What was it that got you through the tough times?

[Sarah Doepner]

The idea for this question came up in my response to the "How old were you when you decided it wasn't going away" thread. In there I wrote;

"I had started to come to terms with it a few years earlier, not really accepting that it would be with me for the rest of my life, but acknowledging it was part of my personality and I'd better figure some things out or go nuts. So basically I spent my teens through my mid-40's dealing with something I didn't understand, couldn't control and never shared with anyone else. I'm amazed that I'm not terribly damaged and can't tell you to this day what really got me through."

Maybe it was staying busy on life with my family, being involved in my career or doing things with friends, but none of that actually helped me with my crossdressing, it just diverted my attention from it. While those things made the rest of life valuable the elephant was still in the closet. It's possible that the desire wasn't strong enough to need a resolution at the time and when things finally boiled over I was able to accept it as part of my world. I just don't know.

What helped you keep things stable during times of conflict between your crossdressing and the rest of life?

[RADER]

I always wondered the same thought, would I out grow the wanting to dress?
I think I found the answer to the question when I found this site some years back;
I found that I was not the only one with these desires, Not that I new others where
out their like me. But there where a lot more than I thought, and many with the same desires.
Now that I am retired, I have much more time to indulge in my fantasizes, even though I stay
in the "Closet" I am truly enjoying myself.
Rader

[Molly James]

Hi Sarah,

I suspect I'm far too briefly along my journey to know the real answer to this having dabbled a bit in CD'ing as a teen then suppressed it for pretty much the next 30 years but now, seeing as its well & truly back (& with bells on!) I suppose my opening answer is my wife's general acceptance (albeit on & off) of my need to dress. As a teen, I dressed in what was available to me at the time whilst now I'm buying (or having bought for me occasionally) clothes, wigs, shoes, make-up & jewellery so my CD'ing has never been more serious as it is now & therefore my answer may well change or at least expand in the near future but, for now, it is definitely how my wife is dealing with the situation.

Great question Sarah - be interested in what the other more established girls think.

GiGi,

[heather ann martin]

My Mum, my big sister June, my best friend Jean.

[Megan Thomas]

I'm not sure I was able to keep things totally stable but what helped me through the most turbulent times was my work. My work because, being fairly senior, I could both immerse myself to whatever extent I wanted and because it involved a lot of travel and therefore the freedom to indulge.

[Kate Simmons]

Mostly the fact that others depended on me being me Hon.

[Annaliese]

Sarah, the same family, work, long hours, busy, now I reflect on it all, I am having a harder time these tough time. Knowing and can't do anything about it.

[Yoshisaur]

For me It was primarily my friends, family, and school work.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I nearly didn't make it through ! A combination of accepting responsiblities and medication and some theapy pulled me through but only just !
I'm not claiming to be unique all I know is I worked myself to a standstill through the years to prove I was a man and bury my CDing and the shame and guilt that went with it !
As men especially ones committed to marriage,morgages,children and my case self employed business we put on a continuous act, to prove so many sterotypes ! Not all succeed in this but throw in gender related issues like Cding and it can sometimes be almost impossible !
I can look back now with some pride that I have achieved what I have despite part of my brain being somewhere else ! It has come at a price my son commented to my wife recently that he can see now I've burnt myself out ! My wife knows why but my son doesn't, but I'm far from a failure in either's eyes ! Looking at in that way I think if my son did know I don't think he would turn against me, my wife hasn't, she does respect me for what I've given them !

[Sarah Doepner]

I should add a little more. About 18 months ago, after 6 year battle with cancer my wife passed away. I had retired early in her disease, becoming a full time caregiver. After the dust of funerals and all that had settled I found myself with lots of time on my hands and nothing standing in the way of dressing more and more. However since she was my only confidant in the family I moved back into the closet. Now I'm dressing more frequently but the fears of someone stopping in are more of a concern than ever (family lives within walking distance). Of course since I don't want to be discovered I really don't get involved in doing anything productive around the house either. I don't want to be so distracted that I get an unexpected visit. Times are getting strange and kind of tough as I'm wanting to dress more but have no on in the family to provide support. I've noted in other posts that I'm considering sharing this with my adult children one of these days, but I haven't convinced myself yet. Without job or other external things to distract me, that growing desire to dress and the understanding that it's part of me that isn't going away I'm set up to do something that I may regret. It's possible the years of surpressing and hiding will win out. Maybe it means I need to have someone new in my life. I don't know, but I'm looking for something else to help get through a new tough time.

Thank goodness I have a CD support group with friends locally and at least one opportunity a month to get out. That helps, but I'm thinking I need something else as I attempt to navigate constantly changing waters. This forum doesn't help me control the dressing, only makes it more desireable. I could stay away but I like you all too much to do that.

[ArleneRaquel]

Liking, actually loving ladies clothes, makeup and the rest has never bothered me. I just took what came my way. In my world view I believe that I have been truely blessed.

[kimdl93]

Well, sadly, I endured some episodes of instability before I came to grips with and accepted myself as transgendered. To the extent that I was able to endure the long years of denial and self reproach it was because I loved my family more than I despised myself...both my immediate family and my extended family.

[Amy Fakley]

For me, it was music. I poured more frustration and angst into it than you could imagine. Still, I'm not sure it was really a case of "getting through it" as much as fighting and losing a very long war of attrition.

[heather ann martin]

My Mum, my Auntie Cathy, and my big sister June.

[Allison Chaynes]

I'll probably get censored for giving an honest answer, but alcohol at first and God later.

[Melissa18]

Hi Sarah,
Thank you for post on my thread, it was great to read all the different responses.

What got me through the conflict between life and CDing was the usual, family work, and excerice, I find when I'm exercising my mind is on that and nothing else, weirdo?
Though my main release was, and all through my life, Ive read everything I could about CD and transgender, either fiction or non fiction, magazine articles or television and radio program, and of course this forum has been great,
By reading and listening I sort of got a better understating about me, though it still took me until a year or so ago to really accept it that my CDing want going away!

[Teddie]

A great wife!

[Beverley Sims]

Luckily I had little conflict, again it was a great loving spouse.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah, I really didn't know that I had a problem, I always thought I ad something special.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

fear,alcohol,family and work I guess got me through the first 56 years of my life.

[JamieTG]

I've always had low self esteem and guilt feelings about this. I love to exercise and compete in running races, triathlons, ect. I found that by focusing on my training and an upcoming race, I could distract my mind long enough to ease the inner turmoil. My emotions are never balanced however. I go from the euphoric feelings or "runners high" after my morning run back to the negative feelings after it wears off.

[Zoe B]

Originally I had me until I met my wife. I still remember the day she sat next to me and said 'you want to dress don't you, I get to do the make-up' it was at that moment years of pressure just vanished.

[Sarah Doepner]

I appreciate the input here. There is a lot of experience that can be shared and hopefully help others who are hitting the brick wall.

It seems there are a couple of non-destructive paths through the tough times here. One is early acceptance of crossdressing as part of your life, either as normal or as a gift to be explored. That is what we would hope for and pretty much avoids the "tough times" as far as the self doubt goes. The other seems to be accepting the value of the necessities in life; family, work, exercise, other friends, entertainment, faith, etc. and cultivate distractions until such time as we can learn enough about ourselves and move on. It seems, with this early sample, that having support is a major benefit and comes from places like this forum, support groups and best of all from family or significant others.

There are also the negative distractions, alcohol and drugs have come up as examples that work but have the potential for disaster. Sometimes the distractions, even the 'good' ones can be some of the tough times if they are seen only as distractions from what we want rather than an important part of life regardless of any gender issue. How can we cultivate that positive attitude? What tricks work that get you through the self doubt or bouts of pink fog?

[Laurie A]

Staying busy with my career and business, raising kids, exercising a lot to fight off depression, (self medicating with red wine when I wasn't exercising)... all those things kept my mind and body occupied, and distracted. Now that I'm a bit older and my life has slowed down some, the things that caused my anxiety and depression just don't seem so damn important anymore. Go figure

[docrobbysherry]

While I may be going thru some issues similar to u, Sarah, I didn't have to deal with this "dressing thing" until I was over 50. The first 10 years of dealing with it all alone were quite experimental and chaotic. Coming out here 7 years ago has brought more clarity. But, breathing the Pink Fog here doesn't help me know where I'm going with this or why?

These r the things I've figured out so far:

I'm a CD and not TS.

I have told my immediate family because one still lives at home and would have eventually "caught" me.
I don't wish or need to tell my other friends or business associates.

I'm having a hell of a CD good time for someone my age and have a whole new group of younger friends now. But, I keep these friends and activities away from my family and regular friends. Which tends to isolate me.

I worry about how far Sherry mite go? Where is all this leading me? And, when and how it will end?

I wish I had some solid advice for u my friend. But, breathing the Pink Fog leads us all down our own personal rabbit holes! I would say just follow the path that feels rite for u. I trust u to find it. Meanwhile? We r always here for u!