Changing my image: first steps

[Mariana]

Hello girls!

Well, since coming out to my girlfriend five or six weeks ago and receiving a very positive response, I've been experiencing more freedom to dress (even though I still don't have many clothes, sadly). Sometimes I feel so good that I wonder if I'll make a big change in the future, exposing myself in women's clothes 24/7. Anyway, it's still too soon to think about a drastic change, but one thing is for sure: I don't want to be a hairy male or someone who expresses himself in typical male fashion.

I think I wouldn't have any problem with strangers on the street laughing or staring at me. I really don't care about this. What I do care is how people close to me will be shocked. Even though most of my friends are open-minded people and I'm known to be a person who respects and fights for the rights of "being yourself", my male figure is still pretty standard. So what I'm thinking right now is to change this gradually, to stop being who I don't want to be and from that figuring out how far I'll go.

Right now I only have some hair in my arms, that I plan to get rid soon. I'm still wearing jeans with the intent of not showing my legs, but starting tomorrow, I'll use shorts if I feel more comfortable. If someone speaks to me about it, they'll simply hear I feel better this way.

And I also want to do some other changes: since I think it would be very weird to use ballerina flats, I'm planning on buying some feminine tennis shoes and using them when I go out to more tolerant enviroments. I'm also think about colorful and more skinny jeans. I think this could work well to change my image and since I know that I want at least a more androgynous figure, I'm decided to face this.

And I'm open to suggestions from you girls about what else to wear (not something radical like heels, lol, I want to do this gradually). By the way, I have my girlfriend agreement on this.

Just to show you the kind of tennis shoes I'm planning to wear:

riva_vermelho.jpg

converse-all-star-low-cut-pink-m9007.jpg

Yes, someone will tell me these are "girl shoes". Even though I'm not ready to expose myself fully, I do feel ready to answer that I have a problem with the idea of binary genders and that I want to confront that.

[Beverley Sims]

I wear sneakers with a pink flash in them and skinny jeans and boots to great effect.

[Contessa]

Sounds like you are on track to what image you want to project. As I am already 24/7 and have been for the last 4 years. I'm not sure how to start slowly. But good luck and happy to have you with us. Please send info on where to find one of those girlfriends like yours.

Tess

[Kate Simmons]

It depends on what you are trying to accomplish. The image you present as is how people will think of you.

[Krisi]

You can wear what you want to but you have to be ready for some comments that you may not like. Pink sneakers and skinny jeans will label you as "gay" in many parts of the world. Are you OK with that? If so, go ahead. If not, think about it first. This is the sort of thing you can't take back. It may affect your career and personal relationships.

If you are able to dress and pass yourself off as a female and are not recognizable as your male self, that's fine. It's the "in between" look that will get you in trouble.

[~Joanne~]

I don't think you'll catch much from anyone with the red ones, the pink ones maybe but more and more guys are starting to wear pink so it really shouldn't be that big of a deal. Just go with what your comfortable with and who cares what the other people around may think. They didn't ask you before they wore whatever they are wearing did they?

If your overly hairy, you may want to shave it down first, then go to a straight shave but that again depends on your comfort zone. When I started shaving everything, only one person noticed enough to ask me about it and I just put her on the spot about checking me out lol it worked

[Mariana]

You can wear what you want to but you have to be ready for some comments that you may not like. Pink sneakers and skinny jeans will label you as "gay" in many parts of the world. Are you OK with that? If so, go ahead. If not, think about it first. This is the sort of thing you can't take back. It may affect your career and personal relationships.

If you are able to dress and pass yourself off as a female and are not recognizable as your male self, that's fine. It's the "in between" look that will get you in trouble.

I don't have any problem at all to be labeled as gay. It doesn't offend me. I know it's very hard for some people to understand that gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation, even open minded people still make that confusion, but I don't feel bad at all to be seen as gay. I'm in a monogamic relationship so this concerns just one person, my girlfriend, and she's completely aware of my situation and the fact that I only have desires for women. Yes, we can eventually split up and the "new image" could make finding a female partner something more complicated, but I also think there's no way I could be in a relationship presenting myself as a cisgendered male ever again. I don't want this.

I know the "in-between" line may be more disturbing for some, but I think that taking some slow steps could smooth any radical change in the future. Like I've said, I care about people close to me, not those unknown people who may stare and laugh. And I don't want to shock them, also because even though this is something I have with me since I was a kid, I still have doubts about how far it'll go. I'm not comfortable to go out wearing a dress and heels; but I do feel comfortable to answer questions regarding a pink all star or shaved legs.

About my career, well, it could get me in trouble but I don't plan to wear these shoes or colorful pants while working. And I won't accept any boss trying to dictate what I should wear while I'm enjoying my non-work hours.

I don't think you'll catch much from anyone with the red ones, the pink ones maybe but more and more guys are starting to wear pink so it really shouldn't be that big of a deal. Just go with what your comfortable with and who cares what the other people around may think. They didn't ask you before they wore whatever they are wearing did they?

Good point!

I also think the red ones would not attract much attention, actually I've told my girlfriend I liked these shoes even before coming out to her and she didn't think about it as crossdressing, just something unissex.

[Annaliese]

To make it a slow change, then your friends will, accept the final product, your real self.

[docrobbysherry]

I like the word "androgenous".

A good T friend of mine intentionally established this look for a couple of years before deciding to transition. Then, it seemed a small step to her family, co-workers, and vanilla friends when she came out and began dressing completely fem.

[Katy120]

It seems to me the changes you are considering are fairly modest in scope. I would be surprised if anyone raised an eyebrow or offered a comment especially if you make these changes gradually over a period of weeks or months. Of course things could be different where you live so it might be best to test the waters. Maybe start with the shoes and go from there. My two pence worth...