Thank you for the responses. Turns out it is a bit on issue, as indicated by your interest. Some different strategies employed by all of you, but there are only a few different themes when you really look close. I like Jennifer's strategy best, and think I'll migrate towards that in the next year or so.
If they don't know you are TG, then the barbs aren't directed at you. So don't take it personal.Originally Posted by Bridgette Ross
I have a similar situation (hunting camp). sports, beer, dirty jokes we all love but pretend not to, guy stuff. It's guys being guys without rules of civility imposed on us away from camp. Call it therapy, R&R, etc.
I never do, Nicole. Because I know they're not directed at me. It's just the little bit of discomfort that comes from this type of banter...and some of it is basically that I feel we all somehow need to be a little defensive about TG rights, etc. But clearly, if you find yourself being too defensive, you'll be branded, or suspected, I suppose.
"I swapped into pants tonight for *YOU* guys...My Jimmy Choos are in the shop!"
/swish
Be YOU hon. Friends are more than beer & pretzels.
- MM
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
The only time I'm with a bunch of guys anymore is at our poker games. Other than that, it's usually just one on one interactions and experiences. As far as the gender specific taunts, I stopped doing that when I was what, 12? Back when I realized that I was one of the people that was being made fun of, even if they don't know it. I return gender taunts with comments about lack of smarts, knowledge, or physical clumbsiness.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Great advice, Lexi and Mechamoose. Thank you.
I can hang out with the guys , but really prefer feminine
companionship
Jean Ann
Me, I like my male life. The banter, that little bit of competition, winding each other up. The debate over who's going to win what league. Stuff most GG's ignore. The guys I socialize with are not the most PC but that's the baggage they carry with their age. The contrast in being Helen is one of the things I enjoy. Being able to have a different alter ego allows me to put the sometimes tedious elements of my drab life to one side. A holiday, a break from the norm. I feel I have the best of both worlds. Yep at times those remarks/jokes while not aimed at me have produced a blush and it's something I'll have to live with, trying to front it out. I try to change opinions but I'm careful not to appear too strong an advocate in case I out myself. OK, I'll say it, I'm chicken.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
This is possibly the shortest answer I have ever given. I feel OUT OF PLACE.
Bobbi
I work in a guy environment and the conversations and chatter get down right primal and vulgar at times. It's just normal and for the most part entertaining. Even the girls in the group go along with it. Yesterday, a friend of mine who has been endowed with beautiful 34G's (don't ask how I know that!) made a comment about one of the fat guys having bigger boobs the she did. We all laughed and cringed at the thought of man boobs compared to her luscious pair. I swear if you added an ape in a uniform, none of us would notice.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
I still have a core group of male friends I have had since childhood in my hometown
I could never reveal to them that I am trans, as my connection to my hometown
would be over, most of my closeted male friends are trans though
I'm fortunate that my core group of buddies share my politics and social view. So in the last nearly 40 years I've never heard any of them say something about anyone in the GLBTQ community that I would find fault with. However I sometimes hear things from the friends of my adult children and I'm happy to explain they have said something either or both uninformed or insensitive. If they need more detail I can explain. There is no realy need to share the knowledge of my crossdressing in order to let them know they are stepping on toes. And with that group I really don't care if they don't like me. It was worse when I was working and had to deal with the macho attitude in a pack mentality. There were only a few of them that I talked to, but that was back when I was still learning to accept this in myself. I'd like to give it a try again one of these days.
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
I do not hang out with guys. I prefer women. When provoked I have been known to be able to make sailors blush with my colorful languge skills but that hasn't happened in a long time. I prefer the calm poise of women anyday.
I have groups of male friends in my home town and here in DC. The ones here are very politically liberal, more so than me. My friends in my hometown are very conservative. I like hanging with both groups. However, I would never come out to either group. My dressing is for me.
I don't like going out with the guys. Girls are way more fun!
I agree...but sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. Absolutely blown away with the number of responses to this thread...thank you.
Have to deal with this all of the freakin' time. And it is extremely annoying to me, because it dovetails into pure ignorance, i.e. people hiding behind the Bible and screaming homosexuality. I have close friends that I would love to share my secret with. But all are homophobic to the max, so while I love them like brothers, hanging out with them is stifiling, which is why I'm glad I don't hang out that much. If it was simple teasing like you have outlined, cool...I can take it. But when you lump crossdressing, homosexuality, and other transgendered states into one boiling pot of hellfire and brimstone, it makes me squirm. I know a person who is transgendered(MtF) who works with me, and I have the highest respect for her. Reason? She is being herself, which is more than I can say for 90% of the world around me. But it boils my blood to hear the blatant disrespect hurled at this person by ignorant people, who want to crack jokes about a "boy in a bra" and don't want to work around her. She doesn't know I'm a crossdresser(who loves being one)...maybe one day I will tell her.
Man, wish I had some girls to hang out with and dress me up...
While I don't have many super close friends, I'd say about half of them were long time friends and male. Often times befriending women has been easier and a more comfortable experience. There hasn't been many situations in which I was just in company of lots of other guys so I don't often hear any of the insults you described. Most of my friends are pretty tolerant so I'd be surprised to hear anything mean like that anyway.
I really do not have a desire to hang a round with a group of guys anymore. Even though I am pretty much in the closet, I do feel an obligation to respond to insults againt tg's or the tg community.
I'm with you.
I just ignore the remarks and that's it.
What else could you do anyway?
A few of my ol school buddies and i along with our families get together once in a while. I always think to myself "if they only knew i have my toes painted hot pink and am wearing sexy lace panties". Then i smile and laugh a little tmyself I love it!
I just want to be a pretty girl!
i honestly feel sad for them that they are so close minded...i am not in those situations much but it is amazing how judgemental this world is and i feel bad that they have to put others down to make themselves feel good
I usually just keep my mouth shut but deep down I know the guys are just being guys. I am getting older so I just let it fly on by. I don't take offense or get into any wrestling matches any more. I have done my share of fighting and now that I'm an old fart I just listen and let them brag about their stupidity when the mouth is in motion. I know I could take every one of them down with my fists if they I wanted to but I have matured and just don't let the talk bother me. I do say I have no opinion on that topic and tell them I'm not going to Judge lest I be judged by my creator. I just quote the verses right back at them straight from the Bible. That usually shuts them up. Nicole said something about deer camp. I have quit hunting on one place with a bunch of guys before because when the beer started (after the hunt only and back in camp) because the guys that drank the most seemed to be there only for that reason. I was there to hunt and I really could care less about there political agendas. I am a easy going conservative, old hippie and still hate for people to talk smack about others. My dad taught me to respect every ones opinion but to make mine own known by the way I live. I'm not out and will never be because it would hurt my kids and the small town I'm in would put it in the front page of the newspaper. I try and keep my business to myself and wife and not give an opinion on what others think because I know they are wrong any way if they don't think how I do..... Lol
My friends would most likely laugh ed out of town. So they don't know. We used to fish in two boats My friends son Called our crew girls. I alwas thought if only hey knew how close he was. A few times I'd fish with then wearing mygirly undies.
Angie
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