When my girlfriend (more like brother and sister we were,) passed away in January, I thought I could dress all the time. I have some of her clothes and jewelry and I wear them in her honor. She always told me that she thought my dressing was creepy and that she didn't like it. Then she'd turn around and give me something like perfume, or show me some article of clothing that I might like when we were out shopping. She never said, but I think she really liked having me play the role of the housewife sometimes. We weren't intimate for many years of our relationship and we were more like brother and sister. I struggle to find a basis for a meaningful relationship. I knew she wasn't long for this world and while I miss her in some ways I'm done with the grieving. Because of her, because I took care of her, and was there when she needed someone, I have a comfortable retirement. But without her. Ying and Yang.
So now I met a new girlfriend. She is absolutely head over heels in love with me. Well not really. She's not been involved in many relationships and I can see that she is just infatuated. I know it will wear off. I haven't fallen in love with her. For some reason it's just not happening. I haven't led her on. She told me when we met, she wants to find a partner, someone to live with. Besides the fact I haven't fallen in love with her as she has with me, I just don't see us living together in our future. But she is very supportive of my dressing up. She's encouraged me to get my ears pierced, and get better makeup. So I did. We spent a whole day out in public. And now because I'm looking and feeling so much better about dressing up, I want to do it more and more often. I'm still being careful not to lose sight of my male half, because I really enjoy being him too. Ying and Yang.
I've decided to move from Arizona to North Carolina. I'm originally from Connecticut. My Dad moved to North Carolina when he retired. I can see why. Unfortunately, she won't be joining me. Besides everything else, she has financial constraints that would prevent her from moving. In a way I'm torn. She would be the only reason for me to stay in Arizona. But I've learned in my old age. Not to fall in love with every woman I meet and I've learned that my happiness is important. This move has been in my mind for many years now. It's time to make it a reality. While I might be happier in North Carolina, I may be spending a lot of time alone. Any ladies I meet will know about Cassandra and they may not like it. Oh well. Ying and Yang.
That's how this year's been for me. Ying and Yang, highs and lows, peaks and valleys. Isn't that how life is anyway?
man, i feel like a woman 
