I'm going to a Lesbian wedding this weekend. My cousin is getting married. I'd like to tell her that she's not alone on the trans spectrum, but I'm not out to family and I don't want to be. Normally, I'd just pull her side for a few minutes, explain things, show her a few pics and tell her I was still in the closet, and I'd like to keep it that way.
But I guess you know how hard it is to get even a few minutes alone with a bride on her wedding. Any good suggestions?
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Not sure if I'm missing something here, but lesbians aren't on the trans spectrum, except when they are (e.g. a gynephilic transwoman).
To answer your actual question: your mileage may vary on this one, but I don't think that someone else's wedding is the best time to out yourself, especially if you're not sure how she's going to respond.
Last edited by Zylia; 10-28-2014 at 04:56 AM.
I agree with Zylia that this is not the time or the place to let anyone know about you.
You can tell her before the wedding or after, but not in the immediate days surrounding the special day.
I would be curious as to why you feel the need to do this. Go to the wedding and show your support for her decision to get married.
Let her have her day..If you want to tell her then leave it until after the wedding.
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
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Hi Stefi,
We've not talked in a while. I have to agree with everyone. While she may be very accepting of you (and remember, many in the gay community are not that accepting of trans), it is her day. Let the brides enjoy their day.
Hugs
Bree
Save this for later. This is her weekend. Find another occasion to share your secret.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Hi Steffi,
I am in the same camp as most here . . . This is her day and I would keep it about her. Go as her cousin, enjoy the festivities and after she is back from her honeymoon then you can have the talk if you feel you need to.
Hugs
Isha
Let her know how much you support her let it be her day. Find a time later to tell her about your self.
I agree - share your secret another day. Letting her and her partner know you support them and share their joy at getting married is the better plan.
If you don't want to out yourself then wait until after the wedding. I went to a lesbian wedding dressed and had a great time. The bride (an aunt of one of my coworkers) was asked before the wedding and she had no problems with it and we ended up having a nice chat towards the end of the wedding.
She's getting married, for goodness sake. She doesn't NEED to hear this. It's her day. Make it about you another time.Originally Posted by Sometimes Steffi
Last edited by NicoleScott; 10-28-2014 at 02:31 PM.
As much as I don't like to "pile on"...I agree with others. This day is all about her. You can have your day another time. Enjoy the wedding!!!
Seize the day. Life is short, and you're dead a long time...just sayin' ...
I can see the happiness in finding another family member falls under the LBGT 'tree'! I also understand the words of caution, but you know your cousin much better than any of us! Have a good time at the wedding!
Genny B
Dani (Genny before Transition)
All Girl!
Sometimes I think too much like a guy. I was so clueless.
You're all correct. It's her wedding. It should be all about her.
I can find some better time to tell her when there's less people around.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Congratulations, you GET it!!!
Black is ALWAYS the, "New Black!"
"I really hate it when people accuse me of wearing Womens clothes... these aren't Womens clothes... I f*****g bought them!!!" Eddie Izzard.
I think it is also important to consider that while LGBT is a common grouping acronym, Ls and Ts are totally different. Most of my gay and lesbian friends/acquaintances have no better understanding of Ts than the average non-T straight person, and feel no allegiance whatsoever to us Ts.
Last edited by Taylor186; 10-28-2014 at 08:33 PM. Reason: sentence structure
Sad, but true...
Steffi, One of the things I'm really trying to do to is to "think less like a guy". I don't know about others, but I'm trying to repress a lot of those testoterone-driven reactions and feelings and I'm sure this makes me a better person.
So enjoy the wedding, and play it by ear after that.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club
I'm a straight guy and I think like a straight guy. I don't have an internal feminine identity, and I don't try to think less like a guy.
Yet I agreed with others who think telling should wait for another time. It's courtesy and common sense, not driven by any point of view, agenda, or testosterone.
I don't know if this is a "good" suggestion but my suggestion is to not bring this up, especially on her wedding day. If you really think she needs to know and are willing to take the risk that she will "spill the beans" to your family or others, wait until well after her wedding. She has other things on her mind right now.
Steffi, Letting her enjoy her wedding day is the best thing to do ! Beside a same sex marriage may not have gone totally smoothly behind the scenes, some feathers may have been ruffled ! Standing back and giving them space is the right thing to do !
Taylor,
A good point often overlooked ! We can be as blind in our minority groups as any member of the public is ! Possibly more so because we tend to be more defensive of our own situation !
This point reminds me of a thread I submitted titled, " Can only see it though a CDers eyes !". Certain aspects of life are only seen that way because I've been a CDer all my life , a so called normal guy will have a different slant on it !
Last edited by Teresa; 10-29-2014 at 03:59 PM.
^this. Her wedding is HER DAY, not yours. Attend and send her off with your best wishes. You can always talk to her about yourself at a later date.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Steffi, weddings are about brides and nothing should take away from her day. By way of example, I have a cousin who work for the Red Sox front Office and received his world series ring in April 2005 after the 2004 World Series. All employees of the team receive the ring. Anyhow, we are at a family wedding in early May and he is wearing the ring. Every guy in the place, including the groom asked to see the ring, try it on, have their picture taken with it on. The bride was livid, it was her day, people should have been paying attention to her and her ring. She is still mad about it 10 years later. Long story short, keep a low profile at any wedding.
Forget it!!!!!!
Tell her sometime in the future when the time is yours.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
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