I am planning on coming out to my family, who lives on the east coast and thus 3000 miles away from me, on November 1. I may spread it out over several days. I will becoming out to three family members: my mom, brother, and my dad. I have no other family members that I currently speak to, so it's only three people. I'm not sure if I am coming out to my brother or my mom first, but I am definitely coming out to my dad last.
I am both very excited and nervous. I am excited that I will be able to share my truth with my family and be able to live authentically with them when I speak to them over the phone, as well as when I visit them for Christmas. I am also nervous on how they might react. I am worried they might disown me, and whether or not they disown me that they might try to guilt trip me and talk me out of transition. My family isn't religious, in fact they vote liberal and claim to be for gay rights, and are very anti-religion. That doesn't mean they will accept me as trans. I am 34 years old and currently working as a woman. Here are some of the things I fear them saying.
1. They might flat out disown me
2. "Shame on you"
3. "I'm disappointed in you"
4. "Being a woman sucks"
5. "Being a woman is a very hard life"
6. "Why would you want to give up your male privilege?"
7. "Are you on drugs?"
8. "Why would you do this to yourself?"
9. "Jesus Christ, God Almighty [insert male name here]"
10. "Believe me, you don't want to be a woman"
11. "I am very worried about your financial future if you transition"
12. "I am very worried about your safety being a woman"
13. "I am very worried about your safety being trans"
14. "You're ruining your life"
15. "How are you going to pay for the surgery?"
16. "Stop taking hormones because you might get a blood clot"
17. "You'll never pass as a woman"
18. "You'll make a fat and ugly woman"
19. "What are the neighbors going to think?" [Please keep in mind that I visit them once a year so our neighbors will see me when I come home; my home town is a small conservative northeastern town that is not the worst place in the world...the deep south is far worse...but it is definitely going to be less accepting than L.A. or NYC is.]
20. "You can't do this, everyone in [insert town name] is going to think we're just a bunch of freaks." [See note next to #19]
21. "You can't do this, dad is going to have a heart attack"
22. "You can't do this, dad will think it's all my fault"
23. "I should have sent you to the military"
24. "Man up"
25. Mom and dad fighting over this
26. Mom and dad blaming each other for me being trans
27. Lots of crying from everyone
28. Getting yelled at by everyone
29. "You're such a liar for keeping this from us for so long"
30. "Why didn't you talk to us before you decided to start taking hormones?"
31. "Why didn't you talk to us before you decided to come out at work?"
32. "Why didn't you talk to us about how you felt about your gender sooner?"
33. "I don't believe anything you say any more. You are a liar."
34. Mom and dad blaming my therapist for being a quack
35. Mom and dad blaming someone else for causing me to be gender dysphoric or deciding to transition
Has anyone feared your family members saying any of these things? Has anyone actually been told any of these things by family members when coming out?
Thank you. I would appreciate your responses. I am preparing mentally, spiritually, and am working on what to say to my family. I am also planning on having several people to call to tell them about their reactions.