I have been feeling as feminine as ever when wearing my dresses and black 4 inch heels makeup for the last few months but I am now feeling out of breath and anxiety when in at work dressed in guy mode. I feel like I am missing something all I can think about is my next outfit and hoping to get a pro makeover soon. Sometimes I wish I could run away from everything and be myself without a care in the world worrying if anyone will recognize me. What does all this mean?
I sometimes feel that I cannot be feminine enough! It scares me at times because I just want to be a girl full time. I do not know what it means but it feels sooo good to be dressed.
Love, Sabrina
Haven't had time to dress for two days.
Today had 5 hours at home and I am basking in the glow.
But I hope to dress again tomorrow. I underdress each day so
that helps.
Hugs
Char
Natasha,
Even when you don't feel as bad as that, I always have the thought of dressing and the ache in the stomach !! After so many years it never goes away.
To me it means that you are eager to get to know yourself Hon. Can't beat that desire with a stick.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
It means that you are losing control of yourself. You might be in need of professional help so you can get your priorities in perspective. You need to control your desire to crossdress, not let crossdressing control you.
Thank you girls I believe your correct about me losing control but sometimes I just feel like putting myself in cruise control to see how much is enough. The emotions are so hard to keep from desiring more. Everything just feels so right and I tend to feel much happier when I'm Natasha.
I won't minimize this by calling it pink fog. Given the exhilaration you describe with fancy dresses and heels, This sounds a bit like an obsession. If it's really distracting you from work, I'd suggest strongly that you get some professional help. Regain some perspective and then when you're able to process this clearly, start thinking about what CDing means to you.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
I think that if we as crossdressers think that our positive experiences in women's clothes would be perpetuated throughout our 24/7/365 daily lives if we started living full-time as women, we are deluding ourselves. I know for me, while there is an element of fetihism to my dressing, it's also in large part an escape from reality for me. If I went into "woman-mode" full-time, then it stop being a diversion and become my reality. All the challenges of my daily life would be integrated into my dressing, along with the new ones of trying to navigate my world with a social gender change. I'm with the others here. If your crossdressing is interfering with your real life in a negative way, it's time to re-think it, with or without professional help, but professional help won't hurt!
Natasha,
I think we all have pink fog moments like this, especially if we have just met some new friends, perfected a new look or something similar.
It manifests itself on Monday morning when you usually have to wait till the next weekend to try it all out again.
Yes! That's five days away.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Absolutely
I now have my elderly parents living with us its going to be very hard not to dress when I want ,I will have to wait for holidays etc
Hi Natasha,
I have gone back and read over you posts but cannot discern how long you have been dressing or to what degree of dressing (e.g., out and about, closeted) have attained. I find that if you are new to this (i.e., exploring your girl side), once the "genie is out of the bottle", we all tend to rust to the finish line as quickly as possible. This normally leads to anxiety about wanting to dress more often, being our girl selves more often and so on . . . some here call it the pink fog but it is more about discovery . . . I got a taste and I want more to see where it is all going. Is it normal . . . IMHO yes. This tends to stabilize once you get to the point of self acceptance and integration into your life.
However the one thing I am a bit confused about was that you posted in the TS Body Issues section "breast soreness" which led me to assume you are taking HRT of some form? If this is the case, your feelings might not have anything to do with just wanting to dress and may have more to do with GD. Have you considered talking to a therapist who specializes in gender identity? If you are not there . . . I apologize for my leap but I was a bit confused when I saw that post as all your other posts are about CDing.
Hugs
Isha
I don't feel distress in guy mode, but I look forward to the stress relief of changing when I get home. What started as sleeping in lingerie has expanded to fill most of my waking hours when I know I'm not going out soon, and I only wear womens panties even in guy mode.
Last edited by Maria Blackwood; 10-05-2014 at 11:29 AM.
Hi Isha I am not on hrt I have been blessed with low Testosterone from birth so i don't grow any hair exept on my head. I started dressing last year but purged for 3 months kind of freaked but am now feeling that I should just embrace my new found gift and have to wonder if i was meant to be born a girl. I am now to the point of simply enjoying this part of my life.
Btw my Estrogen level was higher then my Testosterone level last year now my doctor is giving me testosterone. Just feeling a little confused of what I want.
Forgot to add higher estrogen vs my testosterone gave me Boobies...
Thank You ...
Last edited by Natasha V; 10-05-2014 at 09:30 PM. Reason: Error
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Hi Natasha:
I was born with a high level of both testosterone and estrogen, I developed large nipple buds as a teen and facial hair. I worked out a bit and beefed up my chest. The older, I get, the easier it is to manage hair. I started out putting on my grandma clothes as a teen. As an adult, I wore my wife's clothes here and there. The macho man in me suppressed the girl until she found her comfort zone and it is hard to have those weekend warrior days when Kkaye is suppressing the Macho man. Fact is Kkaye makes both halves happy.
Kkaye I get into the mentality that I'm happier when wearing my girly girl stuff but after a few days my mind tells me I'm lying to myself now I'm really just being myself in whatever mood I'm in. That is easier to handle. My spouse says she loves me as Natasha or myself but she does say i dress ****ty. Lol i feel it's only because I wish i had been dressing in my high school years.
I'm feeling happy both ways.
Natasha, A few things come to mind as I read over your posts. The first is an agreement with those who suggest that if your dressing is interferring with your work and other important things in life, it's time to get a handle on it, possibly through counseling or maybe through a support group who can work with you, giving you an additonal safe outlet. The other thing is the dressing ****ty. A large number of us didn't start to dress or couldn't dress until we were adults and it seems we need to go through some of the same growth cycles cis-women do. We missed that period of experimentation and pushing the boundaries and want to jump in and give it a try. As long as you see it as discovery and use it to grow, it can be a good thing. And feeling happier when dressed en femme is pretty common around here. Part of it may be the fantasy that allows us to put all the worries and obligations on "him" and just focus on feeling pretty. Those things will eventually come back to bite you if you ignore them, regardless of what you are wearing, so make sure you recognize where fantasy and wishing are becoming potential problems in your day to day drab life.
I'm very happy for you in that you have a supportive spouse. Her comments about your choices in clothing are her effort to help you dial it back a little. Listen to her, you don't want to lose that support. Even as a teenage girl you would have to deal with what parents would approve of, so in a way she is filling that role. Consider asking her for help in finding a look that works for your age and body and for a few common situations. Being focused on things like that may also help move the feelings from the emotional and physical to the intellectual and in another way help you find the keys to bringing your dressing under your control. If none of that helps, a counselor with gender identity experience may be a good idea.
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
Hi Sarah Charles thank you so much for the input i sincerely appreciate it and i really enjoy the advise of others who have been through this path. There is so much that you mention that make lots of sense. My wife and I have a great relationship with lots of communication but sometimes i really like to hear it from others as well. Thank You very much.
WARNING:Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies , projects or any other reasons You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum posts both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal action.
You're definitely in what some call here "a pink fog." I've been there for the last month as well. Getting out dressed last week helped but it also just feeds the fire. I've been doing this for over 50 years and I still don't have an answer. You just have to work through it. A lot depends on how you value your male life. I have a wife, adult children and grandchildren and my love for them gets me through it. But it never gets easy. Friends here actually help remind you what is really important at times. Other than that it can be really hard to keep your head screwed on straight. No pun intended.
I only wear womens panties even in guy mode and love to dress when I get home from work
I totally agree with Krisi. I went back and read some of your prior comments. You're lucky to have a supportive wife. If that is true, then you don't have to hide in the closet, and, you therefore can be open with her. You may have a green light on cross dressing, but, you should not let cross dressing control you. Yes, maybe you need to seek therapy to evaluate who you really are. Sometimes cross dressing can be a compulsive disorder, just like any other thing in life.
Originally Posted by Krisi
When I first started dressing up on my off-time it was a similar feeling for me. That epiphany of feeling right when I was in my dress and wanting to have that feeling more often. Then there were the torturous days spent sitting at work, having a hard time focusing on the task at hand and looking forward to getting home and slipping on some pumps. Having a wife a kids was probably a saving grace for me as it forced me to space out my dress up days. To help myself at work I just wore panties and hose (with socks on the feet) under my suit, a little mascara on the upper lashes and it helped me get past that initial need to be dressed up all the time.
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