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Thread: The hardest part about CDing......

  1. #1
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    The hardest part about CDing......

    I just read a thread in the clothing section about Wigs. Wigs have always been my bane about My CDing. Finding the perfect one is such a daunting task. My first wig I actually bought at Janet's, which I loved but no one else (that actually saw pictures of me in it) did. They said it didn't have bangs and that it just didn't look as good as a wig could.

    So bad wig after bad wig later, I finally found one that everyone says I look very good in and very feminine in. It brought together my overall look and I really do love it. I am most certainly going to be buying a few more in the future as getting to this one wig took an awful long time. I swear I have thrown out about 10 wigs so far , not to mention the money spent on them.

    This was the hardest part about My CDing to date, finding my look. I think I do fairly well in the clothing department and have made leaps and bounds in the makeup department though it's still not 100% which it may or may not ever be. I would say my second hardest (bane) would be breast forms but after what I went through with the wigs, I decided to take a break before torturing myself again.

    Your personal Bane of your CDing may be different though, It may be one of the following (or even a combination of a bunch of them):

    1. Your still in the closet but desperately need out
    2. You have a DADT relationships
    3. You have a totally unaccepting wife/SO
    4. You just have no time to dress
    5. You just can't get past all your fears
    6. You can't get past the front door and out and about
    7. You get past the door but can't seem to again
    8. You just can't browse the women's section alone
    9. You can't find the perfect heels or in your size
    10. You want to shave but can't...

    The list here can seriously go on and on and each one of us have different needs, wants, and the like and most certainly have different elements about this we may never get past.

    So what is it that is the hardest part about CDing for you?
    Last edited by ~Joanne~; 08-25-2014 at 01:26 PM.
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  2. #2
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    For myself it's not really a life style, it's something I do for fun and it makes me happy to go out to the club to socialize and dance en femme. It's more about people being themselves to me and not being afraid or ashamed of my feelings. Besides at this point(since I'm retired), there's not too much more anyone can do to me so I just enjoy it. Works for me Hon.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  3. #3
    Member Ashley Lyn's Avatar
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    #10: I really want to shave in the Summer, but the SO objects.. What if my sister saw you?? What would the kids think?
    I had the wig bane for a while, and went thru probably a dozen, but happened upon an online site, and with the SO's help have found two that I love..
    One is a tad longer and flips up just on the shoulders.. the other is collar length! The longer one is my avatar!
    "If it feels good.. - Wear it"!

  4. #4
    Silver Member stephNE's Avatar
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    The only one on your list that I can identify with is #4, no time to dress.
    As I get older, I am feeling as though life just keeps getting in the way.
    Stephanie

  5. #5
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kate Simmons View Post
    For myself it's not really a life style,
    Bad choice of words for sure, I changed it to "CDing".

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley Lyn View Post
    #10: I really want to shave in the Summer, but the SO objects.. What if my sister saw you?? What would the kids think?
    I think a lot of SO's worry about people noticing but I am going to be honest, we say a lot of things here that sometimes just aren't true (or are true to each person's area they live but not to ours) but the one about shaving and nobody notices, is pretty much true. I have been completely shaven now for two years (last six months that includes my arms) and only one person has noticed. For the one that did I said " wait until I tell ~insert SO's name here~ that your checking me out, she's gonna flip on you" lol but I do back it with valid reasons.....I am cleaner, I don't sweat as bad, it feels better, and my favorite, you should try it lol

    steph, it sure has been a hard and long summer. It's not that I couldn't dress but the heat has put a damper on it for sure. I told my SO when she asked why I haven't dressed in awhile "I usually am forced to cut back during the summer months just because of the heat but prepare yourself for the cooler/cold months" lol
    Last edited by ~Joanne~; 08-25-2014 at 01:34 PM.
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  6. #6
    New Member lydialeighTNCD's Avatar
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    wanting to keep my body shaved & freaking out about browsing women's sections/makeup aisles alone are the hardest for me right now. I somehow can buy nail polish myself now.

    also, feeling like I'm dooming myself to a life of singleness. THAT seems to be my biggest issue.

  7. #7
    Sweetie shawnsheila's Avatar
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    The hardest part for me is not being able to be about and free as whom I truly feel I am... some times I feel like a dude and some times I feel like a woman... It is absolutely not fear related, it is more out of respect for my wife and our kids... My wife is not ready for me to be fem out in public where all our friends would know. And I also don't want my kids teased because of it either.

  8. #8
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Hmmm?? I really don't have any major issues or "banes". I dress and go out when I want and can, I buy what I want and I live with the obstacles to enjoying life as they unwantedly pop up every now and then. Your intro to this thread on finding that perfect, or most acceptable, wig just rings so true for the more or less beginner trying to decide where to buy that first wig. Many people strongly recommend going to a true wig shop and get all the personal attention that they offer at a very high price when the wigs cost 2-5 times what one may find on line or a cheaper less personal service type of beauty supply stores. I have gone through a lot of wigs trying to find styles, lengths and then qualities I like and work well for me. If I would have done that by continually going to those better wig stores, I would have spent thousands of dollars and be more than frustrated, how about almost broke? That is why I recommend to buy on line or cheaper beauty supply stores to inexpensively experiment, get comments from trusted friends first. Once one finds the style, etc. that works for them, then maybe it would be time to step up to the higher priced and higher quality wig stores. I am glad you found one that you and your friends like on you.

  9. #9
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Easy to answer Joanne... #1 - the party girl in me just NEEDS to party... just not so easy to fix, for all sorts of reasons...

    But I agree finding a look is... challenging for us. I think I must have just got lucky with wigs...

    But shouldn't we allow ourselves a little latitude given that most of us have not had the benefit that GGs have in experimenting and perfecting their look so that by the time they hit 34 (the perfect symbiosis of style, experience, sexuality and career progression, imao... ) the whole package is together and firing on all cylinders... We just need a couple decades longer - part-time - to get to the same stage... perhaps that's why I'm still trying to look like I'm 34... ?

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  10. #10
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    Some of the above, I definitely suffer from fail-to-pass anxiety: getting read feels sucky, getting recognised probably even more although I'm not 100% that happened to me yet. That however is easily remedied by staying inside the closet. Finding nice heels that fit can be a bitch and I really need to cake up my face to get my beard semi-covered.

    My CD'ing bane however is having to keep it a secret in many situations. I have said this before: I don't want to go full time or whatever, I'm perfectly fine with being a 'normal' guy and I'm too lazy to get pretty more than once or twice a week anyway, but I just wish I could talk about it with other people as if it's just a hobby of mine. I know I'll get there eventually, but I don't want to do it in a way that's going to freak everybody out.

  11. #11
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lydialeighTNCD View Post
    also, feeling like I'm dooming myself to a life of singleness. THAT seems to be my biggest issue.
    While I won't likely ever be getting married, I don't spend all my time alone. There are plenty of lap dancers, call girls, etc., to be had for the right price. You don't have to tell them about the crossdressing, you can get what you need affection or sex wise (which you pick, and what you need) depending on who you 'hire'. Yes, it's expensive, but losing everything in a divorce along with alimoney is far worse. I try to keep that in mind whenever I splurge on some paid for female companionship. And, they don't argue, complain, etc.. You get what you need, and ONLY when you want it. While I may never enjoy the high of falling in love again, the pleasures of the life WILL be enjoyed. And, I will keep hunting, talking to prospective mates, should I ever find a woman who truly is OK with having a crossdresser for a mate, well then maybe something more long term will be possible. But for now, if I can't find Miss Right, I will settle for Miss Right Now.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  12. #12
    *~Plain-Vanilla TG Girl~*
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    The one thing that i Really do miss is being near a place where
    there are others like me.

    I've met some here that I'm getting to be real friends with...though
    not in person, yet. But it'll happen eventually.

    I'm used to bigger cities where there are places CD's hang out. I
    sure do miss that a lot. I was always too scared to go dressed myself
    and now that i'm not anymore...there's nothing to go to.

    Oh well, at least i can dress as i please and go shopping online
    anytime i like...lol!

  13. #13
    Member Kimkandy's Avatar
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    I was size 16 with shoe size 8 but I take heart tablets and feet swell so shoes don't always fit anymore plus put on weight so dresses don't fit either... So somewhere between 16 and 20 now. Dresses seem to be more forgiving than jeans to extra weight.

  14. #14
    Girly Member lexivanderpump's Avatar
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    The hardest part about CDing for me is not being able to do it 24/7. I wish I could go to work dressed up en femme and everywhere else for that matter. Women are so lucky because they can wear women's clothes and men's clothes for that matter without judgement. I love the color pink and anything with bows on it. But the most frustrating thing about CDing is:
    Not being able to find beautiful heels in my size(online only-but I love trying them on at the shoe store.)
    When I grow up,........ I want to be a girl!

  15. #15
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    having to change OUT of the clothes...sometimes I stay up till noon the next day...then attempt to sleep...only to get out of bed and start the process all over again. I hate when its bedtime/ ...

    I cant stand nails either....I love them when they are done...but hate doing them...ohh and eyelashes...they look great but jeez... zippers....they can be frustrating too.
    Last edited by Adriana Moretti; 08-25-2014 at 11:50 PM.

  16. #16
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    For me it's #1 still in closet, but DESPERATELY need out. And #5 can't get passed fears.
    Due to those two, I have been looking for a gender therapist, and think I have finally may have found one who is local thanks to this site. I will be calling them in the morning, already sent them an e-mail. I really hope they can help.

    Tina

  17. #17
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    Time, time, time is not my friend, I would so love to spend a whole day getting ready to go out, and just stay in. Plus, always having to have a contingency emergency inflatable evacuation chute ready for bail out.. nerve wracking.
    I love my step kids, but I never considered moving back to my mom's after age 18.. they are 21 and 23 and they love it here... WTF?
    Thanks for the bitch session! Sorry I'm such a bitch!

    Oh, and I hate my wig too. I wanted to spend a little more this time, it's a human/synth blend and I like the fullness and style, but after much agonizing over the color and I went too light. Thank god for Copic markers or it would look even worse. My next purchase will be a darker one, and I can't wait... hope it looks OK on me.. it's a gamble for sure.
    Last edited by JessicaJHall; 08-26-2014 at 12:10 AM.

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member GenieGirl's Avatar
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    Money....to buy ALL the pretty thingies!!!
    You're a Daisy if you do! -Doc Holliday

  19. #19
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    Having a hard time reconciling who I am publicly and who I am privately is probably my biggest hurdle. When I started to building a persona for working with a fairly hyper-masculine culture I never thought I could get away with revealing everything that I was into publicly, but I now realize that it wouldn't have caused nearly as much potential friction if I was up front about things to begin with as it would if I came out now. I'm almost certain that I will take that leap and deal with it eventually, and just deal with whatever fallout it causes.

    Money is a big issue as well of course. I can afford something nice every once in a while, but without a good grasp on what looks good together and what looks good on me specifically, the whole Russian Roulette thing can get a little too expensive.

  20. #20
    Junior Member Amanda1128's Avatar
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    I fear my so wont accept. I am terrified of walking out the front door. And my belly. I would need maternity clothes.

  21. #21
    New Member Amandartv's Avatar
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    You know ladies there is A lot of the above' s for me. All the concerns and be free to be you without any worries it sure don't come easy. Plus finding the people you can trust that goes along with it.
    MMMM feeling girly

  22. #22
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lydialeighTNCD View Post
    feeling like I'm dooming myself to a life of singleness. THAT seems to be my biggest issue.
    I understand the feeling but just let me tell you that there is a woman out there that will be accepting and understanding, You just have to find her. If You take the CDing out of the picture, You would still be looking for that woman, one that is willing to be partners in a life together no matter what one likes or the other.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kate Haylette View Post

    I'm used to bigger cities where there are places CD's hang out. I
    sure do miss that a lot. I was always too scared to go dressed myself
    and now that i'm not anymore...there's nothing to go to.
    This statement made me think about the place I now live. I am happy here as it is a nicer community than the apartment complex I use to live in BUT at the apartment, I could get dress and actually walk out of the building and get into the car without almost anyone seeing me. Here it is impossible so I have to dress on the road if I go out and I hate that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Adriana Moretti View Post

    I cant stand nails either....I love them when they are done...but hate doing them...
    Believe me, I understand what your saying here. I should start a sister thread to this one asking "what do you waste the most money on?" I love nails also, they finish the overall look but the money wasted on them because they come off when the clothes come off is really out there. I mostly use Broadway press on's but every now and then I will glue some on but either way, they go wasted a few hours later and these things aren't cheap.My toes thought are always painted but that's easy to hide, finger nails aren't.



    I will give everyone the money issue, even without the CDing, for a lot of us it will always be an issue. Having two separate wardrobes doesn't come cheap, or in my case 3 wardrobes because I make the money in our house so my SO wardrobe makes the third but hey, we have fun with shopping and money isn't everything it would make is easier though lol
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  23. #23
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    My biggest problem is deciding what to wear. I have tons of clothes that look good on me, but I can only wear one outfit at a time. I often look at something, and think, "Gee, I should wear that more often." But I'm already wearing something else that I like just as much. It's not that I don't have time to dress. It's that there aren't enough days in the week to give my wardrobe the proper justice. I haven't bought much new stuff lately, because I keep thinking that I don't need new clothes. I need to wear the ones I've got more often.

  24. #24
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    Cynthia, if your biggest problem is your clothing choices, your in a lot better shape than the rest of us
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  25. #25
    Junior Member shelly1's Avatar
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    #2and #6 my wife does not want to see me all dressed up and if she ever does accept it I do not think I would have the courage to go out in public

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