I just found out my brother dresses...

[SusanaO]

To make a long story short, after he used my computer it seems he forgot to delete some shortcut icons to the last documents opened. He did delete the actual files, so if you clicked on a shortcut it would not open - except for one. It was him in heels and lingerie.

He's three years younger than I, but he's already married and with kids (he got a head start). It makes me wonder if his wife knows or not - I thought perhaps the lingerie was his wife's, but those heels are obviously too big for her. And yes, I can tell from the background it's their home. Maybe he hides it well...

Having grown up and shared a lot with him, I think it could be a wonderful adulthood bonding experience as we've kept our distance more or less since our teenage years. I have a wonderful relationship with his familly and might I add, is not traditional (for example, he has taught his children to reason out the truth about Santa Claus, his 6 year old son already has an idea of what homosexuality is, etc.). I would, however, just keep it between him and I. We could have sister moments.

Should I speak up or keep quiet about it? Or should I hint at it? Once, I saw his left eyelashes were curled up. I think he might have forgotten to flatten them back to their normal state (and it's very noticable because for some odd reason, it's men in my family that get he long eyelashes). Somtimes I wonder if suspicion can go both ways.

Has anybody had any similar experiences?

Input is greatly appreciated.

[Sissyboy2]

To me I would almost not say anything. It almost sounds creepy in a way. You could just mention that you do too but what would you expect to get back by telling him.Your brother in any kind of underwear in front of you could get awkward. I fell like you would have more fun with another CD but not your brother. You could talk to him and see where it goes. I just would feel weird dressing in front of my brother. That's just my opinion though. I would talk to him about it but nothing really more I guess.

[clairebostock]

Well I would talk to him in a kind way and not the I KNOW WHAT YOU GET UP TO kind of way.
As me and my sister have had times together as " sisters" and for me they have been good ones. So if you want them kind of days then go chat to him on his own and to tell him that you are their for him.
So take care and hope all goes well.

[Diane Lynn]

I think you should talk to her. Remember, your first friend is a sister. I have tried to open up to my sister, but she shut the door every time.

[Sissyboy2]

If you did want to tell him I would confess to him first so he doesn't feel the negative rush of you knowing. I would say first "I have to tell you something important". Did you guys used to play dress up or something that could have been a small trigger to the crossdressing. Did your mom make you guys wearing anything or do anything just wondering.

[Shelly Preston]

You have to consider what will be gained by telling him you know. Be very careful as he may not be so happy about you knowing.

If you decide to let him know what you have seen you really should say that you dress before you mention the picture.

I would make sure you are not likely to be overheard as you don't know who if anyone knows.

[Marcelle]

Hi Susan,

I really see the only way around this is three potential courses of action:

1. Do nothing and just let things unfold in a natural manner which means he may never tell you as he is not sure how you would react (you mentioned you were estranged since your teenage years)

2. Fess up that you CD . . . let him know you want to share something about yourself and it may be hard for him to understand but you like to dress like a woman at times. Now he may come clean himself or he may not. I would be surprised if he did not unless those photos are just something that he finds too personal or it is a fetish him and his wife engage in which he wants nobody to know. In this case you have your answer . . . drawback to this COA is he now knows about you and you will have to deal with that.

3. Confront him about the picture you found. I don't like this option as it puts him on the offensive and he may have several reasons why he does not want you to know.

It really comes down to comfort level for you. I have told both my sisters about Isha but we are close and they have both accepted fully. I am not sure if you have that type of comfort with your brother. If you do and you trust him I would shoot with COA 2. If you are not 100 percent sure of the outcome I would stick with COA 1 IMHO.

Hugs

Isha

[ClosetED]

I would want my sister, who was willing to be supportive, to let me know. I would start the conversation in a quiet place he felt comfortable. Begin with your feelings that TG is OK and you always wanted a(nother) sister to do things with. Then explain how you found out, so he will not fear everyone could tell. And tell him no one els know and you will not tell anyone unless he asks. Maybe even have a clothes catalog handy to ask his opinions on things, to show him how you would share this, if he is willing.

I don't think my sister knows.
Nice to have someone to share the secret with,
Hugs, Ellen

[kimdl93]

I would keep it to myself unless he someday raises the subject.

[Ressie]

If I found out my brother CDs I would be so relieved because I've always had a fear of him finding out that I do. Our family is too dysfunctional to talk about such things!

[Chari]

Great advice from all previous posts! Please do consider if the situation was reversed - you were caught in heels & lingerie by him - how would you react! Also difficult to say where your brother is on the gender scale and why he was "dressing". IMO, perhaps best to remain quiet for awhile, and just let things happen naturally at his own pace. Enjoy.

[flatlander_48]

I won't say don't do anything, but I would say think long and hard about this. Remember, no one has figured out how to unring a bell if it goes sideways...

[Sometimes Steffi]

Me personally, I would go with option 2. Less threatening.

I have a CD friend whose brother came out to him as TS. I understand that their first conversation about it was very interesting.

[ronny0]

Hi Susan,

2. Fess up that you CD . . . let him know you want to share something about yourself and it may be hard for him to understand but you like to dress like a woman at times. Now he may come clean himself or he may not. I would be surprised if he did not unless those photos are just something that he finds too personal or it is a fetish him and his wife engage in which he wants nobody to know. In this case you have your answer . . . drawback to this COA is he now knows about you and you will have to deal with that.

Isha

IMO this is the best choice, gives him the option to keep his activities quiet if he is not ready to open up.
For you to tell him you know, places stress on him w/o any way out.

Though another thought would be to let him find a photo of you.
And thinking about that, maybe after you have any discussion you might suggest if his family isn't in on his dressing he needs to be more careful on his computer at he left a photo for you to find

[Isabella Ross]

I would be tempted to tell him about yourself, rather than confront him. Then let the cards fall where they may...if he wants to tell you about it, he will. In the past year, I told my brother and his wife about me -- not because I suspected my brother was TG, but because I just felt it was important to tell the people I love. Their reaction was excellent, and I feel like an immense weight has been lifted off my shoulders. In your case, you might get the same relief...and a bonus at the same time if he decides to come out to you.

[bridget thronton]

If you are close and willing to out yourself you might share with your brother. If he is okay with your admission, you might warn him you found his pic on your computer.

[CherylFlint]

I wouldn't say a word about it.

[MsVal]

If knowledge of your crossdressing is something you want to keep private then keep it private; say nothing about the picture or your crossdressing. If, however you want to eventually tell other people about it, then this may be the easiest way to break the ice and get that process started.

[justmetoo]

It seems some people are assuming the OP also is CD. Is it possible the OP is a GG? I am out to my sisters and they have been very supportive and I have even been out shopping and sightseeing with one of them while I was "dressed". The whole coming out and all has brought us closer together. I can only hope that would be the case with the OP and her brother. Good luck!

[Sarah Doepner]

Your brother should know that he isn't doing a very good job of keeping his secret when he uses someone elses computer. This time he lucked out, but some one else might not be quite as accepting and understanding as you are.

[LelaK]

He probably suspects you're a CD and left the pic on your computer so you'd spill the beans to him, then he'll probably tell everyone and then they'll all condemn you to eternal hellfire and disgrace you in every way they can think of.

Or isn't your family conservatively religious? In that case they would probably all just laugh at you and post a video to Youtube where they'll out you to everyone and disgrace you as much as they can there and everywhere.

Do you think you'd probably enjoy being disgraced (like me?) and making degrading fun of yourself?

By the way, what if your brother reads this forum, since he's possibly a CD? Or maybe that's how he found out you dress and why he left the pic on your computer.

[Tiffany Jane]

Your brother should know that he isn't doing a very good job of keeping his secret when he uses someone elses computer. This time he lucked out, but some one else might not be quite as accepting and understanding as you are.

I agree with sarah. There is a certain sibling code when using ones computer. Was he trying to out himself to you, thinking you would look at his activity, or set you up for meddling or not trusting him.

I would let this one go and just feel things out for awhile. Could be the greatest thing to bring you together or could put a wall between you.

It may be that you are hopeful to share this info with your family more than he is. I know not a lot of answers, but I do get tired of wearing jeans and socks in the summer to hide shaved legs and painted nails from my brother and family. I wish you the best in however you approach this situation.

[Seana Summer]

I would suggest that you keep this to yourself. Especially if your relationship with your brother is not a close one. You might want, or need, to be close to your brother someday and if you talk to him and it goes sideways or south you just might loose him forever.

I would assume if he wants you to know he also CD's (I peeked at your profile to see that you are not a GG) the next clue will come along and will be given to you much more directly. Like he will pull you aside and tell you!! Till then, don't betray him, he may just want to see if he can trust you

[Ann Thomas]

I've not read more than your original question, so forgive me if I'm redundant.

Talk to your brother. Being trans runs in my family, but I only discovered it when my dad was dying of colon cancer at 67 years old. I found his stash of clothing. A few years later, I found out my son might also be as well. Not sure yet because it hits later in life after a uber-manly time, and he's in the uber-manly phase right now.

I so wish I had been able to talk to my dad more, and that I had known more about myself. What little I learned from him before he passed away was valuable, You should take advantage of the opportunity to be closer with your brother.

I'm in Anaheim if you want to get together and talk about it. I'm in PFLAG, and in the Speaker's Bureau (just joined), so I'll be speaking around SoCal about my family history when my schedule permits at mostly colleges and universities. The next PFLAG meeting is in Orange at 7:30pm next Wednesday, September 3rd. Write me for details or look at the web site for PFLAG.

Ann

[charlenesomeone]

Susan, you know your brother better than we do. If you want to stay
quiet, then do so. If it happens again it may be his way to try to start a
conversation.
If you think he is and don't mind being "out" then talk. As others have said,
can't put the genie back in the bottle once out.