for those who are married

[Allison Chaynes]

My wife identifies as bisexual but hasn't ever acted on it, so this side of me kind of fills that for her to a degree. That said, she'd prefer overall if Allison didn't exist outside of the bedroom mostly because she fears the social consequences. She does like shopping together, and that I can give her opinions on clothes and stuff, plus there's the benefit of a second warddrobe to raid when she finds something of mine she likes (if it fits).

[Lorileah]

I have two stories for when I was crossdressing. I my wife didn't care as long, as she said , I didn't embarrass her in public. She bought me clothing on occasion and she knew I wasn't Mr Macho when we met. When she was fading from teh cancer and I was stressed out a lot she would often tell me to "go put on a skirt".

My GF knew the whole time we were together and she not only supported it but encouraged it...as long as I remained within the realm of looking like a real woman and not a drag queen or hooker (which wasn't and issue since I don't dress as either one). Just before she died she, I had intentionally not dressed because I was more worried about what others thought of HER when we went out and didn't want her to be the object of scrutiny, she asked why Lori didn't come around more often.

I guess my major point here is, life is too short for either person to not be happy. I thought I had forever. I didn't and now I look back at all the time wasted worrying about what I was wearing. I know there is no way for wives to read this and understand but even if you are not thrilled, you should be supportive. For the CDs the same thing, don't be selfish but know she (as one person said) doesn't get what's in your head and try and compromise. You only get so long together (if they are your life mate) don't waste it on trivializes

[Beverley Sims]

Julie,
At one time it was the sexual interaction, these days just the satisfaction of someone who understands I think.

My wife is less supporting these days though.

[Princess Grandpa]

Julie and I have had many discussions on this topic. The only answer she can offer is "it tickles my weird spot." She certainly enjoys the many benefits of bring in a relationship with a cross dresser. We shop together, we get mani pedis. She does my make up for me when we go out. It's a very up close and intimate process.

Until a couple of years ago we worked 24 hours a day seven days a week in our home based business. We had two weekends off in four years and those came with the high price of hiring respite workers. Our daughter became old enough to work shortly before the appearance of Rita. We took a night off to go to Tgirl Tuesday at Hamburger Mary's. I was hooked. I had to go back! We arranged the work schedule so that everyone gets one evening and one day off. We now have date night every Tuesday whether we take Rita out or not and time off on Saturday.

Because of the life we lived, working all the time we didn't have any friends. All of our encounters were with Adults with developmental disabilities or the people who take care of them. We now have an active social group. We take Rita out to the club a couple times a month. When our friends have outings on our day off we attend those. For the first time maybe in our lives we have an active social life with surrounded by some of the most amazing human beings we've ever met.

There are several GG's in our group that come out with their Tgirls. Not a lot. Maybe five or six. But then again the group isn't all that big. They all enjoy a celebrity like status. I won't say they are worshipped but they are shown the appreciation they deserve. We all know how much loneliness there isn't our community. These women are seen as a sign of hope maybe. Julie describes herself as having been a dorky kid who got picked on. I can't pretend she doesn't enjoy the popularity.

I suspect in the end she's mostly happy to see me happy. I feel so much better being who I am today. I didn't even realize I wasn't being myself before. I don't think given a choice this is the way she would have chosen things to work out. But she is certainly enjoying it. At this point if something happened to me and she found herself dating, it wouldn't surprise me if she found herself another CD or TSrather than a straight male.

Hug
Rita

[EyeSingle]

Interesting thread.

My wife is incredibly understanding and encourages me to dress often even though I actually don't very often (few times a year).

She does this in my opinion because she notices the pink fog quickly and knows what the best medicine is. So from the standpoint, I would say that her primary reason of supporting it is based on the fact that she wants me to be happy. I recognize of course that I could take advantage of this, but do not do so, and feel like, our relationship, etc is better by having mutual respect for each other, after all isn't that what marriage is about?

The other benefits she recognizes and appreciates is that she now has a greater desire to enjoy her femininity and even though she's still not a girly-girl (and thank heavens she's not!), she wants to be beautiful and she knows more now how to become beautiful. Part of this is due to her self-confidence, which has sky-rocketed and I really believe this confidence is the most important factor in outward appearance. She credits me with helping her gain this.

An example of this was the fact that when we were married she wouldn't do much more than throw her hair in a ponytail, but I've helped her see that even models can look good regardless of what they're wearing, how their hair looks, etc, and she can look the same. She believes me now and this has paid off huge dividends for her self-confidence. It's something her sisters are all envious of, but they do not have spouses that help them, even though they are all equally beautiful women.

And while she's not really turned on by the activity, she is turned on by my happiness and a certain cute element of it all. For example, she'll get a kick out of seeing some left over glitter or eyeliner that I didn't remove all of the way.

Her teamwork approach to this has made me want to be a much better man and husband. I think society puts way to much emphasis on sex in marriage or in some of our cases, crossdressing, when in my opinion shouldn't define us or our relationships at all.

[franlee]

That I am more relaxed and happier due to her indulgence. And that make me want to cater to her feelings, needs and even wants. Just simply she sees me as I want to be not as the world pressures me to be, and she likes the happy me and see gets to be happy too! As far as intrigue I'm always thinking of so off the wall fun thing to do or some where to go if we don't have company, in either mode.

[Kris Avery]

I must have one of the most supportive and wonderful SO on here.

She is totally accepting of me and everything I do so long as it doesn't shame her or her (our) family in a small town. That's a fair enough request for me.

We have a great relationship based on active communication and everything being a two way street. I prefer to try to give more than I take and we both feel we won the lottery by finding each other later in life.

I can't imagine a better relationship for a person in my situation to be in.

She loves her new member of our marriage and likes the modifications that I have undergone so far. Win/win.

I feel sure she likes me calmer and happier.

She doesn't like shopping and fashion shows, but because she loves me....she puts up with both

[lexivanderpump]

My wife is supportive. She tolerates my CDing. So that makes her tolerant in my book. However, she is not intrigued by my CDing whatsoever and I fully respect that. I respect that because I am a firm believer that you can tolerate someone's lifestyle, beliefs, or views but it does not mean you have to accept it.

Love,
Lexi V.

[mechamoose]

I'm lucky in that my wife not only supports me, she *likes* my female side. She calls her 'Kitty'.

Yah, she steals my tops and jewelry. I get over that when she gives me feedback on what I wear, and tells me I'm 'pretty' (In my big, furry, beastial way) in a mini, cami and heels. Her eyes don't lie.

She is a guy in a female body, I'm a girl in a male one. Doubters/pessimists: It *is* possible, it *does* happen. 22 years together, and she knew what she was getting into, I have always been an 'odd bird' (an important factor).

Those of us working out the middle: Sorry for the troubles. "It *can* get better, honest.

- MM

[Nadine Spirit]

My wife and I have sort of evolved with this together. Heck we have known each other since eight and dating since fifteen. For me the gender non-conforming stuff came first and much later occasionally fully cross dressing.

So... What does she like? She likes me, and this is just another part of me.

[MissTee]

My wife is supportive and understanding, and as JessM pointed out she sees how it affects my happiness. Neither of us can explain why I cross dress, why I feel I need to, and why it make me happy. We are likewise not caught up in needing an explanation for it.

She appreciates that we can enjoy mani/pedis, massages, and facials together as well as shopping and exploring sales. I do her nails and help pick out her clothes. All of that is bonding time for us as a couple, and my wife is quick to point out "it's just clothes." That said, she enjoys lots and lots of man time with me and I provide her with one heck of a lifestyle. In short, and using her words, she has never felt she lost her man. That's very important.

[Kimberly Ann]

Intrigued is probably not the word I would use when describing my feelings towards my SO's CDing. For myself...I hate dresses...skirts...make-up...shopping...you get the picture. Therefore, sometimes I get upset when my SO wants to constantly change clothes...shop...etc... and wants my input. It is exhausting for me.

With that being said...I am EXTREMELY supportive and encouraging mostly because of the happiness it brings my SO. We have been together a little over 7 years. In that time I have seen my SO transform from a very uptight easily angered person to a gentler kinder person. My SO is happy and that makes me happy. I read the posts on here and am saddened by how many people do not support their CDing SO. Every relationship involves compromise and understanding....some more than most. If people could make the effort to be more accepting and supportive I think they would be surprised at the love and devotion they will receive from their SO. My SO treats me like a queen...and I treat her like a queen...sorry...couldn't help but throw in a little humor

When my SO is dressed....they feel more attractive and sexy and I find that to be a huge turn on for me. I would say 90% of the time...I get very turned on when my SO is dressed. Not because I am attracted to females, but because I am attracted to my SO who feels sexy and desirable. I do, however, have the other 10% of the time where I am just not feeling it. Usually when I'm not feeling very sensual myself. At these times I just tell my SO to get undressed and that has worked out for both of us.

My SO is my best friend. I get a lot of enjoyment out of our talks where I know we are both being brutally honest. I had a lot of dishonesty and betrayal in my previous relationship and cannot imagine a DADT situation ever working for me. I feel honored that my SO shares his inner most self with me. He tells me things that he has never shared with anyone else. He trusts me with her vulnerabilities and that is very flattering and sacred.

One thing I have noticed when reading this forum is that some CDers feel like CDing is something they are going to do no matter what and they don't care what their SO thinks. I think if you start off with that attitude, then you are fighting a losing battle. There has to be some compromise on the part of both people involved. It's like I tell my husband....I am a heterosexual.....to expect me to be turned on by a female is a little unfair. I happen to find it erotic most of the time (I have no explanation for this), but sometimes I crave pure maleness in my SO and he is more than happy to oblige. I do not abuse this compromise and probably only make the request once every 3 months or so. I think my comfort level comes in knowing that he is willing to do this for me upon my request.

On the flip side I have read a lot of posts about GG's who don't want to know and don't want to be involved on any level. I feel like if they would just try to understand that CDing is a reflection of the person's inner self....there would be a lot more understanding. When I first learned about my spouses CDing...I thought it was a fetish. For some reason understanding that it was my SO being able to express himself and how he feels on the inside really helped me be more understanding and accepting. Sometimes I rationalize it for myself like this...If someone told me I had to wear a dress...hose...and heels every day...I would be completely miserable and depressed. So why is it such a stretch to say the opposite is true for my SO?

I wish everyone in this community could strike a balance that allows everyone to be loved and accepted.

Much love to you all....Kim

[mechamoose]

So... What does she like? She likes me, and this is just another part of me.

And *THAT* is the core of all of this 'stuff' we deal with.

Do they like *YOU* or do they like your *image*?

You be *YOU*. The rest will follow.

Not to suggest it will be painless, but it *will* follow.

- MM

[CherylFlint]

I read your question to my wife and she answered that she likes me better when I’m “dressed” because I’m more relaxed and easy going.
When we first met she wasn’t any too sure about the “dressing” but she invited me to her apartment on a Saturday to have me “dress” for her to see how she handled it. Well, she took to it immediately by doing my makeup over.
She likes dressing me. She picks out what she wants me to wear and does my make-up. She even plucks my brows. She very often buys stuff for me to wear for her. I think she thinks I’m a doll to dress but I don’t have a problem with it at all.
She enjoys taking me into the women’s section of stores and taking a skirt off the rack and telling me to hold it against me waist high, and she gets a kick out of the SA’s reactions to it all.
She has me clean the house in lingerie, and I have no complaints with the way we live. She has a husband and a sister, a man and a lesbian all in one package.
As she says, “Who could ask for anything more?”

[JocelynRenee]

I couldn't ask for a more supportive wife. She understands this is an innate part of me and loves me despite my dual nature. We go out as "girlfriends" a couple of times a week and have a good time. However, she definitely prefers to spend time with her husband and wouldn't be upset if Jocelyn was no longer part of our lives. I get that. And I appreciate the fact that she accepts my need to present as female. It works for us because we keep an open line of communication and work hard to maintain a balance that works for us both.

[mechamoose]

my wife is quick to point out "it's just clothes."

No, it isn't. Clothing is an outward expression of internal feelings. Dismissing it as 'just clothes' is selling it/us short.

- MM

[Robyne Rocks]

I am a GG married to a CD who is also a member of this forum. I am supportive & enthusiastic about my husband's CDing.

We are both bisexual. I am more attracted to femininity than masculinity. I like a lot of things about my husband's CDing:

1. I like how hot he looks when he's dressed
2. I like thinking about him secretly being in panties when he underdresses
3. I like his boobs when he wears his forms
4. I like shopping for clothes with him
5. I like buying him pretty things as gifts
6. I like watching his feminine side blossom & his overall confidence & wholeness building
7. I like making love to him as a woman, making him *feel* like a woman
8. I like holding him & caressing silky, lacy, or soft fabrics over his skin
9. I like doing his makeup & nails
10. I like that he & I share this thing together

I really could keep this list going, but 10 is a good number on which to finish.

[CherylFlint]

Dear Kimberly Ann,
The way my wife and I have found an equiliberian is that when she wants Cheryl to be around, she’ll just say to me, “Get dressed”, and off I go to the 2nd bedroom where she’ll have laid-out whatever she wants me to wear.
Now if it was up to me, I’d be 24-7 “dressed”, but at the inception of our relationship she laid-out the rules:
1. When she is not home, I can “dress” or not.
2. When she IS home she’s the only one who can give the permission for Cheryl to enter and I am never to ask if she would “like to see Cheryl” or if she would mind if Cheryl “visited”.
3. Sometimes weeks will go by between her telling me to get “dressed”. Sometimes she’ll have me “dress” everyday for a month.
4. Sometimes she tells me to sleep in my bra.
5. When we go out she does the driving (mostly) and ALL of the talking to SA’s and waiters.
6. We’ve been married for over 10 years and are happy with the way things are working out.
7. She’s allowed to “borrow” any of Cheryl’s things while I’m to leave her stuff alone, which means mostly makeup since what I wear is “too girly” for her, she says.
I share with her everything on this blog and she gets really ticked-off about the other wives not “getting with the program” about their husband’s crossdressing. She says they’ve got the best thing possible going for them but are just too damn blind and stupid to see that maybe it’s the society that’s out of whack and they’re the lucky one. She doesn’t think much of the girl friends and wives who don’t support their man being a CD 110%. She understands it a part of them that makes them the person they fell in love with. She had A LOT of other things to say about the women who get freaked-out about crossdressing but you get the point.
She also said that if she knew men liked to “dress” and that it be so much fun for her she would’ve been looking for a guy like me from the start.
Cheryl

[Tina B.]

I can't say why my wife is so accepting, but from the time I told her about Tina, she was on board, in fact in the beginning she accepted me, better than I did.
She has been a great help in getting me to accept myself.
The day I told her, her first reaction was lets go shopping and get you something to wear, as I had purged everything I had years before and had nothing at the time I told her.
Since that day, many years ago, she has celebrated my birthday, Christmas, Anniversaries, Valentines day buying gifts for both, my male persona, and my female persona. While I've never been shy about shopping for myself. I love going shopping with her. The lady just won't let me give up and walk out of the women's department empty handed, she says failure is not an option.
It used to be, I didn't dress all that often, but she has always been able to tell when I start to show signs of depression, her first reaction is to tell be to take some time to myself, (code for go put on a skirt) and she will see the need for it, even before I do.
Living in a small town, we both agree it's an indoor, at home thing, but within that limit, there really is no limit, and that works for both of us.
What it is she likes about my dressing, I can't say, but her level of acceptance has given me a very happy life, and I can't imagine having gotten this far without her.

[genevie]

I haven't been here in a very long time. I have a difficult time believing all the support talked about here. In my situation, early in our marriage she supported a little as part of sex play. Then later it was absolutely not. Last year I went through a phase of shaving, plucking and grooming in a more feminine way and basically she told me that going in that direction would be the end of us. Purging happened and I left here. Feelings came back recently but I know nothing can be acted on. It's either G or she, no choices.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

My wife completely supports me. She has said that I am a different, softer, and more lovable person. She likes the fact that I'm not out chasing women or siting in a bar, or glued to sports games on TV. She herself is conservative in many ways including the way she dresses. She could even be a female CD for her love of jeans and T-shirts. And she wears no makeup. I know she enjoys shopping for me with something new on occasion.

I do my best to make her life the best it can be. Maybe it's a payback for her acceptance. I strived to make us financially secure and she does too. I take care of any of her needs like a secure home, etc.. In turn she wants me to be happy because it all comes around in a nice circle of love and respect. I don't interfere in anything she does. She loves her home comforts and doing her crafts and watching her favorite shows. We hardly go out and are just happy at home together or with spending time with a friend.

Cheryl

[Jenniferathome]

Gen, you'll note that the successful couples communicate about the subject frequently. It's never one way

[Teresa Monsivais]

In my relationship she has told me that she loves me... despite being dressed as a woman she still sees me. She would find it difficult for her to demand me not to do something that makes me happy. However, we too have had our share hurt feelings. Problems arise when Teresa gets carried away and focuses on her things (mostly shopping) and loses focus on her (gf). But Teresa only exists with my gf so would would probably never see me without my better half. Including her to events and her doing my make up etc allows her to involve. The secondary gain for her is that she sometimes feels she has a girlfriend to hang out. But the main reason is she know it makes me happy.

[Lorileah]

I think some sort of acceptance is common (even if you don't think she knows...she knows and if she doesn't say anything doesn't mean you are getting away with it). What we see here as far as the people whose spouse is unaccepting is more the phenomenon or the squeaky wheel. If everything is good at home, you don't see posts in the other areas of this forum. So I am not surprised at the various levels of acceptance here. As Jennifer said it is more communication than anything. Being as upfront as you can be is what works

[Eringirl]

Being as upfront as you can be is what works

Hi Lorileah:
I appreciate your comments and agree with you and Jenn that communication is always the best option, but for some, that is not "what works". Communication is a two way street, otherwise it is just one person talking at another. If the other person is not willing to engage, then it does not work. This is my case. Having said that, I don't know if over time that will change, but right now, the subject is closed, not to be discussed. So while I was being upfront and honest, that didn't work. Now, that being said, I guess it would depend on your definition of "what works", e.g. getting support, staying together, or is separating "what works" ? In which case, ya, then being up front works. Just my thoughts....

Respectfully.....

Erin