I am sitting here on my patio drinking my coffee. I am fully dressed except for make up. I really must learn how to do that! Ordinarily, having time to let Rita come out at home is spontaneous. Today however, I had notice. On Monday, my daughter in law said told me they wouldn't be here today. So I have had two days of delicious anticipation.
I shaved last night before bed so I wouldn't have to use the time today. I don't know how many times I changed my mind about my outfit. Finally this morning after Showering and shaving my face, I chose something other than what was planned. I'm not really dressed age appropriate. My faux leather skirt reaches my finger tips, but just barely. I have a pink top, fish nets and my thigh high boots. Those of you in the SoCal fun girls group have seen it. More appropriate at the club than the grocery store. Since I'm hiding in my house today if I'm more teenager than grandma who really cares?
As I look over the back wall I can see the tops of the construction vehicles working on the street. The cabs on most of these vehicles are high enough that I can easily see the drivers. Knowing they could see me and I could care less prompted me to reflect on how far I have really come. There was that poor young man who hated himself so much just for wanting to wear such things, let alone the self condemnation when the urge became more than could be resisted. By my early 30's I was self aware. *cackles maniacally*
Julie and I had discovered I had a panty fetish. Julie was cool with it and we had a lot of fun. Then last year we figured out a bit more of the puzzle. It was with the help of many of you that I came to understand (I think) who I really am. I still don't feel like I'm a woman trapped, but I'm not really a man either. Maybe something in between.
I think if Julie and I lived alone I would wind up living my life as Rita. Certainly every time I know the house will be empty for a few hours I bring Rita out. I strongly suspect I would just get out of bed and dress as Rita. Probably the dress, wig, make up and forms still wouldn't go out mainstream but I'm not so certain. The only people I'm really worried about discovering are the ones that could impact my business. I can't help but wonder if living full time as a woman would prompt me to feel more as if I were a woman than I do now.
Right now in my life I think I am happier than ever before. I feel as if for the first time I am truly living my life. I read something in a post by Aly Cat. This woman said to Aly "I see you." Those three words sum it all up. When I look in the mirror I see me. I don't think I ever really did before.
Without the support and acceptance of my wife, I would most likely still be stuck denial. While I never would have chosen to tell my children, having them know makes my life so much better. I truly feel like the princess in the fairy tale living happily ever after.
Hug
Rita
...
