You think you know someone.

[Maria 60]

I'll try to keep it short as possible. Last Thursday a old friend was getting remarried and decided to get a few friends together. He lives about an hour and half drive away, after we were done a few of us decided to get a coffee before the ride home. We got to the coffee shop and when I sat down I could swear there was an older man that looked like a older man I work with. We made eye contact and he came over to say hi and we had a little small talk. When he was walking away I couldn't help but notice he was wearing leather pants and biker style boots and a leather cap. I turned to my friends and told them"wow right when you think you know someone" I explained to them that I have been working side by side with him for more then twenty eight years and he seemed like your typical old Italian wine, sausage, tomato sauce making man, who comes to work everyday talking about Italian soccer and his grand kids and know I see him dressed in leather sitting and holding hands with a women that I have seen his wife many times and that women is not her. I get up to go to the washroom and when I come out he pulls me aside and wanting to explain. I told him he doesn't have to explain anything to me, what he does on his time is non of my business, but he felt that he had to. He told me after many years married he is happy but it all becomes predictable and for the last few years he dresses up and comes here to a older crowd bar and he isn't the same everyday guy, every Thursday he comes here and dances and gets away from that other guy, and that's how he gets though life, waiting for Thursday night to come so He could just hang around with different people and different women, and hopes I don't lose any respect because of this. I told him if he was kidding, I wish I could do that. He told me he tells his wife he's playing cards with the boys but for the last few years she doesn't even ask anymore and that he thinks she know what he's doing, but seeing him happy she probably closes an eye. I got home and told my wife and she couldn't believe it, but she also reminded me about a co worker of hers last year we went to a jazz bar and he was playing bass guitar, and when she asked why he didn't say anything that she would have come to watch him, he told her he didn't want anybody to watch him, for once a week he believed he was a rock star and not that guy in the office and that's what kept his sanity. Well i guess we all have skeletons in our closets and we all need something different in our lives, I almost felt normal for once. I couldn't believe that my co worker has been cheating on his wife for many years, I am beginning to ask myself what's worse, cheating or dressing like a women once a week. I just wanted to share this with you all, and believe we all have our own secret lives. My wife told me many times to look for a social group in our city so even I could dress and escape my everyday life, that I don't golf or play hockey anymore and why not make a night for me. I don't know the closet is a very safe place

[Marcelle]

Hi Maria,

A very interesting story. It just goes to show we all have ways to deal with life and some of those ways may be kept secret from others. Thanks for sharing.

Hugs

Isha

[Jolynn Harrison]

Its refreshing to be someone else. I know many people, musicians, you would never think they would dress and rock out if you knew what they did for a living.

We all need to escape from our lives one way or another.

[franlee]

Along the same lines years ago I had a close friend (GG) that was kin to my wife back in the 70's. She worked in sales at a local women's stores and made it easy for me to try on and buy anything I needed or wanted. One day my wife and I were talking with her and she told us that she would be glad if her husband would CD instead of drinking and running around almost every night. It was not just a passing thought but one she had thought out and we discussed it in depth. The conclusion was simple the CDing harms no one and even though it cost money it is no where near as draining as the drinking and cruising jukes. Plus it would be something to bond them and to share time and enjoy together. But it was not an option for so many reasons. In the end my wife and I lived a great family life together until her early death 25 years later, and our friend was divorced and lived in misery for the duration of that short marriage. So the fact that my wife knew true me and I knew true her we worked together without wondering what was important to each other and shared it. While we watched helplessly as our friend's life deteriorated because she didn't know who her husband was or what he was until it was to late and she was hurt, used and almost ruined with the scars from this incompatibility. Truth being they never really knew each other or the others needs.

[Katey888]

Great story Maria...

There's a moral in there somewhere, and I believe your comment about the closet is a good one...

Katey x

[MelanieAnne]

That's good for him! Many older couples have "an arrangement", sort of like DADT. Many older women lose interest in sex, and don't mind their husbands going out now and then. And many older couples stay together for various reasons, the grand kids, financial security, companionship, etc, and just do their own thing. And it works for them. And frankly, sex with the same person for 30 or 40 years does get predictable and boring. Haven't heard much about it in recent years, but there used to be swingers clubs and wife swapping clubs, some years ago.
Having an agreeable arrangement between a couple, is a lot better than going through a traumatic divorce in your 50s or 60s, losing half your stuff and starting over after a long marriage.
One of the biggest thrills for me was to get all dolled up, wig, makeup, heels, short dress, etc, and look in the mirror and see a totally different person. Years ago, I would look in the mirror, and I couldn't believe what I was looking at, but I sure liked what I saw!

[docrobbysherry]

So, Maria, some dressers may be doing it to spice up there lives? An interesting theory. Hard to imagine at first thot.

But, dressing has CERTAINLY spiced up the life of THIS 70 y/o!

[Alana Lucerne]

There is the nub: he did not want to lose your respect. That's what keeps us all in the closet I suspect. The flip side I suppose, is that we are all of us making judgements about others. It is good to be reminded, as you point out Maria, that we all have some secret part of us and we should be more accepting of other's choices. Good insight.

Alana

[noeleena]

Hi,

When you work with people and have their trust you,d never know what goes on in their lives or behind closed doors,

Many doors have been opened to myself and im there to help them when they need or call on me, so much hurt and heart ache ,

Im so glad i have a neat group of women around me because we share so much , you realise what we mean to each other, dont ever take it for granted.

The cupboard.s = closet,s , Oh yes,

...noeleena...

[sometimes_miss]

she also reminded me about a co worker of hers last year we went to a jazz bar and he was playing bass guitar, and when she asked why he didn't say anything that she would have come to watch him, he told her he didn't want anybody to watch him, for once a week he believed he was a rock star and not that guy in the office and that's what kept his sanity.

This may reflect my life. Perhaps one of the reasons I don't want to go out dressed, is because I don't want to feel like the old guy in the ridiculous outfit. I want (need?) to feel like the teenage girl that I dress up as.

[Beverley Sims]

You think every one leads a normal life?
Well they do, but they do it differently.
I only think it is dishonest when it is an extra marital relationship and one of the party is cheating.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, It would probably surprise you if you knew what went on in your neighbors house when the blinds are closed.

[SuzanneS]

Maria,

It is surprising to see that I'm certain....

After I started my own business I finally realized why movie stars would wear a hat and sunglasses in public....to try and blend in, to be "incognitio". I couldn't go anywhere without being asked about something I could do for my customers. I couldn't get ANY time away it seemed like. I was getting stressed out.

I found that dressing, to me, was a way to "get away". I've dressed for years, but just not in public. I've always wanted/needed to do it, but family and friends and the fear of being found out scared me enough to not do it. Then I realized that if I could actually find the courage to dress in public that maybe I could relax...and I have relaxed some. It has at least brought me to the next step of my life and I'm not sure where it will take me, (although I have a good idea), at least now I know there is hope.

Alana has the best reason that I've not come out to anyone though....respect. Not sure what to do there.

Suzanne

[S. Lisa Smith]

Interesting posts. I have always said that you never know what someone else is thinking or doing in private...