The simple answer is a strong belief that I was a good person, in spite of the often negative things yelled at me by my wife.
The simple answer is a strong belief that I was a good person, in spite of the often negative things yelled at me by my wife.
Hugs, Carole
For me, family, work, and a dedication to exercise all worked against me and these were the bad times with regard to feeling complete. I undertook all of these things without regard for gender dysphoria. Crossdressing was infrequent and I had no idea that it would someday become very important to me. Life had become little more than a series of extremely serious tasks. There was little joy in my life.
As responsibilities declined I became more open to embarking on a journey of self-discovery. This journey, I believe, will save me. I now feel a greater sense of self-satisfatction, a completeness, if you will. With acceptance comes the potential for joy!!
Carlene
Sarah, I literally just read my own life story with your post. Although there are still days of struggle simply because, overall I no longer hate myself. I no longer feel I am a failure. I now dress, not often but some. My wife now knows. She isn't fond of it, but accepts that it is a part of me. It will likely always be a struggle at times. But less than it used to be. What has gotten me through then and now, especially now is that I look at the big picture, and see I have more in life that is good than bad. In the end, it's not the clothes I have on, but the person I am inside.
Same here, many hobbies, work and family. Wondering where it is going to go.Originally Posted by Sarah Charles
Char
My story is similar to others here -- much in the closet (err, my Mom's...) as a kid, then maybe 30 years of career and family things that kept my TG buried. Maybe one thing that repressed me in high school and college was that gay guys would hit on me, and I wanted no part of that. Anyway, my wife has been my biggest supporter (in all aspects of my life) and I fully embraced myself about 15 years ago. Haven't looked back since!
Last edited by Claire Cook; 10-24-2014 at 04:48 AM.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club
OK this is the 'readers digest condensed' version. you'll have to read the whole thing in my bio which can be found by the link in my signature below.
I discovered that I will always feel like I was supposed to be a girl, because that concept was repeatedly told to me while I was going through primary and middle school, and during those years some things such as sexual identity gradually become permanent. So the thought is always in the back of my mind that i'm in the wrong clothes, the wrong role. But I live with it, adapted to learn to behave and dress like a standard issue male. I discovered that I was particularly susceptible to wanting to crossdress when I was deprived of physical touch, physical affection. I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about basic physical contact. It was discovered that infants who are not held by caregivers for adequate time develop severe personality problems. This is indisputable. It's been proven. But for some bizarre reason, no one (other than myself as far as I know) has considered that affection deprivation can have profound effects on us throughout out lives. Women can more easily rectify it; they are allowed physical touch with each other, or can get at least some by enticing males with sex. Men have no such availability; we can't touch each other, and unless we have mate, women won't touch us either, and of course a single man embracing children will probably be jailed. But men don't understand the need for affection; we're driven to have sex, and when we feel the need for affection, we're horny too so we mistake that need for the other; you see it all the time with a progression of one night stands; the empty feeling, and the need to go after it again and again.
I satisfied my affection needs with lapdancers. I go to a gogo bar, pick out a friendly girl, and then when she tries the bump and grind routine, tell her to stop, and just hug her for the duration, hold her head to my chest, play with her hair, etc., no sexual stuff whatsoever. It works. Quite expensive, but it works for me.
Sex urges? We can satisfy that ourselves. But you can't give yourself a hug.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
My best friends (my dogs) got me through 2 divorces.
Joni
My strong belief in myself as being normal for having the desire to dress as a woman. Also, a loving and compassionate family to support me.
If I had the desire to dress, and could"nt. I would always say to myself "its for my family" over and over and over it helped
When I was younger, oh so much younger, it was alcohol and doing wild crazy stupid dangerous things. A bit later on after I was married it was staying busy with work and family things. Finding things to do with my wife that would distract me.
I always found it hard to keep myself distracted because, especially after I got married, there were was always something around to remind me. The wives clothes, although my wife never wore a lot of makeup, the lipstick or powder, the smell in the bathroom of her shampoo and perfume. Things like that which not only attracted me to her but made it so difficult to deal the whole inner me I was trying so hard to repress.
"It takes all kinds of kinds" Miranda Lambert
Now some point a finger and let ignorance linger
If they'd look in the mirror they'd find.
That ever since the beginning to keep the world spinning
It takes all kinds of kinds.
How did I deal with it?
1. Vodka - a lot of vodka
2. After gaining sobriety, being an awful workaholic.
I think my desire to be my children's father, and a good man for my wife also helped.
In the long run, nothing stopped it.
Last edited by PaulaQ; 10-25-2014 at 09:06 AM.
Close family ties, although I kept my transgenderiesm to myself, family love helped a lot. Then as an adult I had to find other ways.
Drugs and Alcohol got me through a whole lot of bad times and self hate.
But the "cure" was finding a good women that loves me as is, warts, dresses and all!
Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.
What helped me keep life on track was always looking toward the future. Having goals and persistently working toward them. Most of these goals had very little to do with crossdressing and at times conflicted with crossdressing. So, being analytical, I looked at what choices would bring me the most reward.
Bear in mind this though, I am a CD with a fairly strong desire to dress, but it is not so overpowering that I think I must be crossdressed 24/7
A few years ago I came to these conclusions:
this desire has been with me from early on and will not likely go away anytime soon
there are many others almost exactly like me out there (comfort in numbers I guess)
it is not illegal, so if managed well, it will have very little downside risk
Crossdressing has just became a natural part of me, and once I accepted it as part on myself all that guilt and shame went away. It just dose not seem weird to me anymore. It just seems weird to the general public ......and if you want to see weird take a look at what some of those people are doing
A continuing thanks to those responding here and in PMs. I appreciate the insights, sharing and chance to continue working on something that seems to be an issue with some in our community.
It seems like the distractions may not be negative but offer a chance to lose ourselves in something else for a while and regain our footing. That little bit of breathing space, working, time on a hobby, or spending time with others helps us reconnect with the parts of ourselves that have already been validated by others. It can give a person some strength for their foundation as they attempt to build that new or variant gender identity that has not been through the same process. We need that self worth, not the questioning that has driven so many to destructive or negative decisions.
Basically what I'm seeing here is we can benefit during difficult times by walking away from the crossdressing as we get stronger in other areas. Once we see we have value as an individual, part of a family or part of something bigger than ourselves, we can get back to work on our gender identity issues. We've seent that purges are basically a waste of time and resources and breaking up families has terrible consequences for more than just the frustrated crossdresser. I'd suggest if you are thinking of doing that, just store your things while you work on strengthing the other parts of your life. Take as much time as you need because you may find that your subconscious is probably working in the background on the things that brought you to the brink already.
Is this making sense to anyone else or am I just fabricating justifications for what I want to do anyway?
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
Posting Permissions
