I need some serious advice!

[Amy_M]

Sorry for such a long post, I just really need advice. thanks in advance.




Okay, So I don't even know where to begin except very briefly summarizing my past (I could probably write an entire book but ill keep it slim). Basically, My parents had an extremely tough divorce, especially tough for me and it all lead to me living in an apartment alone at the age of 19 with a lot of luck and help from friends and other family members. So, here I stand today 6 months later with a bank account that is slowly bleeding away and a job that is allowing me to just barely squeak by month after month. Despite all I've been through I still think I am a VERY blessed person However, this is where I am questioning myself, I can continue this road with no end or strong goals in sight or I have an escape option...

Recently, I have been speaking to my mother in Colorado (whom I have never had problems with, she was very strong during the divorce and only wanted whats best for me but I had other options that I pursued and thus, here I am today) On the phone with her I hinted at the idea of moving back with her and going to school full time to fulfill my goal of getting a degree and she was completely on board. However, I just cant make up my mind (and this is where I need your advice).

I am for the most part, content with the life I am living now. I can do what I want and I have all the freedom I could ask for but I am almost always broke only being able to afford the essentials and occasional splurge. If I were to move I would lose all of that especially cross dressing which I really really enjoy doing, I know most certainly this would be gone because my mom just wouldn't tolerate it she hasn't in the past when she caught me (it was very bad). Also, on top of that I feel like I would betray my landlord (who is a very close friend of mine almost family) because I would basically be packing up and leaving I feel like I would be abandoning his trust and throwing all the good he has done for me back in his face. I am worried about losing friends and cutting ties with family relationships I have where I currently live especially with my father. If I move there it would basically be a fresh start and while that sounds good it also sounds very scary. Of course, there are much more complications but these are more or less my main fears.


Any advice you can give me would be very helpful I need someone else's perspective on all of this for sure.

Thank alot,
Amy <3

[Candice Mae]

The most important thing in all of this is to look at where each choice will get you in the future. You say you are content with the way things are, but is there any way for you to progress from where you are? My rule in life is never settle, always strive to do the best you can. Are you really willing to but your future on hold for CDing? Are you not willing to take a break from it in the short term to improve your future long term? I have friends that were content with the first job they had out of high school, and now their still there struggling to get by with a slim chance of getting any where.

I know people say money doesn't buy happiness, it doesn't... But it does give you flexiblity and freedom to live your life.

[kimdl93]

You are young and, if give yourself the opportunity, you can create a career that affords you a lifetime of financial and personal independence, instead of slowly sliding into poverty. Move back with Mom, get your education and then set out with more resources and skills. You'll be glad you did.

Btw, your landlord can always find another tenant.

[Sarah Beth]

You have to do what you feel, in your heart, is the best thing for you to do. No one can make this decision for you. Weigh all your options the pros and cons and take it from there. You can't worry about what the landlord will think about it. If he is a true friend he will understand if you make the move, at some point you will be moving on regardless of the decision you make now. You have a whole long life in front of you so do what will be best for your future.

[Jaylyn]

No one can blame you for bettering yourself. I say look at all the facts CD is not the betterment here at present. Your future is. Sounds like you've had it tough so far, but if you can break free of that and get an education you will never regret it. Put the dressing on hold we all have taken pauses for a while at one time or another maybe you should also go back
Be the best student you can be keep your self on a goal to graduate and get a job that you love. Then you will be a success and the dressing can come in time. Just my Humble two cents worth.

[kayla316]

Go for your education. Short term loss of dressing for the longterm financial stability. I'm sure your landlord would understand if you talked to him.

[Sarina Curtis]

I'd definitely encourage you to pursue further education. Having an open mind and being willing to explore alternatives led you to CDing and it's not like you need to quit, just take a pause. Getting a degree will open so many more doors and avenues to you and will eventually facilitate all the needs and wants you have. I moved back in with my mom in my 20's to go back to university and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It basically created my life in Japan, helped me find work that I love and even allows me time to get dressed up on my days off. As for your landlord, it sounds like you really appreciate the help they've given and I'd like to believe that they wouldn't get too upset if you leave to better yourself. If you're that worried about hard feelings, write them a Thank You note and explain why you're looking to move on. It might help smooth things out before they get rough.

[Beverley Sims]

In Short, study hard, go back to mum where there is support, and then you should be able to go forward in your life.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amy, You pretty much know that you are going have to put Amy on hold for a few years
have a serious talk with your landlord and head home to your mom and get your life back on track before it's too late.

[DebbieL]

Amy,

The first thing you need to look at is where you are, and WHO you are. Is Amy just "an expensive hobby" that you like to do when there is no one around, and something that you enjoy for a few hours and then want to go back to being the boy? Or is Amy who you really are? How badly do you want to be Amy? If you had to live the next 40 years of your life as a man, never to be Amy again, would you be OK with that? On the flip side, if you had to be Amy for the next 40 years, would that be a fate worse than death, or does that sound like an attractive proposition?

Next question - who is your mother? Is she the woman who loves you unconditionally and wants what's best for you and wants you to be happy? Or are there some fundamental issues that might make it harder for her to love Amy. Does your mother have strong beliefs, morals, or spiritual convictions that would make her think that you are evil or sick because you have the desire to be Amy?

You're 22 years old. You didn't go into the military? You didn't go to college? Did you do well in high school?

If you started in January for a 4 year degree, you'd be 26 years old before you graduated. Do you know what you want as a career? Do you know what you want to do as a major? Are you looking at Business, Technology, Medicine, or Law?

Imagine that you could be anything you wanted in 5 years? Assume that by the end of that 5 years, you would have all the training, all the background, and the opportunities to be successful in something you absolutely loved to do. You literally got "paid to play". Assume that there will be parts of the job that are a pain, but 90% of your day will be spent with people you like to be with, doing things you like to do, and you could do it as either "george" (the boy) or Amy (the girl)?

If you have some real and tangible goals, where you really want to live, who you want to live with, who you want to BE, the kind of car you want to drive, and the kinds of things you will do at work, and at home, you are much more likely to achieve and even exceed those goal.

If you go to your mom's and start taking general studies simply because she's offering you free room and board, you are likely to waste a valuable opportunity that could give you the chance to really have a life you love. At the end of the 4 years you'll have a college degree in some major that isn't that interesting to you, and doesn't have many job prospects, and then you will go back to the same kind of job you have now.

On the other hand, if you set your goals now, and keep making them real in your mind, you can have it all. Yes, you might have to eat beans and rice 5 days a week, you might have to work 40 hours/week while you take 18 hour course-loads, and you can actually become someone who is extraordinary in many ways.

One of the reasons why it's important to determine whether you are transsexual or just a cross-dresser, is because it will help you to have a sensible discussion with you mom. It's quite likely that your mother won't want you to bring people home to her house to have sex with them. To her, cross-dressing might not be much different than that. To her, you will always be her "little boy" and even if you told her you were transsexual you would be her "little girl". You might want to find out what's negotiable. Are there times that you can agree will be your "alone time" when you can do what you need - including cross-dressing? You might even want to make the dressing conditional on your grades. Good grades, more time for Amy. Bs and Cs - more Amy time ends up as Homework time instead.

If you decide not to move in with your mom, then consider taking some business courses at the local community college. Start thinking about what you like doing most and how you could make a business out of that. If you're earning subsistence wages right now, you need to think about how to increase your "market value" to either your current employer or a competitor who would be willing to pay you more.

A college degree is not a guarantee of success, but it can increase the odds in your favor. On the flip side, leaving college before you graduate isn't necessary a bad thing. Bill Gates and Paul Allen did it, so did Steve Jobs and Steve Wazniak. However, when they left, they had a vision of what they wanted to accomplish and were doggedly determined to make their dream a reality. Gates lived in a "hooker hotel" in Albequerque eating beans and rice writing programs 18 hours/day often getting only 4-5 hours of sleep at night. Steve Jobs went to over a hundred banks and investors before he finally attracted the attention of someone who law the possibility of the Apple computer.

The most important think is that you have a passion that's driving you. If you have that, and that vision wakes you up in the morning and makes it hard to sleep at night, you will achieve far more than you ever imagined was possible. Certainly more than you would with no rudder, no course, just drifting into whatever might be ahead, then freaking when you hit the rapids.

[CharlotteChambers]

Not that I'm intentionally trying to play the devil's advocate, but I never like giving answers predicated on incomplete data. I'm in not too different a boat, the kind of boat in which you give up on a very cushy office job so you don't come home sobbing about the oodles of money you make as your life goes nowhere. My job right now is extremely satisfying by comparison, but I'm definitely not making savings. On the whole, I get by comfortably without having to dip into the rainy day money I've set aside, and I can hit the bars without running myself into the ground.

BUT, I know that moving back home would be a monstrous step backwards for me. I think a lot can be said for someone who achieves self-reliance and refuses to let it go. I'm taking classes now and working my way into some full time programs (hopefully, applications pending) while supporting myself in the meanwhile. It ain't easy, and it's definitely not an opportunity everyone has. I agree with all other posters; your education takes precedence. Period. PERIOD. The answer to every question is to never stop learning. I also know that learning to be on my own, hold up my own roof, and find my own way forward has been one of the biggest parts of my education.

Is going back home necessarily the only way to get back on the school route? (Obviously it's easier, but that's not what I'm asking.)

Anyway, just things to consider. Hugs.

~Char

[LelaK]

College educations don't guarantee good jobs. Maybe there are statistics online somewhere on which jobs are most likely to pan out from getting a degree. John Stossel says trade schools have a better success rate than colleges do.

Having a car is one of the biggest expenses. I've saved lots of money in the past few years by not having one.

Living through hardships is an education itself. I'm trying to find an affordable place to live in California, but without any luck after over two months looking. I haven't been able to enjoy crossdressing since I got here. But I'm thankful for better times ahead for me and all.

[Tracii G]

Life isn't easy and there will be ups and downs no matter what your choice is.
If you do move back to get an education thats fine but still have your own place or Mom is going to run your life like she did when you were a kid thats just how Moms are.
I have a friend that is in his 50's and he bought a house with his Mom, she is 92 and still runs his life.
I see people in their 30's move back in with a parent thinking they will save money but 90% of the time they don't they spend it.
I have been on my own since I was 17 and I am glad I never moved back home.

[Adriana Moretti]

I moved home for the same reasons you did....so I understand....luckily my mom goes away ALOT ...does yours? When my mom has a span she dosent go away i get a hotel room for a few days and enjoy my time. Other times...I dress at night after she goes to bed . There ARE ways around it. And now I enjoy being home...and im able to splurge when I need to, ...see if you can figure out a way to make it work like I did. Others advice is on point too...both the good and the bad....i got MY degree...and I'm still broke LOL.....

[Jenniferathome]

Amy, there is a great pseudo-proverb that goes, work at something you love and you never work a day in your life. Very few people do this. Basically, it means do n;t work for money. Don't go to school for money. If what you love requires a degree, then you must go to school. But college is not just about getting a degree, or making money, it's about growing up. It's an experience that everyone should have and it allows you to find what you love if you do not know today.

The rest is just noise.

[Rachelakld]

Think of when your 60 - what would you like to see when you look back - what do you want your life to mean?

For me, I love family life, a nice house, the odd trip to Europe, road tripping around NZ so education was a big issue for me.
I have friends who have never left the city, has a family, rent a house, has a manual labor job, and has an equally great life, parties, drinking and surfing.

[DonnaT]

Have you any idea of what type of career you hope to have, once you graduate? Is it a career that is going to guarantee a job?

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I am not a big fan of a college education, it does not in my opinion get you what it used to. The expense, how will you pay for it? The end game of what you can expect to get from it is a big mystery in todays world. I am a huge proponent of not sacrificing your dreams, goals and desires for anything. Tell your mom that crossdressing is a part of you and that you hope she can accept that part of you and still love you for the person you are. If she can't then there is zero chance that you won't get caught crossdressing and have a confrontation with your mom, so have it before you move in. This is only necessary if you can't put it on the back burner and give it up while you stay with mom, I know that I couldn't and only you know the answer to that question. As for a career that can support all your needs, weigh your options carefully and choose one that you can succeed in by moving up the ladder and forego the expense of a 4 year college education that may not get you any further in life.
Yes I do not have a college degree, I passed on a full ride academic scholarship many years ago to marry my high school sweetheart. I am none the less hugely successful in my business without said degree and the cost of such, and I also do not forego any of my hopes, dreams and desires. So take this rambling post for what it's worth!!!! Good luck!

[Vickie_CDTV]

One other thing to bear in mind, the longer you are not in school (between high school and college) the harder it will be for you. Much of what I did in college (outside of science and math!) was just a complete rehash of what I did in high school (English, history, economics, other junk I had to take even though it had absolutely nothing to do with my field), so I breezed though most of it. Especially if you are going into a scientific discipline, the harder it will be to catch back up.

If you choose a 4 year degree (or higher), you will end up with half a lifetime of debt (or more!) to pay off. If you end up not finding a job in your field, you could end up working a dead-end job that you can barely survive on and be unable to pay your student loans back (and have all the problems haunting you that comes with!) Honestly, I'd consider a trade school, learning SKILLS you can use, even if you don't find a job in your field afterward, you can skills you can put to use and make extra money on the side to help survive. And remember, odds are you will never have a job where you get a pension (like your parents generation), and SS will be bankrupt by the time you are old, so whatever you save is what you will have to live on when you are old and physically incapacitated... so as soon as you have a job where your head is above water, save! Avoid debt as much as you can, live as small as you can, squeeze every penny as tight as you can and save as much as you can.

[carahawkwind]

I think when you're young it's good to build on something for a career, that might college, might be a technical school, might be working your way up somewhere or trying save to some money or learn skills to a start business, there are a lot of options that can be fine as long you find a way to get something out of it that you can build on rather just spinning your wheels. The earlier you start the better you are positioned to do things later in life and even if you start doing one thing you can always switch to something else later. I went the college route and am doing fine professionally, but I studied a fairly high demand field. I did repress myself quite a bit when I doing that and in doing so the repression became sort of instinct to the point that I held back even when I was living on my own after school, even though I didn't really need to. If I could go back and do it over I'd still probably go the same school and study the same thing, but I'd want to be much liberated and open in the first several years I was on my own.

[CONSUELO]

Some very hard choices for you. Some good ideas in the replies to your post but I would ask if you know what you want to do for a career and what sort of living that will give you. Just going to college and taking courses may not give you what you want. You do need to think about where you want to go in life and then make plan to get there. Just going home to Mum and going to school without a plan of what it is you want to study and what sort of career that will lead to is not a good idea. If going home to Mum is a part of your plan to achieve your goals then I think you will be on the right track.

[Ginger Jameson]

The most important thing in all of this is to look at where each choice will get you in the future. You say you are content with the way things are, but is there any way for you to progress from where you are? My rule in life is never settle, always strive to do the best you can. Are you really willing to but your future on hold for CDing? Are you not willing to take a break from it in the short term to improve your future long term? I have friends that were content with the first job they had out of high school, and now their still there struggling to get by with a slim chance of getting any where.

I know people say money doesn't buy happiness, it doesn't... But it does give you flexiblity and freedom to live your life.

This right here. Major life choices should be made after weighing how they'll affect your whole life, not just the here and now.

As a possible their option, can you do school on your own? With government grants and loans lots of people do it all the time.

A possible fourth option, what about a change that isn't school? A degree isnt a necessity like people used to think it was. There are a lot of rewarding career choices you might be able to make without uprooting your lif .

[Katey888]

Hi Amy, You pretty much know that you are going have to put Amy on hold for a few years
have a serious talk with your landlord and head home to your mom and get your life back on track before it's too late.

I think this is a super summary!

Your landlord has helped and you can move on but still be grateful and respectful.
You should put all your energy now into getting some stability around an education, career and ultimately a way to pay for all the nice things in life you like to do - but you need those fundamentals in the bank first, figuratively and literally...

Money isn't everything, but it's generally the folk who have plenty of it that don't realise how beneficial it is...

Go home, study hard, get a rewarding job.. and just park this dressing up as a girl nonsense for a time - you can always come back to it at your leisure...

Katey x

[Ressie]

More information please… Where are you now? What part of Colorado? What college? What curriculum would you pursue? Where do you work now?

There are only a few careers that hold promise of a good income now days. A degree in the wrong field will leave you with student loans to pay for and no job. Also, a lot of knowlege can be obtained studying on your own, but a degree is important if you want to be taken seriously. Don't make the mistake of taking advice from others on what degree to pursue. Earning an income doing what you love is the way to go - as jenniferathome conveyed so well.

BTW, I remember moving out at 19 and living on my own (with roomates). I found it was stifling to move back with my parents.

[Dava76]

I agree with most on here. Get your education that will help you for the rest of your life you can always make time for AMY after graduation. It's only 4 years. And the benefits far outweigh everything else.