My exwife found out and we got divorced. My current fiancee broke things off after 3 years and finding out.
My exwife found out and we got divorced. My current fiancee broke things off after 3 years and finding out.
Me and my GO met up on Match, so of course initial communication was through email and IM. We were getting along grate. And I've hit a point in my life where I decided being single was better than living in the closet and not being able to be me. So we had an IM chat where I let her know before even going on the first date. 2 great years later answers how I feel about the subject.
I guess we could look at this from the woman's perspective. What if after years into the relationship she let you in on a shocking secret? Some would be deal breakers with many of us, some could be tolerated, but not many would be "That's wonderful honey!"
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
I am a natural born female who is into Cross dressers and transexuals. I'm not obsessed with them, and not a complete fetishist. I just kind of dig them. People keep telling me that those two groups are not necessarily gay, and that a lot of them like women. Then, when I go looking for them on dating sites, most of them are looking for males. I think someone should start a website for American cross dressers and transexuals who want to date females. I hear people here saying that they dated lots of females before they found one who understands. There are females who do more than understand. We like it, for whatever reasons. When I was younger, I met a small hand full of guys from Midnight Movies who liked to wear dresses. They always had a girl friend and it wasn't me. I think it would be awesome to have a boyfriend who let me paint their nails and stuff.
Ive ruined a marriage an an engagement . Have yet to meet someone who accepts it as an acceptable lifestyle
I met one guy who didn't mind it. If you do find that special someone, being yourself in his or her presence is phenomenal.Originally Posted by ericanjtgirl
I'm in the same situation right now. I am seeing a girl, we are not dating but we see each other
almost every morning for coffee, we BBQ together 2 or 3 times a week, we got out to
the bars together. Everyone thinks we are dating/romantically involved but we are not.
It would not be fair to her to get romantically involved without her knowing about
my gender dysphoria. And I don't want to tell her for fear of loosing her as a friend.
I don't know what to do either. She may be moving, so I may not have to decide.
What's a girl to do
Yes, learned from bitter experience.
My approach is to mention that I'd dressed up on Halloween, more than once, and then depending on their reaction I disclosed this part of my life more fully, or knew it wasn't going to work.
Only been a year or so since I had a date with someone I first met dressed, not usually the way it's been.
Hang in there Witchaywoman, I'm sure you'll find some straight and single CDers if you keep looking.
I was straight forward and told my then girlfriend after dating for a few months. Twenty years later we're married and still together, so the honest approach has certainly worked out for me.
I try to keep things simple. I became comfortable with this CDing thing a while ago, and decided that it was not going to be a secret from someone who I might meet and spend the rest of my life with, and there was not going to be any secret closet in my future. Life is too short. So I underdressed on every date and let the chips fall where they may. It was simple philosophy really...If a date goes far enough that the outer layer of clothing was coming off, then THAT is the point of no return and she deserved to know.
Four times, in those five years it got to that point, and my tap pants and camisoles never once stopped me from getting, ahem, well, you know:-) The fourth woman became my wife and we've been together five years now, and as far as I know, we've never had to lie to each other about anything, and that's a lovely kind of relationship to have.
Best to everyone still looking!!!
Jaye
Satchel was right, something is gaining on me...And God bless the creator of e-cigs!
I recently went through a divorce and while my dressing was a major issue to my ex, it was not the cause of the divorce. I honestly did not understand what my attraction to women's clothes was until my ex confronted me about it.
My earliest memories of wearing women's clothes go back to age five or six, I didn't really put the pieces together until just a few years ago so it is only now an issue.
I am in the dating scene now and think about this very thing every time I meet someone new. Do I risk telling them? Do I risk NOT telling them? If I tell them when? What if this? What if that?
I believe that the larger risk is in not telling them up front.
And Witchaywoman, if you're ever in the Austin area, well, ...
I am Me and Me is OK!
Shelby
Ok...I tried to be subtle...Now I'll be blunt regarding dating advice:
Tell her BEFORE you introduce her to your family.
Tell her BEFORE you ***k her.
I hope I'm not being obtuse here...
If you are in the "dating" stage....
Jaye
Satchel was right, something is gaining on me...And God bless the creator of e-cigs!
I don't know that I will be dealing with the dating issue of it, but having recently split from my wife, I agree with the consensus that be upfront about it early is the best option. It took years to finally admit to it to mine, and that was actually after we had decided to stop the fighting by giving out on the fight. Her take on it was very surprising and made me regretful I didn't come clean sooner, especially after moving from my dream town I had just moved to (god ol' ATX) to be with her. Sigh...
A very simple statement JayeLefaye, and perhaps a little too, direct? But yeah, best not to have any confusion.
It is definitely better to have it all clear to all. Not everyone is a suitable position to do this, and how you get around the problem of it possibly getting back to work, family, friends? That's dependant on your situation.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
I met my girlfriend, who's now a member here, on-line, and told her about my 'dressing in my very first email.
9 months later our relationship continues to deepen and grow, based on complete honesty and trust, knowing that we can tell each other anything, without fear of being judged or ridiculed.
Black is ALWAYS the, "New Black!"
"I really hate it when people accuse me of wearing Womens clothes... these aren't Womens clothes... I f*****g bought them!!!" Eddie Izzard.
For me, I would definitely tell a SO in a dating relationship sooner than later. Maybe not on a first date, but once you start to know each other and begin to engage in emotional intimacy. I wish I had.
My SO told me at the beginning, but we had already developed feelings for one another. I think it's a mistake to tell someone you don't know and that you've just started dating. If you've just recently met her, wait awhile to see if how it goes first. I wouldn't wait one year, but it wouldn't be unreasonable to wait a few months or even six, if you're both unsure of where the relationship is going.
When CDers tell near-strangers right away, I wonder if telling them is a sort of test, and if the girl doesn't accept right away then she gets dropped?
Yes, it's odd, isn't it.
I think the online activity is a fun pastime, a fantasy for many CDers and Admirers alike (those who specifically seek CDers). I'm told that a lot of CDs and Admirers just don't show up when it's time to actually meet. I suspect that a majority of CDers who look for men online turn off their computers when they're done, and they go out with women in RL.
Reine
Yes, it IS a "test," if you will, to see if the potential SO can accept, or is willing to consider, a long-term committed relationship - not FWB!!! - with a crossdresser.
As for your contention that if she's not accepting SHE gets "dropped," I can tell you from DECADES of personal experience that it's the other way 'round... I'm the one who's been "dropped," EVERY time!
Why risk getting emotionally involved, then having "the Talk" at some point in the future, only to have her run screaming for the hills?
We BOTH end up hurt... again, why risk that?
Black is ALWAYS the, "New Black!"
"I really hate it when people accuse me of wearing Womens clothes... these aren't Womens clothes... I f*****g bought them!!!" Eddie Izzard.
Paula, had my SO told me before I had developed any feelings, I probably would have opted to not pursue the relationship. Not because I'm against CDers (I'm not), but because I knew absolutely nothing about it and I thought that CDers were gay. So I would not have seen any future development for our relationship. By the time he did tell me, my feelings had developed enough for me to be willing to learn. I think this is the way it goes for most women.
Reine
I told my date up front but they knew beforehand anyway.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Tell her from the VERY start.
First date is the time to show her some pictures of yourself.
Me? I was on "LOVE AOL" and said that I was a CD and she contacted me.
We've been married for over 10 yers.
Don't do the stupid "waiting to see if it gets 'serious' BS". Tell her from the VERY FIRST NANO SECOND.
At least be honest about it and NONE OF THIS "I was going to tell you", or "I was waiting to see how much I liked you" nonesense.
If you have any respect for yourself and for the other person, tell her as in PRONTO.
Capitalism says no such market exists. There is a website called date a crossdresser, and it's inhabited almost exclusively by men. And it's impossible to search for the few GG's there, because about 99% of the crossdressers checks off the box which identifies himself as a female, screwing up the search engine. I was a member; you can join, search, but you can't send a message to anyone unless you pay. Supposedly, a few GG's there messaged me, but when I returned their message, either they never responded or said that they never sent a message to me, just like on Match.com.
Most people would love a sure fire way to get rich. Well, if you really know all those women who would love to date and/or marry a crossdresser, wichaywoman, here's your opportunity. Start a dating service for all those women. We'll pay for it. There are millions of crossdressers out there dying to meet a woman who will accept us as we are, and by odds, there are at least many thousands of crossdressers who are gainfully employed, good looking, good dancers, nice people, and at least decent in bed.
I've made this suggestion many times over the years here, and not one person who has claimed to know lots of women interested in crossdressers has taken any steps to make themselves millionaires by simply filling a supposedly available market need.
Because it doesn't exist.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
About a website for CDs who want to date females: I don't think that most females set out specifically looking for CDs to date, like Admirers do. But I do think that a rather large percentage of women will understand that the CDing is an aspect of their SOs and they'll be willing to work with it, once they've developed feelings for the person. I think the best bet for CDers (who do still live male lives even though they crossdress), is to join regular websites and start dating women without revealing the information immediately. If sparks develop, then by all means tell them.
Reine
Well since I've started dating openly as a girl vs a guy I've found lots of success. I never thought I'd have that much success from so many women. Your best bet from my experience is to date as your female self. Many bisexual and even lesbians have been interested but I have not made anything serious of any of it as it isn't feasible to date as a woman full time so..... If you are open and comfortable going out on dates as a girl then great it should make it easier. The only drawback is that most of those girls may prefer you as a woman all the time throughout your relationship or most of the time.
You're a Daisy if you do! -Doc Holliday
Posting Permissions
