Just had a session with my therapist, the first in quite a while. We talked a lot about integration versus being either male or female. Taking the best of both the male and female attributes to become a happy and comfortable partner, part the male me ,and part Erin, to be loving and supporting husband and father, who is just as happy to go shopping for clothes for my SO as well as be maintaining some of the positives of the male side, protector, lover and confidant. She fully supports my desire to have laser treatment for beard removal and ear piercing if the SO is okay with it. But she stated that it was a pretty good compromise for my SO to have a partner who is now happier, more at peace, more engaged in the life of the SO and is wanting to spend more time together.
She also stated that my SO may never want to see Erin in full as the image might be hard to "delete", but that small things that help me ensure Erin is thriving and bringing a great deal of positive attributes to the relationship should be okay. What woman doesn't want a partner that they can talk to about anything without being told how to "fix it", go out and shop together, laugh and share stories with, just wanting to spend time together, feel safe and protected etc.? Hence the encouragement to get the laser treatments, do my nails, shave my legs and chest etc. These are all superficial secondary attributes that many males already posses, i.e. very light or little facial and body hair, etc, so really not that foreign.
I have been grumpy, angry and somewhat depressed for a while (years) and bringing Erin to the surface again has really made a huge difference. I still would like to present fully as Erin, but my compromise may be to pick and choose the timing so as not to negatively impact the relationship. I can live with that.
She has also had sessions with my SO, and with us together and can support both of us as needed. I can't do the discussion justice, but this is the jist of it. It was great to get an objective perspective from a trained professional in gender issues who can be the voice of compassion, empathy and reason. A true gift, at least it is for me.
Thanks for listening...
Erin
