Question for late bloomers

[char GG]

Just out of curiousity, how many "late bloomers" started CDing after a major life changing event?
Such as a death of a loved one, major life changing surgery for you or an SO, tragic job loss, permanent care giver to a friend or family member, traumatic move, etc. Thanks in advance for your input.

[MsVal]

Nearly 30 years ago my first wife died suddenly at home, leaving me with six children, two in diapers.

In the months following, late at night, after the children had gone to sleep, I would wear her clothes to bed. Somehow it was better to cry myself to sleep while dressed than to do so without dressing.

Life went on and the crossdressing ceased for quite a few years.

I remarried within a year and hadn't given crossdressing much of a thought until nearly two years ago when some introspection revealed an unusual interest in feminine things. That thought fed on itself until it consumed my conscious thoughts. I had already dressed before, so it was probably easier to re-start.

[charlenesomeone]

MsVal, thanks for the story. Enjoy life and have fun.

[suchacutie]

We found Tina at age 55, and it was just my wife and I joking around...and then we became amazed at what we found! That was then realized to be life changing! So we were reversed from you question's implications.

[Marcelle]

Hi Char,

Well, I fully dressed my first and last time when I was 17 years old - long story but suffice it say, I never cross dressed after that. Now 33 years later after several combat tours, seeing friends maimed and killed, witnessing the lowest depravity which human nature has to offer (in both genders I might add), potential PTSD . . . Isha made her appearance.

Hugs

Isha

[Thea Pauline]

This is very much my situation as a very rare event, which it is even rarer to survive without permanent damage occurred in my life. I was advised by many medical professionals to identify sources of stress and eliminate them, or I would not survive a similar event. Many hours of therapy and serious introspection provided the answers, as I was able to follow the trail from toddler to adult as a transgender individual. Many years since, and only by creeping up on the self acceptance; constantly monitoring the stresses of closet vs. out, I've settled into the understanding that I am TS and will live out the remainder of my life as an out, open woman. I say out in that reference as while I do not emphasize being trans* and blend well, I do not shy from discussion of my past. I would not have had the strength to survive this transition without the life skills I have learned in the course of years.

[devida]

Oh yes, I had to survive a terminal diagnosis to recognize, finally, that I am transgender. My heart was slowly dying and I think that what happened was that there was some cortical damage as a result of not enough oxygen getting to my brain. Maybe this was not such a bad thing since my recovery allowed me to relearn many things. I am an artist and I had fallen into habitual patterns. After nearly dying I am a much better artist today. Primarily I realized that there was no need whatsoever for me to do things that made me unhappy, and I began to understand that my gender identity made me unhappy and had done so all my life. I have come across a few other survivors who have had very significant changes in their self conceptualization in recovery, and most of them, like me, are very grateful. I would not wish the pain I experienced on anyone but in my case the pain lead to my becoming a much happier and more integrated person.

[LisaTX]

Lisa was very active at age 40-48. I went out almost every weekend and had a ball. Attended TG events and even went to Royal Albert Hall to see a pop concert in London with another CD. Then she went in the closet as her boy brother got remarried and had to plan for retirement which is now here. For some unknown reason and out of the blue, Lisa has come back and in a big way. Two months after retirement, the girl me is as active (mentally) as I was 20 years ago. I have already replaced my purged panty and thigh high collection and feel as girly as ever. For me, Lisa never died, she just went away on a long trip while her brother made it financially okay for her to be safe again. Love never dies indeed.

Lisa

[candykowal]

I kind of grew up wearing girls underwear since I was a preteen and cross dressed almost full time, after I got out of the military and continuously until I was about 33 years old.
I gave it all up when I got married and never had the urge to CD for over 20 years as I found my soulmate.
Well, things happened in our marriage and possible due to stress at work, I needed to find out a few things, and get a better understanding about women.
So I started CDing again and found out a lot about myself, my wife, and why things happen.
But since then, I just can't stop CDing!
It bring back a lot of great memories of my bachelor days and continues to fascinate me on how much prettier one can feel when being girly!
I suppose I am reliving my youth again and appreciating the finer things I can now afford to buy to make me feel contoured, shaped, and caressed in silky fabrics, cute styles, and the latest cosmetic technology.
Just being girly again has opened up a whole new and exciting circle of interesting friends and venues to explore and experience!
Just the fact there are so many of us out there is a thrill into itself...nothing like we had before computers!
CDing in this day and age is so much more fun!

[Isabella Ross]

Char, I'd been a TG in denial from a very young age--guilt ridden, frustrated, etc.--until my 40s when an event did make me realize what I was doing to myself and what I was missing. It wasn't a traumatic event, but it was shocking to me. A lifelong friend told me out of the blue, on a holiday, that he was transgendered. It shocked me to the core...and made me realize I wasn't alone. It took me years after that to peel back the layers of denial. But if he hadn't told me, maybe Bridgette would never have been born. A great question...thank you.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hi Char

In my case it was retiring from the military after 25 years of service. It didn't seem right to CD when I was a Soldier, though I did it a handful of times. Now that I am no longer part of that macho culture it has seemed to bubble to the surface. I told my wife in late 2012 and so far, so good. I keep it from overwhelming us and she is mostly supportive.

Best of luck to you.

Shibumi

[Eryn]

No, no major life event for me, just a gradual realization of what those feelings that I had had all my life really meant.

[BillieAnneJean]

No the traumatic, life altering things happened AFTER I started CDing.

in the past, I had been through some hellish things like childhood physical abuse by a family member, racial discrimination and physical attacks because of that, for twenty years being told I had a heart condition and that I might die any time (nothing like going to bed wondering if you were going to wake up for twenty years), a doctor telling me I had cancer and might only have a couple of months to live, a child dying, and things I can't even say. But all that was past history. You get tough and learn to put behind you what you don't need. No, for me it wasn't an unhappy event that sparked my CDing.

My SO have gotten herself in probably the best shape ever in her life. She is HOT! So I was looking for a place to have glamor photos taken of her. She needed to see how beautiful I think she looks. I found just the place. And they had videos of the photo shoots of the beautiful women. BUT when I clicked on the videos THEY WERE GUYS!!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!

I had NO IDEA that anything like this existed! Never considered it. EVER! But it seemed like it would be FUN! And an adventure. And an experience unlike anything I had ever done. This from someone who has tried a LOT of things and does a LOT of things. I like experiences. But the place was in Rotterdam, the Netherlands! Too expensive, it would have cost me six grand! Out of curiosity I Googled this thing called "transformation" and found a number of them all over the world and some in the USA. But they were all going to be expensive. Not gonna happen. I could never justify the cost, it just wasn't that important to me. Forget it.

A couple of months later my work took me to a large city. I did not pick the city, I did not pick the amount of time to be billed, I did not pick the dates. The job was supposed to take five days. But because I couldn't get there on Monday, not of my control, I had to stay over to fly home Saturday. But the other team members did not show up. That reduced the BS meetings to zero. I finished early. I had NO control over this. It usually took me ALL of the days working LONG hours. This finishing early was highly unusual and could not be predicted.

In this city was one of the transformation places that I had previously Googled. I could not get an earlier flight home so I decided to sightsee. I called the "transformation" place up and asked if I could pop in and check them out. The woman running the place advised that she did not do walkins, that a person was scheduled that day, but if I wanted to stop by and not require any of her time, then I could check the place out. I figured that since I got to that city every two or three years, maybe if the place was lagit and survived, I would have a "transformation" some time in the future. If it was a scam, then I would be out nothing.

An hour later my cell rang. She must have had caller iD. She said that the person cancelled and if I wanted to I could come in for a "transformation" RIGHT NOW. Well I had NO intention of moving that fast, but the air fare was paid for, the rental car was paid for, meals, hotel, it would never be cheaper. So I called my wife and told her what my thoughts were, asking her approval. She agreed like wives d when they agree but reserve the right to disagree later. OOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY?????????!

And that day, quite by accident, I was enlightened. And I am SO GLAD it happened because I am having........

SUCH FUN!!!!

[LelaK]

I wanted to be like Mom when I was about 4. I was told though that boys can't become women. I don't think the news was traumatic to me, but I always wanted to be more feminine and didn't like being masculine. Eventually I started wearing a dress I had taken sometimes, when no one else was home, but the dress was found and I couldn't do it any more, except in a couple of plays. I didn't CD again till I was in college and I kept doing it occasionally in private. I finally joined this forum 2 years ago and then started getting a few nicer dresses etc. I first dressed in someone else's presence last fall in Indiana. Now I've moved to CA and, though I haven't dressed yet here, I have prospects of doing so soon. My friend is a CD and may help me get part-time work where I can be dressed while working. I've never married, but was engaged in the early 90s.

Like many, I did have a somewhat traumatic childhood, but I can't say that trauma led to me wanting to be feminine. I think I simply liked my Mom quite a bit and wanted to be like her. I think I was also referred to as pretty when I was about 3. I felt pretty then, but felt uglier as I got older, esp. when I had to get my head shaved. That was kind of traumatic to me.

[JessicaJHall]

I've bloomed, wilted, gone to seed and lain dormant for even decades many times over the course of 58 years. I think I started when I was 4, I got caught as was told never to do that. But I never listened to people telling me not to do things for some reason, for better or worse.
I think my most recent of blooms has been fueled and sustained by digital photography and the fun of the whole ritual of creating something that was, at first, purely for personal gratification.
Before I recently joined here, I never imagined anyone else would care to see me, or that I could have so much fun, and get so much support from others. It's nice just to be able to be part of a community and not feel like such a freak of nature, not that that ever got in my way!!
Hugs
Julie

[bridget thronton]

I did dress when I was 13 -. Not much until I was married - a lot after my mother died 16 years ago

[Vikky]

Hi Folks

I am a closeted CDer who came to active dressing late in life. I had been interested in feminine attire from an early age (teens) and from time to time did some very amateur dressing with socks stuffed down a T shirt etc. Largely I suppressed any CDing feelings.

On reaching retirement I started on the bucket list and having achieved a couple of long time wishes, thought “if I don’t do it now, I never will”. There was no trauma attached to it, just a ‘why not’ feeling egged on by a light bulb moment at a social gathering..

There was one event, which I have already referred to on this forum in another posting, that did move things along. At a regular social gathering of friends over Christmas it was suggested we all change roles. All the guys backed out at the last moment, except me and as it would give me a chance to dress for many hours, in the company of other especially GGs . My SO bought a skirt and blouse and cheap wig at a charity (thrift) shop and when dressed if felt so right. The GGs took a keen interest in what I was wearing and made suggestions about how I could improve my appearance in future (as if!). The guys still take every opportunity to take the p*** about my appearance that night. No worries about that.

The whole evening was a hoot, but for me, it was the light bulb moment. I felt so comfortable and right en femme and wanted more. So here I am!

This was all in the last year or so. Later I found this site (great by the way) and have slowly started dressing more often and building up a modest wardrobe. The SO isn’t keen so it’s a DADT arrangement which seems to work for us, and nobody else knows about my hobby.

Vikky

[iGenny]

Started dressing in my early 50s, but it wasn't triggered by a traumatic, life-changing or significant event or events. Still working this one out...

[Donnagirl]

I kinda fit that mold... Stole my sisters clothes as a youth, stopped around age 15 and didn't start again until age 46. All that time was spent in the military or law enforcement.

Had lunch with my old boss today who is sure the stress of our old job was the catalyst...that was a great chat. She did not believe I cross dressed until I sent her pictures from the ball. She only knows macho me, kicking doors in, non compliant arrests, smacking bad guys down and generally being the alpha male. Me, I'm not so sure. We worked internal affairs for a major government department, had great success but then fought the politics of the results. Yep the stress was huge but I don't want to apportion blame.

I have had one psych interview... Not impressed. No real solution revealed... Not paying any more money. All I know is I'm happy with me, finally, and I'm not going to fight it any more... Just got to keep the wife happy.......

[hope springs]

Mine is the opposite of major life event. It was the lack of major events that made me take a look at myself and realize i was CD. the major hurdles of life were over and took a deep breath. Perhaps i need more drama, cuz who knows what else i may find if i keep poking around

[Roxie]

I'm nothing short of a" late bloomer" never was into complete dressing until the young age of 50.Was actually having a conversation with my former girlfriend daughter , I came clean on the fact I wanted to dress. The damn was broken so to speak that day. One break up later and my life changed completely ,dress as often as I want ,when I want. Have come out to some friends and family,been accepted .
This has changed my life so much no longer bitter and angry .Have really learned how to enjoy life to it's fullest.Not really sure if I"ll get into a relationship again,but you can bet that if I do . Someone will have to accept the "Roxie" side of me,if not hit the road.Will never go back to the closet . LOVE LIFE
Roxie

[Kati]

I guess I have always enjoyed feminine things. I would only wear panties or other lingerie about once a year or when ever I came across some. I tried to hint to my wife that I wanted some panties. She didn't like that and every time she would find a pair they would disappear. Just before separating and now 3 years later i have been panties 24/7.

[Amanda L.]

No surprise that my story fits the same mould as most others. Tried it as a kid (6 or 7) with a pair of pantyhose and mum's shoes. Did a full dress rehearsal at 13 (makeup the works). Couple of minor events with just putting on a dress to age 15. Then nothing, not even a sniff till the 40's. Then a couple of years ago this invisible hand gently guided me to my wife's wardrobe where I had a play. Decided that this was something bigger than I first thought and just go with it. Always knew it was there in the back of my mind so embrace it. Now have my own clothes and accessories, love buying and wearing feminine attire, love being involved in this forum, love the people I have met and made friends with and love expressing my latent female self.
I too am having so much fun and feel better for the experience.
So it seems to me that the late blooming side is more of an awakening of a deeply recessed part of our nature. I for one am glad she has woken up and returned to my life.
luv
Amanda

[sherri]

Other than a few very minor and widely scattered dabblings in previous decades, none of which prompted any awareness in my dim brain that I might be TG, my femme self didn't emerge until my divorce, but when it did it took a tenacious and permanent hold. Despite being single, however, I have never been able to be unguardedly femme even in my own home due to various circumstances largely set in motion by life and life choices, I guess. For quite some time now I've been a fulltime caregiver to a loved one, but as that chapter draws to a close, regrettably, and the kids are all grown and gone, etc, I can foresee a time -- the first time, actually -- when I can express me with fewer restrictions. I have no intentions of going fulltime or coming totally out in my community, but my occasional gurl outings and road trips will no longer be my only opportunities for self-realization. I think it's gonna be interesting.

[Jenny Miller]

I also don't have a major event that set this off, buy my story is similar to others here. Did it for a little when I was young, stopped for many years and have only recently started up again