It's not about the clothes

[Sarah Doepner]

Occasionally we see the post claiming it's time to design skirts or dresses for men. Yuck! What a terrible concept. It's not about the clothes. Clothes for women are wonderful, don't get me wrong, but if being able to wear them whenever I wanted was the whole point of the argument my world would be different. If it were just the smooth materials and physical comfort, I have clothing designed for men that fit that bill. And it's not style or variety either, if I were to work at it I could find plenty of design challenges within the world of male clothing. Men can wear rings, necklaces, bracelets, watches and earrings, some of it pretty stylish, so it isn't the jewelry. Same for scents, they are different but pleasant in their own way.

It's none of that. It's the way the clothes, makeup, accessories and in our case body shaping make me feel differently about who I am. If it were just the clothes I wouldn't wear makeup or paint my toenails or wear a wig or buy glasses in a design meant for women. All of these things are exterior efforts to bring the outside into agreement with what happens inside my head. I believe the word may be congruence. I can't say this is just a hobby either, it isn't necessary to work on your hobby to maintain emotional balance, I have to pay attention to this or my behavior changes. I don't have to do this all the time, I'm not 24/7, but if ignored it becomes a problem. I've seen it happen too many times in the past but didn't think it through.

If it were just about the clothes, I wouldn't feel right about going out in public shopping, visiting with friends, eating and being entertained. And during that time out I'm not concerned that my appearance may be a little disconcerting for others because it feels so appropriate mentally and emotionally for me. Even if I'm mis-gendered, but correctly sexed, and called “sir” I can blow it off because I'm at peace with myself. It's not about the clothing any more than a church is about religion, a school is about education or a hospital is about good health. Those buildings and my choice of clothing (and everything else) create the environment where something else happens.

The trick now is to figure out what exactly is happening, isn't it?

[Kate Simmons]

For myself the whole finished product when dressing en femme is greater than the sum of it's individual parts. Kind of a new creation really.

[5150 Girl]

If it were just about the cloths, I be in heels, hose and flowing dresses all the time when dressed/ However, my fem outfits also include seekers, jeans and t-shirts to. For me, dressing is about freeing my true, inner self.

[angela2112]

We're not all the same....

For me it's the clothes. Dressing in women's clothes turns me on and gives me a sexual thrill. I'm a transvestite,womens clothes excite me. I don't need a wig/make-up/accessories to make me fulfilled (although I own loads), a bra,slip and dress does me just fine to achieve what I need

[Adriana Moretti]

yea for me too it isnt about the clothes....its about the mind and the body inside them and the clothes are just the whip cream and cherry on top. We are all at different stages, and different levels, and do this for different reasons though...so i guess there is no right or wrong way....just make sure you have fun and enjoy it. YOLO You Only Live Once !

[carhill2mn]

It is not only about the clothes for me either It is about presenting myself in as womanly a way as I can. This includes, makeup, jewelry, hair, mannerisms, speech styles, etc.
Although, I would like it if more men's shirts were made of the materials used in many blouses.

[Wildaboutheels]

Hmmmmmm. Not trying to be nosey or anything but how many pairs of flats do you own? How about "granny" dresses or granny undies?

I DID take the liberty a while back of posting my one and ONLY thread to the P&V gallery. "Show us your best granny dresses and flats" This site IS equal opportunity is it not? I will give you one guess what happened. I'm quite sure some of the Forum Dinos here remember the thread.

"The trick now is to figure out what exactly is happening, isn't it?"

No trick to it. ^^^ If you really want to know what is "happening", just watch an episode or two of NGC's Brain Games and you will no longer be confused. They were even good enough last year to feature some CDers [and "bad" ones at that according to some here] in a segment that the test subjects could not discern from just 30 feet away to illustrate just how poor our vision and perception are out in the RW when there is so much to look at and take in.

The show illustrates in every single episode just how quirky our Human Brains are and just how many things we do on a regular basis are UNconsciously controlled. And I don't think anyone here would argue that ALL CDers are Humans I hope.

Ever wonder why the lurkers at this particular MtF Forum usually outnumber the signed in folks by anywhere from 4/1 up to 15/1?

[Beverley Sims]

I think clothes maketh the man....

They sure do maketh the woman.

[bridget thronton]

If it were not about the clothes - not sure I would like wearing dresses so much

[NicoleScott]

For some of us, it IS about the clothes. Like Angela (post #4) crossdressing is exciting for me. Where we differ is that I prefer the total transformation with makeup, wig, etc.
Sarah says that for her it isn't about the clothes, but then relates how important the clothes are in helping her achieve that "congruence". To some extent for all of us, the clothes play a role.

[Stephanie47]

For me it's not just about the clothes. When I find out why I do what I do I'll let you all know. Now, I have to find some way to communicate that thought from the hereafter. I suspect I may have been a woman in a past life.

[wilt575]

If it were just about the cloths, I be in heels, hose and flowing dresses all the time when dressed/ However, my fem outfits also include seekers, jeans and t-shirts to. For me, dressing is about freeing my true, inner self.

I agree totally with what you say. I'm lucky to have been given the natural physique and natural body shaping (with a very slight surgical enhancement up top) and little to tuck below I feel I match my inner feelings in my brain of the girl/woman I should of been born.

[Aubrey Skye]

For me it's not just about the clothes. When I find out why I do what I do I'll let you all know. Now, I have to find some way to communicate that thought from the hereafter. I suspect I may have been a woman in a past life.

Agree with this completely. I love the clothes. That's what got me into it, but the more I explore it, the more I feel like it's just who I am. So to a degree, it's always about the clothes, but for a lot of us, it's more than just that, it's letting free our true selves.

[Ashley Lyn]

its the clothes.. "If it feels good - wear it" is my motto.. as far as dresses and skirts go.. especially frilly things..
I've found I can feel good in girly jeans and loafers/etc., but I really do want to look like a woman.. wigs, makeup - the whole shebang!

[CDJessie]

I agree with angela, clothes are what kinda get me going. It helps me explore my feminine side without having to change body parts lol

[Sarah Doepner]

Hmmmmmm. Not trying to be nosey or anything but how many pairs of flats do you own? How about "granny" dresses or granny undies?. . .

At last count I had about 5 pairs of flats and several pair of shoes with a heel of 1" or so that were worn more often than the heels. As for "Granny" dresses, I'll have to check, but I do have a couple that are pretty darn shapeless. And about a quarter of my underwear are cotton.

I would be less than honest if I denied there are times when the clothes area a significant turn-on, but very much like a relationship that doesn't last for very long. While there is a bit of physical satisfaction to be found, it isn't the whole of the experience. Only a small percentage of the time is focused on that while the rest of the time spent dressed feels good, but in an emotional and mental way. If it were just the clothing I would dress 2% of the time that I do.

I'll have to look up that episode of "Brain Games", sounds interesting.

[iGenny]

For me, the clothes are the means to the end - to look feminine.

I think it's wonderful that in our little community there is still some diversity!

[docrobbysherry]

Nice post, Sarah. So many girls post that they, "--r more comfortable wearing women's clothes". I know THAT'S nonsense!

They say, "comfortable", but, they really mean, "congruence"!

[atlflygirl]

Interesting post. For me, the clothes enable me to feel more feminine, but sometimes I don't want to do everything. I once just went out with my man hair styled in an androgynous way (read boyish lesbian), put on some makeup and jewelry and wore my usual man clothes. They could barely tell I had anything on. I got a slight stare, but nothing serious. It was fun just to do something that felt authentic to me yet addressed my need to be fem. In that case, it was my mood that drove the woman inside, not the clothing. Today, I felt like I needed to get all dressed up in everything. I don't want to take it off; I want to be Simone for a long time tonight.

[Stephanie Voorhees]

I guess I'm the odd one here then. For me, it is about the clothes. I'm not trying to look or act like a woman. I don't wear makeup, and I don't even own a wig. I wear clothing designed for women because I choose to, and I like to. I would most certainly wear women's clothing that was cut for a man's body because that's what I have... A man's body. (I'm built like a football player lol).

[CherylFlint]

For me it starts with the thought, "I think I'll dress tonight (or my wife will make-up my mind for me)", and from there it builds slowly, step-by step: the shower, shaving, dressing, the makeup and then the wig, the purse, the shoes, the look in the mirror.
The whole experience, from start to finish.
Kate Simmons said it best: the sum is greater than the individual parts.
For me it's the whole package. For me it's being able to "pass" and to ACTUALLY pull it off. The MAJOR #1 SECRET IS ATTITUDE. Act like you're a woman, and act like you belong whatever you are doing. Be the woman.
It's got to be more than a skirt or a blouse, or a bra, or stockings. It's the whole ball of wax.
I love it.
Never had so much fun.