Last night I drove to my parents unannounced and told them how I felt on the inside and how I came to know and accept it for myself.
There was a lot of silence, a few questions and some comments.
My dad wanted me to wait and see for what the 'professionals' had to say, although I already told them that I had been seeing and talking to 'professionals', otherwise I wouldn't have come out to them. I I understand it's because of a vague hope that this might pass, just as I hoped it in the beginning. It's a lot to process off course.
My mom was ok with it, as long as I did it at home behind closed doors or in meetings, but I shouldn't come home or attend family parties dressed as a woman. She had seen something on tv about it and the fact that some men are happy with that. She mainly told it because she didn't want any questions from neighbors or didn't want a rumor going around. Both of my parents are very active in church (as I used to be before I moved) and there are a lot of people who just wouldn't understand. I understand this to.
Nonetheless I made them understand that this wasn't just a temporary thing that was going to pass and that I have felt myself imprisoned my whole life and didn't want to live like this anymore.
After I left, I received a text message from them telling me they love me for who I am. I never expected anything else, althoug it will take some time to settle in. But I don't doubt things are going to be ok at some point.
In other news, my aunt, whom I told it a few weeks ago, told one of her sons yesterday. I didn't like that. For now, I want to be the one who decides when someone in my close family knows about this, especially when it comes to close-minded people like this cousin in particular (there's none so close-minded as he is). At some point, I won't care anymore, but not yet. I'm not mad at her, just feel like my trust is a little bit betrayed.