How many years?

[Wildaboutheels]

How many years had you been dressing BEFORE you landed at this site?

It IS possible for people to come here and be "brainwashed".

It IS possible for people to come here and be "brainwashed".

Succumb to "groupthink" to "fit in" better. There are plenty of examples to be found here.

And/or can we just boil it down to the word NEVER?

Before you came here, and/or even now, the thought or idea of transition has NEVER crossed your mind even fleetingly?

Of course, it's a NO Brainer that neither train of thought, makes one a "better" or "more serious" CDer.

[docrobbysherry]

Lot of questions, Wild---

I dressed in a complete vacuum for 10 years, (fantasizing about having real breasts and SRS the entire time), before checking in here 7 years ago. My desire for breasts and SRS vanished about 5 years ago.

I don't like the, "brainwashed" term. And, believe "pink fog" to be nicer and more descriptive of new arrivals here.

Talk about pink fog: After I arrived here? I was sure it was just a matter of time before my "fem side" decided to show herself. After waiting 3 years, I gave that up. I now believe guys that start dressing completely out of the blue after age 50 aren't likely to have one!

[Jennifer-GWN]

For me the answer is ... I've been lurking for quite some time. They say knowledge comes from Reading and Wisdom comes from Listening. So I classify my lurking as both reading and listening. I have struggled with how far does this go for me. As I indicated in my recent introduction I've reached a point where I need clarity but also a need to begin to be more open (beyond in my head). is there a degree of groupthink here. Yes. In my work life they say you talk to the people you are either most comfortable with or who is like minded vs fight with those who challenge or disagree.

Has the thought of transition crossed my mind - Yes. Did it cross my mind before I began lurking - YES. Personally I fall in space of if I knew what I know now when I was in my teens or twenties I would have pursued transition then (baring hindsight is 20/20). The fact is regardless of hindsight in my teens and early 20's I didn't even believe transition was an option or path physically possible (very small town boy sheltered at the time) despite knowing that I something was different and there was a lack of congruency between my mind and my body; my body too some degree won the early battle but the war never ended.

Today do I think I can successful transition. To be honest I don't know. Like others have pointed out in other threads I am Male Body challenged - need to address the belly (seemingly easy compared to other aspects), address the reality of hair removal (laser much less an option now given % gray), and RLT in general (working on that piece now as part of the reason for coming out of stealth for me is - I'm acknowledging to myself that I need more).

So are you all brainwashing me? NO. Do you all help me? YES. I read and listen and correspondingly contemplate. Is it a perfect situation? NO - because yes like everyone else the Pink Fog does roll in occasionally only to be blown away with a dose of reality. For me that's part of the learning process.

my perspective.
cheers... Jennifer.

[Seana Summer]

I had been dressing 20+ years not counting the decade or so I took off from dressing. I have been registered here and have been participating for a little over a year now.

I have not had any interest in transitioning on any sort of permanent or even semi permanent basis and I don't see that changing. I like dressing as a women and I even look like a women from time to time (from a distance.......at night........If your nearsighted) This site really hasn't changed anything about that for me. It has reaffirmed for me that there are many others out there like me and that has given me great comfort just from knowing that.

I don't doubt that some who come here are very vulnerable and have such a desire to fit in somewhere that they may go along with one crowd or another and strive to "go out", "blend in", "be a women" just because there new found friends are going in that direction. I worry that there may be a few that pass through these pages that have not taken the time to really get to know themselves before they "join up" with a crowd. Kind of like kids joining a gang or a cult

Me, I am stubborn, I am going where I want to even if that means I will never be a "serious Crossdresser" in the eyes of the gang

Seana


One impact this site has had on me is an greatly expanding wardrobe! Far too many good shopping tips!!!

[Katey888]

Nice reply Jennifer... It's great that we're helping someone - and it sure as heck has helped me!

How many years...? Toooo many - modesty forbids, but suffice to say decades...

Then your statement re brainwashing... Yes, it is possible - No, I do not think this forum brainwashes people - Yes, people can succumb to groupthink and pressure... All internet forums should come with a health warning - we offer personal advice and opinions ONLY... Nothing more definitive.

Ever thought about transition? Other than academically - Never. I might get some contentment out of this, and perhaps some fun - eventually even a little socialising, but that is as far as it goes for me.

A "better" CDer...? No - we're about as equal as any other diverse, disparate, distributed and fragmented group of folk...

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Before coming here I was CDing about 50 years. I had previously thought I wanted to transition but became convinced along the way that may not have necessarily been the best thing. I now enjoy being myself as myself and try to help other folks do the same.

[Eringirl]

I had been indulging my true self as Erin on and off for about 30 years. Thoughts of transitioning during that time, you bet. Acting on it? Nope. I haven't been here that long. But a very strong increase in desire to have my real self come out brought me here. Not the other way around. So no brain washing. But a place for support and sharing of ideas, place to articulate some thoughts and get some advice/feedback. I have found some really great friends here that I am able to PM when needed and really learn a lot.

my 2 cents worth (Canadian)

Erin

[cassandra54]

People can get brainwashed from listening to Glen Beck or Dave Ramsey. This site is no different than any other on the internet, where people share their viewpoints, experiences and information. Anybody that has issues and is impressionable is likely to be influenced by what some people post here. But really if you decide to transition just on the basis of what you read here, then that is an issue and not because of this website. Transitioning and having surgery is pretty serious and irreversible. There's no going back. And there should be a whole host of other people that you should be talking to who will help you make such decisions.

As far as myself goes, I was dressing in earnest for about a year before I joined this site. I joined because my former girlfriend and I were discussing going out in public and I thought I might find some information here. I did not, but I learned a lot about myself and my dressing up. I've never felt any desire to fit in or do what others do. While I do not believe that I am a woman trapped in a man's body, I believe that there are some people that do believe and feel that way. I respect that totally.

I became active on site again recently. My new girlfriend is very supportive and encouraging me to dress more and enjoy it. However I still enjoy my male side and enjoy being him as well I've decided to share information and experiences once again.

[Amy Fakley]

guess it depends on what you mean by "brainwashed".

It's not like anyone got abducted by a vanload of trannies in black (fabulous LBDs of course), and was made to read the forum and fall in line with the dominant opinions here until they finally woke up on an operating table in Thailand, y'know.

If you sought this place out, and you went through the hoops to make an account and joined the community, it was because you wanted to be here. You already had this inside you.
Maybe by finding others who had it inside them as well, and by the process of exchanging views with them, you might gain a wider perspective regarding the world and you and your place in it. That's hardly the same thing as brainwashing.

I don't think it's possible for people to come here and be brainwashed.
That is frankly ridiculous.

It is possible for people to show up here in an incredibly emotional place and in a mentally fragile state of mind. I know I did.
That's why it's so important to be considerate and careful of the advice we doll out on here. This isn't a forum about model airplanes. This sh~t we deal with can be really serious.

Before I came here, did I think about transition?
Of course I did. I've been dressing in women's clothing on the sly for something like 31 years now. How could I not think to myself "what if this was just my every day reality?".

Good grief ... I'd be honestly surprised if there were any of us who'd never had that thought before coming here, even fleetingly.

[cassandra54]

How did you know about the vans?? After I was kidnapped and forced to view the website in a pair of panties and a bra, they supposedly erased the memory of it, but it came back. And to think I used to be a lumberjack.

[Tiffany Jane]

I have been wearing gender inapproriate clothing and items for twenty five years on and off. That is what brought me here. An idea(s) lingering in my subconscience of why I do this and what am I doing it for. Reading multiple views of the same topic allowed me to address myself as a crossdresser and not some bizzarre creature lingering in a mans body. The term became an eyeopening moment, acknowledging a desire to do something I had been told and was telling myself was wrong. But, for whatever reason, I felt it was an integral part of my being. So thank you to all on this forum, cders, tg, gg, etc. Each perspective reminds me that the thoughts I have had have been felt by someone else on a scale varying as much as the people here.

Transition: thought of the ease of not dealing with breast forms, but wouldn't give up the whole male body. These were topics that almost made me regret being here. I had read too many threads on the topic and was beginning to wonder if this was the path I was headed down. Upon further reading, realized I had just happened upon a couple days of transgender/transition topics.

I still feel this is an open and comfortable group of individuals, others more open than others, but so is the case with every other group in our lives. I may not post as often as the first couple weeks, but still check in to see how everyone is doing.

[Rachael Leigh]

I had been an off and on dresser for 30 plus years before coming here and while some of how I thought of myself has changed since coming here I think what actually has happened is I validated what I was feeling.
It's been a great place to be in my last year here

[Annaliese]

I prefer educated, I have learn a lot about my self, and I hope I have given back as much as I have received.

[Amy Fakley]

... And to think I used to be a lumberjack.

hey I too am a lumberjack, and I'm okay

[suchacutie]

I was dressing for 48 hours before finding this site. I adore both of my genders so putting either of them aside is not going to happen. I came here looking for information and to learn through the experience of others and that is what I've gotten! I do think it's possible to let the pink fog carry one away, but that can't be a fault of this site. We are all responsible for what we do.

[Melanie B]

How many years had you been dressing BEFORE you landed at this site?

About 50, on and off. I joined in order to get more information, opinion, and advice to help me solve one particular problem. Anything else is a bonus.

It IS possible for people to come here and be "brainwashed".

I doubt it... unless, of course, they want to be!

Before you came here, and/or even now, the thought or idea of transition has NEVER crossed your mind even fleetingly?

Not quite sure of the question ... but the answer is "yes, it has, but I do not see full transition in my future

Of course, it's a NO Brainer that neither train of thought, makes one a "better" or "more serious" CDer.

I don't understand this one, either, I'm afraid. To me it seems like saying "better at being right handed" or "more serious about being tall"

[paula1911]

I didn't dress much for most of my life as I had children in the house until a few years ago. Kept the desire to dress from my spouse. So I guess I have fully cross dressed only a few months.

I do not believe that this forum or any other event can brainwash you any more than watching Fox or MSNBC can change your view of the world. I think it's in your genes and for me, I became aware of the desire to dress at about 14 years old. I am here because I want to be.

I have to tell you that I thought my cross dressing ways were rare. I felt guilty, embarrassed with myself when I was young and this forum helps me to find out I was not alone.

[Charla McBee]

I've always formed my own opinions although I did learn a few things in my earlier days around here. I first signed up in 2009 after a bit of lurking but I had been dressing for about a decade before that entirely in secret. I know I was fascinated by transition from very early on and certainly had fantasies of being a girl. That's not something I picked up from this community. If anything, I put on my best effort of self-denial over my years here trying to resist the TG crowd and the transitioners and using the manly CDer types to reassure myself that I was cisgender.

As far as groupthink and trying to fit in better, again I make my own choices, I don't feel like I ever really fit in here or connected very much with anyone. I came back a few months ago really trying to find myself after a long period of burying it all again but still didn't find what I was looking for. I've since figured out where I stand to some extent and found a more specialized community that fits me. I still hang around here though because I'm a creature of habit and I still feel like I have something to offer.

[cassandra54]

hey I too am a lumberjack, and I'm okay

"I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.
I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa."

I see someone else knows Monty Python

[bimini1]

The mere powers of suggestion cannot only be strong, but subliminally seductive at the same time. Advertisers thrive on this concept. I think being here has definitely influenced me in one way or another. I get drawn into this false sense of security about CD only to be shocked back into reality by someone or something I see in my everyday interactions.

[Tami Monroe]

I have CD'ed for over 30 years. There have been times when I thought that getting a transition would be a viable option. I know that if I ever have to enter Witness Protection, that will be the catalyst for sure! Seriously though, I am happy to have my male side, but also happy to have my female side. I am happy right where I am right now. I can be manly when I need or want to be, but also I can be quite the girly girl when I want also. It is the best of both worlds.

[Wildaboutheels]

So, just where are all the CDing ''hobbyists"?

That have no desire whatsoever to be a female full time 24/7 with none of the advantages that come with being male?

[DebbieL]

I started dressing in 1961, I was 6 years old. I'd wanted to be a girl since 1958, when I was 3.
Then they told me that I was a boy and couldn't play with girls anymore, I had to play with the boys.
The boys threw rocks at me and hit me with sticks. They called me sissy, fag, queer, fairy, tinkerbell, and worse.
They whipped me with wet towels, they whipped me with belts, they beat me with fists, and kicked me with boots.
I went to the hospital 64 times. The doctors didn't want to send me home until the bruises healed, even though I was there for asthma.
I talked to psychologists, therapists, and social workers - it took months to build up enough trust and courage to share what was in my heart,
and they told me they couldn't talk about that.
My mother knew, but had been told terrible things would happen if anyone found out - so she didn't even talk to me about it.
My father knew, but he had been badly hurt himself because he was so feminine - so he didn't want to talk about it.
My grandfather told me I was going to burn in hell, that I was an abomination - and he didn't even know.
My grandmother knew and let me play dress-up in her cellar, but we had to keep it a secret.
My cousins knew - two of them wanted to dress up too, one wanted to kiss me - both were boys.
Friends thought that because I was so girly, that I wanted to date boys - but boys brought back memories of pain and terror.
i enjoyed pleasing my girl-friends, but when they reached between my legs for the thing I hated so much, it was hard to tell them no nicely.
My friends in college thought I was a transvestite - they gave me a magazine with pictures of men with hairy arms, legs, and faces wearing frumpy dresses and panty hose. Was this what they thought of me? I knew I could be much prettier, because I had been when I was younger.

And then I met someone who was transgendered - like me. They weren't drag queens, they weren't freaks, they were boys who wanted to be girls.
This was on a usenet newsgroup back in 1984. That's 23 YEARS after the first time I told my parents. It was on net.motss or net.women.
In 1985, I was finally able to find books and videos on she-males and transsexuals, they weren't terribly informative, some where just wrong.

Websites like this one didn't "turn me transsexual", they gave me the chance to share feelings that I had kept hidden from everyone BUT myself for over 4 decades. There wasn't a day in my life when I wouldn't have asked the fairy godmother to turn me into a girl - even if I only had ONE wish, that was the one.

I prayed to God, but good Christians called people like me "an abomination" - some even said people like me should be killed, slowly and painfully.
Others wanted to "cure" people like me - with torture, shock, and lobotomy - we'd be dead, but we'd make obedient slaves.

Here I learned about therapists, how to find them, how to find doctors, how to get hormones, how to get through the legal hurdles, how to communicate with my wife, children, and in-laws. Even how to communicate with people at my church. I learned that I didn't have to dress like a **** to be beautiful. I even learned that I didn't have to be beautiful to be accepted as a woman. Simply put, I learned how to live the life I had wanted to live for 50 years, and now I'm finally living it.

Too often, people think of "brainwashing" as similar to what the North Koreans did during that war, breaking down mental defences and forcing someone to do something they never wanted to do.

What happens here is more like "Brain Washing" - taking the power away from the kind of thinking that caused us immense pain and suffering. It helped us to know that there was a solution to what we had previously thought was a "permanent problem". We found out that we could love, and be loved, without having to pretend to be something we never wanted to be in the first place. Before this "Brain Washing", we felt so trapped, so powerless, so frustrated, that it often appeared that we were suffering from depression, bipolar disorder, or were neurotic. Even today, modern therapists have been getting special training in APA workshops to help them understand and properly address the needs of the transgender and transsexual clients.

Many of us actually DO suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome. When you are violently assaulted by 10-12 boys every day for months, and you know that it will happen today, when you go to school, and every day for the rest of the school year - it creates fear, trauma, terror, panic, nightmares, and pain. When adult men go to war and experience this type of trauma, for example in POW camps, even with treatment it can take years to recover. Imagine what it's like for a child who is only 6 or 7 years old?

When we finally build up enough courage and trust to tell loved ones, especially spouses, they can't understand how we could have been so deceiptful for so long. Often they reject us, divorce us, take our children away. They don't understand how much terror and trauma has already been experienced. Even the most supportive wife may find that her cross-dresser husband seriously struggles with even the possibility of going out in public, of even being in the same room with another person. Even if his secret desire is that he wants nothing more in the world than to be able to live as a girl, there is so much terror and trauma that if his wife calls him a "Sissy", he will clamp down, shut off emotionally, sexually, and socially.

Some of us have even fallen in love with someone, only to lose them when they finally managed to get us to admit even a tiny bit desire to be feminine.

So yes, the group here has provided experience, strength, and hope for thousands of men and women, boys and girls, boys who want to be girls, girls who want to be boys, and their wives, lovers, and families. After years of hiding, of living in terror that our secret would be discovered, and the pain would start all over again, the experience of other survivors of this "halocaust" is a good and healthy thing.

[Charla]

I started crossdressing about age 10 - I got into my 14 year old sister's underwear drawer and started reading her pamphlets about menstruation and realized how different and wonderful she was. As I read, I wanted to try out this experience and I started putting on her bra and panties. So it's been at least 50 years. I have tried many times to go away from this, but it doesn't work.

[Paula Siemen]

Monty Python IS the Holy Grail!