I'm at a really scary place right now. I've been unhappy with my body my whole life, and 3 years ago I finally realized why. I came out as transgender to everyone. I was starting to make some progress, but after a few months I started a long relationship and basically went back in the closet. It just seemed more comfortable to go back. I started flat out denying everything that I felt, and tried to tell myself I was just a crossdresser. I told myself gender is arbitrary and irrelevant. I even had a pansexual phase, but none of this could change the fact that I struggle every single day with not being seen as the person I really am. This all went on until just recently.
So a few weeks ago, I started seeing a gender therapist. I went into my first session trying to be honest but conservative about how I felt. But everything came out, all the lies I told myself to stay in the closet quickly came undone. I was really hoping that she would tell me "I don't think you're trans, but here's some coping strategies to help you feel better". That didn't happen. Instead we made another appointment and she had me write a detailed history of my life. It was incredibly painful for me to finish, but I did. We talked about it during the next meeting (and a lot of other very uncomfortable topics). Finally she told me that I fit the criteria for Gender Dysphoria and that she would be willing to write me a letter of recommendation for HRT.
Now here I am, trying to retain some semblance of my normal life, vividly aware of my feelings but still in the closet to everyone else. I know I can't go back now, but the way forward is unbelievably scary. I know a lot of you have been here. Please please please, if anyone can give me some advice about coming out (again), staying strong, coping, not going crazy, or just some words of encouragement, that would help me tremendously!
P.S. If you're wondering about my screen name, that's from my 'pansexual' phase.