Two years ago, I "broke the ice" with my fiancee about my femmeself. Last year, I looked back in amazement. And now?
Now...I'm more completely a woman than ever before, and I continue to shatter boundaries.
I not only go out frequently, and totally without fear, as a woman, I have social obligations as a woman. I have many friends, not only other transwomen, but cisgender men and women too, that know me only as Amy, and love me just as I am. I have attended conferences, parties, and charity events. I have employed my Amy-voice, not merely to speak, but to sing, both karaoke and live cabaret music. I have acquired more responsibility within the local trans community, and I have set a good example for my sisters. (I'm particularly pleased with having been responsible for a number of ladies getting out for their first time, including our own Julie Denier.) I have appeared in the transgender press, and I have proven that my looks measure up when considered as a woman, not merely "as a transwoman."
I have come far...and I am going farther yet.
In particular, there is the Creating Change conference in February to look forward to. I am now Chairperson of the Transgender Hospitality Suite subcommittee, and will likely play a significant role in running the suite itself. I will, in fact, be Amy for five days running over the course of the conference, a "real life test" unlike any I have had before. And I have a new responsibility...my goddaughter Terra, a transwoman (planning to transition) who has come to Denver to stay with her mother and younger brothers, and who gives me a pleasant "elder sister" feeling when I'm able to help her get out and visit support groups...or join me at the Cabaret.
Beyond that...many of my family members now know about my Amy-self. (I even gained a designer purse out of it, from my brother!) The "big one" left to tell would be my father. I don't know if I'll manage it...but we'll see.
My life as Amy has proven to be better than I'd ever imagined. I owe a lot to my sisters here that helped spur me onward, to my friends in real life and on Facebook that care for me, to my fiancee without whom none of this would be possible, to my relatives and friends who have taken the step of being able to accept who and what I am...and to Whoever or Whatever has given me the gift that has allowed me to find the beautiful woman that lay within me for so long, and bring her to life. Sometimes I look at the pictures of myself, and I find it hard to believe that the lady I see before me is actually ME!
To all those who have come after me, perhaps still struggling with your desires to dress as a woman, to go out as a woman, to be seen as a woman, to be a woman...I stand before you, head held high, to tell you that nothing is impossible. Two years ago, I was fearful and closeted. Now, I am a "woman of the world." The "me" of two years ago would never have believed where I stand now. Don't lose hope. Keep working, keep practicing, keep building your confidence. One day, you too may stand where I am now...or go beyond, down roads I cannot follow.
It is SO worth it.
- Amy
