What follows is a copy/paste from my lastest blog entry. I have again added it so that it can be added to the forum archive.
Discuss to your heart's content.
If you read the full thing -WELL DONE YOU!
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Whether or not your significant other (here-in referred as SO) to knows about your cross-dressing,
there is added pressure on you and your relationship with them.
Not going to spend too long preaching about making sure your SO has all the information at hand to make an in informed decision about your future together,
but with-holding the truth means not only are you hiding, but you are also unsure of how your Mrs will feel about you if you do come clean.
I know, I've been in the situation, and I can say, even after what I am about to discuss that it is so much easier when your SO knows,
because whatever happens from that point on is founded on truth, and where you have truth, you usually have some trust.
Anyhow, back on topic. (I may jump into many tangents today, as I hurt my knee two days ago, and co-codamol is awesome with redbull).
So last week was great, I got to get dolled up try out my other new dress for my birthday and take some pics, talk to friends online, did a bit of e-Bay mooching
adding some choice costume jewellery to the watch list, I generally just had a nice day, while my better half was out for lunch with the girls from her work.
I was talking with my oldest friend Jen (a genetic girl) for a while on Facebook messenger, amongst other girly chat,
she said that she would love me to do her make-up some time.
After the initial shock that I'd impressed a real girl with my make-up, to the point that she would be happy for me to make her face up,
we started to make plans to get some nice ciders in and actually have a 'girls' night in, Me, my Mrs and Jen.
When my good lady got home, she came upstairs to where I am now, typing out this blog entry, on her way for her afternoon hour in bed
(I tell her all the time that she is basically a cat in a woman's body, I have used the term transfeline on many an occasion).
Before she lay down, I asked her if she would be cool with the idea of a girls night in and me doing Jen's face CD style...
"Errrrrrrr.........
No."
Her response literally stunned me. Not wanting to start a fight on her way to get some sleep, all I could respond with was...
"You're not??"
I really didn't see it coming. I had completely expected her to be positive about it having previously saying she wants to come to Pink Punters with me,
a night in with our friend should be a dead cert.
At least that's what I though.
I started to talk to Jen again to tell her to forget the idea, it suddenly dawned on me that this was probably serious. W
as this a sign that she isn't coping? Had she been bottling up resentment?
I began to convince myself I was over-reacting, but as it would transpire the next day, I was bang on the money.
When she woke up we didn't speak about it again. I just joined her downstairs for a bit of telly and a brew before getting cleaned up and back into drab mode.
After I got cleaned up, everything on TV was CD/Trans related. It was weird, I swore it was an omen.
(If you're wondering what the shows were - A hoarder show on Channel 4 featured a hoarder who was a crossdresser (we had this recorded on the Tivo box),
we saw the advert for Amazon's 'Transparent' twice, and we also watched the South Park episode 'The Cissy' where Cartman claims he is transgender in order to use the girls bathroom,
and Stan Marsh is revealed to be the chart topping singer Lorde - ****ing brilliant episode by the way
Anyway, skip forward to the next day, I woke up, made a coffee and went to my computer to view some YouTube subscriptions.
As I'm sat watching, I could hear my lady crying in the next room.
"Here it comes" I thought. I knew it was coming, despite trying to convince myself I was paranoid, and here it is.
I will spare you the details, but after holding her for a while, she calmed and went for a cigarette.
It turns out she hadn't been coping. Bottling her feelings up. She had not been speaking to anyone about my dressing, including me.
Her reasons were that she was concerned that I did not wish to discuss it and therefore she did not want to upset me by bringing it up.
The weird thing was, I had not spoken about it because I know she has a tricky time coping, and did not want to upset her by bringing it up.
Both of us so concerned over each-other's feelings that we had weighed heavy on our own emotions to save the other. Boys and gurls - I've read it 100 times on forums,
but some of us have to learn the hard way, keep that communication going. Even if it's trivial detail like asking her to pick a new top for you,
just do it, because it may allow her the importunity to vent any feelings she has been working through, because you need to remember, you are the expert,
the information resource for your SO on the matter of cross-dressing, you need to remain open to her/him.
She continued to tell me that she had become uncomfortable with my mannerism changes when dressed;
-The way I walk in heels, -The way I smoke my e-cig with a pout, -The way my wrists are limp when resting, -How I cross my legs thigh over thigh.
The thing was, if she had just asked me about it, she would have received reasonable explanations for all of her issues.
-Heels force a posture of tits up, ass out and keep those knees together. That's why my walk is different. If I were to clod around with a masculine gait in heels,
I would first of all look ridiculous, but I'm also fairly confident I would snap my ankle.
-Cross-Dressing E-cig users will agree here - depending on your drip-tip, they rob your lipstick from you.
So I pout to keep the drip tip in contact with the inner part of my lip where there is no lippy.
-My wrists are always limp. It's a tell I have spoken about before. I try to hide it in drab, because I know it looks a bit wet.
But I just don't care when I'm playing Samantha. I'm comfortable with it.
-Aside from pencil dresses not allowing a 'legs akimbo' position while sat on the couch, it was also kinda cold.
To quote my current favourite TV show "Winter's Coming", crossing your legs at the thigh helps you to keep warm, don't believe me? Try it!
All of this strengthening the case for communication to stay strong, regardless of what's going on.
And then the suggestion of girls night was discussed.
She was angry at Jen. Firstly for asking me to do her make up, because that's my Mrs' hobby.
And I have to give it to her, she's great with her slap. (Every time her mate come here to get ready for a night out, they ALL ask her to do theirs.)
She felt insulted that our friend would ask a basic noob for advice when she's known her for years and never once brought it up.
She was angry because Jen get's to be the cool, accepting, fun time friend who doesn't have a clue what it is to be in a relationship with and live with a cross-dresser.
She was angry. Lets put it that way.
After helping her put her anger into context;
In the sense that Jen has known me forever, and I'm never wearing make-up, but every time she see's my Mrs, My Mrs is wearing at least foundation, eyeliner and mascara.
So by comparison, when Jen see's my Mrs dolled up for a night out, it's not that different to how she normally looks,
but when Jen see's me dolled up, by comparison I appear to be a plastic surgeon.
(I'm really sorry if that took you a few reads to understand, this was a clear as I could be... Like I said... Co-codamol LOL).
I also suggested that Jen doesn't understand because she'd never really heard my good lady's full opinion and feelings on my gender identity and presentation.
Up until this, it had always been second hand information that I had relayed to Jen myself.
Time had moved quickly, and I was heading out for the late shift at work.
I gave the Mrs a lift into town on my way to work. I suggested that she contact Jen and talk to her,
tell her that she doesn't understand and why she doesn't understand. Help her understand so that she can be a better friend for both of us,
the listening ear and support that you need, and the BFF I need for Samantha.
When she got home she did just that. They chatted for an hour or two and cleared things up.
Jen, seems to have a better grip on what my Mrs goes through with me, and my wife-to-be has bounced back more accepting and supportive than ever.
She even had the epiphany that;
It is not that my cross-dressing makes her upset, it is that there are a great many people in society
who have a problem with gender variance and would express this with violence given the chancce, this is what makes her upset because she worries about me.
Her exact words were,
"I just wish that everyone could be like
'Yeah, trannys, they're alright'...
and then I wouldn't be so upset. You (referring to me) haven't got a problem, its other people that have the problem".
I swear I got a bit choked up when she said that.
And I don't know exactly what changed her mind, but the 'girls' night is now back on the cards.
Just need a night where we are all off work and it is on!!!!
Best news ever - I get to make up my oldest mate like a tranny - Can't wait! First every girly night.
And no, there will be no chick-flicks. Were actually more likely to watch Reservoir Dogs, because we have taste. So ner-ner
As chit chat was coming to a close for bed time, she did throw in
"I just wish sometimes you would tone it down a bit, sometimes I see your make-up and I despair...
You look like a full on drag queen sometimes. Does it always have to be so much?"
I tried to explain that I'm trying to learn techniques to cover beard shadow and glue down eyebrows to draw on girly ones.
I actually love drag style when it's done right, not too over the top, but you know - Well contoured, lots of colourful eyeshadow, big lashes and lips.
I tried to explain, that it's not the same for genetic girls as it is for cross-dressers.
Girls are only trying to enhance, while CDs and Queens are trying to conceal, reshape, and enhance, like a surgeon with a contouring brush.
Sometimes it looks severe, but sometimes it's bang on the money and I kinda need to finish climbing this learning curve.
None the less, she insisted that I tone it down sometimes, have a casual day or two.
So I am.
Well, when I say casual, I mean as casual as I am comfortable with.
And by that I mean, still kinda dolled up. Like if I were a real girl I could just be going to Tesco, but I wouldn't be upset if someone were to take my picture.
So I took some selfies LOL.
(See below)
So what's the point to all this?
Well you would be an idiot for not recognising the importance of open, honest and clear communication being demonstrated here.
It seems obvious doesn't it? But the truth is, despite nearly 10 years together and nearly married,
we're still only just learning how to deal with my dressing as a part of our relationship.
Compromise will come and things will change as we go. She and I both know, Samantha is never going away, so we both need to do our best to integrate
my feminine side into our lives in order to keep us both sane.
Each of our needs are very different in the integration.
I just need, I just am Samantha. I am also [male name held]. I am two people and I am one. I am two avatars of the same mind, albeit a slightly warped one.
And my good lady needs to integrate because denial and bottling up made her sad, and neither of us want either of us to live like that, so it's all out on the table, in the open.
Jen, once again has proven herself to mean more to me than I ever realised. She is a friend and ally.
She is the support and encouragement that I need, and she is the stern word that I need more.
She has known me longer than any of my friends. And as we crash through 30 on our way to 40 and mid-life crisis (think I might build a Caterham7 for mine)
her knowledge of me is beginning to show.
I just wish I got to see her more.
Well, here's a couple of selfies of my 'casual' look, there's more on my Flickr.
Does any of this resonate with you? Do you have any advice to help?
Has this swayed your decision to tell your partner, or even not to tell?
Let me know in the comments below, and don't forget to follow for more
Thanks for reading,
Luv ya lots
Samantha xx
Originally Posted by NicoleScott
Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
