for those who are married

[julie marie1]

Many of us are married but have SO's that are not ok with the crossdressing. Some of us, however, have very supportive spouses/girlfriends. For those that do, what is it that the spouse/girlfriend likes or find intriguing about the crossdressing?

[MatildaJ.]

Most wives who are okay with crossdressing are still not enthusiastic about it.

Some find that their husbands are happier, and so they like that.

My feeling is that it's not my place to judge my husband's choices, as long as they don't hurt anyone. But I'm not enthusiastic or intrigued by it in any way, just as a husband usually is not enthusiastic about his wife hanging out in sweat pants.

[AletaHawk]

My wife is incredibly supportive (made it clear that she loves all parts of me), yet we often have a very hard time talking about it. She doesn't understand it (I barely do). I'm certainly hoping she becomes more intrigued, as it would definitely make things a lot easier!

[Gillian Gigs]

JessM, you about said it right if my wife was to write a comment. She is ok with it and knows it is a part of me, for what ever reason, acceptance because she loves and wants my happiness are the biggest reasons. Supportive in the sense that she helps me buy some of my clothes, but not to the point of wanting to see me go out somewhere, let alone go with me.

[MatildaJ.]

@Gillian, I'll go out with my husband dressed, but I've learned to avoid alcohol on those dates because otherwise I'm in tears by the end of the evening.

[carahawkwind]

I can't speak for her with complete accuracy, but I think she likes clothes, make up and shopping and it allows her to do more of that. I think she's probably at least slightly attracted femininity every now and again.

[Lux]

Since I am laying in bed with my very supportive wife while reading this on my laptop, I just asked her. Her list; 1) makes me happy 2) the advice on women's clothes I give her 3) make up tips (like contouring) I've taught her 4) A great dance partner 5) The amount of bonding we have shared with this rather 'quirky' side of me!

[KlaireLarnia]

My wife is not "supportive" as such but she understands it is a part of me that will not go away. She also recognises that thanks to my dressing I am a much calmer and balanced person who is no longer liable to big and prolonged depressive episodes, but have become more relaxed and happy for it. She places limits on my dressing which are abided by and additional restrictions when out with her (no dresses/skirts or obviously female bags unless we are at say a carboot sale when a shopper style bag is fine as it looks like I am carrying it for her).

I have always been able to choose clothes for my wife and give her advice on what looks good on her and she also understands that this is where it comes from, and she will sometimes see something I get and try it on to see how it looks and then get something similar in her size if she likes it enough. It is about balance which enables us to co-exist on a better level which we do.

[BillieAnneJean]

WOW!
JessM sure hit the nail on the head!
"My feeling is that it's not my place to judge my husband's choices, as long as they don't hurt anyone. But I'm not enthusiastic or intrigued by it in any way, just as a husband usually is not enthusiastic about his wife hanging out in sweat pants."
For me they are very similar. My wearing women's stuff is to me like my SO wearing pants. To her it is no where the same level because women can wear anything they want but men can only wear what their women let them.

[Jenniferathome]

First, my wife is entirely supportive. She knows that this is a part of me. She loves me. That stated, she is not "intrigued" and doesn't "like" my cross dressing. She doesn't hate it mind you but she doesn't understand it any more than I. There is no doubt she'd prefer I was not a cross dresser but I am and she can handle that fact. Because she knows this is not some weird thing I invented, but rather it is something genetic, in me, she does not fault me for it.

There is really very little upside for a wife.

[Dorit]

I think I have a special situation. My wife of 44 years is entirely supporting and encouraging! For us it is much more than the dressing, but the relationship and intimacy we share as like two close sisters. We have wonderful "female" talks about feelings, friends, children, clothes and makeup. I regularly do her nails, blow dry her hair, and we go shopping for clothes together. She is the one encouraging me to go out with her dressed some day. This is very much a two way relationship, and she is very grateful that I am sort of a TG husband that is a gentle, tender, loving companion.

[CDJessie]

My wife is supportive if me, she just wasn't ever expecting this side of me. I mean I mostly do it when we are having fun in bed cause it puts a twist into our sex life which is always good. I'm not one to really go out and showboat around in women's clothes but she very much supports me and what she calls my "fetish" lol only thing she told me was that since she wasn't expecting this side of me that it will take some getting use to which I am totally in agreement..... I'm still getting use to it as well

[CastleCD907]

If I were married I would definitely want my SO to know about it because I honestly can't imagine the guilt that is felt by those who have yet to divulge their secrets (rightfully so especially for those who are in long term relationships). I hope that I am able to meet someone who is supportive of my "fetish/hobby/passion". To those out there with supportive SO's and also for the SO's who are apart of this community I just want to say YOU ARE AWESOME for being there for your CD/TG spouse. If only everyone where like you all.

[Marcelle]

Hi Julie Marie,

My wife is fully supportive because she loves me and she can see beyond the clothes and make-up . . . I am the same person. However, I don't think she would use the word "intrigued".

Hugs

Isha

[EllenJo]

Julie, I asked this of my wife and we had a nice chat about it. Our situation may be a little different but then we are all individuals and so are our spouses. She said that she always loved my caring side, and she loved the fact that I would go shopping with her and had good taste in women's clothes. The reason that she was non supportive (we were DADT for many years) was that our sex life was just awesome and she did not want my cross dressing to interfere with that. She felt that my wearing panties was kind of sexy but she wanted her man and believe me her man wanted her. I still do but a couple of years ago her health changed and our sex life ended rather abruptly. It was when she realized that it was not going to return that she sat me down and told me that she had no problem with my dressing around the house. Of course there are boundries, she is ok with her man in a dress but really does not want to see the complete woman, (wig and makeup). This is fine with me and we are very happy with our arrangement. She is not intrigued with my cross dressing but she does like my taste in clothes. She is happy that I am happy.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Raychel]

I am married and my wife is supportive, I am not sure there is anything that she really likes
about it, She understands that this is part of me and does not want to change that. so she accepts,
not really liking it.

Although she has made a friend thru me and this forum, that part she does like.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

I came out to my wife of then 27 years ,3 years ago and for a while it looked like divorce.
since then my wife has become tolerant after researching the subject, sometimes she seems
to be mildly amused by my crossdressing but still doesn't really understand it.
she realizes that I am easier to live with now but still wishes I didn't crossdress

[Kristyn Hill]

my wife is cool with it and will allow me to dress whenever and I still do not push it down her throat all of the time....except with shoes. she has known my love for shoes since day 1. she is attracted to women as well and that makes it much easier for her to get into all of this when I am wearing something girly.

[devida]

My wife, when I told her I was transgender, said that not only was she happy for me that I had discovered this but that she thought it exciting that I was embarking on a journey of self exploration.

My wife and I are in business with each other, are each other's best friends and are together 24/7. It would have been an absolute disaster in our lives if she had not been supportive. Fortunately she is mature, compassionate and rational. Certainly she finds me a better person since I recognized my gender identity. She likes to discuss clothes and make up with me, and she likes to opine on the way I dress. But really it is her clear mindedness and lack of interest in playing power games with me that seem to be the most important reasons for her acceptance and support.

[Di]

Our love story is a bit different
We met here then dated as Sherlyn and Di
Prob 6 months in I had a holiday spent a week together( keeps guy side for work and we were dating long distance so just weekends before that) and was the first time I got to meet the guy side....and I remember we were both nervous.
All these yrs later we are married and to answer your question,

what is it that the spouse/girlfriend likes or find intriguing

I just find my partner sexy, fun, my best friend and the love of my life.Plus loves me for me.

[samantha rogers]

Hard to say as it is still evolving. The entire dynamic of our marriage has altered as a result of my gender issues. On one hand she has lost and mourns for parts of me she considered her husband. But after so many years together, some of those aspects she rarely wanted anyway anymore. Sigh...
However, she seems to honestly like that she has gained a girlfriend.
She still loves me, and I still love her.Its different, but its still real.
And we both work at making it work.
Compromises on both sides.
But that is marriage anyway, isnt it?
Where we will be a year, or five years, from now is anyones guess. But for now...it is ok. Not great. But good. Much better than I could have hoped for.
Today at least...lol

[NicoleScott]

I have no feminine identity that dresses to seek congruence. I identify as a male who likes to transform occasionally in dressup sessions because it is exciting to me. No biggie for my wife who isn't threatened by my diversion. She has hers, too. She is neither excited nor repulsed by my crossdressing but is mostly indifferent about it and does not participate, which is fine with me. Crossdressing is personal. She has seen me transformed and is supportive in spite of the over-the-top style I prefer. My crossdressing doesn't drain valuable time nor resources from family needs, and when I'm not in one of my occasional dressup sessions, I'm just a typical husband, dad, handyman, lawn service, grillmaster, hunter, fisherman, TV sports consumer, etc.

[Krististeph]

My wife is supportive, yet not crazy about it.

What she does like:
1. I'm not a macho a$$wad, despite the many typically male associated hobbies and interests i have,
2. I can and do help her shop.
3. I always have pantyhose, panties, and spare feminine accoutrements as needed.
4. I wash and bathe more frequently
5. i am more prone to doing housework.


what she does not like:

1. That i look at other women's outfits of makeup.
2. That I would consider 'going all the way'- full sexual reassignment- if it were not something she opposes.
3. That i would like to be more 'out' (she does not want attention drawn).
4. That i spend more on clothes than she does.
5. A significant amount of time is spent crossdressed, rather than crossdressing being something done in my 'spare time'.

[Eringirl]

Zero support, zero tolerance here. As was commented by Klaire "She also recognises that thanks to my dressing I am a much calmer and balanced person who is no longer liable to big and prolonged depressive episodes, but have become more relaxed and happy for it." but she wants that without any dressing at all, none, period. She cannot get her head around it and doesn't want to. She likes that we can shop together for her, and only her, and really enjoys those outings.

Much like Billie Ann Jean stated: "My wearing women's stuff is to me like my SO wearing pants. To her it is no where the same level because women can wear anything they want but men can only wear what their women let them."

So, I continue to be a work in progress....just not a lot of "progress" right now...

Erin

[Isabella Ross]

Julie, I came out to my wife of 24 years about six years ago. It wasn't a complete surprise...she knew that I dressed in her lingerie for years. She was immediately supportive, but it did take her a while to become comfortable with it. She completely understands that I am a better person when I have opportunities to dress. She loves shopping with me and for me. We both have similar tastes in lingerie and clothing in general, and along with the fact that we now both realize there are no more secrets, this has created a new level of trust and love in our relationship. I have yet to appear in public, but we enjoy special "pretty" nights at home...I'll dress before she comes home and have a gourmet dinner and drinks planned. When I'm en femme, she says I am a more sensitive and caring person. We talk about things we would never have discussed in the past...I believe she sees my feminine persona as a "girlfriend". She sometimes suggests I dress for bed and seems to enjoy how much this turns me on. I know that being dressed for bed doesn't do much for her in itself, but she is a caring and gifted lover so enjoys the pleasure that it gives me. I do know that she actually enjoys the sight and sensation of me in snug panties (she's told me that she's disappointed when she sees me tuck!). However, she is very much a girly girl and loves masculinity, so I strive to find the balance and present myself in this manner to her as well...and since I love my male side, I have no problem with this. Bottom line is that my wife is a generous and understanding woman...and I am entirely grateful for this.