If I have Offended

[Annaliese]

Been working on two post and decided to merge the two. Both are about commutation.

If I have Offended.
The reason I started this post, is I realized that I have not been clear on what I always want to say.
Being dyslexic and dysgraphia a disability with the written word, is why most of my post are short. Writing is like for me like math is for most people, even asking a good friend here to read over it for me, I want to I get it right. Commutation has always been hard for me.



There is a lot on here about commutation, and the importance of telling ones wife or SO, while I agree in principle.

There was a post this last week that used a graph to ex plane the process of dress and the emotion that go along with it. I got it, put anything in term of math and it makes sense yes I am one of those people that likes math.

Now to my second point, to some they just don't get math, no matter how much you explain it, it's not going to happen they don't want anything to do with it. Trying to explain your dressing to someone, your wife, it's like math they don't get it, no matter how much you explain it, it's not going to happen they don't want anything to do with it. As a math teacher I can get some students to tolerate it, but that is as far as it will go. I can tell the first day, if a student is going to make it though math, they are not going to accept it they are closed learning math, it's not going to happen, they end up dropping the class with in the first 3 weeks. There are some that their hatred for math crosses over to hating me because I represent math to them. I understand this for these student they have been traumatized by a teacher in the past.
If you know how your wife is going to react to your dressing before hand, because you love this person and the fear of losing them, you are not going to tell. It is easy to tell someone, you should just tell, but if you not walking in their heel, then you don't know what going on in there life. Only they know, when and if to tell.

We may not always agree, we should accept that this is their decision and only they have all the fact to make this decision and we should not condemn. There are success story here all the time, of telling of ones dressing and of acceptance, only later to turn sour.

In closing, we do, a great job in supporting each other but sometime we say the wrong think or put the wrong words in, not meaning what was said at all. I have done that more than once, even had a post deleted, reason I was just rude I did apologize to that person.

If I have offended anyone in the past please forgive me.

[samantha rogers]

Anna, its ok. Text communication is hard. A phone call is better but face to face is the best, of course, because we depend on so many audible and visual cues to discern subtle shades of meaning. If I had a dime for everytime someone had inferred the wrong meaning from my words I could afford electrolysis...lol
You rock, girlfriend. If someone doesnt get that...well, life is too short to worry, isnt it?
Hugs
Sammie

[Jennifer-GWN]

Math eh... My first year university calculus professor started out the class with the statement... Calculus is like a coconut tree.... I didn't stick around long enough to hear the answer. Ended up taking Calculus 101 as my final class in an engineering program just before graduating.

One could potentially use the same premise with the whole CD/TS thing... (note previous statement I didn't stick around for the answer) and I'm no clearer today as to the "why" for either calculus or CD/TS.

Smile. Jennifer

[Leahann]

Annaliese, i have been reading your posts for a while now and have yet to see one that would be offensive. You are always gracious. Please continue!☺️

[Amanda L.]

Hi Annaliese
That is a very good analogy, comparing mathematics to the art of crossdressing. As a former teacher myself one has to be quite creative to get the message across,,trying to shape the explanation around the individuals ability to learn. To be good at maths you have to be an abstract thinker and to understand an explaination from a crossdresser, as to why they do it, I believe takes that same ability to think off the norm.
Your post is very honest and sincere and shows that you are a caring and compassionate person. You are right about the supportive nature of this forum, I would not be the girl (?) I am today had it not been for the words of wisdom and beautiful friends I have made. Sometimes the wrong choice of word or action can be interpreted into a different context to which it was originally intended. Unless communication is open and honest a misunderstanding ofthe intent may be gained, leading to pain and hurt.

Luv
Amanda

[Renee Elise]

This is really a beautiful post Annaliese. The effort you put into this really shows and it's so heartfelt. I remember having a Eureka moment when I learned my Senior year that Isaac Newton invented calculus for physics to be able to figure out rates of change in motion (mathematizing his famous laws of motion). Growing up, basic maths came somewhat easily, mind drifted elsewhere lol. Anyway, for me learning anything was always helped by knowing why - where it came from. When there wasn't a clear answer for why, I would struggle.

Always been fascinated by History for this reason - not so much the dates and facts, but what made the people tick, how they made their decisions and why. Knowing why or where someone's coming from (being able to walk in the other person's shoes or better yet heels hehe) is always helpful when reading posts. Seeing all the unique and varied perspectives here is such a delight! To your point about sometimes having our sentiments get lost in translation, I'm reminded of the Jim Croce tune "I'll have to say I love you in a song," especially the refrain, "every time I try to tell you, the words just came out wrong."

We're all different and while we may make the odd boo-boo with one of our comments, one thing that is always clear is that there's a lot of love and support here. There are few who understand this strange, exciting and yet absolutely delightful aspect of ourselves. Everyone's situation is unique - going back to Newton's laws of motion; for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Depending on our SO's that pretty much boils down to support, indignation or indifference (which could be a way of masking indignation for the sake of the love). There is no one-size-fits-all solution to anything! Sharing our collective experiences and various things that we overcome is always fun and exciting.

[Katey888]

Nice post Annaliese...

And a very accurate and honest summary of how the 'big reveal' doesn't always work out - and a very strong sentiment of how we should behave towards our fellow sisters here. Nicely put.

I've only ever found your comments to be really honest and generally very sweet, btw... so please do keep on saying what you want to say - the way you say it is fine.

Katey x

[flatlander_48]

I think that once you get beyond telling someone that you do crossdress, it goes downhill from there. The problem is, unless you do a lot of psychoanalysis, the vast majority of us don't really know why we dress. It's sort of like driving a car in that sense. You don't have to know about the mechanics under the hood in order to have the machine do great and useful things. While we can tell people how it feels to dress, the Why is a much deeper question.

[Annaliese]

Thanks everyone for you reply's hugs

[Maria Blackwood]

No worries here. I'm nearly unoffendable at this point. You take it to whatever level you wish with me, girl.

[Nadine Spirit]

An interesting newer theory within mathematics education is the idea of a fixed mindset vs. a growth mindset as put forth by Carol Dweck. The interesting thing is that while some of us have either mindset, a growth mindset can be taught. If someone is willing to learn to change their mindset they can change it. A fixed mindset comes from experiences in life, not from being born that way. Thus a growth mindset can be obtained through learning it. Thus one can choose to learn math, after changing their mindset. No one is born with skills. Skills are learned.

Thus can someone learn to accept something they have always hated or never been good at? Yes. If that person tries.

The unfortunate thing though is that while this can be encouraged, it can't be forced on someone.

Oh and I don't ever remember you offending me.

[Andy66]

Annaliese, I dont recall you ever having offended me. Confused me with math... yes. Yes, you have done that. Im sort of used to it though. Son Number 1 is one of your kind.

[Beverley Sims]

Annaliese,
Some things are hard to put into words and when we do it we leave a word or two out that really is needed to explain the context of the argument.
obody should feel offended here as we do need to give each other support.
If there is criticism on my part about someone's dress and appearance I usually send them a personal message.

No one need to be belittled on the forum and if you offend any one they should have the decency to send a PM and ask for clarity.

It has happened to me often that I have not explained myself properly, left salient points out of an argument and not even got to the point.

I get mails.... Please explain?

I then reply.

You also make friends that way.

[charlenesomeone]

Keyboard words do come out as well as sitting with someone and talking.
I always advocate get as much advice as you feel you need, but in the end
decisions are yours to make as is the consequences of them.
No offence noticed or taken.
Big Hug.

[lexivanderpump]

Annaliese,
First of all, you have a very beautuful name. Secondly, it is difficult to express oneself with written words especially since one cannot "hear" the tone it is being expressed in. I admire your thoughtfulness in this particular post. I usually do not get offended unless someone is trying to pass their emotional opinion to me as a "fact". I respect other points of view but do not try to "sell" me your emotional opinion as a "fact".

Love,
Lexi V.