Coming out to adult children

[Dorit]

I had previously posted the question about telling my adult children about being TG. Well, I wrote a email this week to three of my five children, my daughters. I felt the time was right to finally open up to them after all these years. I also apologized for hiding this part of my personality from them, it caused me to be over tense and demanding of their dress and behavior, and they suffered from it. I thought I should wait about telling my sons. It went so well, they all three expressed love and acceptance of me, and it answered some of their unspoken questions about my behavior the last few years. (Like having my toes done in color with them, buying pink ladies sport shoes, and recently piercing my ears-not to subtle!) It has made us all the more close! One of my daughters even said next time I visit her in California we could go shopping together! I am so happy, being able to open your true self and receive back love and acceptance is so liberating! I know it does not always happen like this, sometimes it can cause rejection. But I am blessed with three amazing daughters that I love so much.

The next hurdle is to tell my sons. But men are different, much more closed emotionally and rigid about being a "man." Do others see it like this too? Is it easier to come out to a women; like mother, wife, daughter, girlfriend; and harder to come out to a man; like father, brother, son, etc? Or is it just me?

[Jamie001]

I believe that it is very true that normal men are very rigid about being a man because that fact is constantly enforced by their peers. When a child enters first grade, their peers teach them that any behavior that is even remotely feminine will not be tolerated.

[bridget thronton]

I agree with your comments about men being less open - but my son and son in law were very kind and accepting when I told them (my daughter of course had no problems with it at all)

[Annaliese]

You may be right about your sons, that would be my fear, I know my daughter and granddaughters would handle it well, it my son that I think would have a problem, with it. I am hoping we are both wrong, and wish both your son, are as accepting as your daughter, keep us posted.

[Marcia Blue]

I have told two of my three son's. My middle son is very open minded, to all people from all walks of life. He has even gone out with me and some of my support group. When we were dressed. My youngest is also TG/CD. He has really not talked much about our shared condition. He has gone out with me and a CD friend with all of us in drab. He said he enjoyed the interaction and stories. He has only seen pictures of me. I believe he has never been out dressed. He is still coming to grips with his TG acceptance.

The oldest has never been told, on advise from my wife. She has not elaborated, as to why, he was not to told. I just respect her intuition.

My son's who are aware of my TG/CD, still see me as their Dad. We are a little closer, from me sharing my hidden life with them.

[heatherdress]

If you told your daughters, don't you think your sons know too?

Too late to worry - just tell them.

[JocelynRenee]

It all depends on the individual. In my case we told our children at the same time - sons 7 and 16 yo and daughter 8 yo. All were very accepting immediately, but ultimately my daughter became the least accepting of the three. We still have an extremely close relationship, but today she is not comfortable going out with me dressed in feminine attire. Our two sons, however, go out with me on a regular basis.

[Beverley Sims]

I think you have it right about the rigidity of men.
Women ahve more affinity toeards this problem and it helps that you are transitioning to a woman and it is not the other way around.
I did speak to a F to M an once and he ha more acceptance from his sons.
The daughters were not too enthusiastic about their mother wanting to be a guy.

So there it is, I will let you work that one out.

[Dorit]

If you told your daughters, don't you think your sons know too?

Too late to worry - just tell them.

My children are all married adults. The three daughters share everything, but not with their bothers. They will not tell them because I asked them not to.