Parents in town - ouch

[Kris Avery]

My daughter is graduating cosmetology school this weekend and we have my folks in from out-of-town for four glorious days. It's a great time and a blessing for them to have made the lengthy trip to celebrate.

It's also a bit ironic that I now have a trained MUA around the house who is great at makeup and hair...but..... I can't ever tell her about the real me so - it's really funny and sad at the same time.

Before people jump me and say 'Oh come on..take advantage of the situation..stop being a baby'....She is unstable and could still make things really bad with my ex (who is twice as unstable). Why care? This daughter has a younger minor sister that I still have regular visits with and I don't want to mess this up.

Apart from the usual drama of mixing 3 generations in a smaller house - we were all sitting around last night and somehow we began discussing the fact that I'm considered by the GGs (playfully) a token girl in a house of 4 (other-cough) women. If you can't beat them - join them the classic cat cartoon always said....now who was that?

Anyway, somehow things came to the point surrounding this token girl discussion where my elderly Dad said "man you would be a horrible girl - it's good you aren't". I casually looked at my SO with that 'girl ESP' and she could tell I was crushed on the inside.

I know, I had no choice but to put the big girl panties on and carry on with the rest of the evening but it was yet another example of what I have talked about in the past of my adoptive parents being a bit 'off' at times.

Question, who tells anyone such a thing! Why would you.?

Question, I know I shouldn't be bothered, but I am.
Why am I so bothered when in male mode and they don't know/can't see the real me reflecting on the outside?

Question, should I *only* consider it an ugly remark if they said that while seeing me in girl mode?

Question, why would I be brought peace to look at a few pictures of myself in girl mode? Was it to validate my perceived beauty?

Thanks for any advice/insight.

[Kate Simmons]

If you are confident in who you are why should it bother you unless you desperately need his approval? I would take it as just his opinion.

[Teresa]

Wendy if your dad only knows you as a son I'm sure he'll want to keep it that way, and saying what you would look like as a girl is only said through not knowing what a transition makeup and a wig can achieve !
Maybe at that point you would love to have shown him what Wendy looks like to prove him wrong ! Inside you know it's not true, you look and feel good as Wendy and no one can take that away !

[Tina B.]

In the Macho world, what your dad said would be taken as a compliment, he was telling you he thought you where all male, and in the vanilla world, that's a goods thing.

[Kris Avery]

Needed clarification....

My SO said it was 'horrible girl' not 'ugly girl'.

Since in male mode I'm quite girly, this is why it hit home so hard.

I updated the original post.

[AllieSF]

Sometimes the truth hurts and that sounds like the truth in his eyes. He has never seen your final product as a woman, and as I understand, does not even know about this other side of you. I see why you may feel bad about it, but, in my opinion, you should not feel that way. As I understand his comment, he was saying that you, being the male that he knows, would not look good and maybe not act correctly as a woman. He also may have been making a joke to get some laughs. Hell, I probably would have said something similar to one of my family members or friends during a fun time together. Take it as innocent humor and try to get over it. It is definitely not worth getting upset about.

As an explanation to my "the truth hurts" comment above, I think that I blend very well. However, at my age, with my sun damaged skin and obvious male features, I am obviously a male to most people when dressed en femme. So, I go about my days enjoying that perceived blending capability. Then sometimes, and very fortunately only sometimes, I actually get a true look of what I look like, which is not so blending as I keep telling myself. That is my truth and at that brief moment, it hurts some to see it and have to accept the truth of the moment. But, being me with my short memory and my positive attitude, I get over that hurt moment almost as fast as it happened. Therefore, I do not lament, too much, that fact that I am obviously a man in women's clothing and focus on all the fun that I have doing it.

[Isabella Ross]

Wendy, I'm not really responding to any of your questions, and I apologize. But I just wanted to say that for the past two or three years, I felt this overpowering urge to tell me parents. I'm not sure why -- but I think that, for me, I felt that to have complete self-acceptance, I needed to have acceptance from the people I love. I revealed all this past winter. My father -- a retired military man -- has been incredibly accepting. Not sure if this helps, but there you go.

[Marcelle]

Hi Wendy,

I would not read too much into your father's comment as he is just expressing a view that you are all guy in his eyes. I doubt he has any reason to suspect you are transgender or have leanings in that direction so he defaulted to "you would make a horrible girl" to bring some levity to the situation. Perhaps he saw himself as coming to your aid in what he might have perceived as a awkward conversation for you (i.e., being seen as a token girl).

The comment likely bothered you because getting dressed and putting on make-up is a form of expression and we all want to look good and have people appreciate that (i.e., it helps to validate us). When a comment is made like that regardless of whether the other person knows are not . . . it is a bit of swift kick to our ego and thus it hurts/bothers us.

In the end we all have to happy with who we are what we can achieve. I have introduced Isha to quite a few of male friends . . . most don't say anything others have said hands down "You make one ugly girl" and while I might feel a slight moment of hurt, for the most part it is not a big thing because in my heart of hearts I know they are correct. That helps me deal . . . but that is me.

Hugs

Isha

[Princess Grandpa]

While I can appreciate why this statement might hurt, I suspect he really believed he was defending and honoring you. He most likely considered this a compliment.

Hug
Rita

[bridget thronton]

You your situation best (you know who to tell and when). Congrats on your daughter's graduation

[suchacutie]

He was trying to be supportive of you! For those men who would never consider that anything feminine associated with them could be a positive, he saw your situation as others putting you down, and he was not going to put up with that without trying to defend you. This is all in his head and in his perspective. It is a window to his thinking, which you might be well advised to consider before telling him about Wendy. He seems to hold you in high esteem as a male, and is willing to say it publically.

I can see my own situation as very similar

[kimdl93]

I wouldn't have let that get me down for more than a moment. I really don't carry around the illusion that I'm in anyway an attractive woman. But I'm happy with who I am and comfortable with how I look. Others people's opinions of me are none of my business.

[Kris Avery]

Thanks for everyone's responses.

I have new insight as to his motivations and it helps.

Pondering all of this today, I must add that I just remembered that he was the first person I ever saw cross dressed (Halloween only) and...on multiple occasions.

Perhaps he has additional insight into me and is trying to steer me toward....normal.

[DonnaT]

I reckon he was giving the male you a compliment.

I think I would have responded, "I reckon so Dad, but with a trained MUA, I bet she could fix me up right."

[Heidi Stevens]

Wendy, don't fret too long on what dad said. Sometimes folks just say things to keep the conversation going and others read to much into it. Me on the other hand wouldn't pick up on conversational clues if you hit me with a two by four after statements that mean something! Besides it's a Beautiful day in Arkansas today! Stop worrying and enjoy it!

[lynnrichards]

I think your father was just joking.

[Beverley Sims]

Well you know where you stand with your parents now.
Yes..... Just suck it up.

[Rhonda Jean]

he was the first person I ever saw cross dressed (Halloween only) and...on multiple occasions.

Perhaps he has additional insight into me and is trying to steer me toward....normal.

Not to derail your thread, but I'd say the chance of him having additional insight is about 100%. Halloween is coming up. Wonder what his reaction would be to seeing you?

[Jaylyn]

I with a lot of the others comments on here he was just being a father. Sometimes especially us with a butt load of girl kids in the family and only one boy just say things that we probably shouldn't. My son and I have a great bonding type of relationship. It's the whole guy thing. We do lots of manly things together from hunting and fishing to watching football. Even he has said he didn't see why the girls wanted to go see a certain movie ( that I call a girl flick). I just know that I have to be a man when around them. It's hard at special occasions especially and besides y'all were there to honor the graduate not worry about things said. Man up get over the words and enjoy the dressing and hopefully feelings will be smoothed later in life in one way or just with time. Just let something like that not bother you and think in the back of your head how wrong he really is.