On my way

[chelseababy]

Hey,

I'm 30 years old, with a wife, daughter and stepson, and I've been thinking a LOT on my gender lately (this being a phase that has happened multiple times before in the past few years), like thinking about it CONSTANTLY all day, not being able to get to sleep until 2am for 3 nights in a row a lot

I've decided to see my doctor and ask for a referral to a GIC (Not sure which one, I am based in Northamptonshire...so CHX? Or is there one in Leicester?) Been speaking things through with my wife and we both agree that I should try going part-time first and see how I find it, both to gauge Joe Public's reaction to me and my feelings towards that if its negative, and to just see how it feels for me in general. I figure that if I ask for a referral now, then in 3 or 4 months time when/if I make a final decision on this, then I'm already 3 or 4 months into the GIC waiting game right? Is this a really shitty thing to do?

I seen an NHS councillor last year for about 6 sessions, by the end she admitted that she couldn't do much to help me with that side of things, but to ask my GP for a recommendation to a GIC as she had read up on it for me instead and found out I could do that (didnt do it in the end because it really worried me that I might start down a path that will end my marriage), so hopefully if I mention this to the GP he should be happy recommending me without going through the councillor again.

Feeling a lot of emotions right now, sad that it could be the beginning of the end for my marriage (we would still stay friends, we have a daughter and my wife has said they will always be there for me...she's just not a lesbian and wouldnt be in a relationship with a woman.. ....), yet happy and excited that I might have started on the path to boobs and hips... kind of a weird feeling.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Chelsea, back to the Transsexual Forums!

You will almost certainly need to be referred to a mental health specialist first as the standard NHS pathway requires screening for any mental health issues that might need to be taken into account whilst treating the Gender Dysphoria. Then you get a joint recommendation from your GP and the psychiatrist to the nearest GIC. This will probably be either Nottingham or Charing Cross (which is actually on the border of Hammersmith and Fulham depite the name).

I don't envy your marital dilemma, but if you are able to stay good friends, that may be the best outcome anyway since untreated Gender Dysphoria could spiral out of hand.

I definitely think you need to try going part-time before you make any definitive decisions, but you could do that whilst you wait for the psychiatrist's appointment and then for their report to your GP. Remember that timescales are totally different in the NHS and the rest of the country, so if the psychiatrist promises to send the report "straight away" that normally translates to "the next 6 to 8 weeks" in ordinary English

[becky77]

Hi Chelsea.

Definitaly get on the GIC waiting list as it's rather long, you can actually get a referral from your GP, especially as you have already gone through therapy that clears you of any other issues, but best of luck with finding a knowledgeable GP though.
Most have no idea so they will send you for the evaluations anyway, I had to have a few months on anti-depressants first to prove I wasn't depressed! I did a month a went back saying i'm not depressessed and the GP asked if I was over my crazyness. I changed GP and later I changed again, now I have an excellent GP.
From first going to GP to GIC appt. was 20 months, mainly because of just how little everyone knows of the process, so my best advice would be to look up the latest recommendations on the referral procedure.
I think part time or at least some real life experience is an excellent idea for yourself primarily, as it will either way help you see clearer.
I had the same issues with my wife, we are still best of friends but in the end I had to do this and everything else was possible collateral damage i'm afraid.

[chelseababy]

Thanks

Have my GP appointment on Thursday and have booked myself in for a consultation at a laser clinic nearby to try and price up how much I'm looking at to be rid of the beard!

[chelseababy]

So I seen my GP on the 4th of September....Just made some phone calls and Nottingham received my referral on the 15th!

The lady on the phone said there is a 7 month waiting list and they'll be in touch about 1 month before my appointment. Have my test patch for laser hair removal next week, current plan is to grow into being full time apart from work as the beard starts disappearing, ready to change names and go full time after my first appointment, hopefully showing enough commitment (lol) to be prescribed hormones after my second appointment.

So excited, happy, nervous and scared all at the same time!

Things are improving with my wife as well, it's looking like the marriage has a chance to survive, by no means a certainty but there's definitely a chance so I'm very happy with that


Thanks for the advice here girls, might see me around a bit more as I properly become a part of this side of the forum!

[chelseababy]

Had my first session of LHR yesterday! Hurt like an absolute ***** but so happy to get the process started

Was feeling pretty nervous on friday night as I feel like this was the first step for me on the long ass road to transition, had the doubts about whether this is what I wanted to do. Felt fine yesterday morning though and during my session all I could think was that I must want it, otherwise I would have told her to stop after a few mins lol

My wife is very much on board with this now as well which is amazing, she's so supportive and a real rock for me. She's away this weekend with work but has said she wished she was home as she also see's the LHR session as the beginning of everything and is sad that she missed it, she comes home while I am at work on Monday so I'm going to buy a big bunch of flowers today and leave them on the table for her with a thank you card, of course she's had a tough time of things and I've felt the brunt of it somedays, but overall she's been amazing and I want to thank her for that

[PretzelGirl]

Chelsea, sometimes I wonder if going through laser or electrolysis does become a test of resolve.

It is sweet and thoughtful of you to get her flowers. That is a great thing for many obvious reasons. But as we go down this road, it is easy to be self-absorbed as there is so much going on (in person and in our heads). So keep that part of you to the fore-front and you will be rewarded.

[Rianna Humble]

Had my first session of LHR yesterday!

Had to read this a couple of times. By professional deformation I kept reading it as London HeathRow

Glad things are working out with your wife and nice that she would have wanted to share the first steps with you.

[chelseababy]

Chelsea, sometimes I wonder if going through laser or electrolysis does become a test of resolve.

It is sweet and thoughtful of you to get her flowers. That is a great thing for many obvious reasons. But as we go down this road, it is easy to be self-absorbed as there is so much going on (in person and in our heads). So keep that part of you to the fore-front and you will be rewarded.

Yes it def is! Might have to bring a stress ball with me next time because I was clawing he'll out of stomach lol feeling the bumps on my face everyday, knowing that's the follicles pushing themselves out makes me feel pretty damn good though so it's all worth it!

Had to read this a couple of times. By professional deformation I kept reading it as London HeathRow

Glad things are working out with your wife and nice that she would have wanted to share the first steps with you.

Thanks, yeah I never forget how lucky I am to have her in my life, she's been amazing after a few early hiccups, but that was to be expected, she is losing the man she married

Emailed my companies lgbt group last week and got a response yesterday too, saying that they'll be happy supporting me and if there's anything they can do to just drop them an email things are really looking up lately and I can't wait til the day I rock up at work in some heels and a pencil skirt

[chelseababy]

So I got a letter yesterday saying that I have an appointment on the 18th of December at Nottingham GIC : |

I was expecting a wait of 7 months but looking back through my posts on they received my referral on the 15th of September!

To say I'm shitting myself would be a massive understatement, my plan was to be full time by my first appointment but I don't think I'll be anywhere near ready by then. I've had my first session of laser on my beard but I'm pretty much still full time guy mode at the minute, besides girl pyjamas and dressing in the house, my shadow does my head in and I was really hoping I'd have had 3 or 4 sessions by the time of my first appointment.

I'm so scared of transitioning, being someone who is constantly scrutinised and getting the brunt of people's shallow opinions also asked my wife if she wanted to come to my appointment and got a resounding no, saying that she wants to hold onto her husband for as long as possible and that she's still not happy with this, despite her being supportive and trying her best to go along with it.

This feels like the beginning of a very long ass road that could result in me losing everything...which isn't how j thought I'd feel when I got my appointment, my initial reaction though when opening the letter was yey an appointment! So hopefully this is just some serious nerves kicking in!

[Jorja]

Chelsea, Not living there I don't know the atmosphere or attitude in the UK towards transsexuals. From what I can see, read, and hear it is at least favorable at this point in time. Yes, in the beginning you might attract some attention. This is something you are going to have to learn to deal with. Think water off a ducks back. You are also correct in saying this is the beginning of a very long road that could result in you losing everything. That may not happen but you need to go into it with that thought in mind. It will help you greatly if you learn to block out the negative thoughts. Learn to think day to day not tomorrow and beyond. There will be time for planning the future later. Right now, you need to concentrate on this. Remember, others have gone before you and are doing just fine in life. It is going to be tough but if you really need transition, you will survive it and come out ready to take on the world.

I wish you all the best.

[PretzelGirl]

Chelsea, you will probably find that your thoughts bounce back and forth between the "yay" you just had and the fears of the outcomes. You can't change the outcomes but you can place yourself in the best position possible. So when you do things to move forward, own them and let them come at a pace that you feel is right. Be up front with your wife. If fears are taking over for her, thinking you might be hiding things will make it worse. Love her and love yourself.