Hi all,
I have noticed that there has been a few posts about "going out for the first time" and advice is being sought on how best to approach this. Of course the big concerns of all first timers is How do you deal? Where do you go? What do you do? Most here will say "own the moment, hold your head up, display confidence" others will say (myself included in all these statements BTW) "people won't notice, people are too busy to care, people will generally be nice". For the most part these are all true and you will find the biggest barrier to going out is your own reticence. However, having reviewed a lot of posts on this subject current and past (mine own included ) , I had to ask myself . . ."Do we give a balanced view of going out when dispensing such advice?"
Those of us who go out decided to do so for various reasons the same that those of us who don't go out decide not to for their own reasons. Is one stance better than the other? No, because we all have to do what is within our own comfort zone/personal situation and there is no right way or wrong way to Crossdress. Some will go out because it gives them a high and it is fun, others will stay home and dress and achieve the same high. However if you have reached a point where you plan to go out, then the advice given is this forum is generally sound and good. But I have found that in reading past posts, some of us who post (myself included) tend to sugar coat the whole thing with "sunshine, unicorns and lollipops"
Yes for the most part you will find that going out in the Vanilla world is basically a non-event. People get so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't notice the guy in a dress or if they do, it is not important to them so they don't care. Some people will post that they "passed" because nobody said anything while others will talk about blending . However, the cold hard reality IMHO is that with the exception of a minutia percentage, none of us truly pass or blend well enough to survive first contact. That IMHO is what a lot of advice on going out fails to mention. Don't get me wrong it is a not a "lions, tigers and bears . . . oh my . . . grab the pitchforks and torches boys and get us a CDer" moment. It is however a fact that people notice . . . after all we are men wearing women's clothing and it will seem odd to some people.
Does this mean you should never go out or stay behind your door? Absolutely not again absolutely not. However if you do plan to go out you do need to prepare yourself for what awaits and you do need a thick skin. People will point, people will giggle and you may even get some rude comments. These are all things you need to weather to get to that point where you "can own it" as many advise. Owning it takes time. You need to build up your confidence by getting out more and more. So don't be ashamed, hurt or confused if you run back to your car (or never leave your car - as I did ) on your first few outings and go home tail between legs (no pun intended ) wondering why you can't "own it" like others have suggested. Remember, most of those who state that advice didn't just dress up one day in a skirt and heels, grab keys and purse and head to the mall sweeping through like some runway model in Milan. Noooooo . . . they most likely did what we all do, cautious baby steps to build up confidence. Gaining comfort with your own presentation outside of the home is paramount. Once you reach that stage where you don't care what others think then you will be able to breath and just enjoy being. However, will that mean people will stop staring, pointing and giggling as you go by? Nope. The difference is you won't care.
The other concern . . . Is there the potential for violence? A few folks her have touched on it and I think it is a 300 pound elephant in the "outside in the world" room that we choose to ignore for the most part. IMHO I think we would be naïve not think this is a distinct possibility depending on the situation and venue. My absolute first time out with my wife (her first and last with me) was a poor choice of venue and could have escalated into a serious physical confrontation (luckily it did not). The lesson I took away from that is choose your venues wisely and even in what can be considered "safe venues" a healthy sense of caution and situational awareness is a good thing. You don't need to run through the Vanilla world scared but caution would be well placed as we do stand out. Now before some here crucify me as a "doom and gloom naysayer", I think we owe to those who seek to go out to be honest in what awaits. Yes it can be exhilarating to just walk in the day of light among people and when it is good, it is good and you will experience no greater joy in life IMO . However, never lose sight of the fact that for some who see you it may seem odd, weird, perverted, vile and whatnot and they could act accordingly. So a healthy sense of caution is never a bad thing to have even while you are "owning it".
Hugs
Isha