Choice or no Choice

[Megan.]

Hi there it's megan i haven't posted anything in this section for a while and i am hoping for some advice and guidance.

lately i have been getting very involved lets say with the whole crossdressing thing i have been wanting todo it more and more and go out too but i am so lonely i would one day like a girlfriend and one day a wife but my crossdressing in getting in the way of this.

must i chose between crossdressing and a girlfriend if i am to be happy or do you think they could work together and advice would be great thanks megan.

[Kate Simmons]

This kind of question is best fielded to a counselor. You are the one who actually has to decide what is more important to you.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Tough question Megan. I was fortunate not to have to face it in my younger years.

If crossdressing is a really strong part of you it is unlikely you'll be able to stop. Many try and the urge comes back. It did in my case after a gap of almost 4 years.

So that leaves trying to find a balance between CDing and a girfriend. One thing in your favour is that younger folk are more accepting of difference. Good luck!

[Stephskk]

I suppose with the right girlfriend anything is possible. My SO is supportive and we are getting married after 5 years together.

[kimdl93]

If you look around here you'll find that many of us have wives and families. CDing and relationships are not mutually exclusive.

[Dianne S]

As others have said, it's quite possible for a crossdresser to have a romantic relationship or marriage.

However, you should accept the fact that getting into a relationship is extremely unlikely to "cure" you of your desire to crossdress. The desire may fade a bit during the beginning exciting stage of the relationship, but it's inevitably going to return.

Also, you need to ask yourself honestly if you're "just" a crossdresser or think you may be transsexual. Coming out as TS is almost certainly going to wreck a relationship, so dig deep into yourself now to try to answer that question.

[Talisker]

Megan - if you stay at home CD as an alternative to going out and socialising then you will stay lonely.
You said you would like to go out CD. Why not try it at friendly venue? Lots of girls will be curious.

You have a choice it's up to you.

[TanyaWonder]

Ive got a gf who wants me to dress sometimes, she does my makeup and nails even Definitely no prob when you find one that is suitable for you

[LesliePinky]

You can have a gf and cd , tips in going out befriend other cd or transexuals so that you can go out with them most of them are very eager to doll you up - thats my exp hehe

[DonnaT]

You don't have to choose. Usually a GF will choose to stay or not once they know. You then have a choice of telling or not telling.

By not telling, you run the risk of being found out and, if she leaves, having wasted time romancing the wrong gal.

Of course, if you are spending all your free time CDing instead of finding the right person for you, then yes, that is a choice. And if you seriously want a GF, then you might want to talk to a therapist about controlling your time CDing.

[Tina_gm]

You won't truly have to choose, but being honest up front may limit the women who will accept the idea of a romantic relationship with you. However, for those who still will, many of the struggles that CD's face on this board, you will have avoided. One of my biggest regrets was not telling my wife before we were married. Would we have married? I have asked this of her, would you have still said yes if you were told early on, or even formed any romantic relationship with me. Her answer.... IDK. She has said though, that she would marry me again now knowing if my CDing remains as it is.






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[LelaK]

I imagine bisexual women should have no problem with CDs. OKCupid is a free dating site where you can find some. Maybe there are better sites.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Being a crossdresser will not help you when it comes to finding a GG partner, that is for sure. While there are certainly exceptions, this is really, really not something most women desire in their male partner. If you can quit, you really will be so much better off. However, statistically, the vast majority cannot quit dressing forever, so it is something you will have to deal with. As others have said, you have to be honest and tell before a relationship becomes serious, otherwise you can be setting yourself as well as your partner up for some major pain; you can read the disastrous outcomes of not telling your GG partner before marriage in posts all over this site.

There are no easy answers when it comes to this, sadly

[Dianne S]

Being a crossdresser will not help you when it comes to finding a GG partner

That's true. I recommend everyone read the Would You Have Married Your Husband thread in the Loved Ones forum for a dose of reality.

[avant1465]

I don't think that C/D needs to be an impediment to having a G/F, S/o and/or wife...... The key - in my experience - is to reveal, early on, that your C/D-ing is part of who you are.... and, if you and she are going to become an item, then it will be incumbent upon both of you to accept that......

If'n you find you've met/dated a woman who ISN'T comfortable with that (with a PART of WHO YOU ARE), then you will have found that out early.... and you and she can part ways amicably. The best part will happen when you find that woman who will say, "Well, that's part of who you are... and I like you.... so let's not let your C/D-ing get in the way of us spending time together and learning if we like one-another enough to become "an item"."

Good luck. (P.S. I write from experience.....)