NOT Gay

[mechamoose]

Crossdressing often sets the fantasy gears in motion. When transforming into the image of woman, it's fun and exciting to imagine being a woman, even knowing better than to really believe it.

If I may, a minor adjustment.

Crossdressing drops an artificial barrier. We put our head into that 'other space'

The biggest sexual organ in the human body is the BRAIN.

If putting on girly things helps us access that part of ourselves that feels like that, then so be it. It is a technique, a tool. In the same way that meditation helps us reach a new place that we normally have a hard time reaching.

It is all US, honey. No need to feel judgmental about that.

- MM

[Talisker]

Think Zyila nailed it again. You probably have common sexual kink.

If you want to think of yourself as straight again and don't like the gay thought find a woman who likes to CD to be your boyfriend on dates........ or stop caring about labels.

[ReineD]

If putting on girly things helps us access that part of ourselves that feels like that, then so be it. It is a technique, a tool. In the same way that meditation helps us reach a new place that we normally have a hard time reaching.

This is not true for everyone.

Can't speak for medication, but the CDing does help some CDers become someone else. So there are indeed two different perspectives on the matter. Likely, both are correct depending on whether the individual is TS or not … although it is my understanding that generally TSs don't become different people when they dress, with different personalities, preferences, and sexual orientations.

I used to drink a lot. I used to think that when I drank, the truth that I daren't have spoken when sober came out … a lowering of inhibitions so to speak. Now that I don't drink anymore, I see that it was all BS. The drinking actually turned me into a person who wasn't fundamentally me.

[mechamoose]

Thanks Reine, I need to think on that for a bit.

I know I'm in a different place than most members here, and I have a hard time putting myself into a more 'limited' (no slight intended) place.

To me, I do change personalities a bit when I dress. When I'm overstressed, putting on a skirt helps me relax. When I'm looking for 'receptive' intimacy instead of 'projective' intimacy, it is easier when I'm wearing frills. I still feel both parts, but the clothing helps nudge my mood.

On some levels I'd equate it on dressing for work. Your headspace is different in 'professional' clothing than it is in 'comfy' clothing.

- MM

[ReineD]

Mechamoose, if putting on different clothing changes your mood, then maybe it is not about gender identity?

On some levels I'd equate it on dressing for work. Your headspace is different in 'professional' clothing than it is in 'comfy' clothing.

About the headspace: I recently started working again after many years of wearing mostly jeans at home. So now I wear skirts and dresses a lot because this best fits the way that other women in my position dress … not too casual, not too dressy, certainly not trendy or fashion plate, in other words the goal is to not distract from the matters at hand with appearance. Truthfully this does not in the slightest degree change my mood or my headspace. The only difference is that now I go to work prepared to put in a 9-10 hour day and I'm gearing myself up for not having as much freedom and down time as I did before, which has nothing to do with the way I dress. If I was working in a creative/casual-type environment where everyone wore blue-jeans and Tshirts, this is what I would wear as well and it would also not affect my attitude or work habits.

[mechamoose]

Reine:

I get your take as a 'transformative' CD person. (please correct me if I am wrong) You are seeking to live a 'she' version of life.

That isn't where I'm coming from. I'm never going to 'pass'.. more importantly, 'passing' isn't my goal. I want to be a guy in eyeliner, toe rings and nice clothing and not have that FU#&Ing matter.

- MM

[JayeLefaye]

Reine:

I get your take as a 'transformative' CD person. (please correct me if I am wrong) You are seeking to live a 'she' version of life.

That isn't where I'm coming from. I'm never going to 'pass'.. more importantly, 'passing' isn't my goal. I want to be a guy in eyeliner, toe rings and nice clothing and not have that FU#&Ing matter.

- MM

I have to agree with MM here(dammit, I HATE when that happens)...HYPHEN ALERT: Your basic-semi-well-adjusted-hetero-CDer just wants to feel pretty sometimes. I think of us as bi-genders, at least after we get past the fetish stage...And it's not always just "pretty", sometimes actually, it's "gentle". In the real world, I am known far and wide as the gentlest dude around. When out socially(ie: church, dances, parties etc), old friends, guys, gals,& little ol' ladies, seek me out because they want a hug, and they know that I'm the best frickin' hugger in any given room....And that hugging isn't necessarily gender related. But I have to "present" as a guy out there, gentle though I may be:-)....So, dressing for me, like MM, IS a way for me to relax, in the sense that I can let my hair down...And whether I pass or not doesn't really matter...I also meditate, take long walks in the woods, and have been known to set my alarm for 3:00 a.m so that I can simply sit on the back deck and listen to the stars go by because the hour between 3:00 & 4:00 a.m. is the most magical hour in the day.

Whoops, I'm rambling....Who I am is not defined by what I wear, but here's where I agree with MM...Wouldn't it be a lovely world where what you wear isn't what defines/judges you, but is simply what you feel like wearing on any given day?

But to answer the original question...Yeah, sometimes when I dress, I fantasize about being a sl*t and think yeah, I would do anyone & everything!!!!....Not totally unlike Mick Jagger:-), but sl*ttiness isn't in my genetic makeup...Which is probably just as well...So whether I'm in drab or en femme, or a combination, I try to remember what MM says about the bodies organs; the brain is the strongest, and I try to consciously keep my blood flowing up there, because otherwise, lower chakras take over, and who needs that???

Jaye

[SO1Adam12]

Yes, but you have to remember that is how society at large thinks of us. The only way that they can process Crossdresser is to link it with being gay, unfortunately. As I understand, the largest constituency among us is straight males, but what you would likely hear is: "You can't tell me that anyone who wears...". Because of this reaction, it could be that there is a backlash within our community.

Hmmm....interesting. Although I will agree that the majority of society assumes a CDer, whether male to female or female to male is a homosexual (admitting I that until recently I was one of the majority) I think CDers are much moire likely to suffer negative backlash than gay/lesbians. My understanding is there is even prejudice against CDers in the gay/lesbian community. The truth is, this subject is misunderstood within the CD/TG group. The gay/lesbian community has made tremendous strides of acceptance. Yes, they still have a long way to go, but CDing is still a much more unclear subject to say the least. There are several sub-categories of CDing and until they become defined, it will be even harder for society to accept. The truth is I'm not sure gay/lesbian is an issue. The word I have heard most often is not one I like to share in general, let alone here.

I agree with several of the other posts, that having a desire to be with a male while dressed as a female but not while dressed as male is just a way of compartmentalizing those feelings. I would believe they exist within your mind all the time but you only allow yourself to bring them to the forefront while dressed as a female because on some level you find that acceptable. Who the heck cares anyway. I think many CDers here over-analyze their actions, behavior and appearance when dressed as a female vs. male.

A PB & J sandwich is still a PB & J whether on white bread or wheat bread.

[lpjamey]

When in male mode I truly love all things female, no doubt, 100% love'em. When I dress never think about men only women, so I guess I'm a lesbian? Hell I don't know, I have no problem with being gay I've tried oral with a couple of men and it was ok (never in female mode) but I still prefer women. I will never pass and I don't need to, I dress for the excitement, relaxing calm feeling that I get, , period. If you're gay thats ok just be it and own it.

[ReineD]

I want to be a guy in eyeliner, toe rings and nice clothing and not have that FU#&Ing matter.

I agree, it would be nice if we lived in such a society, if people didn't assign any particular looks or styles to gender. Everyone would be free to dress/present as they want. But then I suspect that many CDers would be unhappy. There'd be no particular feminine look.

[sometimes_miss]

Amusing. Amusing that a male who wears women's clothes finds it so afraid that someone might think he's gay.

The problem arises should we want to date women; women don't usually want to date bi men or a gay man who they believe may be simply deceiving himself about his own sexuality. Once you're 'labeled' as gay, there will always be the suspician, and it's hard enough to find someone to date in this world, especially as we get older, that we simply want to avoid any further difficulties. Why make things harder on ourselves? The odds of finding a woman who's turned on by a guy who crossdresses is slim enough without creating more potential problems.

[SO1Adam12]

When in male mode I truly love all things female, no doubt, 100% love'em. When I dress never think about men only women, so I guess I'm a lesbian? Hell I don't know, I have no problem with being gay I've tried oral with a couple of men and it was ok (never in female mode) but I still prefer women. I will never pass and I don't need to, I dress for the excitement, relaxing calm feeling that I get, , period. If you're gay thats ok just be it and own it.

No, I would think you are a heterosexual male who gets some satisfaction out of wearing women's clothing.

When dressed as a female, you are still a male. Your're just a PB & J on wheat.

[sheilagirl]

"You feel, how you feel". One of my ex-wives said that, but really, nothing rings truer. It's how you react to it that matters. I've often felt a little lonely out here in Crossdressers.comville because personally, no matter how dolled up I get, how feminine and sexy I adorn myself, I still just want to make love with women. Call me crazy but I love pussy. For me, men hold no attraction and as much as I've tried to imagine myself with a man, it just ain't happening for me. I'm not sure what that means but, I feel, how I feel. The thing is, everyone on this forum has something in common, and if you're like me, and you know you are, we love a nice pair of lace, silk panties but that might just be where we part ways. Whatever...
Thanks for listening.

[CherylFlint]

Here's some info: a number of you have responded in private messages.
The verdict is that most of you agree with me, about liking guys while dressed.

[ArleneRaquel]

When enfemme I love men, in drab not at all.

[ReineD]

The verdict is that most of you agree with me, about liking guys while dressed.

But the question is, Cheryl, how many of these members have actually done it? It's one thing to fantasize and quite another to establish a sexual relationship with a man. Would they still like it after the experience?

It would be interesting to have a poll and have absolutely everyone who participates in this forum answer, not just the members who are bi.

A lot of people are here to play out their fantasies.

Sometimes_miss, you mention a difficulty finding women who like CDers because most believe them to be gay. There is another big reason that women don't as a rule go for CDers. I'm sure that (some? many?) women would believe, once it has been explained, that their new partner is not gay. But, it's difficult to get over the fear of others finding out. There still is a stigma against men who present as women. Even the CDers who go out on a regular basis keep this private from work and the people in their daily lives.

[Adriana Moretti]

But the question is, Cheryl, how many of these members have actually done it? It's one thing to fantasize and quite another to establish a sexual relationship with a man. Would they still like it after the experience?

I did it...LOL....I am Bi............and I still liked it after........but I'm a rare breed around these parts...

[abbyleigh001]

Cheryl... Get beyond the sexual labels... They are so restrictive in allowing the individual to freely express their true feelings at a given moment...

[weyburn]

Gay Straight whatever.........Peace and good health to all

[LilSissyStevie]

I just remembered that I actually am gay. I'm just waiting for it to manifest itself. When I was 17 and in a lot of legal trouble I had to be evaluated by a jailhouse psychiatrist for the judge to use in sentencing me. He said, among other things, that I was a "latent homosexual." I was strangely proud of that. The judge must not have thought it a big deal since she sent me home with probation. I'm still waiting for the gay to overtake me forty three years later.

[mechamoose]

But the question is, Cheryl, how many of these members have actually done it? It's one thing to fantasize and quite another to establish a sexual relationship with a man. Would they still like it after the experience?

Did you 'do' them to experience a fantasy, or because you *liked* them?

If your answer is 'fantasy', then you USED them. If your answer is 'liked', then you are putting up a HUGE gender/identity challenge, but you still put those hips up in the air, didn't you?

As I have said in many other threads, this thing of ours is about being *US*, not about an act. It isn't about 'faking' or 'passing'. It is figuring out how to be ourselves without being (light) embarrassed; (heavy) getting the cr@p beaten out of us.
.

[Beverley Sims]

I have a similar outlook to you but I am not attracted to men.
When with a group of girls I would look at men slightly differently and agree about their various attributes.

[Tami Monroe]

I did it...LOL....I am Bi............and I still liked it after........but I'm a rare breed around these parts...

I am in the same boat as Adriana....exactly the same boat.

[Barbara Dugan]

How do I feel about the Gay thing?.. After reading some of the threads on this forum ....its not easy being a Gay crossdreser

[BillieAnneJean]

When in guy I am 100% my SO's SO.
When enfemme I am 100% my SO's SO.
I am 100% always the same, the guy SO for my GG SO.
She is everything I will ever need and everything I could ever want and no matter what I am wearing I am a guy in an eternal relationship with my SO.
When enfemme I feel less masculine and more feminine, but I still realize that I am a guy and that is not going to change. Maybe I can escape the pressures of my life when enfemme, but at the end, I must go back to being a guy because that is where I know I belong. It is what works for me. And being the guy in our relationship works for me too.
I LIKE being a guy. But I like it MORE because I am a guy by choice. And I can choose to be a sorta girl for a while.
But I will never find any attraction in other guys. Even when enfemme. Women are like walking breathing artwork to me.
This is for me. It in NO way is an opinion on same sex couples. Everyone has a right to be happy in any kind of mutually beneficial relationship they choose. Even though our government and laws may not reflect that, YET.