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Thread: Top 5 Regrets

  1. #1
    Junior Member Lisa-N's Avatar
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    Top 5 Regrets

    This list has been out for a number of years. My wife read it to me this morning. We have been going back and forth on my dressing for some time now, with her recently stating she didn't think I know who I want to be. #1 on the list I believe would apply to a lot of us here. Not necessarily going full transition, but more so being who we want to be and not hiding it because of our inner fear. Anyhow, here is the list and something to think about.

    May you life be lived well and with no regrets!

    This post originally appeared in Collective Evolution.
    One thing on regret before we get to the list. It’s important to remember that whatever stage we are at in life, there is no need for regret. The process of regret is one that provides nothing but suffering for ourselves as we begin to allow the past to dictate how we should feel now. Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The adjustments do not have to come out of pain, sorrow, regret or judgment, but simply a choice to do things in a different way. We are learning all the time, we can very quickly slow that learning process down by getting stuck in the idea of regret. When it comes to making changes, be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice.
    1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
    “This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”


    2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
    “This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”


    3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
    “Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”


    4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
    “Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”


    5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
    ”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”






  2. #2
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    Thank you, Tangerine. Sometimes we need to be reminded what is really important.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    My regret is that I haven't had knowledge or opportunity to live as productively as I'd like to. I'm trying to make the opportunity and maybe I have enough knowledge by now. Dressing isn't my top priority, but I hope to have more opportunity for that too.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  4. #4
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Good list thanks for sharing

  5. #5
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing.

    #1 is really about being your authentic self. For those of us who are on the TG spectrum, this means living as the gender we identify as, and being able to express that gender. For all of us, both trans and cis people, it means being able to be friends with who you want to, to practice the religion you wish, to not practice religion if you wish not to, to participate in the activities you wish to, to travel to places you wish to, to be able to live in the place you want to, to be able to express your feelings as you wish, to work a job that you really enjoy, being able to dress as you wish, and much more.

    #2, 3, 4, and 5, to me are really an extension of #1. Not working too hard, expressing your feelings, staying in touch with friends, and being happier, are really a part of being your authentic self. This is true for all trans and cis people.
    I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.

  6. #6
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    Good list but I wonder if we really know how things might have been?
    What ever we do we must be happy. If I do something I may not like, but it
    benefits someone I love, that's ok.

  7. #7
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Great post and great list. I agree that all 5 relate to each other. Those that feel they worked too hard very likely weren't being true to themselves as far as choosing the right vocation.

    I really like the opening statement because we can make regret an everyday emotion that stifles the present and future.

    One thing on regret before we get to the list. It’s important to remember that whatever stage we are at in life, there is no need for regret. The process of regret is one that provides nothing but suffering for ourselves as we begin to allow the past to dictate how we should feel now. Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The adjustments do not have to come out of pain, sorrow, regret or judgment, but simply a choice to do things in a different way. We are learning all the time, we can very quickly slow that learning process down by getting stuck in the idea of regret. When it comes to making changes, be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice.
    Lots of wisdom here. ^
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  8. #8
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    Thanks for the list! It's important to keep all the points in mind, IMHO. I don't want to wake up one morning in the old folks' home and realize all the things I didn't accomplish and all my dreams, just that, dreams.

  9. #9
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Can't say as I have any regrets Hon. Even on the downside I've always accomplished something positive. What has gone before has made me who I am today.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  10. #10
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    Good things to avoid, I suppose, but I wonder how many of us can live a life without regrets. I know I wasn't able to do so. There have been many crossroads where I chose the well trodden path, and alas, that did make all the difference.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member
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    All good. Until being your authentic self wrecks and causes havoc in the rest of your life/relationships.

  12. #12
    Luv doing girl stuff CherylFlint's Avatar
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    #4 for me. All I had to do is to ask them their FULL name and date of birth.
    Nowadays, with the above information, no matter where they moved to it be pretty easy to find them.
    My Navy, college and work friends I think about once and awhile but I can't even remember their names, but I remember the friendship that we once shared.
    Yes, my biggest regret is not keeping in touch.
    Thanks for the post.

  13. #13
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    none of them for me.....my regret will be the size of my social security check....i will actually regret NOT working more.

  14. #14
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Hmm, regrets, I've had a few. Probably a big one, was not having enough courage to withstand the physical and mental beatings through my childhood; so much of what went wrong was the result of my not being assertive enough, standing up for myself and what I wanted, all because I couldn't withstand the pain of it all. I just didn't have it in me to keep fighting every single day; the exhaustion of it all wore me down, until I just gave up and let other people do what they wanted with me. The child molester (obvious); My parents, insisting I follow their dreams for me instead of my own; my sister, who used me as the excuse why her life wasn't what she wanted it to be; my teachers, who just wanted another star pupil, never listening to what I wanted or had to say; and of course god, who if he exists, never answered any of my prayers.

    I should have just stood up for myself more, and withstood all the pains necessary to be the person who I wanted to be. Perhaps things would have turned out differently, or maybe being defiant would have gotten me killed. I'll never know.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  15. #15
    Reality Check
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    I might have some minor regrets but life is too short to do everything we might want to do.

    I don't regret working hard. Working hard and being relatively frugal has left me retired with a comfortable income and secuity. Not like Bill Gates by any means but enough that I don't have to worry about buying clothes vs. eating or anything like that.

    I educated myself in a field that I enjoyed so going to work was not something I hated. It wasn't as much fun as being on the lake fishing but that's why they call it work.

    I often look back at small events that changed my life completely. Like how I met my wife.

    Any of our lives could have made several turns in diifferent directions. Rather than regretting what you didn't do, it's best to focus on what you did do.

  16. #16
    Member Tiffany Jane's Avatar
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    I wouldn't call my life regretful. It is the best I could make of every situation. Would I change things, maybe, but life is learned by looking forward, checking the rearview and adjusting one's path. I have married a woman who balances me well and helps direct me when I seem to be off course, keeping my and our feelings in perspective.

  17. #17
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Some of us have been through emotional torment, and crazymaking for a long time, and do not know how to be close to another human being. Only closeness is animal friends.

  18. #18
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I regret not seeing this article 30+ years ago.

    Staying in touch with friends - I felt had to stop hanging around with the wrong friends. I'm talking those that were into drugs. Many died way too young.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  19. #19
    Senior Member MsVal's Avatar
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    It does no good to regret the past. Our ability to remember the past exists so that we may learn from it, and in so doing, have a better 'today'.

    I've taken quite a few classes at the University of Hard Knocks. The instructors are very strict, the lessons are hard, and the tuition is very high. I really don't want to re-take a course, but I have ... many times.
    Last edited by MsVal; 09-04-2014 at 04:54 PM.
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  20. #20
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I wish I had embraced my CDing sooner. Doing so helped me understand myself, and accept myself. Other than that, I can say that I've pursued most of my dreams, with some successes. I've learned that success won't make you happy, and that's an important lesson. There are people with enormous accomplishments in life who are totally miserable.

  21. #21
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Putting myself through 30 years of guilt, shame, self loathing and self hatred. Although I have created a good life for myself in so many ways, it is not conducive for cross dressing.

  22. #22
    My Girls Girl MandyLee's Avatar
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    I wish I was dress right now

  23. #23
    Junior Member LesliePinky's Avatar
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    1. Being a spoiled kid
    2.going to that ladyboy , my first ladyboy i can still remember you ohh you made my body dirty ,dysfunctional =[
    3. Not having to smile more to people and talk to them
    4. Not focusing on one sport
    5. Being an impulsive person


    Currently im depressed ver depressed right now with my life i get 4 hrs of sleep everyday and waking up still tiredxoxo

  24. #24
    New Member GingerSeti's Avatar
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    A very thought provoking thread. I thought about it lot. Regrets. I certainly have some things I would do over - or at least differently. I have thought about my first marriage too, whether or not I would have done it at all or just left it sooner. I love the kids and I'd still have to do that part. Do I regret it, perhaps a bit. Maybe it all was a journey to where I'm at now, with a woman I adore and who puts up with me.

    Maybe I should regret all the years I wasted trying to do and like male things. Hunting, fishing, Baseball - I just never could like that stuff. I loved cars though, still do. I might regret all the money I spent on them though.

    No, as I sit here contemplating all that, I think it would be a waste of precious time to wallow in regrets.

    Now I just need to get my brain to not do that.

    G

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