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Thread: Public reasons to explain divorce

  1. #26
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
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    I have a very dear friend who just went through this same thing. He and his wife became empty nesters and inside of 6 months divorced. Seems things in the relationship over the years eroded, and with the kids now gone there was no reason to stay together. I've since learned the empty nest transition is a common turning point at which many marriages ends.

  2. #27
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    for me it has now been a couple months my wife asked me to move out after 26 year's . I just tell it been coming for a couple years, and leave it at that. we are still friends so far. they don't need details . hang in there. ♡ jean

  3. #28
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    My ex made it a point to tell my family about my crossdressing that she wanted to do but used that as an excuse. There was a lot more to it then that she could tell that story and everybody felt sorry for her. It wasn't the real reason we got a divorce, she didn't bother to tell anybody about the affairs she had or the bills that didn't get paid, the day trips her and her mother took and brought stuff with the money that was for the bills.

  4. #29
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    Thank you all for the support! Wife has backed off/ slowed down on request, but only time will tell.
    The screen name ClosetED is for being in closet, Ellen and D for last name (turning initials into verb ending for closet).
    Sicne wife seems OK with not giving away reason, I will not. She would suffer some (or at least feel pain) in public knowing.
    Ellen

  5. #30
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    My second ex-wife told all her friends and family about my cross-dressing so they wouldn't talk to or have anything to do with me any longer. this was 25 years ago and a little over a year ago when most of her family found my male personna on FB they all sent me friend requests. But the funniest part was a few years after we divorced our daughter asked her grandmother to invite me to her high school graduation. My current wife ( #3) and I were very happy to attend. My ex-mother in law asked me to go to the grocery store to help her carry some things for her. I figured well, the gigs up. the only question she asked me was... why in the world would you want to wear a bra ? I was honest and told her it wasn't just the bras but everything and I have no idea why I get the urges. She said OK, end of this never to be talked about again. I still love this lady like a Mom.
    Sometimes spite can bite you ion the end.

    Just be careful and be safe

  6. #31
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    When anyone asked, and surprisingly no family did, I said we'd grown apart. It was totally true, but of course, not the detailed truth.

  7. #32
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    My x -wife was an out of control bitch when we divorced ands still is. She outed me before I even realized I was transgender. Go figure? All bets are off haven't seen to many divorces go smooth ,work through with her if possible .Remember you can't control some ones mouth ,hope for the best and it doesn't last for ever.good luck

  8. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    As I noted in another thread, my ex used my CDing as a weapon during our divorce, but it was for naught. It's not a crime, so despite telling everyone including my kids, friends and coworkers, my life went on and she got nothing for being vengeful.
    No, it is not a crime, but if you are a CD that cheats on your wife, then Adultery IS a crime.

  9. #34
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    Hi Ed, That's on a need to basis.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

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  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simone's Lil' Sis View Post
    No, it is not a crime, but if you are a CD that cheats on your wife, then Adultery IS a crime.
    That's interesting, pray tell where being adulterous is a criminal offence?
    Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said

    The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member Jenny Gurl's Avatar
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    People change throughout life, that is a fact. When two people agree to be together, they still mature into different people than they were when they first got together. It's no one's fault, that's life. When two people grow in different directions, it is really foolish for them to stay together and waste precious years of their lives being with someone who is no longer compatible. Every year they stay together is a year they could have been with someone who truly is a compatible mate to the person they have evolved into. That is the long version of "we grew apart." It's also often said by both parties that they mutually decided that they both wanted something different in life, and have moved on. If you are going to go into this detail, it's important to not point fingers, and say it in a way that explains that both parties are in agreement, no one is dumping or leaving the other, and you are both ok with it and are going to move forward to improve both your lives.

  12. #37
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nigella View Post
    That's interesting, pray tell where being adulterous is a criminal offence?
    Interestingly, this from Wiki:

    As of 2014, adultery remains a criminal offense in 21 states, although prosecutions are rare.
    Penalties vary from a $10 fine in Maryland to life imprisonment in Michigan.... Dirty weekends in Maryland sound like a bargain...

    Ellen - I've been through divorce (although not related to CDing) - simplest and most truthful reason for me is that people change over time and sometimes that means they grow apart rather than together.

    Hope things go smoothly for you...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  13. #38
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    To me, people are often mislead. They see the public representation of a couple and assume that the private representation is that same. However, in many cases, just the opposite is true. And further, we see what we want to see. We don't want to see people having difficulties.

  14. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katey888
    Quote Originally Posted by Nigella View Post
    That's interesting, pray tell where being adulterous is a criminal offence?
    Interestingly, this from Wiki:

    As of 2014, adultery remains a criminal offense in 21 states, although prosecutions are rare.
    Well you learn something new each day
    Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said

    The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another

  15. #40
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    My X lovingly did my makeup and accessorized perfectly with jewelery and got a wonderful picture that she circulated thru family and attorneys to bolster her case and embarrass me. Now she's fat and sickly, and I'm slim, healthy, successful and beautiful.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  16. #41
    Careful I bite <3
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    Closer to the truth is normally easier.

    If she's vindictive you won't have lied, which helps you keep your friends, and if not it helps both of your stories match up so there's less questions.

    Irreconcilable differences is the generic idea, but depending on how close people are to you, you may need to go a bit more in depth than that. Own up to your shortcomings and don't go overboard telling people about the "other issues".

  17. #42
    Member Confetti's Avatar
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    Sigh, I heard this many times from non cds, no matter what it is the reason for ending it impossible not to have the other person dig up problems of the past and make it the big blow up excuse information strangers have no business learning. My dear friend said she pulled up pictures of women he knew before they were married to say he was cheating and got sympathy.

  18. #43
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    As I stated in my earlier response, maybe she realized that the length of your marriage, the experiences , investments & nurturing of the marriage, made her realize that cding is another marital compromise ( though weird ) that can be handled. I am truly hoping that you both can talk, cry, talk some more & then share joyful laughter. You both can work through this problem... Think positive. Peace, mel

  19. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nigella View Post
    That's interesting, pray tell where being adulterous is a criminal offence?
    And, if you're in the military "Don't Commit Adultery!" My married nephew was booted out of the US Air Force for adulterous behavior. He got a "General Discharge" rather than an "Honorable Discharge."
    Last edited by Stephanie47; 09-28-2014 at 10:57 AM.

  20. #45
    Junior Member abbyleigh001's Avatar
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    Really... Does there need to be an explanation??? That is your choice... Irreconcilable differences... Or we grew apart and decided to go in different directions... I'd rather not talk about the divorce... The less said the better and it is really the business of your former spouse and you... So in your best interests just move away from that topic and enjoy your new life...

  21. #46
    Junior Member abbyleigh001's Avatar
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    I suspect that there is a bit of guilt as well as wanting those close to know that the blame lies with your former spouse... How could a seemingly perfect relationship end on the rocks... Well they do... Get off of the guilt trip and move onto your new life... Again the reasons for divorce belong to you and your former spouse... No need for disclosure...

  22. #47
    Junior Member Aubrey Skye's Avatar
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    Mine had somewhat to do with the crossdressing but that is not the main reason we divorced. But, I take the high road and don't explain to them how she was a bitch and wanted me to be someone completely different than who I am (not even talking about dressing), and I just tell them that we had some issues and couldn't work through them. But I do say she initiated the divorce and I tried my hardest to save it, because the is the honest truth there.

  23. #48
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Never give in to black mail, I would have outed myself just to spite her.

  24. #49
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    Both of mine were over cheating and it wasn't me that did the cheating.
    I let everybody know the reasons if they asked.

  25. #50
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    "We disagreed about everything except one: we didn't want to be married to each other any more."

    My first wife made it clear to me that she couldn't be married to a CDer. The divorce judge accepted "irreconcilable differences" at face value without needing further explanation.

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