The next step

[Suzanne F]

I am out everywhere now except work. There are a few friends that haven't heard yet but I imagine soon word will reach them. Tonight marks the next phase of being me. I will be going to my 11 year old son's back to school night as myself. No changing into Brent! I registered him as Suzanne so some of the staff knows me as Suzanne already. Last year my wife and I met the principal to make her aware that I am transitioning. We were meeting with her as we were selecting the school.

I am registered with the PTA and as a chorus booster. I am assuming most of the responsibility for assisting with my son's educational activities. My wife asked him if he was missing his dad due to Suzanne. He said no I am getting more of her because that is who she really is. How did I get so lucky? I feel like I am taking real steps to be the kind of woman I want to be. I know I am a woman but I have been afraid of what that would look like. I was afraid I would be by myself in squalor!

I am a little nervous about tonight. I don't look terrible but I know I will be the topic of some conversations. I also know this will always be the case. I just hope I don't cause my son any embarrassment. Children are not allowed at this event only parents. Wish me luck!

[PaulaQ]

Best of luck, hon. I hope you encounter only compassionate and open minded fellow parents tonight. It's a big step, but you'll do great and your kid will be fine.

The other parents may not realize you are not his mom...

[Brianna_H]

I just hope I don't cause my son any embarrassment.

It sounds like your little boy loves you a lot. I'd be surprised if he didn't defend you vigorously if anyone said boo about you to him. There are worse things than being embarrassed by a loving parent who is outside the mainstream, like having parents who never get involved, abuse drugs, or neglect their kids. It seems like you and your wife are doing everything in your power to be great parents and true to yourselves, which is a wonderful example for him.

I'm sure you'll do wonderfully. People may talk, but your devotion and actions will win them over.

Best of luck, Suzanne.

[becky77]

Best of luck Suzanne, I can't imagine how much harder this is with children involved.

[Jorja]

When you first arrive take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and get on with it. You will be just fine! It's just another thing you must conquer.

[chelyann]

hold your head up high and just go like you own the place

[Annaliese]

Let us know how it goes, on pin and needles

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i hope everything is going well

it takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing.

[kimdl93]

I'm so glad you have sustained support from your wife and children. My hope is that the transition at work will go equally well.

[Heidi Stevens]

I hope your meeting goes well and the topic of conversation remains about the kids and their needs. Now it's time to take that last step at work!

[mechamoose]

My wife asked him if he was missing his dad due to Suzanne. He said no I am getting more of her because that is who she really is. ....

I just hope I don't cause my son any embarrassment.

With that kind of response to a direct question from Mom, you are worried about embarrassing your kid?

I think he has a clue (that YOU gave him) and that someday you will have to pick him up from the Principal's office for fighting.. over defending YOU.

Trust yourself and the lessons you taught your children. They will fight like bears to protect you

<3

- MM

[PretzelGirl]

I love the support! You will be fine. Enjoy!

[Suzanne F]

Ok i made it. I took a deep breath like Jorga said and walked into the gym. Yes some people looked at me. After all I am a striking tall red head! We moved into our child's home rooms after the staff was introduced. All the parents introduced themselves as either their kids dad or mom. Then it was my turn. I calmly said , "I am Suzanne, One of Daniels parents." It was a surreal moment. I felt like I had just changed my future. Then I remembered I was supposed to be there for my son. I came back to earth and became the parent. I went to all his classes and held my head up high.

There was only one complication. One mother introduced herself to me. Turns out she happens to work with my wife we think. She did not connect me but my wife is pretty sure of it. My wife has not chosen to tell people at her work place yet. I hate that she has to deal with this but I can't control everything if I am out. She did agree that I can be out except for work at this point. Anyway I hate that it might hurt her.

[PretzelGirl]

I am glad to hear that it went well Suzanne. I understand your wife's view. All along, my wife's only issue has been maintaining the secret. She wanted it out years before I decided on my path. It is a bit of a balance and not having to manage that brings along a feeling of freedom. But we do what we have to as we go through the transition and it has to be that way for the period we decide.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

That's a big step and it sounds like you are happy with the outcome. You did it!!

The next thing to understand is that you will lose control of the information. It may or may not be a problem, but once its out there anything can happen.

In my own case nothing really happened..but i know a couple of ts dads where it became a big deal...somebody with a bug up their butt can cause problems...its not that they can do anything to you but it may make it hard on your wife and kids to deal with controversy if it pops up...
i presume SF is pretty liberal though (i am on east coast)..

my kids just went to high school..one was embarrassed and one wasn't...but i still had to bring forgotten lunches and go to teacher conferences and school talents shows for both of them..etc... one thing i noticed is that in 4 years, nobody said anything...i was in their records as the dad with my old name..i never informed them, i never did anything special...it was all a non event... my youngest did keep me away from a number of functions but i accepted that as her wishes... some of her friends knew about me, some of the parents knew, some didn't it...it never really was an issue...that surprised me...in my own case i benefited from laying low and just going on with life..

so hopefully you will have a similar experience...

[Nigella]

I think he has a clue (that YOU gave him) and that someday you will have to pick him up from the Principal's office for fighting.. over defending YOU.

Trust yourself and the lessons you taught your children. They will fight like bears to protect you

<3

- MM

Oh yes, been there, done that Our daughter was almost suspended when she hit someone over me. She escaped any punishment because,

She hit a boy

He was older than her

The principal could not help but laugh that a boy had told someone that a girl had hit them, and that the girl was younger than him.

The next thing to understand is that you will lose control of the information. It may or may not be a problem, but once its out there anything can happen.

That is certainly true, the cat cannot go back into the bag. Whilst you cannot control the information, you can be honest and up front with people who may want to know. In all honesty I doubt that you will have too many issues, at least not directly, people tend to treat you as the latest "fad". Eventually you will fade into the back ground as something new comes along to titivate them.