Told my parents

[Helena Gwyn]

Last night I drove to my parents unannounced and told them how I felt on the inside and how I came to know and accept it for myself.
There was a lot of silence, a few questions and some comments.

My dad wanted me to wait and see for what the 'professionals' had to say, although I already told them that I had been seeing and talking to 'professionals', otherwise I wouldn't have come out to them. I I understand it's because of a vague hope that this might pass, just as I hoped it in the beginning. It's a lot to process off course.
My mom was ok with it, as long as I did it at home behind closed doors or in meetings, but I shouldn't come home or attend family parties dressed as a woman. She had seen something on tv about it and the fact that some men are happy with that. She mainly told it because she didn't want any questions from neighbors or didn't want a rumor going around. Both of my parents are very active in church (as I used to be before I moved) and there are a lot of people who just wouldn't understand. I understand this to.
Nonetheless I made them understand that this wasn't just a temporary thing that was going to pass and that I have felt myself imprisoned my whole life and didn't want to live like this anymore.

After I left, I received a text message from them telling me they love me for who I am. I never expected anything else, althoug it will take some time to settle in. But I don't doubt things are going to be ok at some point.

In other news, my aunt, whom I told it a few weeks ago, told one of her sons yesterday. I didn't like that. For now, I want to be the one who decides when someone in my close family knows about this, especially when it comes to close-minded people like this cousin in particular (there's none so close-minded as he is). At some point, I won't care anymore, but not yet. I'm not mad at her, just feel like my trust is a little bit betrayed.

[Andy66]

It was very brave of you to tell your parents. Im glad they had positive attitudes about it. Too bad about the cousin. Maybe this will have to be a learning experience for him.

[Diversity]

Good for you to be so honest and open with your parents! It is a brave thing you did, and I admire you for it. People like to talk, and with reference to your aunt, she should not have betrayed your confidence. I understand how you feel, but in reality, you must be prepared for such things to occur, as people will talk. Anyways I wish you all the best and applaud your courage. Enjoy your new found freedom!
Kind regards,
Di

[kimdl93]

I applaud you for summoning the courage to tell your parents and aunt. While your parents may prefer to keep this private, you can expect the occasional breach of confidence. But that's part of coming out too.

[Beverley Sims]

Helena,
Now the cat is out of the bag life should be easier.
Even with closed minded cousins.

[Helena Gwyn]

Thank you all, I did suprise myself by telling them.

Last night I also told a good friend who knows me for more then 10 years. Although surprised, he was happy for me that I finally found my inner peace. After talking about it, some things of my past suddenly made more sense as well he told. He was blown away by the few pictures I have and claimed the first dance when I will going through life as Helena. I was flattered .

[SamanthaSometimes]

You didn't say directly in your original post if you plan to transition fully or if you are 'just a CDer' but I assume from a later post that you want to transition. If that's true, while having the conversation with your parents was brave it was also inevitable and probably best to do it sooner than later. You are indeed fortunate to realize the TG/TS issue in your life at an early age. It took a very long time for me to figure mine out. Best of everything to you.

[Helena Gwyn]

You didn't say directly in your original post if you plan to transition fully or if you are 'just a CDer' but I assume from a later post that you want to transition. If that's true, while having the conversation with your parents was brave it was also inevitable and probably best to do it sooner than later. You are indeed fortunate to realize the TG/TS issue in your life at an early age. It took a very long time for me to figure mine out. Best of everything to you.

Yes, I recently came to realize that I want to transition. I wanted to tell my parents when I knew for sure for myself. Tomorrow I have my next session with my therapist.

On a sidenote, am I posting in the right section then?

[Annaliese]

Once you have told someone, it out of your control now, it is a betrayal, you have start the ball rowing there is no turning back, your happiness is what is important now your first step towards that, good luck and hugs

[Katey888]

Well done Helena - nothing trivial about what you have done or the courage it takes to accept this about yourself and then try to explain it to your loved ones - I hope it all goes well for you...

I am sure your parents will take some time to absorb and understand this and it's good that they have reaffirmed their love for you - nice of them to do it so quickly. Shame about your Aunt - part of the problem with other folk knowing, I guess - you just can't tell what they will do, even if you ask them nicely... don't sweat it: I'm sure all will be fine...

And on your side note: yes, you are still MtF for a time and I'm sure we want to hear from you more, but I'm also sure you will find lots of resources and support in the TS section as well...

Good luck!

Katey x

[bridget thronton]

Sounds like the first reveals are going well

[Helena Gwyn]

I had my last session with my current therapist yesterday. She was so happy for me, for the progress I made in over two months, for the inner peace and joy that was showing in my expression. She also addressed me as Helena and it felt so right.
My next step or session with the next professional in line to start transitioning at some point is scheduled for november 19th. I'm glad it's not that far away and hope it all goes smoothly.

Tomorrow I'll be visiting my parents again, with my brother and his family (and they already know and are supporting and accepting). I'm not sure how things are going to go. Apparently my mom also told another aunt about it. I can understand why.

Last night I had dinner with the choir I used to sing in. They don't know about me yet. It was a great night, but weird for me somehow. Although I don't doubt what I feel and what I long for, I couldn't see myself there yet as Helena. They all know me as a guy and I'm so used to acting like one. It's probably part of the process and there's still a long way to go, for which I may take all the time I need I guess.

[prene]

Nice news.
I hope it all works out.

I have told my mom, but not my father.
Good that you have a therapist, I have one also and she is great.

Hope to hear more.

[charlenesomeone]

Good news for you Helena, hope it makes you happier. Please keep us updated on your journey.
Wether here or in the TS section, I will follow your progress and wish you the best.
Hugs
Char

[Helena Gwyn]

I'm happy that I can share my story here and that it's heard and understood.

My visit to my parents wasn't all good. You could feel the tension and the fact that they didn't know how to act around me (especially my father). My mom told me briefly that she had told my other aunt and my grandma as well (a loving person that only comes out of her house for grocery shopping and the weekly mass, the most close-minded person in the family). I told my mother that I wanted to be able to tell it to my other aunts and uncles myself, but apparently I have to be considerate of her feelings so if she wants to talk about it to new people, I have to understand that. And what about my feelings I thought. I left afterwards to have a chat with my aunt that I had already told, the one that told her son without my consent. Things were ok between us, she was surprised by my comment, but understood why I wanted to say this myself.

I can understand my mom's reaction, but for once in my life, I'd like to think about my feelings first instead of theirs. I've always adjusted myself to others, ignoring my own feelings, but I'm sick of it. The hard thing is that by putting me first, they feel hurt, but they don't seem to understand that they hurt me in the first place. I know things could be worse, and that it's going to be ok over time, it's just hard to see them hurt and there is nothing I can do about it.

[KiwiKate]

I'm glad it worked out with your parents.I was really impressed with your male friend too.Telling him must have been very hard
also and his reaction sounded really positive.For some reason I always imagine telling females easier than males.