10:46 AM.
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  7. #32
    Member Tiffany Jane's Avatar
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    I can't imagine many relationships that started with this topic. Relationships start with small topics of commonality that build sense of trust and character. My wife didn't know for many years despite our "open" relationship. I knew I had surpassed the time limit of secret to mistrust.
    Eventually, my own guiilt. Brought me to disclose this info. Awkward, yes. Did it shake our foundation? Just a little. Over the weeks following, my wife would ask questions as they came to her and we would discuss my activities, reasons, and her involvement in the process. There are certain clothes she likes and some she doesn't.
    I know the initial outing was better for me. No more running to the laundry to get my clothes out if she was coming home early. Trying to remember to hide clothes that were out if she was out of town. But it left her with many questions about me, herself, and most importantly, us.
    You will know your wife better than I, so feel it out. Anything worth having is worth working for. Is this a topic that could ruin your relationship or over time make it stronger?
    I just ask my wife for a little shetime now and then.

  8. #33
    Member patti1569's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    I was one who married believing that my desire for my bride would replace my desire to crossdress (so I purged). I was wrong, but it wasn't intentional deceit.
    Me too, twice now. The second time I had really believed it would, and it did for almost two years.

  9. #34
    New Member lydialeighTNCD's Avatar
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    I always think I need to tell them in the early stages of the relationship. If it's going to scare them away, I'd rather it be before it got started rather than being six months in with tons of attachment. and holding in the secret is no fun. for reasons that others mentioned, like having your clothes or makeup discovered accidentally. I'm only just now exploring CDing (which I've THOUGHT about for years and years) and so that will be a new bridge to cross when/if I get there. but for about 15 years now I've painted my toenails(and largely kept it a secret) and even something like that, I feel the need to get out right up front, usually.

  10. #35
    Banned Read only Simone_40's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandra View Post
    I bet it won't be so perfect if she finds out.....Keeping secrets will only bring heartache for both parties.
    From http://www.womansdivorce.com/marriage-annulment.html:
    "The marriage was entered into fraudulently".
    Depending on your State, she could easily have it annulled when she finds out, because if you do not tell her, then you entered into the marriage fraudulently.

    Quote Originally Posted by devida View Post
    I think it is OK to keep a secret, if you want, from your SO, as long as the keeping of that secret does not harm him or her....Very few marriages survive lies....Also, bear in mind that if cross dressing is a large part of your life, if you have a combined income and are spending surreptitiously on women's clothes, if you are telling your SO you're just stepping out for a movie and instead step out en femme, you are establishing a pattern of lying that will disrupt your marriage sooner or later. Be careful. If you start lying it becomes easier and easier and, eventually, more and more catastrophic when your SO finds out....Bear in mind she's probably going to find out, sooner or later.....It does require maturity and self-control from both partners but it is a quite common way of dealing with problem areas in a relationship.
    Well said, my friend.
    Last edited by Simone_40; 08-25-2014 at 10:19 PM.

  11. #36
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    Have you considered bringing the issue from the past forward again, and asking if it were possible to revisit that part of you, and if the response is as good as neutral, asking for her help in your endeavors en femme. I'm sure she'd have a ton of questions, but if she doesn't run screaming from the room, it's positive.

    After all, she knows you did it before, so it can't be far from her mind that you might again. I'm surprised she didn't get closure on this topic before she went through with the marriage, since she knew the issue was in your life.

    I agree with everyone that there is no simple answer, nor one that is not unique to you.

    Best wishes!

  12. #37
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    As for me, my wife and I have had many discussions about my "dressing". She has asked me on occasion, if I wanted to become a woman and I did answer her "No", that was a lie, I DO WANT TO BECOME A WOMAN!!!!!! But that will NEVER happen as I am to old and other pressures abound. I kept my dressing to a minimum but now I just about openly dress in a bra, pantyhose and panties. There is no mistaking what I am wearing (how could ya). So, the answer is yes to the secret "lie" because this would hurt her which I will not do. My wife does NOT like me dressing, period!!!!! But puts up with it and I seem to take full advantage of this (not the right thing to do) and I openly shop for heels, skirts, tops and dresses. The thing for me is that if I did in fact alter my gender (oh how I wish) my life would take a very drastic turn) but I can dream, can't I???????

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  13. #38
    Member patti1569's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simone_40 View Post
    From http://www.womansdivorce.com/marriage-annulment.html:
    "The marriage was entered into fraudulently".
    Depending on your State, she could easily have it annulled when she finds out, because if you do not tell her, then you entered into the marriage fraudulently.


    Well said, my friend.
    No, I did tell her before we married. I think some people are missing that point. I told her that I was a crossdresser since childhood and that it just didn't have a place in my life at that time. And at that time it didn't. But obviously that has changed.


    Thanks Molly! I know it's
    Difficult to keep that desire a secret.
    Last edited by Katey888; 08-27-2014 at 08:37 AM. Reason: Consecutive posts merged - please use edit post to add to existing post rather than adding a successive post...

  14. #39
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by patti1569 View Post
    Lela, that's it. In my last relationship being open caused so much damage. I'd hate for that to happen again.
    Then consider which would be worse.
    Being open and allowing her to at least have the opportunity to express her feelings in open discussion?
    Her finding out in some other way and being deeply hurt because you did not share this secret with her??

    The latter was what happened in my case and she just could not understand why I didn't TRUST her enough to share this with her. Even when I told her about my previous event she still felt she should have been given the choice because, as she put it, "I'm ME and not HER!".

    Consider all the possibilities before you make the choice For Her.
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  15. #40
    Senior Member MsVal's Avatar
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    A few months ago there was a very active (now closed) discussion on the topic "Why do people choose to keep their crossdressing a secret". It may be helpful to look through that thread.

    http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ret&highlight=
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  16. #41
    GG / SO to a CD MatildaJ.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    I eased into it, trying to read her acceptance (or not) based on the conversation, and ready to shut it down if it didn't go well. If that had happened, I probably would have kept it secret.
    Quote Originally Posted by patti1569 View Post
    I think there is a difference between keeping a secret and telling lies...If I continue to dress, I truly feel like my wife would rather not know.
    As a wife, I think your instincts are right, Patti -- your wife would probably prefer not to have to think about this. So she would probably prefer you keep it secret if it is just a small part of your life (maybe something you do when traveling, or slipping on a dress when alone at home for a few hours). But if you find that your needs are growing, and you have to start telling elaborate lies to get the time and privacy you need to dress, then that is a red flag that says it's time to tell her.

    Quote Originally Posted by susannma View Post
    I think that holding a secret is ok....But...not telling in the past, led to more lies, lies to be alone so I could dress. ...Try to avoid telling too many lies to your wife, if she at some point finds out, its often the lies that hurt them most.

    Quote Originally Posted by devida View Post
    I think it is OK to keep a secret, if you want, from your SO, as long as the keeping of that secret does not harm him or her. Everyone should have the right to privacy
    BUT:
    if cross dressing is a large part of your life, if you have a combined income and are spending surreptitiously on women's clothes, if you are telling your SO you're just stepping out for a movie and instead step out en femme, you are establishing a pattern of lying that will disrupt your marriage sooner or later...If you think your SO will dislike your cross dressing maybe you can arrange the type of understanding that Dan Savage suggests to wives who don't like their husbands viewing pornography. You pretend you don't do it and when she runs across evidence that you do she pretends she hasn't seen it...This is the polite way than many couples negotiate behavior that they do not like in their partners, from watching pornography to having lovers. It does require maturity and self-control from both partners but it is a quite common way of dealing with problem areas in a relationship.
    I agree with Devida that it may be possible to move to a new phase of DADT, where she knows a little about it, but doesn't have to engage with it beyond her comfort level. You pretend not to do it, and she pretends to believe you. That can take you a little further than a complete secret.

    But there may come a time when that is also not enough, because you want all or most of your free time to be spent en femme. At that point, you either destroy the marriage by spending no time with her, or you take the risk of opening up about your new needs, and hope that she can join you in your journey.

  17. #42
    Member patti1569's Avatar
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    Ugh, I'm so conflicted. Not sure what to do anymore. I really don't want to keep secrets but don't want to loose the relationship either. I'm tortured. In the end, I think I must tell her.

  18. #43
    Worlds Prettiest Dad!!! Jocelyn Quivers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by patti1569 View Post
    Unfortunately, I told my wife (before we were married) because my ex was blackmailing me and threatening to out me publicly. I told my wife to take that power away from my ex. Her response was "that's weird, but ok. You don't do it anymore". We have never talked about it again.
    I must confess and say if I were in this situation I would have done the exact same thing. Yes I did the politically correct thing, took the chance and told my wife before marriage. It's been a perfect fairy tale marriage or support and acceptance ever since, so I course I could preach the don't hide any secrets philosophy, but if I was in a situation where things might not have been so clear I would have held the secret, or at least delayed coming out as long as humanly possible. In many way's I am going through the "secrets" conundrum now, and yes I should reveal any and all, but me and me alone is the one who deals with the outcome whether good or bad from revealing that I'm not all just a normal CD (something I'm still having personal issues with accepting and am still trying to convince myself is not true), and losing the one the woman who is most important in my life. There's also a little saying which has been the bane of my existence and in many way's has caused a lot of tragedy in my life and that is "being honest to a fault."
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  19. #44
    Member Kitty215's Avatar
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    JocelynRenee what a wonderful response.
    Patti it is such a difficult decision, everyone is sharing their experience and the outcomes vary so greatly. When my wife found out it almost ended our marriage. Looking back I don't think it was ever the same after that. Ultimately the relationship didn't make it, not sure how much CDing and the keeping it hidden played into it. It is the feeling of betrayal that I think hurt the most. I wish you the best and hope things work out. Wish I could give you a better answer.

  20. #45
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Plenty of good advice here already about how to potentially broach this with her - you have already told her in the past so just revisiting that subject and discussion may not be so catastrophic... to an extent you have the option to back out and reconsider if the reception is not what you want. I think only you can really determine what this means for you; how much you need to extend your feminine side; what motivates you to want to share this with her... as has been said truthfully: we are all unique as are our own personal circumstances - only you are really able to assess what is right for you and whether or not you are prepared for any and all outcomes or consequences, because those are not always what you might want or expect...

    I have read stories of others here who clearly have suffered so much internal trauma from their GD they have just had to tell to allow their dressing to become known to their SOs... I'm sure there are others than just me who also have no intention to tell and who also successfully keep this under wraps - only time will tell as to whether that will work, but I have no doubt there are others who do this so I would always disregard the absolute opinions you see here... Nobody is able to predict how an SO will respond, and nobody knows your motivations, feelings and your relationship as well as you...

    And just a bit of support for those who have never told (like me.. ) should you also decide not to: I don't know whether or not I will ever tell my wife and that is no reflection on how much I love or respect her, simply my choice in keeping something from her that may never affect her or our relationship. I do accept that being closeted does force some compromises and constraints in what I can and cannot do and I'm happy to live with them... If that changes, I'll have to rethink - but maybe you can't live with them, or don't want to - that choice must be yours and yours alone.

    Good luck! And remember the old adage about not being able to un-ring a bell... perhaps you have already rung it once, but declaring you may want to take up bell-ringing as a hobby would be about the same in my book...

    Katey x
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  21. #46
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    THE correct answer is smack in the middle of your OP. >>> "I once had a therapist tell me that it was ok to have certain secrets from our loves ones."

    A therapist who get's it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently not all do if the many reports here are accurate.

    This matter could be kicked around endlessly.

    But 3 inescapable FACTS to consider:

    1] Very few people can or will keep a secret. Telling even one person is a roll of the dice.

    2] There is simply no way to predict who will "accept" and who won't. Just because someone is open minded is no guarantee of anything. Just because a person does not go into a blind rage when/if told does not mean they "accept".

    3] SHARP people realize there are SOME things in life that do not need to be shared with anyone/everyone. Of course some members here who are [or claim to be] compelled/controlled by/powerless against their own CDing will scream it's LYING. I feel sorry for them in NOT being able to see that all CDers are unique. MOST have no need to tell. For most, it's only a Hobby and Hobby IS an accurate description. Reading responses from other members makes all this perfectly clear.

    Since it's hump day I will even through in a bonus. LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL. One of many Forum Myths is that it does or should. Just because a woman loves you/me/us does not mean she MUST accept/condone/and or at least tolerate our dressing. And yes, CDing alone can and will/has ruined/destroyed a Marriage. There are far too many reports here that verify this.

    Yes, there is a CHANCE she might accept fully and your life will be nothing but peaches and cream hence forward but the chances of that are slim.

    Sorry, can't help you with the coping part as my SO is more interested in eating, sleeping and chasing lizards and squirrels than what I wear.

  22. #47
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    I am a cross dresser that has been in the closet for many years. My wife does not know of this wonderful little fetish of mine. I have a very good hiding place for all my feminine clothes. I only cross dress when she is away for long periods of time. This has worked for me, however it does require a great deal of control.

  23. #48
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    I know you're not looking for advice or a lecture on coming out. That being said, consider the impact on your marriage if your secret is ever discovered. Weight the risks and make an informed decision.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  24. #49
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
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    Patti, I think you should tell her. But find a way to do it as if it's not a big deal. Set the tone.

  25. #50
    Banned Read only Simone_40's Avatar
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    Need to take Reading Comp. 101 again!

    Quote Originally Posted by patti1569 View Post
    No, I did tell her before we married. I think some people are missing that point. I told her that I was a crossdresser since childhood and that it just didn't have a place in my life at that time. And at that time it didn't. But obviously that has changed.

    Thanks Molly! I know it's
    Difficult to keep that desire a secret.
    I apologize, Patti for not comprehending your original question.
    But, I can offer some unsolicited advice: Keeping secrets WILL destroy a Marriage. It does not matter how many lovers one has had in the past or stupid things we did we were young, etc.
    The PAST is gone, and we cannot re-live the past.

    http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/past “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God [Adoni Elohim] which is why we call it the present.” ― Bil Keane

    I am referring about things that WILL affect your Marriage that you're hiding from your Precious Wife NOW. If you don't tell her now, she will lose ALL TRUST in you.
    Please do the RIGHT thing, and this huge weight (it's called GUILT) will be lifted off of you, I Promise.
    Last edited by Simone_40; 08-30-2014 at 10:54 PM.

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